Image via Collectors Showcase
Please see previous post – Please Disturb Me – Mars Transits the 12th House – for more info on this post, as in why I posted it and other blah blah.
What can I say about this old post, written in April 2012. Should I say anything? It was a different me who wrote it, there is much I could say about her, such as that she has been transformed by her brief time, which feels like ages, in the kingdom of social media. This post was written for the Facebook page of a now defunct blog – my very first blog. I don’t have a Facebook anymore, not because of the incident related below yet partly because of it and what it revealed to me about what is me and for me and what is not me or for me.
A quote which I posted on my tumblr the other night sums it up… sort of… it’s a bit of a poncy quote, but I like the gist of it.
“If you want to make an ordinary man happy, or think that he is happy, give him money, power, flattery, gifts, honours. If you want to make a wise man happy – improve yourself!” – Idries Shah
I’m not sure if I would use the word ‘improve’ to describe the change between the person I was when I wrote this old post and the person I am now, but I hope it is an improvement. I don’t think I would respond now to the situation as I responded then… but this has not been tested. Yet.
The Mars Effect
Mars is the God of War. He is making his presence felt very strongly in my life at the moment. Not that he has ever been a subtle influence in my life. My natal Mars is in Scorpio. Scorpio is ruled by Pluto. My natal Pluto is in the 1st house. This is the realm of the personality who faces the world. My outer shell. My Ascendant is in Virgo, which contains me, the me that is bubbling, boiling, seething and screaming to get out. Virgo is ruled by Mercury. Mercury is my chart dominant. My natal Mercury is in Aquarius, and it squares Mars, which is located in the 3rd house of the mind. This combination creates a powerful and combustible intellect. I am very mercurial, and quick to lose my temper… internally. My Mars does not connect with my Pluto, which is lucky or there would be bloodshed. It does connect with my Ascendant which gives my Virgo exterior a shield and a sword to carry.
An example of this at work in my life:
The other day someone did something very small and seemingly insignificant. They posted on my Facebook wall. Not usually a problem for me, since I openly invited people to do so. This post was very brief, but my reaction to it was over the top fury. The reaction was internal. In short, I felt my wall had been violated by an aggressive demand for sympathetic attention. This immediately caused me to feel very unsympathetic. I wanted to put them out of their misery, swiftly and permanently.
Thanks to the intervention of a very kind and wise advisor, I was able to control my rage, and calm down to get perspective on it. I understood that this was transiting Mars kicking viciously with a steel-toed boot all my old wounds. He is currently visiting my 12th house, the house ruled by Neptune, the repository of all things hidden deep within the unconscious. My Moon, the ruler of emotions, is here. Mars is straddling my Moon, punching it repeatedly.
I hide my emotions, from others consciously, from myself unconsciously. My Moon connects to my Venus and my Neptune in a battle of emotions, love, and fantasy. In astrology this is called a T-Square… or so I thought, until I noticed that there was a fourth element involved. The Midheaven. I have not really understood what the Midheaven is yet… the descriptions I have read about it have not triggered a deeper, more symbolic meaning. Intellectual understanding does not work for me, I have to know the thing intuitively, intimately, instinctively. Neptune is in the 3rd house of the mind. I prefer wisdom to intellect.
Transiting Venus is hugging my Midheaven at the moment. Transiting Neptune has enveloped my Venus. What this all means, and how this is affecting me will be made more clear over time. At the moment all I can see, feel, and focus upon is the mess Mars is making. His battle cry is very loud. Deafening.
I decided to get to know Mars better today. I was searching the internet for information regarding the mythological god, rather than the astrological being. I normally start my searches visually, with an image search. Doing this I came across Phobos and Deimos. Mars’ children in mythology, his companions in battle. In Astronomy they are Mars’ Moons. Phobos represents fears and Deimos represents terrors. The 12th house also represents hidden enemies. I have had many experiences of being betrayed by people I trusted. I am slow to trust now… in fact I don’t think I trust anyone anymore, not truly, deeply. I certainly don’t trust myself, I am ultimately my own worst enemy. My subconscious fears and terrors do indeed cause me to behave in ways that are foolish and self-destructive. And I have always been aware of a force hidden in shadow within me that is trying to kill me. The war waged within by the will to live and the desire to perish has been a constant in my life since I was a child. The opposing sides are equally matched, though sometimes one gains an advantage over the other.
I know that the person who incurred my wrath did not mean to do so, and if they knew how I had reacted to their post they would be very hurt by it. Hurting others is something I strive very earnestly to avoid. I have been deeply wounded from an early age, and when I inflict pain on another soul, I feel it as though their pain were my own. I know that when we hurt another, we are in actual fact sharing our own pain in the vain hope that it will alleviate carrying the burden. I believe that we should shoulder our own burdens, and work through our own pain so that we can learn to release the burden rather than just shift it elsewhere. The universe never gives you a challenge you cannot handle on your own, doing so is how we discover our strengths from our weaknesses.
My mother, represented by the Moon (and a hidden enemy in the 12th), cut me very deeply. The person who posted on my wall, struck at the very heart of that wound. My mother aggressively demanded my attention for acknowledgement of her existence. In fact I existed solely for the purpose of being a mirror into which she could gaze. If she didn’t like what she saw, she punished me by shattering the glass. She was permanently in distress, needing sympathy, but she was not a helpless damsel, she was a dragon in disguise. She never offered sympathy to others, only pity because pitying others made her feel superior to them.
One of the things which pissed me off about the post was that the person behind it had not taken the time to get to know me. If they had, they would have known that the post was inappropriate. I do not hide who I am. I openly admit my insanity, my erratic temperament, the storms of rage which grip me, and my tendency to overreact, both positively and negatively. My Uranus is in Libra, in the house of self. It is amplified by a conjunction with Jupiter. It also conjuncts Pluto, and connects to Mercury, both by being the ruler of the sign my Mercury is in, and through an astrological aspect. I have found by way of experience that it is wiser to let people know who you are up front, so that they know exactly who and what they are dealing with. This person had obviously ignored all of my posts on my wall, which clearly showed that I am not the sort of person you turn to for sympathy.
I don’t want sympathy from others and I do not give it. I do have empathy, but sympathy and empathy are very different entities. Suffering is a virus, when I am infected by it, I avoid others for fear of spreading the infection. My close friends are similar to me in this approach. We know we are there for each other if a gentle touch of reassurance is needed, to pass the box of tissues, fill a hot water bottle, or to collect medicine if the person is too ill to get it for themselves. We do not interfere with each others’ ways of handling our wounds and illnesses. We are sympathetic to each other, without offering sympathy… that is empathy.
Most of my friends are just as weird as I am. So our behaviour does not freak us out, it reassures us that we are not the only aliens on the planet. Perhaps this is the problem where this particular person is concerned. They are not observant. They did not recognise that I am an alien. They thought I was a human like them, and expected me to behave in human fashion and offer them the required sympathetic attention. I could have done that, but it would have been false. I personally hate it when people are false with me, I would rather a dose of brutal genuine feeling than the nicey-niceness of fakery. I do unto others, for the most part, as I would have others do unto me.
I am very grateful to this person for helping to bring to light the forces hidden within me that need to be transformed. This is very much a theme in my life right now. My self control and the repression of my wounds has been deactivated. My security system is down for maintenance, and all the viruses, trojan horses, worms and other evils are free to wreak havoc. The slightest whisper can set of a primal scream within. I hope if they read this, which I doubt very much that they will based on previous behaviour, that they will understand that they are not under attack or even at fault. Mars, the god of war has sounded the cry of battle on the field of my psyche… and he takes no prisoners.
A final note. As you can tell I am feeling my way through my chart… learning bit by bit… letting instinct and intuition lead me to the parts I need to discover when I am ready for their message. My interpretations are my own… they reflect my psychology, and are probably very flawed… as I am. Having Uranus and Pluto together in the house of my self makes me fiercely independent. I would rather do things by myself, my own way, make my own mistakes, and learn from my own experiences of life. I occasionally listen to other people… but their words have to be tested for veracity to see if I agree with them. I treat my life and everything I do as the experiment of a mad scientist.
My philosophy: Why do something the easy way when it can be done the hard way.
I would like to sincerely apologise to the person who inspired this post. I am sorry if this has caused you any grief. You are not at fault, Mars was using you as a weapon to open me up to healing an old wound. Please do not take this personally. And thank you very much for being a conduit of universal blessings.