How To Feel Crap About Yourself

So, my partner, who is a sweetie, went out and bought himself a new TV. A bigger TV than the one we already have. The old TV will be used and recycled, as my partner is professional photographer and uses TV screens to preview photographs in live view before he takes them, and the old TV is better quality than the one he was using previously. The one he was using previously will be recycled too. So it is a win/win situation.

Except that the new TV is bigger than the old one, and our sitting room is tiny… or cosy as a real estate agent would describe it. So, now I am too close to the screen, everything is blurred, I feel sick, dizzy, looking at it.

And I feel crap because my partner was very excited about the new TV. He has been working extremely hard and he always rewards his hard work with treats. Since he works late into the night on projects, the TV works as company, playing in the background as he works… I usually go to bed hours before he does. I also don’t watch the TV much. It is on, but I don’t pay much attention to it. It’s usually on sports channels and I’m not a ladette. I tried to be interested in sports, but I suck at that.

So we have reached a mutually considerate impasse. I can’t look at the new TV screen without feeling ill. I can’t move my sofa back because the room is too small and my sofa is already almost out of the window as it is. We can’t move the furniture in the room around because it is an irregular shape. It is already as good as it is going to get without knocking down walls. I already have the spot which is furthest from the old TV screen because I found that a bit too big.

My eyes focus differently from my partner’s. He wears glasses for reading up close, I don’t.

He is very considerate of me and my needs. But I often push him to focus on his own needs over mine because he can be a little too considerate of me, to his own detriment. This annoys me. I prefer equality in relationships. We both need to be considered and considerate.

So this new TV is causing problems. I feel like a baddie for raining on his gadget buying fun. And he feels like a baddie because I am now sitting in a corner of the sitting room (in my Winter office, because my usual office gets too cold to work in in Winter, so I move to the warmest room in the house) rather than in my usual spot on my sofa. I am sheltered from the TV here. Don’t get me started on the fucking lilliputian sofas in this house. They suit the house, not the humans living in it.

So he feels crap, I feel crap, the only one not feeling crap is the cat. She’s hoping our crap feelings will result in fresh food, as she knows that when her pet humans feel crap they often deal with it by spoiling her with fresh meat.

What a mess. When two people love each other… it can all go slightly skew whiff!

I hate having first world problems, it makes me feel like such a div (stupid). My partner has been so incredibly strong and supportive through all the problems I am having at the moment with my family and its extended members. He thinks that’s normal. I don’t, I think it is awesome and unusual. Coming from a background where the people who are supposed to be those you can trust and rely on are the very people who fuck you over and stab you in the back, being able to rely on a loved one for support is a new experience for me. He deserves all the rewards he wants, and more… it’s just a pity I can’t enjoy them too. This upsets him, which upsets me. Sigh! Hopefully we will survive this triviality.