The Mystery of the Vanishing Lip Stick
Do you ever have one of those moments when you doubt your mind? When as strongly as you believe that you did something, events conspire to make you question whether it was real or an hallucination?
The other day I bought myself a little luxury. A lip stick made of magic butter to soften and hydrate my rather brittle and dry lips. The gash in the photo of my lips is not a stylised shadow, but the place where my lip was so dry it started to peel, so I chewed it and ate a piece of myself like the cannibal which I seem to be. Yum, yum… not really… a bit. Smile.
I am a barbarian when it comes to self care. I never protect my skin from the elements. I want my life etched on my face so that when I see it in the mirror I know who I am and what I have experienced. I do wash. Sometimes. But really, natural oils are the best for the skin, so I let it do its thing and mess with it as little as possible. That’s my excuse and hygiene regime rolled into one. I scrub my face with sea salt mixed with a dash of liquid soap. Dab some oil on afterwards, and that’s my ablutions.
I never wear makeup, I don’t have the patience to apply it, and the few times I do… I end up wanting to rip my face off. I prefer to go naked. When a cosmetised friend comments on my lack of cosmetic enhancement, I yell ‘This is Sparta!’ at them in my best, or worst, thingy impression… what is that actor called? The 300… you know… Never mind, he was heavily digitised!
So… on to the mystery which caused me to question my mind.
I was very hesitant about spending what seemed like a small fortune on some lip butter, but… my lips persuaded me. And the prospect of using it was rather exciting. I felt as though I was doing something forbidden. Caring for my body. Oooo… how risque!
On my return to my sanctuary, I placed this valuable treasure on my desk, next to my computer, spread a bit on… oh what a wonderful luxury… then got on with this and that. Ranting on the internet, sprinkling my particular brand of crazy here and there, making sure to be generous with it and give some to all my internet bubbles equally, posting a couple of posts on my blogs, tweeting some tweets, pinning some pins. Then I researched some things for some projects. Got distracted. Decided to check my emails, wished I hadn’t checked my emails, except for the ones from friends, relieved one friend replied after my last nutty cyber letter… la la la…
Then it was dinner time, ate some stuff which may or may not have been edible, drank some stuff which may or may not have been potable. Watched a movie with my sweetie, Bridesmaids, very funny, funnier than I thought it would be… Matt Lucas gets everywhere… Melissa McCarthy’s character is how I think people see me… then I popped down to my office to get my lip stick butter for my lips were a tad peckish…
And it was gone…Hey Presto! Poof!
Checked to see if it had rolled onto the floor. It had rolling potential. Checked again. And again. And once more. Nope. Nada. Niet. Vanished!
My eyes narrowed. I detected, or so I suspected, the work of a nefarious fiend. A being who tidies the mess humans leave in a way humans do not understand. The lip stick was just the right shape and size preferred by this being. This tidier of pens and other sticks which will never again be found to leave lying around in a messy way by inept humans.
But when questioned, the cat, gaslighting expert extraordinaire, looked at me with an – Oh yes, go ahead stupid human, blame your brain problems on me why don’t you! – look. I withered under such scrutiny and began to question… not my sanity, I know I’m crazy… but my entire recollection of having bought a lip stick which perhaps I didn’t buy at all, just considered it so intensely that I had convinced myself that the deed had been done.
But what about the fact that I had used it? Well, there was no residue of use of lip butter left on my lips to prove this… so maybe I had imagined that too! I do have a vivid imagination, and I am prone to fantasising, often used to not do things in real life, just in pretend life.
I searched every inch of my office in a rather less than thorough way… then gave up and went to bed. Sleep on it, that’s a cure for many ills of mind and other bits.
The following morning, I searched my office again. Still nothing. Still caught between hallucination and reality.
So… I checked once more, further afield, in the hallway… and… Result! Wedged between the entrance welcome shoe wiping mat and the frame of the front door was an object which looked remarkably like the lip stick… hard to tell as it was coated in a special blend of dust and dirt. I do clean the house… just not that part of it… very often.
Then I wiped it down and took a photograph of it… because this will probably happen again, and I need some proof of life to remind myself that although I am crazy… I’m not THAT crazy… yet.