I’ll admit that’s a tricky question. We all seek attention, because attention is… so important. It confirms to us that we exist. Do we need this kind of confirmation? Yes and no.
So much of life is a tightrope walk between fantasy and reality. What is real, what is unreal, can you tell the difference? My reality is not your reality even if they intersect and overlap. This is good. This is bad. This is both and neither. It is all about perception… and more than that.
So, attention, do you seek it?
Is the attention which you get the one you want?
Do you care if the attention is bad or good, positive or negative? Do you prefer one over the other? Or will any attention do?
What price are you willing to pay for attention? What will you sacrifice for it?
What do others have to give to you to get yours? Does your attention have a price? Conditions?
What kind of attention do you wish for? What kind of attention do you really want?
Well… like with all things… what we want, what we wish for… if we are not incredibly anally specific… and even if we are… you know… sometimes we get exactly what we wish for, and sometimes we get a version of it which we wish we hadn’t got, which sometimes makes us wish we hadn’t wished at all.
May you get what you want and want what you get. Curse or blessing?
When you want attention, you often get the kind you don’t want and want the kind you don’t get. If you get the kind you do want… it can be cause for celebration, or you realise it wasn’t what you wanted after all. Maybe it can be returned and a refund can be obtained. Or something like that.
I really struggle with attention. In so many ways. My mind wanders…
I’m shy… avoidant…
I attract people who appear to me… and so much of the world, others, life, is about how we perceive and experience it, them… to be…
How can I put this so it won’t alienate everyone I know who will read this?
Therein lies my problem…
One of my problems with attention.
Some people only give it to get it. Once they get it from you, they stop giving it… until they need a top up.
And I have found that by withholding attention, not deliberately but because I retreat from others when I need to sort something out with myself, give myself my own attention and refuel, I tend to get more attention than when I give it away freely.
That’s… weird. Or is it?
I have lived in the land of the ignored.
I have lived in the kingdom of those who crave attention, who can’t exist without it, who feed off of the attention you give them and suck you dry… then ignore you until your energy levels are restored and then they suck you dry again.
I know what it is like to be only seen when needed. Not seen when not needed. Only paid attention to when someone wants attention from you. But when you need attention, when you REALLY need it… good luck with finding it!
So I make my own… I give it when I can… give it when I can’t… never have enough to give… or give too much… or give the wrong kind of attention… not the one ordered, but the one I available…
I struggle with this… perhaps I should stop struggling?
Problem is, I’m quite good at guessing what people want… I just don’t always want to give them what they want. Nothing to do with them, but everything to do with me.
Attention is energy. When you give it, you lose it, and it is someone else’s gain. It can flow both ways, so everyone wins. It can also flow one way, and only one person wins.
It is a renewable and environmentally friendly energy… much of the time. Some of the time. Not all of the time.
Yes… I am still struggling with it.
What about you?
ps. If you need my attention, if you can find me… sorry, slipped into the A-Team there… really though, if you want mine, just ask, if I can give you what you want…
Still struggling with this… don’t make me guess, I may get it wrong.
An Upturned Soul 