I don’t know if this post really fits into the Weekly Writing Challenge: Fit to Write, but I never fit in to anything, I’ve tried, there is always a part of me that sticks out awkwardly.
I have no idea if I am fit to write. I don’t know if there is such a thing, some of the writers whose work I enjoy are… were… a bit nutty to say the least and lived very chaotic lives. I tend to write more when I am caught up in some inner drama, writing about it helps me to get some perspective, keeping it in drives me stir crazy, when I’m calm and relaxed, I often have nothing to say because I’m too busy being. My main reason for writing is for myself, each post is a letter of sorts from me to me.
2013 has been a doozy of a year so far. All the challenges which I have been facing since the year started have left me physically, mentally and emotionally drained. Everything hurts. My body is all aches and pains. My mind is low on tolerance and patience, yet grimly determined to see things through. And my emotions are numb. So… I decided to take a day off from the world.
I find going off into nature a very healing balm, and often nature gives me wisdom about life. That’s me in the photo above, chewing my pen in between scribbling on a pad about this and that, random thoughts. August has been a bit temperamental weather wise and some of the scents in the air are distinctly Autumnal. Some aromas are due to living near farms. Today the Sun was out and warm, with an ever so slight cool breeze.
Sunbathing is often considered a no-no for people with my type of skin…
Yet lying in the Sun absorbing its rays can be very healing. The skin drinks in vitamins, and the soul feels warmed from the outside in, and maintains that warmth for later. A battery recharged. I always feel happier in the Sun. Too much Sun makes me cranky. But just the right dose and that pesky darkness which lurks in the shade evaporates in the glare of the light.
It’s very liberating to do what you are not supposed to do. To free yourself from all those finger and head shaking know-it-alls who only seem to enjoy life when they are telling others how to live theirs, what to do and what not to do. Listening to their advice feels like being caught inside one of those rooms which slowly gets smaller and smaller until it crushes the life out of you.
I love increasing my collection of freckles. I really don’t care if others find it repulsive or a swift path to disease and death. It feels good to let my skin experience whatever nature has in store for it. Such as walking through a field full of nettles and thistles in flip flops.
I only got stung once on my big toe. Nettle stings ease up after a while. And it was worth it, my feet enjoyed being free to breathe, and watching were I was putting my feet led to some interesting encounters with weird bugs.
Thistles hurt more than nettles when you step on them, but they are very beautiful in flower.
I wandered further afield, through a gate. I love this gate. It is always open and to me that is how gates should be. How a mind should be. A boundary marked by a fence and a gate, yet the gate remains open, inviting new thoughts to wander in, and allowing old thoughts to wander out. Thoughts are the brain’s way of moving oxygen around… air needs to flow or it becomes stale and suffocates.
Through the gate, at the border of the field is an old chicken coop. A ramshackle hut completely covered by wild plants. Growing lushly and lavishly, being eaten and drunk by a plethora of bugs was a Morning Glory.
Exploring new places, or revisiting ones which we already know can lead to some inspiring discoveries. A treasure which may have been asleep awakens and reveals itself to those who dare to wander… in flip flops through prickly and painful territory.
After my wander I lay on the ground and stared up at the sky. What a wondrous thing to do. You can lose yourself in the sky. The Sun played hide and seek, and yes, I stared at it… it is very difficult to resist.
I wonder why we find shapes in the clouds. Is it because the clouds and their varied shapes tell us so many stories… ones which if we listen really carefully whisper secrets of the universe to us, tell us the meaning of life, and gently remind us of who we really are when we drop our masks and inhibitions and our need to be, do, and act… and just are.
I drifted for a while, here and there, everywhere and nowhere… it felt lovely to be away from it all, away from the human world, embraced by the ever welcoming natural world. I always feel so much better about myself when people are not around. Nature does not judge, poke and prod, demand, critique, need assurance, excuses, apologies, validation, it does not compare itself to me, or me to it, and there are no dramas which won’t sort themselves out by letting chaos be chaos and let order happen when the time is right, not because someone is imposing their will, playing god, and generally being a look at me and how powerful I am control freak.
I love people… but sometimes I prefer to love them from a distance.
It is nice to get away… but we always go back. You can’t escape your life, if you try… it follows, perhaps not in the same form, but in another, and another, and another, until you face your life, yourself, and do what nature intended for you to do. Go with the flow of your life and see it through wherever it takes you.
So I returned home and, yes, all that which I had left behind for the day was waiting for me when I got back… still, it seemed different somehow, because I was different. A subtle shift… sometimes that is all that is needed.
For me being fit, is not about health, mental, physical, emotional or otherwise… it is about fitting yourself, feeling connected to who you are, who you really are, not who you’d like to be, or who others think you are and want you to be… it is about being yourself, even if yourself has aches and pains and all those other things which come with being human, living a human life experience.
I do feel better, for now… now is all I need, for now.