I make myself laugh, especially when I catch myself doing something silly. I was trying to write a post about dyslexia the other day, about some of the benefits and gifts which it confers rather than the brain glitches, and the post just kept getting longer and longer because I kept adding things which occurred to me as I wrote and the original concept slowly disappeared under many others. I solved this problem by splitting the post in several posts, which I wasn’t planning on posting as a series, but writing them all and then choosing the clearest of them all. I had about six files open, decided none of them were quite right, so I started a new one in which I planned to put the best bits of the other posts. As I stared at the blank cyber page, my mind went blank too. I suddenly doubted my knowledge of dyslexia. I made a mental note to self to double check the symptoms and characteristics of it later.
The post I wrote instead was about thorns of inspiration, and the blessings of a curse. Things which poke and prod us to investigate further, to seek knowledge, and things which seem like a curse but hold a blessing within them. As I wrote, part of my attention was still with dyslexia.
Recently I have been having mini epiphany after mini epiphany. They are very tiny little sparks of understanding revealed. Several have been connected to dyslexia. I suddenly realised that some of the aspects of the condition which really get on my nerves are the source of some of my traits which I value highly.
I feel that I should explain dyslexia to those who may be reading this and don’t have it, because there are quite a few misconceptions about it. However explaining things is not my forte as I tend to over explain things to death. It’s a so-called symptom of dyslexia. I doubt my mind a lot, question my own knowledge and check and double check and triple check ad nauseum to make sure that I have the correct information. I apply what I do for myself to passing on information to others, which is why I over explain things, just in case the other person needs more information, just to be sure, to dot the i’s and cross the t’s. That is why my wanting to double check the symptoms and characteristics of dyslexia, even though I have it and live it every day of my life, made me laugh. I just wanted to be sure, even though I am sure.
The thing is that just by reading any of my posts, including this one – sorry, stating the obvious is part of dyslexia, as I often miss the obvious while focusing on the less obvious, and sometimes when I think something is obvious I am surprised to find other people have missed it, so I’m never really certain what is obvious and what is less obvious or not obvious at all – shows you exactly how the dyslexic mind works, they take you inside of it. It explains why my posts are so long, why sometimes they have too much information crammed into them, why I sometimes repeat the same thing over and over again ramming a point home, why they can be confusing to the reader, why my use of words and sentence structure is the way it is – if I tried to be grammatically correct, I wouldn’t write posts at all, and if I did, they would seem like they were written in code.
The main thing anyone without dyslexia needs to know about it is that it is not an aberration of the brain, it is how the brain is wired.
As a child I used to have a recurring dream about a mechanism with turning cogs. The cogs would occasionally miss a connection, there would be a sudden jarring sound as the mechanism juddered, metal ground awkwardly against metal, and I would wake up in anguish. That was the only nightmare I ever had that I can recall, but it was so gut-wrenching that I have never forgotten how it made me feel. What made it worse somehow was that everything was pink, a shade very similar to the colour of the brain.
My interpretation of that dream is simple, it was a subconscious representation of the workings of my brain. I intuitively knew that as a child, but it did not register with me until much later when I realised that my brain did not work the same way as everyone else. I did not have a mental disability until I was told that I had one. I thought my brain was normal, and it is for me. In fact those without dyslexia appear to be a bit off, and slightly slow to me because they don’t always understand what I am saying. I realise now that this is my fault, their brains are correctly wired, and mine is the one with the faulty wiring… according to them. Majority rule. If the dyslexic mind was the majority, things would be very different. And although superficially I play the part of the one with the dopey brain, frankly every time I see a non-dyslexic make a clumsy joke about dyslexia, I realise that dopiness of the membrane is not exclusive to dyslexia.
“Dyslexics of the world untie – will always make me laugh because the first fifty times I read it, I didn’t see the joke.” – UrsusAbstrusus
That’s my Twitter account, and my version of a dyslexic joke.
More about the benefits of having sex daily in my next post… I’ve decided to go with the series of posts option.