I Never Talk About Sex…

Barbara Brennan Energy chart

Energetic Defense Systems chart by Barbara Ann Brennan

 

I also often do what I say I never do. In fact, when I hear myself say the word ‘never’, I know that soon enough I’m going to do whatever it is the never was referring to. It acts like a curse, or a signal.

I usually don’t talk about sex because like religion and politics, it is connected to personal beliefs, and it is a minefield of arguments. Debate flies out the window and is replaced by dogma. Since beliefs get strengthened when more people agree with it, what may be an illusion becomes more tangible and real as more people pour their energy into making a dream a reality, people tend to batter you with their beliefs until you agree with them rather than accept that there are alternate realities coexisting in one place. That I can believe one thing and you can believe another, these beliefs may even be polar opposites, and both of them are valid. You do not need to be wrong for me to be right, nor do I have to be an idiot for you to be a genius.

I’m not really going to talk about sex, not in the way it is usually discussed, but I am going to use it as a way to demonstrate an idea which intrigues me.

Many years ago, when the New Age movement first began, I was at my most voracious when it came to reading and experimenting with philosophy, psychology, self help (which was also new at the time), mysticism, theology, parapsychology, and anything which proffered to know the true nature of people, life, and the universe. I was going through an existential phase, trying to answer THE question – What’s the meaning of life? In truth, I really wasn’t that interested in answering the question for anyone else, I just wanted to know why I was alive, and what was the purpose of my life. This question was burning a hole in me. I needed to know because I really didn’t see any point in being alive, or continuing to be alive. Things were very grim. For me personally. And in the world around me. Everyone was obsessed with money, power, and climbing some invisible ladder, trampling on hands and heads to get to the top, and global nuclear meltdown was just a button click away. Sound familiar? Plus ca change…

Anyway, one of the authors whose work I read at the time was Barbara Ann Brennan. Her work centred mainly around spiritual healing using the natural energy fields surrounding our bodies, and encompassing all of us, mind, emotions, soul, and whatever else is there. To some she was a complete crackpot, to others she was an enlightened teacher. I shouldn’t talk about her in the past tense since she is still alive, but I haven’t revisited her work for a long time, so it’s in the past for me.

As with a lot of the books I read and the subjects which I study, when I move on, I tend to only keep what is relevant to me, what stood out and imprinted itself on my mind, the rest washes out of me and away. The only thing which stuck with me from Barbara Brennan’s work was the energy defense chart. My mind took a snapshot of it, and kept it in a file, a file in which I place all things pertaining to human interactions, and different ways of viewing them.

The concept that all of us have an energy force field is fascinating. We often describe others and ourselves in terms of energy. We talk about being zapped, shocked, drained, overpowered, electrified. We notice the change in atmosphere when certain people walk into a room and others walk out. Now some of that has to do with how we feel about a person, if we’re in love with someone, their presence and absence will always affect us, and the same applies to someone we hate.

To view interactions and relationships from an energy level is very intriguing and it adds a dimension of understanding. Such as when you feel as though you are being attacked, yet the person you think is doing the attacking has a lovely smile on their face and looks utterly innocent. Psychologically you could either conclude that you are being paranoid or that the other person is being passive-aggressive. There are nuances, the situation could be a bit of both, especially if there is a long history between the two of you. However if you do not know the other person at all, though they may remind you of someone you know who behaves in the way they are behaving, you would probably negate your impression, doubt yourself, and let them get away with what they are doing to you.

The sex bit comes in now. Sex is an exchange of energy. And in many ways, every interaction between humans is an act of sex. Our energy fields penetrate others and are penetrated by others. We take in seeds of thought, ideas, emotions, and if they find fertile ground, those seeds grow. What they grow into depends upon us, mostly. On how we nurture the thought, idea, emotion, what we feed it, what we feel about it, and what we want to do with it, our ambitions for the brain child growing within us.

When I say that it mostly depends upon us, I mean that sometimes we have holes in our energy fields which allow easy access to our inner self to others. They can manipulate us from within. That feeling that we are not being ourselves comes from this sort of a scenario. Our energy field has a hole in it, and someone’s energy hand has pushed its way through the hole and is inside of us, manipulating us. We’re still us, and even though we know we do not want to clap, our hands are being made to do so. Certain parents, often accidentally, usually because it was done to them, do this to their children. They create the hole and leave it there. The child does not realise their energy field isn’t supposed to have a hole, so it is never repaired. If the parent ever lets go of the hold they have of their child, removing their hand, they leave them open to having someone else take the place of the parent. One energy hand is replaced by another. The child and subsequent adult only knows this way of life, and feels incomplete without the energy hand within them.

I know, it sounds creepy, but there is a lot of creepiness in human interaction. Neediness is very creepy. You can feel the feelers of energy emanating from a needy human being touching your energy field, looking for ways in, seeking a means to latch onto to you like a leech and feed. Their energy field is emaciated and needs sustenance. Bullying is very creepy. You can feel the spikes on the energy field of a bully pushing against you trying to burst your energy field, so that they can get to you and crush you with the juggernaut they have created to protect a terrified and tiny inner self. They cover their energy field with the flattened energy fields of others, like skins sewn over skins to strengthen as a scar covers a wound, because most bullies have a giant gaping wound within them which is festering and frightening the bully.

There are many glorious exchanges of energy too. We all know and adore those. Feeling the warm sunshine penetrating our darkness, as a kind soul embraces us and encourages us, gives us hope and inspiration. The sweet and tender energy caresses of someone who loves us, and with just one look can reassure us, smoothing the rough surface of our frayed energy field. The boost of sudden enthusiasm when our bouncing energy field collides and merges with another bouncing energy field, and fun ensues, creativity is born, and the world seems as though it is the most beautiful place in the universe.

I never talk about sex, but, in some ways, all conversations are sexual. Words penetrate. Words are received. Sometimes words make babies. Please note, I am a thoroughly irresponsible parent to the babies created from the seeds of my words. If they create a monster, or if they create a magnificent masterpiece, the credit is all yours. Since what we say is often not what people hear… that’s my opt out clause. Besides. Karma is listening too and will deal with me accordingly.

Right, I’m exhausted, sated, and need a postcoital nap. Your turn to word me up, leave your seeds in the comment slot…

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22 thoughts on “I Never Talk About Sex…

  1. Just found this blog via my interest in Personality types and I must say I find your writing style incredibly alluring and full of content yet written in a style with neutrality which leaves the interpretation to the reader themselves and as a writer myself I find this very appealing… Thank you so very much for the time you put into this blog and the detail and energy to apply to ever response. Incredibly gifted Human being in my humble opinion, which may come across arrogant as to state someone is bright or intelligent suggests I must be also that way to be able to make a comparison from my own point of reference… lol.. (You know what I mean). Cheers and keep making a difference.

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    1. Thank you very much πŸ™‚

      You sound like you have a mind as complicated as mine when it is thinking something through which then realises how many tangential connections there are to one thought and all attempts at simplicity become complex puzzles – which are fascinating. It’s like looking at a star in a dark sky, at first you just see that star and all is simple, clear and lovely, but then you notice another star, and another, and then you see how the original star seems to have a filament of connection to the others, and the more you look, the more you see, until you are looking at a constellation which is a part of a system which is a part of an entire universe which is a part of…

      Are you an INTP?

      Don’t worry, I don’t take compliments personally πŸ˜‰ I appreciate them as a form of expression of a connection from one being to another. And in this case, it’s a wonderful compliment and connection! When we appreciate what attracts us to another, and we share it, we celebrate a very beautiful aspect of life force, which flows in and out as the air which we all breathe. Points of reference converge and fireworks are added to the sparks in the night sky.

      ❀

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  2. Absolutely love this! I am a believer in this stuff and I am seeing how I was vulnerable to an energy zapper. I can be eager to give energy away when I feel whole & good- I enjoy touching, hugging and being near others. In my occupation I touch people all day long- my hands are used and I am placing them on patients for various reasons (so I have lots of experience touching tons of different people and being in close proximity to others physically in a professional environment). So this energy field stuff is something I have always been aware of with others-since I tend to know who needs my energy, who doesn’t and how to distribute it. It’s always been subconsciously done in my life until I began healing after going NC which my narcissist friend. Then I wanted to figure out what the hell I was actually doing and why it backfired on me.

    I knew I played a part in the friendship but I instinctually not only heard her verbally crying for help (pity party BS) but I felt it- it was so different and so very sad. My reaction was to feel sadness/pity for her (that’s what she fabricated for me to feel) but what I really felt was…nothing. Nada. Zero. I felt a disconnect. A hallow-ness that she filled with talking, boisterous movements & thoughts and the mirroring of me. I recall touching her arm once and getting an electrical zap- it was if she was neurologically on fire but her outside appearance was that of a laid back hippy chic-this is where the confusion set in. Subconsciously I didn’t know what was I dealing with.

    I have felt many people but never gotten close to anyone like this-ever. The cover-up was so good on the exterior but not really. How was I fooled? Others later told me she had an “off vibe”- I knew that but ignored my intuition. It was many things that came together, I think? I was fooled because I didn’t know people like this really existed, that they could appear pretty normal, talk the talk, etc etc. I remember one of the reasons I wanted to hang with her more and more was because I subconsciously was trying to figure her out. She also had her eye on me, but I do feel at times I was the pursuer too since I wanted to see a consistent pattern in her behavior to confirm that she was OK & safe. I think at times this annoyed her since I put her on the spot and she had to be ready to perform. She also hypnotized me…her narc Dad was a MD and I think she learned this from him. This was addictive for me, as this state of mind caused me to crave her- not sexually-I just wanted to be with her. Talk about energy field invasion- being hypnotized unknowingly by someone. At the time I did not know what she was doing until after leaving her and sorting through the mess. She had me hooked chemically- that’s how strong this energy stuff can be. I believe that we are connected in many ways that are not seen by the visible eye- we are made up of nerves, hormones, chemicals etc and these things are radiated through us to others in our outside world. Pretty fascinating stuff.

    Thanks for sharing Ursula…my brain is so clear and I love filling it with this fun stuff:)

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    1. i went to quite a few workshops which dealt with energy fields and such. I was a New Age junkie for a while – it was trending, so there had to be something in it…?

      Some of those workshops, the people who ran them… they may have had the narc vibe, been narcs or… just seemed that way. Hard to tell sometimes because it is a natural human trait. As is exaggeration and things along those lines.

      Hypnotic spell – is a narc thing. But why? For them or for us? For us for their benefit?

      What they’re saying and showing is something we want to believe because… we want and need it for our own reasons, they give it, because that’s how they tap into us. They sell dreams, ideals, but why? Can you sell a dream to someone who doesn’t want to buy it?

      That’s what they teach us, about our dreams and why we pay for them with pieces of ourselves. The sale is never final though. So we have a get-out clause if we want it.

      The energy field concept is very intriguing. Metaphor or real… lots of insight to be gained from it either way.

      One of the workshops which I went to… the last one I attended before writing the New Age off as ‘been there, done that, bought the ‘aura’ t-shirt’ had 3 leading figures of the New Age (where I was) running it. One was a supposed psychic healer who said he could – heal things you didn’t know you had – red flag? One of the exercises for the audience was to touch and feel each other through touch. I did this with a stranger rather than the person I wen there with, and instantly felt exhausted – which I personally wasn’t. I told him as much and he said he’d been to the gym before the workshop and his body was depleted. So… did he replete himself with my energy and leave my battery depleted – certainly felt that way as afterwards I was so tired that the whole workshop seemed like a bore… which was quite insightful!

      There you have it… maybe we have the experiences we need to have. We just don’t know it because life is not sticking to our personal script for it.

      We live… and learn. Our way or… other ways πŸ™‚

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      1. Thanks, very interesting…I think I am intrigued by this all because I was so unaware of it all. Don’t know if that makes sense but I am consciously looking at things differently now. I am looking at the whys, hows, my initial reactions, my life story, reasons behind choosing to be with or not be with certain people, my insecurities, my loves, my passions, my annoyingness, my beliefs, how I rationalize things, pet peeves, my own energy and how it effects others. Kind of sounds self serving but this experience has changed who I am. This energy stuff is just a piece of it. Like you said, “we live…and we learn”…this has been a marked period of learning for me. I am hoping to be smooth sailing soon;)

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        1. Consciously looking at things differently… is a wonderful experience! Perhaps what has changed is not so much who you are, but more about changing how you relate to who you are… you can see more about yourself and appreciate it πŸ™‚

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  3. Dearest Ursula!! Always luv<3 your abundant scattering seeds! Reading this particular post is a like a future bouquet of wild flowers for me! Sipping coffee, petting my dog… scattering seeds….growing me a bouquet……resonating ~~~ (I bet you can feel it!) πŸ™‚

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  4. I have always had trouble shielding and now I understand that I also have trouble setting boundaries in my relationships. Don’t misunderstand me. I have a very firm sense of self and I am not easily influenced; but perhaps I am easily invaded. Interesting post.

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    1. We can have a strong, firm, sense of ourselves, have good boundaries and be not easily influenced, yet at the same time exist in a bit of a paradox, where we are both strong and weak, both immune to influence and influenced – this can cause a bit of conflict in our minds, but the two things can exist in the same space. This is an intrinsic part of being human, of being both an individual and part of the collective.

      We are ourselves, but we also want to connect with others, who are themselves. That space where we connect with others requires for us to open ourselves up to others… without losing ourselves in the merger… and for others to open themselves up to us without losing themselves in the merger.

      Cooperation, being able to compromise, to meet each other halfway, to merge and yet at the same time retain independence… always tricky to negotiate… more so when the other person has a vested interest in keeping things tricky, in keeping the partnership unbalanced and unequal. This is made trickier if we experienced something similar in our first relationships… old habits die hard, even when we reprogram them. Whereas when we’re dealing with someone who wants to maintain their sense of self and for us to maintain our sense of self, to merge boundaries while also retaining certain personal boundaries, then it’s more about partnership on an equal basis.

      Thank you for sharing πŸ™‚

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  5. Reblogged this on An Upturned Soul and commented:

    Every now and then someone makes a remark… people make remarks all the time. It’s a basic of talking… that remark, however the person meant it, hits a soft spot within you and takes on a layer of meaning which is very personal to you.
    .
    What happens next…
    .
    Depends on the remark and the soft spot it hit.
    .
    That remark can turn a casual conversation into an argument. The person who made the remark becomes a target for what pours out of our soft spot, and what we say to them can in turn hit their soft spot and we become a target of their soft spot outpourings.
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    Things can go other ways too…
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    Soft spots… we’re very sensitive about them. And with good reason. It’s the place where we have much to learn, and through learning we also teach…
    .
    This is a post I did about someone’s teaching which helped me to learn more about my own soft spots.
    .

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