The Attack of the Qi Vampire

“You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do.” – C. J. Jung

I have a friend who is very charming. They flatter others generously, throwing compliments around like confetti at a wedding. They put on great displays of fussing and caring, making sure other people are comfortable, happy, and aware that they are special. They make promises easily, and give the impression that no task is too big or too small for them to accomplish. People love their enthusiasm, it is very addictive, and infectious. Every person they meet becomes an instant friend, whom they profess to love like no other friend ever in their whole life. They have thousands of friends, probably hundreds of thousands, all of them are their best friend ever.

This behaviour could be viewed as superficial. It could also be described as manipulative. But it is very natural to my friend. For them to not behave this way would be a form of torture, and a small death. This is who they are. Not all of who they are, but a large part of it. The promises they make, they actually keep, and if they can’t, they always endeavour to make amends. They care very deeply about others. They remember things about each person they befriend, the major and the minor important details, and they often surprise people with the depth of their knowledge and understanding. They genuinely believe everything they say, and mean it from the bottom of their very huge, loving heart. They truly love each person as though they were their best friend in the entire world, and they have enough love to give to all their hundreds of thousands of bestest friends. In other words, they are who they say they are because everything they do confirms it.

I know another person who externally behaves in exactly the same way. On the surface these two could be twins, underneath the surface they are polar opposites. This other person never keeps their promises. Their displays of caring are fake. Their compliments are pretty illusions. Their vows of undying friendship and instant passionate love are delicious frosting on an old, dry, and moldy cake. Their behaviour is an act, an alluring siren’s song to draw others to them. They need other people because they feed off of them. When they feel down, bad about themselves, about their life, they seek out another person and suck out this person’s positive juices. They are a Qi Vampire. What they say is not who they are, their actions reveal the true being beneath the false one.

When I see my friend I always come away feeling exhilarated. I feel good about myself, about the interaction, about life. They accept me as I am. I can share anything with them. And I feel encouraged to share, because when I do they always appreciate it and return the gesture. Their compliments are precious gifts to cherish, seeds I can plant which grow into beautiful blooms. Their caring wraps me up in a warm and gentle embrace. Their promises are words I can rely upon. I trust them completely. I feel alive, nourished, and important to them, and I hope they feel the same way. Actually I know they do, because they are very open about how others affect them, inspire them, and are always grateful of all that is given to them.

When I have contact with the other person I always come away feeling drained. I feel bad about myself, the interaction feels forced, and life has a gloomy coldness about it. They do not see me as I am. Who I am is not acceptable to them, they need me to be who they want me to be. They want me to share myself with them, but only for what they can get out of me. They do not share themselves, they pretend to do so. Their compliments are bubbles which burst when touched. Their caring is designed specifically to get me to care for them. Their hugs feel like the grip of an octopus, with suckers sticking to my skin, to hold me in place while they sink their sharp beak in to drink my life force. Their promises are empty, made only to blackmail me into continuing the relationship. Every time I am with them I can feel their contempt for me, and the rest of the human race. It is the only thing which is real about them. It is very palpable. And they have every reason to be contemptuous. They know they are being fake. People keep falling for their fakery, allowing themselves to be manipulated and drained of precious energy. Idiots!

I do feel like an idiot when I am with this person. Why do I keep seeing them. I’ve tried avoiding them, and sometimes I think they’ve finally tired of me, dumped me like a used up carcass. And I’m relieved, finally free. But then they turn up again, ravenously hungry. I can’t tell them to eff off because they never hear what is unacceptable to them, they only hear what they want to hear. To get rid of them I would either have to go into a witness protection program or die. A bit drastic, but sometimes it seems worth it, especially after I’ve been with them.

The reason the Qi vampire needs to feed off of others is because they are closed off from other people. They see themselves as better than others, above them. They need to see themselves this way because deep down in the bowels of their being they actually feel the exact opposite. They feel rejected by everyone, so they are avenging themselves by treating others badly, as food to be devoured and discarded.

I met this person through my friend. Genuinely generous loving people attract Qi vampires like pollen filled flowers attract insects. This person could learn a lot from my friend, but all they have actually picked up is how to behave to attract more victims. They mimic my friend. They change themselves like a chameleon to become those they want to be, because they desire what those people have, and they think faking it is the means of getting what they want.

The reason my friend can be the way they are is that they feel loved and welcome by all and sundry, the Earth is their playground, and they love playing, passing on the good vibes. They know the secret to having more is to give with warmth. You feel good about yourself and life when you give, and the more you give, the more you are given. Not always, but the times you don’t receive, then giving is its own reward. The Qi vampire thinks my friend is an idiot. I’m beginning to think that being an idiot is the happiest and best way to be!

Do you know a Qi vampire? If so, do you know a way of warding off their attacks (I’ve tried garlic breath, it doesn’t work)?


7 thoughts on “The Attack of the Qi Vampire

  1. I am commenting now two years later 😉 this described my ‘X’ to a t as well as some traits I possess as an empath. What stood out was when you could feel the N’s contempt toward you. This was exactly how I felt (perceived or intuited) when I was around him. Naturally I couldn’t bare the thought of the person I loved to resent me. I asked several times if he had resentment or hate towards me because I can FEEL it. He would deny and deny and tell me to stop putting words in his mouth and that I don’t know what he feels. Reading about all this stuff is really validating. Yet it is sad how we could love someone so deeply and they never cared. I feel like the biggest fool bc no doubt he was thinking the same thing about me in that way. This has been a very painful journey to healing.


    1. Thank you for sharing 🙂

      Relationships are so complicated because there are so many invisible threads which are a part of the interaction. So many times we bring the ghosts of others, of past relationships, of our relationship with ourselves, into our relationship with someone else and the past haunts the present. Sometimes those we love resent us but it’s not us they resent, it’s someone else who hurt them long before they met us, or they resent themselves, and in being with us they somehow are reliving a past hurt or find themselves facing some aspect of themselves which they don’t like. They stopping seeing us and can only see their own pain, what they’re projecting onto us. If we ask them about it, they may deny it because they’re denying it to themselves.

      Relationships can offer us an opportunity to heal past hurts, resolve our issues, but we have to accept the opportunity… sometimes we just repeat the same pattern, repeating the hurt rather than healing it.

      There’s a very interesting book which I found useful in understanding the dynamics of relationships – Soul Mates by Thomas Moore – this is an article he wrote about it –

      You’re not a fool, you’re someone who follows their heart and took a chance, reached out to someone else. Sometimes people just can’t accept the gifts we offer them.

      Take good care of yourself!


  2. I wanted to come back and clarify something I had said about “… I don’t know how to be dubious and don’t see people as food.” What I meant is that I cannot get into the mindset of a vampire; therefore, warding off. I agree with RonniN (very nice blog!) in that of psychic vampire and seclusion. Or just stay away the best way possible! Ursula, yes, I agree with you and spot-on about feeding others in return… mutual is the key. Again, I think a lot more sharing about the subject is needed for those who are preyed upon by vampires… especially the psychic and mind-f vampires. Great post and comments! 🙂 Thanks!


  3. I know a Qi vampire very well. Ward off their attacks? I am not sure as I don’t know how to be dubious and don’t see people as food. Love and esteem increases their attacks and your chance to becoming a vampire as well. The best I found so far is to stand your ground as you are—warts and all—without apology or cowering and see them boldly as they are—a vampire is a vampire. Vampires loves victims for their own victory. And this is a great subject… vampires. And how to not get bit and become a vampire yourself. The vampire I know loves garlic. Wonderful writing and contrasts, Ursula.


    1. Hi Anna, thank you 🙂 A conversation we had inspired me, as so often happens, to post this piece. I think that the Vampire archetype is one which fascinates, and it is very popular at the moment, a collective consciousness obsession of sorts. That intrigues me, especially as modern vampires are very human and less Lon Chaney. I think there is a difference between mutual feeding, sharing energy with another back and forth, and someone whose sole purpose seems to be to feed without feeding others in return. It is very connected to the give and take in relationships. The energy has to flow both ways or the interaction becomes unbalanced.


  4. The irony of this is, I just posted about something very akin to this last night…I was thinking about how “need” and “love” are not so different from one another, and how friends/family process love. And I totally believe in Qi Vampires…I call them Psychic Vampires, but same difference. The only thing that seems to keep them at bay is complete seclusion…your own. This is why I sit in front of my computer all weekend and write.

    I really enjoy your blog. Come check mine out sometime!



    1. Thank very much you 🙂 I’ve just been checking out your blog, it’s excellent, you write with passion. The When I Almost Drowned post is intense, gripping, and very beautifully expressed. I agree about the seclusion bit, solitude is my solace and sanctuary, and it’s a very good way to get to know oneself… and others too, by how they respond to your retreat into seclusion.


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