“You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do.” – C. J. Jung
I have a friend who is very charming. They flatter others generously, throwing compliments around like confetti at a wedding. They put on great displays of fussing and caring, making sure other people are comfortable, happy, and aware that they are special. They make promises easily, and give the impression that no task is too big or too small for them to accomplish. People love their enthusiasm, it is very addictive, and infectious. Every person they meet becomes an instant friend, whom they profess to love like no other friend ever in their whole life. They have thousands of friends, probably hundreds of thousands, all of them are their best friend ever.
This behaviour could be viewed as superficial. It could also be described as manipulative. But it is very natural to my friend. For them to not behave this way would be a form of torture, and a small death. This is who they are. Not all of who they are, but a large part of it. The promises they make, they actually keep, and if they can’t, they always endeavour to make amends. They care very deeply about others. They remember things about each person they befriend, the major and the minor important details, and they often surprise people with the depth of their knowledge and understanding. They genuinely believe everything they say, and mean it from the bottom of their very huge, loving heart. They truly love each person as though they were their best friend in the entire world, and they have enough love to give to all their hundreds of thousands of bestest friends. In other words, they are who they say they are because everything they do confirms it.
I know another person who externally behaves in exactly the same way. On the surface these two could be twins, underneath the surface they are polar opposites. This other person never keeps their promises. Their displays of caring are fake. Their compliments are pretty illusions. Their vows of undying friendship and instant passionate love are delicious frosting on an old, dry, and moldy cake. Their behaviour is an act, an alluring siren’s song to draw others to them. They need other people because they feed off of them. When they feel down, bad about themselves, about their life, they seek out another person and suck out this person’s positive juices. They are a Qi Vampire. What they say is not who they are, their actions reveal the true being beneath the false one.
When I see my friend I always come away feeling exhilarated. I feel good about myself, about the interaction, about life. They accept me as I am. I can share anything with them. And I feel encouraged to share, because when I do they always appreciate it and return the gesture. Their compliments are precious gifts to cherish, seeds I can plant which grow into beautiful blooms. Their caring wraps me up in a warm and gentle embrace. Their promises are words I can rely upon. I trust them completely. I feel alive, nourished, and important to them, and I hope they feel the same way. Actually I know they do, because they are very open about how others affect them, inspire them, and are always grateful of all that is given to them.
When I have contact with the other person I always come away feeling drained. I feel bad about myself, the interaction feels forced, and life has a gloomy coldness about it. They do not see me as I am. Who I am is not acceptable to them, they need me to be who they want me to be. They want me to share myself with them, but only for what they can get out of me. They do not share themselves, they pretend to do so. Their compliments are bubbles which burst when touched. Their caring is designed specifically to get me to care for them. Their hugs feel like the grip of an octopus, with suckers sticking to my skin, to hold me in place while they sink their sharp beak in to drink my life force. Their promises are empty, made only to blackmail me into continuing the relationship. Every time I am with them I can feel their contempt for me, and the rest of the human race. It is the only thing which is real about them. It is very palpable. And they have every reason to be contemptuous. They know they are being fake. People keep falling for their fakery, allowing themselves to be manipulated and drained of precious energy. Idiots!
I do feel like an idiot when I am with this person. Why do I keep seeing them. I’ve tried avoiding them, and sometimes I think they’ve finally tired of me, dumped me like a used up carcass. And I’m relieved, finally free. But then they turn up again, ravenously hungry. I can’t tell them to eff off because they never hear what is unacceptable to them, they only hear what they want to hear. To get rid of them I would either have to go into a witness protection program or die. A bit drastic, but sometimes it seems worth it, especially after I’ve been with them.
The reason the Qi vampire needs to feed off of others is because they are closed off from other people. They see themselves as better than others, above them. They need to see themselves this way because deep down in the bowels of their being they actually feel the exact opposite. They feel rejected by everyone, so they are avenging themselves by treating others badly, as food to be devoured and discarded.
I met this person through my friend. Genuinely generous loving people attract Qi vampires like pollen filled flowers attract insects. This person could learn a lot from my friend, but all they have actually picked up is how to behave to attract more victims. They mimic my friend. They change themselves like a chameleon to become those they want to be, because they desire what those people have, and they think faking it is the means of getting what they want.
The reason my friend can be the way they are is that they feel loved and welcome by all and sundry, the Earth is their playground, and they love playing, passing on the good vibes. They know the secret to having more is to give with warmth. You feel good about yourself and life when you give, and the more you give, the more you are given. Not always, but the times you don’t receive, then giving is its own reward. The Qi vampire thinks my friend is an idiot. I’m beginning to think that being an idiot is the happiest and best way to be!
Do you know a Qi vampire? If so, do you know a way of warding off their attacks (I’ve tried garlic breath, it doesn’t work)?