Sometimes… I just want to give up, but I don’t… Why?

I’ve been avoiding blogging about my intensely personal issues…

I know I do blog about things which may seem intensely personal… but to my layered self, what I have shared recently is not as personal as it may seem.

Today I was copied in on some emails between my lawyer…

One of two dealing with my father’s inheritance which so far consists of mess, and the only money exchanging hands is my hard-earned savings being spent on my father’s lifelong mess-making…

I can’t watch any films now which involve someone inheriting something and easy peasy money in the bank and champagne being drunk at newly found wealth… reality has ruined that plot for me!

…and my father’s companion, who in theory has documents which are needed to resolve issues pertaining to the inheritance. Which she claims she wants to give to me, but each time I ask for them, she finds reasons why she can’t give them to me or my lawyers… and on it goes… the merry-go-round of hell created by other people who are clinging to straws that are on fire, but they don’t notice how charred their fingers are because all they can see is the fantasy they are believing is real.

I just… want to give up!

I warned my lawyers about my family and its extended members… but I know they didn’t believe me. They probably thought I was crazy. I’m used to that. Never in my life has anyone ever believed me about my family… and those associated with it. Even with proof… proof means nothing if those who see it refuse to see it.

Even my partner only now… well, the penny dropped. And he’s met my parents, and my father’s companion!

I get it… I know why it is hard to believe. That is how they perpetrated all the things which they perpetrated. Their victims… would never be believed. But they, on the other hand, have always known how to appear plausible.

I just… want to give up!

But I never do… I keep persevering, hoping one day that my side will be acknowledged as the truth… and their side will be seen for what it is… creators of storms in a teacup, teacups which are a part of a nightmare ride in an evil version of Disney World.

Sigh!

Another voice… lost in an ocean of voices.

I just… want to give up… but I never do… Why?

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4 thoughts on “Sometimes… I just want to give up, but I don’t… Why?

  1. Oh honey child do I know what you are feeling An only child here as well with inheritance issues from ther father who passed away…well there was none because everything was left to my mother. Yep, everything. Yeah this is the first time I have written that out here in cyberspace…a “secret” known to only a few for 15 years. So I hear ya on seeing and hearing about folks inheriting easy peasy money.

    Crazy family and not being being believed that such things are true and do exist…I see eye to eye with you. Oh my , you’ve given me confirmation of thought on our shared t-square.

    I think the reason we don’t give up is that Uranus/Pluto conjunction in the 1st. Giving up means the bastards that are trying to grind us down win and I know I will not give them that satisfaction. Oh hell no! They’ll have to get it from somewhere else.

    Wow, I don’t know what’s going on in the universe that shows why or how we were supposed to meet but I’m glad it happened. Maybe Uranus in the 8th or Jupiter in the 11th or Pluto leaving a parting gift as it exits our 4th for the last time. Hang in there…but I already know you will.

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    1. Me too!!! I am very glad we met! I wondered if it had something to do with Chiron, because our wounds are similar and so are the skills we use to deal with them. There is an intangible feeling of sharing a healing journey about our meeting, for me. Transiting Chiron is on my descendant right now, opposing my ascendant, closing in on a reunion with my natal Chiron. Lots of healing going on 🙂

      Then again having Pluto/Uranus in the 1st, I have found that all my meetings have a very powerful, intense and transformative effect on me. They always feel fated.

      Those of us with that position attract very strong characters, some who try to prove their power by crushing us, then get frustrated because it can’t be done, and it makes us stronger as we embody the phoenix.

      And then there are those who are kindred spirits walking a similar path, those are very precious meetings, it is like connecting with real family rather than those who happened to be family by default.

      Thank you. I will be fine, just getting very annoyed because I tell people things and I know they’re not listening, so they have to find things out the hard way, which wastes time, and even when they have proof of what I said, if it doesn’t fit into their concept of reality they ignore the proof. Sigh! And my family and those connected to it tend to behave in a way which defies many people’s version of reality. I used to equate my childhood to growing up in a TV soap opera. I left the show, but apparently I had a scheduled comeback I didn’t plan on. But my character has grown up since my last appearance 😉

      And yes! It has the signature of the T-square all over it.

      I have found that sharing in cyberspace… it has a strangely magical quality to it. Not just in the wonderful meetings it has made possible. It seems to affect my RL in a way that has me wondering at times if there is a spell being cast by releasing all that which I have kept secret out into the world. A natural magic.

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      1. LOL Girl, I hear you!! Do you get into the female asteroids any? What you mentioned about folks not listening sounds like a prominent Cassandra/Kassandra. I’ve got her in the 1st house…and yep folks don’t listen to me either.

        Do you realize your last paragraph is bang on descriptive of a 3rd house Neptune in Scorpio?!!

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        1. Ha! You’ve got a very keen eye for spotting astrology at work! Very Neptune in Scorpio indeed!

          Synchronicity! I was thinking about Cassandra (not in asteroid form) yesterday when I wrote something along the same lines, about people never heeding my warnings. When I repeat myself, keep returning to a point, I know something within is ready to be confronted and understood. So I had a chat with myself about the myth of Cassandra and other associations, such as the complex named after her, and I almost wrote a post about it for today.

          When I have an issue, the first question I have to ask myself is – Am I giving myself what I want from others? So – Am I listening to myself and heeding my own warnings? The second question is – Is this issue mine alone or do a lot of people have it too? Is it a collective issue?

          I think this particular one is, as many people feel that others do not listen to them, which is why so many people repeat themselves in conversation, sometimes to the point of nagging, hoping to be heard. It is also why when people find someone who does listen to them they become very possessive of that person’s ears. So many voices talking, especially on the internet, very few ears listening. Why? And most people do not really listen to themselves, they hear their voice, but not what they are saying, what they are really saying with every fibre of their being.

          Just checked my natal Kassandra, 8th conjunct NN & Chiron opp Uranus & Jupiter. Transiting Uranus is right on top of her. Hmmm. Transiting Kassandra is in Leo in my 11th and opp my Merc. So… she may well be very relevant at this time for opening a dialogue within and perhaps solving and healing an old wound.

          I tend to wait for asteroids to grab my attention, otherwise there are too many to explore.

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