I’ve had an epiphany and it is so mind blowing that… my mind is blown! I wanted to write one post to explain and share it, but… there are so many levels to it that it is going take several posts.
Firstly, I really want to thank all those who have helped me to have the epiphany… but the task is huge:
Some are easy to thank because they are friends who offered loving support during a testing time. It is very important to let those who are there for you know that you appreciate their thereness, especially when they think nothing of it, when they believe it is a natural part of being a good friend. They need to know their gift of love is truly appreciated, because they gave it freely expecting nothing in return.
Some are friends who were not behaving in a supportive manner, whose timing could not have been worse when they decided to dump their emotional baggage on top of me. As I tried to point out to one of them, context is important, if you wait until a person is weakened by circumstances in their life before you speak to them, because you are afraid of speaking to them when they are strong, then your words will most likely be rejected because they are not open to receiving them. They are caught up in their own drama and don’t want to know about yours, however important your drama is to you, theirs is important to them. Just because a venomous snake looks like it is dead, does not mean that it is, deciding that it is dead, that this is the perfect time to poke it with a sharp stick because it can’t bite you… may be a very foolish thing to do. But then again, I think this particular friend did that with the intent of getting bitten. I know I’m a venomous snake, I even have the markings to warn others, which is why I can sleep out in the open and hope no one is stupid enough to think I’m dead and poke me. I also don’t tend to use my venomous bite, although I do sometimes spit it in the general direction of the offender, that way they’ll get a skin irritation, but they won’t die. This person’s behaviour inspired such fury within me that I wanted to bite them and fill their veins with poison until they died a horrible death, and I had to use an enormous amount of self control to remind myself that I don’t do that sort of thing. Since I am already using tremendous amounts of self control to deal with my recent problem, I did not appreciate having to sap every last drop of it on a friend. A friend who should know better because they are an empath. Thing is, when I get this worked up, I usually know that there is a message in the rage, and if I can calm down enough (but not completely) to walk through the flames, I’ll see it and it will all be worthwhile. It was. I hope it was worth it for them too, that they got the food from me which they were seeking, and now they are satisfied. I think they are. They demanded that I reply to their needs, I did, and I have not heard from them since.
Some are enemies who can’t be thanked because they would not see the gesture for what it is, they would see it as an invitation to take advantage. It is good to be grateful to one’s enemies for the challenges they offer, and the insights those challenges reveal, it helps to put the relationship into perspective, but it is not always a good move to expose one’s soft underbelly, even though certain creatures use that as a means of gaining the upper hand of a foe. Gratitude can be done quietly from a distance, and it can be expressed through one’s actions. These people will most likely always be enemies, not all enemies can be befriended, but I do not have to treat them in the manner in which they treat me. They may not respect me, because these are the sort of people who respect no one, but I can respect them. Human to human.
Some are strangers who would not understand why I am thanking them because they are not aware of my existence. Some of these strangers are bloggers whose work I have come across while researching a problem on the internet, whose words have helped me, inspired me, and offered me information which I needed to know, or who have annoyed me so much that it has pushed me out of my comfort zone and into a new territory. Some are authors whose books I have read, and from which I have gleaned much wisdom and understanding. Some are artists whose work has somehow managed to express a feeling or thought which I could not, and which has freed me from the inexpressible. Some are the random strangers who cross our paths every day, and a glance, or gesture, or just watching them live their life… has triggered a thought, idea, emotion, or moment of collective consciousness.
Some are all those who I have internet met. Bloggers, Twitter users, forum members, followers, followed, and so on. People who I know yet don’t know. People who say things, comment, post things, express things, that strike a chord which may resonate for days within me. Occasionally that vibration lies dormant and only makes itself heard a long while later when the time is right. And sometimes, out of the blue, they surprise you by reaching out and touching you, heart to heart, human to human, soul to soul. Beautiful!
So, to all those who have touched my life, especially now, but also since my very first breath… Thank you… I am truly grateful… more than I could possibly ever express, but here is my attempt to do so as best as I can.
And that is why we say thank you.
I forgot to thank myself… Thank you me, for being me. It’s been emotional.