Yesterday. Today. Tomorrow.

Yesterday I wrote about a friend who keeps telling me the same story, over and over again, and it made me think about the stories I repeat, the patterns which keep playing out in my life. This reminded me of something I wrote a while ago for my old blog. Since this blog is in some ways a reincarnation of my former one, Today I thought I’d share that piece with you:

A Trip into my Other Lives

Reincarnation. It is one of those elusive ideas. I can’t prove it or disprove it to myself or anyone else. The concept appeals to me. It has a certain logic, which appeals to my mind. It makes living more poetic, which my heart loves. It also makes the consequences of my actions or non-actions more thought-provoking. My next life will suffer if I am not responsible in this life, and this life’s suffering may be due to my having been irresponsible in a former life.

Relationships take on a deeper meaning too. It explains the fatedness of certain meetings. Soul Mates. People with whom you have an instant connection. The recognition of a love you once had, that perhaps ended abruptly, and now you have the chance to rekindle a flame, or tie up a loose end. Not all soul mate relationships are meant to last, some are very brief indeed. Perhaps you or they died before you could say goodbye, and you are meeting again to say those words, and untie a bond that no longer needs to exist between you. Attachment creates so many entanglements, sometimes it is impossible to unravel all the knots and you have to sever all ties, and sometimes the knots loosen themselves.

I look at people who have hurt me, particularly my parents, and wonder if perhaps in a previous life I wounded them, and in this life they are simply acting upon an impulse to rebalance the interaction between our souls. This notion makes it easier to bear the pain of suffering. If someone hurts me, rather than loathing them and wanting to avenge myself, I can take a step back from my heartbreak, see the situation with less fury and more compassion. To hurt another human being, you must first be hurt yourself. By sharing our pain with others we are searching for a means to release ourselves from the suffering, this does not justify the agony we inflict on others, but it does help to answer the questions that arise out it.

On a larger, global scale, there is so much that seems inexplicable. Natural disasters are a part of living on a planet which is governed by wild, mysterious and omnipotent forces. They are the cycle of life. But the horrors humans inflict on humans is altogether much harder to comprehend. Are these all manifestations of karma. Events which need to take place to enable humanity as a whole to evolve, learn, and transform ourselves from savage beasts into enlightened beings. Unfortunately learning things the hard way is sometimes the only way to learn an important lesson.

There are so many human conditions and burdens that reincarnation can explain, things don’t seem so random, chaotic, and unfair. From the smallest worry, to the greatest outrage. Somewhere, somehow your actions created a burden, which you have to carry until you resolve the reason behind it, and can finally set it down, to release it and yourself. And others too.


“Peace comes from within, do not seek it without” – Buddha.


And so, without any conclusions drawn on the reality or unreality of reincarnation, here is my personal story of an exploration into my past lives:

Many years ago I went to see a Past Life Regression Therapist. She was considered to be one of the best in the field, though there were not that many practitioners at the time. She was very kind, welcoming, and she exuded an aura of rationality. Her home office, where she conducted her therapy, was a small room, intimate without being claustrophobic, sparsely furnished, orderly, and very relaxing. I sat down in a very comfortable recliner. The shades were drawn, letting in just enough light to see. Soft ambient music played very quietly in the background, to distract the thinking mind, so that it would release its hold on me. I closed my eyes, and listened as I was guided by a very gentle, yet firm voice, into a light, trance-like state.

The therapist asked me to focus upon my reason for exploring my past lives, what I wanted to know deep down in my heart, not to think about them intellectually, but to hold them in my mind’s eye waiting for a pull towards a feeling, then, once I had found it, I was to follow the feeling wherever it led.

The first life I uncovered was that of a Greek or perhaps Roman philosopher. His name was Claude – this made me want to laugh because it seemed a ridiculous name for a philosopher. He had founded a school of thought, which was small, but successful. He was old, tired, and very concerned about the future of his school. He was pondering the problem of passing the responsibility of the leadership on to one of his pupils. That was all I saw of this life.

In the next life I was a young girl, about fourteen years of age, living during the 1800’s. I do not recall what her name was. She was also in the grips of a big decision. She was the caretaker of her younger sister, who was five, and a baby brother. I immediately recognised my parents as her siblings. The baby was ill, with a fever. The sister was upset and crying. The girl had been caring for her siblings with such devotion, and was so sick with worry, that she had not slept or eaten for days. In her condition of diminished reasoning she had convinced herself that she could somehow absorb the baby’s illness into her body, thus saving him. And that is exactly what happened. She died. The baby lived. And the five year old took over the care of the baby.

The third and final life I visited, was longer and more detailed than the other two. I was a man, called Arius. He was a warrior in ancient feudal times. I think it may have been in Britain, but I am not sure. Arius lived by a strict code of honour, and served his Lord and Master with great loyalty. He had risen through the ranks to become the most trusted member of his Lord’s men. This led to him being given the task of watching over the welfare of his Lord’s daughter. Arius was deeply in love with her, but he knew that his love could never be, since they were separated by class. He accepted this stoically, and expressed his great love for her by serving her father without ever questioning anything.
The daughter was betrothed to the son of the neighbouring Lord and Landowner. She was to make a special trip from her father’s castle to her groom’s father’s castle, and Arius was chosen by her father to be her only escort. The father did not want to draw unnecessary attention to the travelers by arranging a big escort. He was worried that a rival landowner might use the opportunity to snatch his daughter and hold her for ransom. Arius was a very fierce, skilful, and strong warrior. He was not fearful of others, and felt capable enough to handle the protection of his Lord’s daughter single-handedly. They were ambushed. The daughter died.
Arius was distraught. He blamed himself for her death, and swore vengeance upon her killers. His Lord told him that he was certain that her death had been arranged by her groom’s father. There had been a longstanding feud between the two, which was to be settled by the union of their children. The Lord felt that his rival had planned the whole thing from the beginning, never intending to settle the feud, but to use the union to weaken his foe, then attack and steal his land. Arius was struck to the core by his Lord’s words, but not in the way they were intended. He was friends with the groom. He had also come to know the groom’s father. They were not the sort of people who would kill an innocent woman to achieve a victory over a rival. He realised that his Lord was describing himself and not the groom’s father, that he had arranged the killing of his own daughter to create a situation in which he felt he would be able to seize his rival’s land.
Arius’ grief at the betrayal, and the loss of his greatest love, sent him into a killing frenzy. He joined forces with the groom and his father, and defeated his Lord and Master. The empty revenge sent him further into a downward spiral, and he became a mercenary, hiring his vicious, bloodthirsty services out to whoever offered him the worst wars to fight in. He desperately wanted to die, but his strict code forbade him to kill himself, or allow himself to be killed. So on he fought, battle after battle, killing hundreds and thousands… until one day he was mortally wounded.
He stood on the battlefield looking for one last time at the world around him. The carnage sickened him. It was an horrific waste of life, energy, and of everything that was beautiful about humanity. He felt deeply ashamed of himself, of all that he had done, of the soul he had lost when his love had died. He had tried to resurrect her by sacrificing others. Instead he had sacrificed himself.

When Arius died, I felt myself drift up and out of his body, carrying his immense sadness up into the ether.

There was a moment of intense clarity in this place of nothingness in which I found myself. I knew exactly who I was, who I truly was rather than who I thought I was. I was none of these lives, I was not even my own life. Yet at the same time I was all of the lives, at once and together.

Then the moment was gone…. and I awoke from the trance.

The therapist gave me a tape recording of the session. I listened to it once, shortly afterwards, just to remember what had happened. I never listened to it again. One day, years later, I unraveled it and threw it away. It didn’t seem relevant anymore.

There you have it. I have no idea if these were real past lives that I lived, or if they were allegories created by the inner workings of my mind. They reflect my psychology both at the time that I did the regression, and now. They are very precise representations of facets of my self. There is a philosophical side to me. There is an emotional, caring side to me. And there is a fierce, intensely loyal warrior side to my character.

Ultimately I don’t think it really matters if these stories are real or imaginary. In both instances they reveal to me the same thing, my subconscious self. Knowing that is precious to me. Through self-knowledge I have transformed myself from a very miserable human being, into a more balanced, more positive, and more joyous human being, but I am very much still a work in progress.

Thank you for listening… the end… for now.


My views of reincarnation have evolved since I wrote this.  As I too have evolved from the person who wrote those words. Not dramatically, but subtly, enough for me to feel a difference.

I like to keep an open mind about as much as possible, to allow for change, and the assimilation of new ideas and data. I prefer my new views, but this is already a very long post, and so I will share those another day, perhaps Tomorrow.

So, What are your views on reincarnation, have you experienced memories of a past life, or had a relationship you felt was fated?


  1. Mm. If there are past lives, (and I would say it seems to me it would make more sense than not, if there were) then I could say maybe I dream about my past lives before. I have had many many dreams that seem as if I am dreaming about a distant memory. Similar story-lines, same feelings and sensations. Dreams that I am blonde with three small children, dreams about being Jewish and being locked into an area of a city, etc. Some of them really feel and seem as if I am dreaming about situations that have really happened.. You know how you may dream about being at home, or around friends, you dream about present situations but the difference with these possible past life dreams is that it the same feeling only a different time period. By now, it happens so often for so long, that its just natural. Whatever they are, they make for interesting nights of dreaming and often very surprising to wake up and realize, I am not actually in that life.. Jewish and living in the early 20th century.

    I have wanted to try Past Life Regression Therapy and have yet to do so but I have had a small reading with a psychic who took a glance and shared what came to her. The reading was 20 minutes long and so she merely closed her eyes for 8 seconds and brought back what she says she saw:

    “I see you in tiny bits of cloth just barely covering you and you’re hovering and in a corner and you are being whipped. There are lashes on your back. You are in a women’s mental institution but this is back in the day when women could be thrown in for anything. You were not crazy but you were put there. And I see you being whipped and you are being dominated, you were dominated by one of the over-see-ers, Someone who enjoyed dominating others. Then later you were put to work in the kitchen. You cooked and worked in the kitchen and you put a knife in your pocket. You hid this knife and then you used this knife to stab the person. You stabbed them. And the next person they brought in to replace this person was a much more nurturing, motherly person. You were very proud in the life to have helped protect the other women who were getting hurt by this person. You felt very proud but you took away that you would never ever let that happen again that you would be forced to hurt someone again. And so now, in this lifetime when you come across people who like to dominate, you recognize them you go out of your way to avoid them, you walk around them.”

    And I have to tell you this was coming from a reader at an art show I was attending for an artist friend. I thought she would say something boring and mundane like “I see you living on a farm”. But all this actually took her maybe 1 minutes to say. She was only telling me what was she was seeing and I instantly did not feel surprised at all by it. Until later, I realized it sounded much like a movie, like Sucker Punch. I was not the least bit surprised by the institution part and being dominated by someone… I actually resonated with very easily, toooo easily and naturally and the actions and behavior in it sound VERY MUCH like me. But I take it with a grain of salt. Sounds too much like a movie to me to believe but I am not at all surprised by the drama of it. I still remember it very vividly and clear so my reciting her words is almost spot on.

    Anyway, that is my little past life story through the mouth of someone else in about a minute. 🙂 Sorry that was so long!


  2. I think if you feel you resonate with it, strongly that is… That in of itself is weird and might be significant. But it also seems more reasonable that we WOULD have past lives. Lots of them. Think of the number of people that lived and died? Where did they come from? Makes more sense for people to be recycled and used again when they die 🙂 Rebirth, and fill another body seeing as there are almost …… Oh my gosh, this is getting soooo long. I am so sorry. I am off now.


  3. What an intriguing experience! I agree about stories resonating. Whether they are real or not is less important than how they feel to us, how they affect us, and inspire us from within.

    If we are feeling vulnerable and need a source of strength, the stories we carry within us can motivate us and give us a needed boost. It is similar to Jung’s archetypes.

    Also there are certain themes which play out in our lives and relationships, and we sometimes replay the same story and dynamic over and over again. At times we enjoy the repetition, if it is a good theme, but if it is a bad theme, we struggle to break free from it, perhaps because we are unable to see an alternative, and accessing past lives, or our inner storyteller, can give us a new idea, or a different way of dealing with an old problem.

    I use movies and books in the same way. I particularly like stories which offer an eccentric way of dealing with things, because doing something unexpected can open doors to new ways of experiencing life. I particularly like this approach in relationships, because people expect you to behave in a certain way and by doing something offbeat it surprises them, and sometimes you too, and it changes the dynamic of the interaction. It adds bright colours to what is sometimes a bit monotone.

    And I love your comments, they always set off sparks of inspiration in my mind 😉


    • “There was a moment of intense clarity in this place of nothingness in which I found myself. I knew exactly who I was, who I truly was rather than who I thought I was. I was none of these lives, I was not even my own life. Yet at the same time I was all of the lives, at once and together.

      “Then the moment was gone…and I awoke from the trance.”

      rewrite: “then the moment was gone, clarity slipped away, and I returned to the sleep that most call life.”

      Such a vision … such intense clarity … such awareness … according to Ramana Maharshi, it can take from 12 to 20 years to integrate such an awakening: “I knew exactly who I was.” Yes, you did (and you do)! To retain that knowingness while surrounded by unknowers, is to walk continuously in the fog with the be-fogged fog-bound. ❤

      Knowing that you saw “the sun” of clarity is a truth (and a secret) which you shall always have. Cultivate that truth as you whisper through these essays to those who sleep the sleepers’ sleep.

      “In your light I learn how to love.
      In your beauty, how to make poems.
      You dance inside my chest where no-one sees you,
      but sometimes I do,
      and that sight becomes this art.”

      “Only a sleeper considers it real,
      then death comes like the dawn,
      and you wake up
      laughing at what you thought was your grief.”

      from The Essential Rumi, translated by Coleman Barks


      • Thank you 🙂

        It’s all a part of the whole. To wake up and then to sleep again, then awake, then sleep. For sleep has a purpose too, and to stay awake and never sleep is not always the way.

        This is a human experience, and sleeping is a part of it, whatever kind of sleep it is. Beware of the ego of enlightenment and its need to keep its eyes always open and itself always awake for fear of not seeing.

        Coffee anyone? Insomnia… in somnia.

        Sometimes the eyes need to close to see. Trust in nature – nature has a season of sleep. It is a part of the cycle.

        Respect the sleeper.


  4. Miss UrsaBear 🙂 I truly admire your writing style. Perspicacious.

    Thank you for your suggestion/invitation to read this post. Stories such as this one, when daily-mind gives way to alter-mind/transcendant mind … I savor such stories.

    Your self-analysis is spot on: “They are very precise representations of facets of my self. There is a philosophical side to me. There is an emotional, caring side to me. And there is a fierce, intensely loyal warrior side to my character.”

    Each new personhood (i.e., new incarnation) may contain some themes explored by another self of the WholeSoul. When more can be developed and elaborated by another personhood, the themes become a part of the deep unconscious/subconscious of this “new” persona. For example, with your Mars (Arius/Ares) in Scorpio, you can charge into the murkiest depths because, like Arius, you are fearless rather than fears-full; however, your courage takes you into realms which are beyond his ken

    With our cultural orientation toward the past, there is re-gression therapy. However, imagine that, at this very moment in January, 2015 … at this very moment, in 2350 A.D. London, there is a woman who is at her therapist’s office. She is in the alter mind of trance reverie, and she is describing her “past life” as Ginger Ursula.

    Yes, whose “past life” are you?

    The deep trance of 4-5 hz theta is time-free rather than time-bound. In this brain-state, “I” breaks free from “i” … pro-gressing or re-gressing or even more: “…intense clarity…”

    “I knew exactly who I was, who I truly was rather than who I thought I was.” Yes!!! Absolutely. ❤ “I know exactly who I am, who I truly am rather than who I thought I was.”

    Well, well done!!! 🙂


    • Thank you 🙂

      ‘I’ am not the ‘past’ life of anyone because such things don’t exist. They’re temporary, part of the temporal experience. But as a journey in imagination, something also a part of this life here and now as is (whatever that is), they are intriguing to explore.

      Imagine whose past life you are… now imagine that there is not just a one ‘whose’ past life you are. What if you’re just an accumulation of atoms, and when your life as you know it ends, those atoms disperse like dust in the wind, and some of those atoms collect elsewhere with other atoms, create nature, create things, objects, perhaps accumulate once again to make another person, several other persons made of atoms which once were a part of you but also atoms which were parts of other persons. A collective of others creating a one… for a while. And so it goes 🙂


Comments are closed.