This is a very simple formula, which we all, some of us more than others, ignore.
If someone tells you they love you, especially if they back up their words with actions, they why question it. If you constantly ask someone why they love you, if you constantly demand reassurance of their love, want to know exactly what it is about you they love and why, then you question their love. If they know they love you, all of you as you are, they will, at a given point, wonder why you don’t accept their love as is. They gave you a gift freely, but it just doesn’t seem to be good enough for you.
Their gift, their love, is being rejected, maybe subtly, but it is being rejected. Rejection creates a defensive response. Thus they will begin to question their love for you, because you do and have convinced them to do so too.
Your doubts have planted a virus and that virus will grow into an infection. They may not realise they are questioning there love for you, but it will happen. Worse still, a side effect of this infection is that they will look at you and wonder if you truly love them.
People who don’t love others often accuse others of not loving them.
They will start to observe you, and if your actions don’t back up your claim that you love them, they will notice. Your endless questioning of their love, and demands of proof of love, will turn into proof against you of your lack of love for them. When you question someone’s love for you continuously, you tell them that you don’t love them enough to accept their love as they have offered it, ergo you don’t love them.
This formula applies to friendship too. To trust. And to many other things.
Such as, if someone tells you that you are beautiful, if you question their judgement often enough, they will question it too, and eventually they may change their mind. Especially since constantly questioning someone’s judgement is not a particularly beautiful trait.
If you continuously question people’s perception of you, wondering if they see you as you see yourself… rather than accepting that they see you as they see you, which may or may not be how you see yourself… you will end up having no one around you to give you feedback. You are not pushing people away, they are seeing you for who you are, someone who is obsessed with how others see them and who doesn’t actually see others, or acknowledge that others have similar needs to be acknowledged, seen, and reassured, understood, and so they will flee to a more hospitable territory.
Life is chaos. We are all crazy. We are also all hoping to find a port in an endless storm. If the port we find becomes the storm, we set sail in search of another safe harbour. One where we will be welcomed and accepted as we are, not as someone else needs us to be.
This is a quick jotting down of thoughts, please share your views so I can flesh this beast out. What do you think and feel?
This is an amazing offering. You are great. We may all be crazy but you, at least, know who you are. You are authentic. Love it.
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