So, if you’ve been reading any of my posts about the legal mess in my life at the moment, you’ll know that I fired my previous lawyers for being incompetent. They don’t think they are, and maybe they aren’t as far as their other clients are concerned, or as far as their idealised view of themselves is concerned, but they were in my respect. They kept getting my name wrong on documents. That to me is a sign of incompetence, especially as I was paying them… to get my name wrong, it seems. Maybe I’m the incompetent one for hiring them. I was definitely an idiot for doing so. Still, mistakes are a part of life, of my life anyway, and if I learn from them, then those mistakes serve a purpose. If I don’t learn from them, then I live in the land of permanent regret, and waste time fantasising about what my life would be like without any mistakes.
I spent last week finding a new lawyer. This one seems to be the real deal. Fairly confident about this lawyer and their ability to actually handle the law. I could just be caught up in that drug known as wishful positive thinking.
So, on hiring this new lawyer, I had to go over the story of my case again. I tried to make it concise, but this is a messy mess. Anything touched by the hand and minds of my parents is a mess of the messiest kind. Confusion was their favourite tool of manipulation. There’s a psychological term for it, but I can’t remember what it is now. It is similar to someone screaming SHARK! on a busy beach and watching as panic ensues, and taking advantage of that panic to do something which panic-stricken people don’t notice.
People never believe me when I tell them about my life, and my parents, and all the other people who have been dragged into this never ending soap opera by my parents. I am aware no one believes me, that they think that I am the one being overly dramatic, when in actual fact I tend to underplay the drama, trying to give it a semblance of sanity and logic when there actually is none. So… I knew my new lawyer thought I was complicating things with drama. I accept this is a side effect, I usually don’t discuss my life with people because of this, but in this case, I have to.
Writing about it on my blogs has been helping me to get things sorted out inside of me, because I’ve kept much of this very quiet and private for far too long and it has blocked me. So getting it out has released the blockages. At first I was very wary about expressing such private information and emotion and stuff in such a public place… but I realise now this is a part of the challenges and change through which I am going. So thank you for listening even if you aren’t.
Anyway, part of what I had to do for my new lawyer was to contact certain people who may have information and documentation which my lawyer needs to sort things out for me. One of those people is my father’s long time live-in lover. She is a very volatile person and explodes at the slightest thing. I warned my lawyer about this. I know my lawyer didn’t believe me. Then, the other day my father’s live-in lover replied to my email asking her to cooperate with my lawyer. Her email was a dramatic mess, yet again the story had changed, so had the details of my inheritance, as per usual, which is why I know I need a level-headed lawyer to cut to the bare legal bones. I rolled my eyes at the email and wondered why she had written so much extra gumf which didn’t need to be written… she has said this all before to me, different version, but hey, why say it again… then I saw that she had copied my lawyer in on the email, and I knew that the whole email drama was designed for and playing to a new audience. I rolled my eyes again… then paused and had a moment. A perfect moment. If my lawyer didn’t believe what I was saying, here was the proof, the – I told you so – handed up on an email platter.
I must confess, I told you so, is the most satisfying thing to be able to say in the entire world of talking. I know people find it annoying, but… Ahhhhhh!
For a moment everything I had said was confirmed as being the truth. Of course the moment passed. I received an urgent email from my lawyer saying we had to talk and discuss this email. I sighed. What is there to discuss. It’s drama. Drama is best ignored in this situation. I hope my lawyer doesn’t get sucked into it. This has been a fear I have always had when dealing with anything connected to my parents. They created drama which always sucked people into it. People find drama fascinating, especially when they can be a part of it, yet not have to deal with the consequences, they can step out when it suits them. I can’t. I’ve tried. I estranged myself from my family for many long and peaceful years… but I never truly got out. I was born into this, and I suppose the only real way out is to exit via the death door. That is not something I am eager to do at this point, although I have considered it on many occasions, especially when I was alone.
But I am not alone now. I have an incredibly supportive partner, and some amazing friends. Even when life is hell, there is heaven within it. I am also very grateful to have my blogs and Twitter through which I can express myself, and through which I release a lot of stuff with before would have crushed me. So thank you for being here. I expect nothing, and am rewarded with treasures beyond compare.