Flipping Astrology – NSFW or those who are offended by swearing

Fucking Astrology

I found this on Pinterest a while ago and it made me chuckle so much I fell in love with it.

I don’t find swear words in the least bit offensive, I grew up around swearing and it means very little. Words can indeed be offensive, it all depends on how they are used and what they mean to us personally. For a word to have power over us, we have to infuse it with meaning. If someone uses a word with the intention of offending or hurting us, it doesn’t work unless we let it, although we may be aware of the person’s intentions and be offended by that, or annoyed that they are being such a [insert appropriate word here]. I do get offended by words, but the ones which offend me are often those deemed to be very polite or utterly banal by many people.

The reason I love this gem is… well, there are several reasons. I am very taken with the philosophy of Yin and Yang. I like the idea that a whole is made up of opposing sides which hold an element of the opposite within them, and work together to create a whole. To truly understand a subject and yourself, it is best to embrace all aspects, the ones you like and the ones you don’t like, because they all have value and merit. If you only focus on the things you like about yourself, the bits you think are positive, then you may miss the treasures hidden within the part you don’t like, the negative things. The darkness holds within it as much beauty as the light, and it makes that which is light more beautiful because it adds contrast.

I applied this very rude and deliciously irreverent horoscope to my own natal chart, and, apart from the massive bellyaching laughs it gave me, it revealed some intriguing ideas which led to a new perspective. A particular delicacy in life for me is finding a new perspective from which to view myself, others, life, and the world.

I am a Greedy Emo Sun. This is funny because so many people think Capricorns are cold and emotionless, which couldn’t be further from the truth. Capricorns tend to adopt a veneer of coldness to protect their very sensitive hearts. In astrology a sign tends to hold within itself the elements of its opposing sign, thus a Capricorn holds within itself the sensitivity of a Cancerian, and a Cancer, who on the surface seems so caring and sensitive, holds within itself the cold practicality of a Capricorn. Thus within every Capricorn is a Moody Jerk.

I have Neurotic Bitch rising, with my Moon, emotions, and Pluto, the dark destroyer and creator, in the 1st house of identity, also in the sign of Neurotic Bitchiness. It’s true. I can be very neurotic, worst case scenarios are snacks I nibble on, and when I am in a neurotic funk, I get bitchy. I don’t enjoy being bitchy most of the time, it feels itchy and uncomfortable. I assuage my bitchiness with help from my Venus, goddess of love and other wonderful illusions, in Whiny Bimbo. She nags me with endless ‘Don’t be mean, poor so and so, you’re not so hot either, give them a break, then when you need one, someone may repay you in kind’. She’s right, but she is a bit whiny, and whining gets on my nerves. My mind finds it incredibly annoying!

My Mercury, the mind, is a Perverted Psychopath, egged on by my Mars, the warrior and seducer, who is an Obsessive Twat. Which is true. I often get annoyed at how twattishly obsessed I can be, and if I get stuck on something I do become a bit of a psycho.

I often get praised for my laser-like penetrative mental abilities. That praise helps me to stay focused, use the ability for problem solving, for good, and not get drawn to the dark side of the ability. When someone hurts me, that ability turns into a nefarious Bond villain, who doesn’t take prisoners, and doesn’t explain to Bond what it is going to do to him and why, it just goes in for the kill. I guess it really wouldn’t make a good Bond villain as Bond would be killed and the series would be over.

My Uranus and Jupiter, holding hands across the houses of identity and values, are Flaky Derelicts. I am very flaky, and I do a lot of shrugging and use the word ‘Whatever’ more than I probably should. Live and let live. Whatever. We all have a right to be here, and to be and do stuff, who am I to say what is right and wrong, I could be right I could be wrong, whatever, I don’t know. This pisses off my Saturn in Selfish Prick a lot. Damn you Flaky Derelict side!

What have I missed? Oh, poor old Neptune in Obsessive Twat! I forget about you so often because you are… no, not forgettable, but because you are located in the 3rd house of the mind you cause me to forget the things I should recall and it is all so confusing… what was this post about? What else have I forgotten… perhaps it is all for the best.