Confessions of a Capricorn

Capricorn Edge - ZodiacCity

My eyelids are lowered, my eyes watching my hands which are clasped together, the hand of the heart and that of the mind with fingers intertwined as though communing with each other. My chest feels tight, my ribs restraining the pressure in my lungs as I hold my breath uncertain if I still know how to breathe. My lips tremble, a nervous smile tugging at the corners.

The decision to talk is still being processed. The wisdom of doing it still being assessed. I know everyone is looking at me waiting, let them wait. It’s no use saying something until I’m ready to speak. I’ve tried that before, it doesn’t work. No use trying it again.

I look up and meet the gazes of those before me. Patient and kind. Respecting my silence. knowing that I need time to muster the courage to say what must eventually be said. This is my first time here, doing this. They have all done this before. They know what I’m going through, they know why I am going through what I am going through. They understand how difficult it is. They also know that once I do it, everything which comes afterwards will seem easy.

My mouth opens. I feel the words stuck in my throat. I clear it quietly.

Hi…

The sound of my own voice unnerves me a little. The greeting trembled a bit.

My name is Ursula and…

This is the hard part, can I do it?

I’m a Capricorn.

I said it.

Now is the moment of danger when most people who hear those words cross themselves, throw holy water at me, run away screaming, groan with pain, become hostile, and their faces which once held a certain affection and warm curiosity when they asked me what my Sun sign was, become stony cold with contempt.

But not this time.

A tall and lank man stands up… is he leaving?… he lifts his hands… is he going to strike me, no, he’s too far away for that unless he has mystical ninja powers… and smacks the palms together, again and again. Others join him. Some cheer. Some whoop.

They seem genuinely happy for me that I am a Capricorn.

Are they insane?

No.

They are members of Capricorns Anonymous. The only place where we feel safe and welcomed. Other signs just don’t like us, even some of our own turn against us, and they blame us for this. It is our fault they can’t like us.

The meeting is taking place in an old, abandoned and very derelict warehouse. There is no heating and it’s mid-Winter, but someone brought a thermos full of hot coffee, someone else brought some hot tea, and cups, and someone baked some cookies. We make our own warmth. There are no chairs, the seating is a mish-mosh of whatever was available, boxes, palates, wire spools, and the like. We make our own seating. There is no electricity either, kerosene lamps hiss, and candles flicker in draughts. We make our own light.

The members of this group used to meet in more conventional locations, but each time other signs would find out that a meeting was taking place and they would band together and protest, carrying signs with slogans:

My Boyfriend was a Capricorn and he was cold hearted, he gave me shares in a small company which became very successful and made me a lot of money but I wanted chocolates and cuddles for my birthday!

My Girlfriend was a Capricorn and she left me after I lied to her, it was a really good lie and everyone else believed me!

My best friend was a Capricorn and told me exactly what she thought when I asked for advice and I didn’t like it because it hurt my feelings!

My child is a Capricorn and thinks he’s smarter than me, he is but that’s not the point, he makes me feel stupid!

My boss is a Capricorn and he bosses me around, who does he think he is trying to make me do the work I was hired to and paid to do!

Capricorns are so negative and I hate them!

Capricorns are all sociopaths and we should kill them!

The group resumes their quiet listening calm and their seats. It’s up to me to fill the silence. It’s strange to talk to people who are actually listening. My words seem to matter to them.

I’ve never liked being a Capricorn.

I pause. A thought interrupting my speech. A questioning of the self which always stalks my words and thoughts to make sure that I am not doing that which I don’t like in others. Truth may be a different one for each person, but we know our own truth and we know when we are not being entirely truthful with ourselves and with others.

That’s not entirely true. At first I thought I was okay, I even wore the symbol of the sign proudly for all to see, but the other signs made it clear to me that I wasn’t okay because of my sign. I tried to stand my ground and weather the storm of their constant criticism, but I was too young and impressionable then and allowed their view to obscure my own.

I see a few heads rock with understanding.

The other signs think we’re the Devil just because the Devil is associated symbolically with our sign. Time is also associated with our sign, maybe they hate us for that too, for the inexorable ticking of the clock signalling the passing of years and old age approaching.

You Capricorns never age, you must be the Devil! Or a Vampire! Or something freaky and supernatural!

Someone shouted that at me when I tried to go to a meeting once before, I lost my nerve. I learned from that interaction. I made a mistake when I lost my nerve. That incident made me more determined. That’s why I’m here. I took a bad experience and turned it into inspiration to make it valuable and worth having.

I want to learn to love being a Capricorn, because through all the years of hating my sign there is no other sign which I would rather be… and I’ve considered each one, the positives and the negatives, and as much as I can see how wonderful it is to be another sign, my sign is the only one which suits me.

A murmuring shiver of nods runs through the group like a Mexican wave.

Even being the scapegoat of blame for all the evil on this planet, cast out from the zodiac, yet kept in just to be a lightning rod of hate. To never be loved by the other signs. Yes, even that suits me, because if any sign can put up with that kind of shit and not only survive but thrive, it’s a Capricorn.

A spontaneous and united cheer escapes the group and rises up to the roof where flakes of snow are drifting down through a few gaping holes.

Tears quench the thirst of my eyes. This is not crying. This is a treat as I rarely cry. This is relief. This is the feeling of finally being embraced as I am without fear. Without seeing the fear in the eyes of the other. Without feeling fear towards the other. Saturn’s fear wearing me down. Crushing me with its weight.

Worrying that I will upset others by speaking my thoughts out loud and pop an ego bubble by doing so inciting the kind of wrath which goes with an injured ego.

Never being able to point out the hypocrisy in others, how it is somehow alright for them to say whatever they please to me, and I have to accept it and not get upset, but I am not permitted to do the same to them.

I am supposed to shoulder responsibilities which do not belong to me, and then I am hounded for it when I refuse to do so.

Accused of not being any fun to be around. I could have fun too if I handed someone else the parts of myself, the darkness, which I do not want and left them to hold them while I went out into the light to play indefinitely.

Dealing with the consequences of disappointing the expectations others have of me. I am supposed to be strong, stoic and reliable, yet when I am that is as wrong as when I am not. Sometimes I want to be weak, traumatised and irresponsible.

I am hated for giving the impression that I am perfect, immune to pain, and living in an ivory tower no one can enter, yet when I show how flawed I am, how deeply I hurt, and that if I live anywhere it is in a dungeon… I am hated for not being the stone cold statue high on a pedestal having rotten fruit and vegetables thrown at me that I am supposed to be.

Having to explain myself when my wry humour goes awry, because others take me too seriously and don’t realise that I am capable of laughing at life, myself. I do it often and it is often missed by others, but not by me for my humour is the steed which carries me through the challenges of this life.

Thank you. I have nothing more to say.

I was the last one to speak today, so now it is time for the Capricorns Anonymous end of meeting ritual.

Someone brought a portable cassette deck. We all laugh at the ancient mechanism and rejoice in its presence and the fact that it has endured and still works even though the music is wonky. We strip off our clothes to reveal the horns under our hats, the soft and fluffy fur on our legs… Oh, you’re confused. You thought we had fish tails. We do, but only when we are in water… and we begin to dance, the clippity clop of our cloven hooves on the concrete floor joins the rhythm of the wonky music. We make our own music.

This never happened, but if it had, I’m sure it would have been fun, when Capricorns get together… we make our own fun. And this post is just a bit of fun Capricorn style.

CapricornLife tumblr

Some other posts I’ve written about Capricorn:

This Goat Has Been Got

Calamity Capricorn Rides Again

The Mountain Goat With The Fish Tail

That’s Stereotypical! Fuck it!

Advertisements

48 thoughts on “Confessions of a Capricorn

  1. Hello Ursula,
    I just want to thank you for sharing the wealth of information about the Capricorn personality. I am in a relationship with a triple Cap man (Sun, Venus, and Mars in Cap.; and a Pisces moon). I have am a Pisces sun (Venus/Aries, Mars/Pisces, and moon in Cancer). I appreciate your online wisdom so much; my relationship can be a bit challenging at times, and I really want to work on keeping it lifelong. We are not married. I learn so much from much Capricorn man – he is my rock. And reading your wisdom confirms to me that I am on the right track, and that I’m not crazy in mind when I reflect on the union between me and my man. I could go on and on, but I do appreciate (and have learned from the Capricorns in my life) to keep it simple in life and words! Again, thank you so, so much for your contribution to the world — and btw, I just love Capricorn people!!! Stay proud!

    Like

    1. Thank you for sharing 🙂

      One of the things which is interesting about looking at a relationship through natal charts is that it shows us all the subtle layers which connect and sometimes disconnect us from those we interact with. For instance his Pisces Moon will give his stellium in Capricorn a softer, sensitive and intuitive heart. It could also make him more elusive, but since you have a stellium in Pisces, his elusiveness will be a dance to which you know the steps. His Pisces Moon and your Cancer Moon are very compatible, diving into deep and beautiful waters – however your Cancer Moon may oppose his Capricorn placements, which could cause friction but the best intimate relationships are the ones which have some friction in them as it inspires us to get to know ourselves and others better, to learn and grow, and maybe go places within which offer new territory to explore.

      It sounds like a beautiful relationship, you sound like a beautiful being. Best wishes!

      Like

      1. Hello Ursula,

        I was delighted to see your reply to my post. Your interpretation of the combined natal chart information that I provided was right on the mark, and so elegantly expressed!

        Thanks again for the insight that you have provided, it is truly appreciated. 🙂

        Like

  2. Hi. I hope you see this ‘reply’ or rather plea for information I just tried to tag it to a Capricorn post In hopes that you do.

    What the heck is going on for those of us w a lot of Capricorn in our charts? I thought things were finally falling into place for me– everything was going so easily until late December early January when all hell seemed to break lose.

    I’m someone who lived in the same house for 17 years. I’m now moving for the 3rd time in 6 months. The contents of my house is in storage in two states and I’m still having a problem finding suitable living. I’d say almost every area in my life is in flux bordering on chaos and the unknown (except for work – that keeps coming )

    Any insight for capricorns? Thank you

    Like

    1. Astrologically there’s a transit T-Square between Jupiter in Libra, Uranus in Aries, and Pluto in Capricorn. The square between Jupiter and Pluto is tight atm.

      Those who have Cardinal natal placements – Aries, Cancer, Libra, Capricorn – may feel this more strongly and personally (and will have been feeling the impact of the Pluto/Uranus square which has been going on for many years and is only just beginning to loosen up). Pluto’s transit of Capricorn will put pressure on those with Capricorn Suns to rethink the structure of their ego. Sometime in 2017 Saturn will enter Capricorn too, which will help to restructure any de-structuring which Pluto has done.

      It’s also worth checking out where Saturn (the ruler of Capricorn) in Sagittarius is transiting and what it may be aspecting.

      This is a quick look at that – https://www.elsaelsa.com/astrology/hitting-a-wall/ – and mentions those with a lot of Capricorn in their chart.

      I recommend checking out the Short Report Forecast on astro.com to find out how this is playing out in your natal chart. Look at the houses this T-Square transit is affecting. Home is represented by the 4th house in the chart wheel. Travel, especially beyond familiar territory, tends to be represented by the 9th house. Possessions tend to be represented by the 2nd house. Chaos can be related to a planet like Uranus, when it enters a ‘house’ it can hit like a tornado – it makes a mess to force change. Jupiter is a useful planet for making ‘leaps of faith’.

      You can find lots of info about these transits and others on astrology blogs as there’s quite a bit being written about their effects globally and personally.

      Here’s an overview of the main transits in 2017 – http://rubyslipper.ca/ruby-slipper-astrology/2016/11/whats-coming-up-in-2017

      We are all living in interesting times – chaos and the unknown is happening for all of us, the world is very much in flux. Capricorns are usually quite good at thriving under this kind of pressure and stress, and with Pluto transiting the sign, getting a boost from Jupiter – if we’re willing to let old structures crumble we’ll get the benefits of choosing how to rebuild our portion of the world 🙂

      Like

  3. Hi again,

    You gave me advice in your other post, lol you made me laugh here, well I have great news for you cancers are more disliked than capricorns, they say we are weak, because we care, we are sensitive because we feel, we are steriotyped as only emotional and weak beings that need to be baby sit. When the truth is we a support and a rock for the people around us, unbalanced cancers are being used to define the rest of us, I can go on for days lol but in resume at lest Capricorns are respected, I think the people you are talking about is just intimidated, sorry again about my English xoxo 🙂

    Like

    1. I read a funny post a while ago which was about the stereotypes of the signs, and the comments were predominantly from Cancers who were getting annoyed but also having fun with the whole – Cancers are always crying – stereotype. Sometimes you just have to take the stereotype and make it yours, play with it and use it for your benefit – which is a very Capricorn thing for me to say 😉

      All of the Cancerians I’ve known have always been very strong and not to be messed with. The sensitivity is a part of the strength.

      There is a small fragment of truth to stereotypes, which is how they get created, but over time the truth gets worn away by the nonsense, the opinions and bias, which gets piled on top of it. Mainstream astrology is a bit tied up in stereotypes, and much of it is rubbish. The best astrology is found on the fringes, in astrology blogs and books where the astrologer really knows and loves the subject, and lives it.

      This is a really interesting astrology blog – http://www.theastrologyplace.uk/2015/02/sun-in-cancer-heart-soul.html

      Enjoy your sign! I hated mine for years because of the stereotypical view of it, but then one day I made peace with it, and now I’m having fun with it 😀

      Like

  4. I would like to know why Capricorns find it so difficult to express their feelings? Can you ever love someone for many years yet never have the courage to tell them? I find this very frustrating. Life is too short. I’m a cancer lady 🙂

    Like

    1. I can’t speak for all Capricorns, I can only give my view of having that as my Sun sign. I tell those whom I love that I love them all the time, not just in words but in gestures. A Capricorn’s love is very practical, earthy. If you really want to know how a Capricorn feels about you, you have to look at their actions towards you more that listen to their words. They tend to be taciturn, but they speak loquaciously in other ways.

      A Capricorn does not fall in love easily, once they do, that’s it and it’s usually for life. Some Capricorns will only say – I love you – once, and when they say it they mean it, it is a lifetime guarantee (with few exceptions and smallprint) never doubt it. If you doubt their love, a Capricorn will be very deeply hurt… and may question how true your love is for them, your doubt of their love will make them doubt your love for them as if you don’t understand their deep love for you, you don’t understand them at all and thus don’t really love them – but they will still love you once they love you, even if it hurts them.

      When a Capricorn is deeply hurt, they won’t show it because they are very responsible about their emotions, they do not like to burden others with how they feel as they know that others have enough burdens of their own. They’re reserved, cautious, and tend to show that they care in practical and subtle ways. For them that – I love you – said once is forever. And they don’t feel the need to keep repeating it, not in words – words are easy to say, not so easy to back up with action – they will repeat – I love you – with everything they do. They will be there for you when you need them, stand by you through thick and thin, offer you a sturdy shoulder to lean on, and do many small practical things for you which you may not notice – a Capricorn will notice every little thing which they do for you and which you do for them.

      We tend to know others love us by their actions and not their words, we don’t trust words in the way that we trust actions, particularly the small, every day actions.

      Such as… If we’re ill, and we hate being ill, and you are there for us, bringing us chicken soup, wiping our brow, getting us our medicine, helping us in small yet significant ways, even if we’re very grumpy about being cared for by someone other than ourselves, and we’re trying to be stoic and pretend we don’t need any help, we’ll never forget what you did for us even if you think it was nothing for us (and we’re ungrateful, cold sods) it is everything (we never forget a favour no matter how small it may appear).

      We tend to burn with an intense love/passion inside which rarely dies – unless you do something unforgivable to us. Our love is not flashy, overt, for an audience, and we don’t do obvious displays of affection or emotional expression. Earth signs do a very earthy kind of love.

      If you really want to understand the emotional nature of a person using astrology, then you have to look at their natal chart as a whole. The Sun sign only gives you one facet. The Sun sign is considered indicative of the Ego of a person. The Moon in particular tells you more about how a person expresses and experiences their emotions. The house the Moon is in and the aspects to it add more insight. Mars and Venus come into play where emotions are concerned. And I read two astrological articles recently stressing the importance of Mercury in a person’s approach to love. All the planets, their house placements and aspects to each other give you a more complete picture and understanding of someone’s psyche.

      Then there is also how their chart interacts with your chart which will have bearing on your relationship. Synastry and composite chart analysis.

      Relationships are probably one of the hardest aspects of life, because there is so much going on, on so many levels. And so much of how we experience others is based on ourselves, our perception of them rather than how they perceive themselves. Your question reflects that, you find how a Capricorn expresses their feelings towards you frustrating, you think that one Capricorn in particular does not have the courage to tell you that they love you, that they have difficulty expressing their feelings. But how do they view themselves, perhaps this person thinks they have expressed their feelings clearly and have told you how they feel, maybe they find it frustrating that you don’t seem to hear them and that you doubt them because they don’t express themselves feelings-wise in the same emotional language that you do.

      Cancers and Capricorns are opposing signs. Each opposing sign has the other sign within it, so they have a lot in common, but an opposition creates a bit of a tug of war, so they may be saying exactly the same thing, however they are saying it in a different way. They’re also both Cardinal signs, thus both of them want to be in charge, both want to lead, neither wants to follow. There’s a lot of creative friction in the interaction between opposing signs. One way of putting it in the Cancer/Capricorn opposition is – Cancer is soft on the outside but tough as nails on the inside whereas Capricorn is tough as nails on the outside and very soft on the inside. Cancers tend to think Capricorns are cold and feel nothing, Capricorns tend to think Cancers are too emotional about everything. No one wins unless they can find common ground. Both Cancers and Capricorns have very strong characters, they are fierce opponents and wonderful allies. It’s always going to be a tough relationship between very strong characters who find each other frustrating but can also appreciate the value in such a powerful interaction.

      My father was a Cancerian (with Moon in Capricorn) and we were constantly competing. Neither of us really ever won.

      I’ve noticed that a lot of Cancers seem to find Sagittarius a good love match. It’s more Carpe Diem. Capricorns don’t tend to do Carpe Diem until much later in life, they age backwards, born ancient and get younger as they get older. They become more irresponsible and spontaneous later on in life. Maybe. It’s never going to be a sudden picnic in the park on the night of a full moon with naked dancing and skinny dipping… but it might occasionally happen if the transits are hitting the crazy hidden side of Capricorns. They have a twisted sense of the ridiculous when they feel that they are in the company of those with whom they can fully relax their reserved guard.

      You might find this fun to explore, it’s about the asteroid Eros (and the love nature) in the natal chart – http://www.falconastrology.com/natal_asteroids.htm – which is rather accurate in an unnerving way.

      Best wishes 🙂

      Like

  5. I do think that all the signs that square each other really do get each other on some level. For you are all of the same quality ie, mutable, fixed, cardinal. and then when you have transit going through that do hit you at a similar time. I also think we have learnings that come from those whose planes square or oppose our own. You see a lot of parents with children whose Suns square theirs. I am an Aquarian and some of my closest and most affirming relationships have been with Taureans. Also when you look at Esoteric Astrology you are both on the first ray. I think Aries and Capricorn have a lot that bring them together. There is a solitariness and self sufficiency to both signs. 🙂

    Like

      1. Thank you 😀 Haha! Yes! I’ve been messing with my blog settings, thought I’d put the latest comments at the top. Partly because it took me a while to get into the groove of answering comments (so it’s a very selfish comment setting flip around) and partly because people come back to certain posts to read the comments, so it saves scrolling effort 😉

        Like

    1. The relationship between signs is fascinating. Just looking at your natal chart and watching how the signs interact within your own chart can be eye-opening. I have a few oppositions and squares, and boy do they argue, but it’s creative argument 😉

      When two people meet, there are so many subtle interactions and chemical/energetic reactions going on. You can actually sense people feeling you out to see if you can provide what they’re seeking. And testing you to see if you are a Foe or Friend.

      I have observed just using very basic astrology, as in just the Sun Signs rather than the whole chart, that there are certain signs where, even if I don’t ask someone what sign they are, I can guess based on how I interact with them and vice versa. I have a couple of signs which rub me up the wrong way and a couple with whom I feel at home immediately. And I’ve noticed that same thing with me. Leos find me annoying, although at first they often like me due to my enthusiasm at meeting them (which is an enthusiasm I have whenever I meet someone), it always ends up with them feeling hurt in some way, usually when my enthusiasm begins to wane and my blunt side starts to come out to play. Leos do not like bluntness.

      I tend to immediately feel at home with Aquarians and Virgos, for different reasons, but ultimately because I can be more myself and not tone myself down.

      With msfullroller, well, we’re astro similars, so it’s an amazing experience as our lives have many parallels, yet we are so different, yet not.

      And we’re part of the Uranus/Pluto in the 1st club 😉 that hard to handle energy which drives us a bit bonkers and can drive others bonkers too 😀

      Like

    1. Hail fellow Capricorn, lovely to meet you! *does the Cappy secret gesture of touching horns 😀

      Mmmmm… the tea sounds delicious! And you and the tea are most welcome at the next meeting!

      We’re considering holding the next meeting in the Tropic of Capricorn (why did we not think of that before!), perhaps in a beach hut in Oz. We’re so used to seeing ourselves as Winter souls we quite forgot that in the Southern Hemisphere we are Summer souls. And our tails need to swim a little!

      Don’t worry about travel arrangements, one of our members is adding some finishing touches to a device which should enable warping from one spot to another (I think that member has a high dosage of Uranian energy in their chart). Device is only tuned to Capricorns 😉

      Like

  6. lol @ a monkey’s wedding! I didn’t think that the devil was suited for marriage either. Gotta admit at first I was like, WTH is she talking about? 🙂

    Oh damn, that 1st video…I’ve grown a lot since then. 🙂 Out of curiosity, I checked the transits for the day of that video. Your Sun’s ruler, Saturn was transiting the 12th at the time of that video and conjunct Mars, my Sun’s ruler. Both were conjunct though a few degrees from exact to my Ascendant ans closely squaring the Midheaven. Another interesting transit, Jupiter was almost exactly squaring my Mars though on that day, in the sign of Capricorn. Today Jupiter is again almost exactly squaring my Mars. 🙂

    Donna Van Toen says that we grow into our Sun signs. I feel the same way as you do far as getting to know what it means to be an Aries and we both have to learn to embrace that adventurous and bold side of Aries. Pluto is insisting…oh hell yes (pun intended) and Uranus too! He’s probably responsible for the shocking! 🙂 “Doing is worth more than saying”. Preach girl, PREACH!!

    And being able to be yourself, OMG! That is so important to our health and well being because we’ve had to spend all of our lives with family who should have encouraged this but did everything they could to not let that happen. I had to LOL when you said in a comment to me about us Pluto/Uranus conjunction in the 1st folks being able to survive because I had written something similar for the last post but for some reason decided to leave it out.

    You are more than welcome!

    Like

    1. From what I’ve been reading about the T-square between Mars and Pluto and Uranus which is happening over the Christmas period, this season is going to be full of surprises. Whether they’re good or bad (more likely to be a concoction of both) depends a bit though not completely on how we’ve handled the Pluto/Uranus square thus far, and what it’s hitting in our charts… or something like that.

      Mars square Jupiter is an energetic square, so it will zap you in a life affirming way. You may feel Uranus on your Sun more intensely, but it will be liberating, and with Pluto now in the 5th, those primal creative juices will be looking for a means of self expression. Whether they’ll flow into the creative endeavours you already have or inspire something new… only you know what’s in your heart of hearts 😀

      So the astro of that video… also had Uranus on your Mercury and Mercury on your Jupiter, right? Thus Mercury’s energy natal and transit was strong, expansive and liberating. And transiting Jupiter was in your creative 5th? So transiting Mars/Saturn set off a chain reaction of creative liberation through communication. And since you have Gemini on the MC, that’s a natural for that placement. But a Gemini MC is a Jack of all trades and can’t decide which one to focus on… unless something like Saturn gives it a bit of focus. And Mars/Saturn give a wallop of focus!

      Have you done the chart for the day you created the channel? It has a very strong Neptune conjunct Venus in the 6th vibe of finding beauty and wonder in the day-today and the natural magic of nature. You are in some ways following the way of a good witch, a mistress of the natural world.

      That 1st video is like a marker of a threshold through which you passed with courage and boldness (Aries). It’s also intriguing to view the progression from that point. In subsequent videos you grow more and more confident, and relax into a rhythm which is wonderful to behold. It’s a way to view yourself, the flow of you, which is important to see because we often miss it when we’re doing it, and we don’t see it clearly because we’re used to doing it. That’s maybe why you left the surviving bit out, because that talent is something you’re used to and almost shrug it off as Yeah yeah I know that so why say it, but sometimes you have to say it to remind yourself of who you are, because we get so used to being ourselves and we end up taking ourselves for granted.

      I did a couple of videos a while back when I had an Fb, just for fun, for my friends. In my very first one… it was funny because all I could think to say was ‘Hello’ so I kept saying hello in different ways. Very silly and short, but it was intriguing to see and hear myself that way. My voice was all shaky at first as though I hadn’t spoken in a long time. Ha! Kind of like with my first attempts at writing for my blog. My next video was a little bolder, but still shy, then my third was me being me with less Virgo rising restraint and rather crazy and very freaky silly.

      You jump in and then figure it out as you go, and sometimes it’s nice to see how far you’ve come by seeing where you were.

      Through all your videos, from first to the latest (I haven’t seen them all… yet), you show a natural charm and it’s beautiful (as are you).

      Like

      1. Is the t-square hitting anything in your chart? For me it’s my Sun and Ascendant with Pluto squaring the Sun directly…its 2nd hit. I’m thinking your Ascendant an exact trine from Pluto?

        Like

        1. Transiting Mars is conjunct my Jupiter. Pluto is in orb (just) of my Sun. And Uranus is almost out of orb but not quite of my NN. So it’s hitting and the day the T-square was activated is the day my back decided to incapacitate me (getting better now). So I’m feeling the thing alright 😉

          I’ll have to check up on the aspects to my Asc (always makes me chuckle when I abbreviate it like that, I’m so silly). I know transiting Chiron is zapping it, but I usually forget to check other aspects to it.

          Like

            1. My back is almost back to normal, thank you for asking 😀 it’s a recurring thing so I’m getting better at solving it faster each time it happens. It’s not really caused by the back at all but by muscles in the gut spasming and can be regulated by diet but I’d been eating very spicy food (Mars influence?) so I paid the price for that and stress affects it and my stress levels kind of peaked just before it happened. I brought it on by being stupid which is pretty much the cause of many of my problems 😉 but it forced me to relax because I had no choice in the matter. I don’t like the pain but I do enjoy being indisposed sometimes because it forces me to just chill. Virgo rising is such a nag, but it shuts up when TLC is needed and does its Pisces polarity thing instead.

              I forget transits all the time, there are so many so it’s hard to know which one is doing what and that they interact with other transits and the energies create a concoction. But I think Chiron in Pisces is extra strong at the moment because of Jupiter in Cancer and Saturn in Scorpio connecting with it (not sure if they’re still in orb).

              Like

        2. Yup – Pluto trine Asc. It’s one of the transits I dismissed because it’s supportive. I tend to focus on the challenging ones, bloody Cap Sun, always looking at the mountain yet to climb 😉

          Like

      2. Sorry, big fingers on a tablet hit the send button by mistake. lol

        Yes, Mercury was a little past natal Jupiter in the 10th and Uranus was conjunct Mercury and Saturn and Venus sextile the North Node, Jupiter in the 5th. The Sun was squaring Mars, the Moon opposing and the North Node sextling. Wow, my Mars was seeing a lot of action and there was a three some in the 6th. lol

        For the lauch day of my channel, yep Neptune was applying conjunction to my Venus, exactly trining the Saturn/Mercury/Chiron conjunction. It along with the North Node squared my North Node activating that fixed t-square. The 6th house was again jumping with the addition of a Mercury/Venus/Chiron conjunction sextiling my Sun/Juno/Mars conjuction. Lastly Uranus on Saturn/Mercury/Chiron but more closely opposing the Pluto/Uranus because the lauch was a few months before the 1st video. It’s funny that you mention “witch”. A guy that used to live down the street, affectionately called me his “green witch” neighbor. And from “witch” you can guess what my first name is. 🙂

        If you ever decide to do videos on YouTube or wherever, please let me know. 🙂

        Like

        1. If you want to see me devolve then watch me use a tablet 😉

          I’m not quite bold enough to do the video channel thing, not yet, but it is tempting, especially when I see what you have done with it and what a wonderful community you belong to. Transiting Jupiter is aspecting my chart quite a bit so I’m trying to balance creative expansion and not expanding too much. Because I tend to go to extremes and then realise I’ve gone too far and it sends me to the other extreme… boing boing boing… trying to be a little less boingy 😉

          You definitely are tapping into natural magic with what you do and the 6th house and Neptune influence is strong. LOVE!

          Like

          1. LOL @ using a tablet!

            I hear ya on the balance of creative expression and not expanding too much…and definitely hear ya on the boingy thing! I often wonder am I retreating back to my 3rd house South Node when I do what I do. But I’m sure Neptune there which you have there too, wants expression.

            Like

            1. The South Node is a supportive influence for the challenge of the North Node, once we accept the challenge of the NN.

              Your NN in the 9th challenges you to embrace your philosophical side, wants you to explore subjects which expand the horizons of the mind. Which is exactly what you do, so your SN supports that by giving a logical eye to examine what you find as you travel in the realm of the 9th. Taurus makes the journey of the 9th a more natural one and tactile – and you can see that with what you do. Your natural approach to living is very NN/Taurus/9th house. Venus in the 6th adds a love for detail, nature, and the beauty in everyday life and things. I see Venus in the 6th as a powerful source of seeing wisdom in the smallest detail of life. In your videos you express that when you show a tiny flower which could so easily be missed and you draw the viewers attention to how wonderful even a tiny thing can be. And you show how to use the things around you to enrich your daily life

              Your NN is part of a Grand Cross, and you have bound the four points into a creative union and they work very well together, so by taking on the challenge of the NN you’ve resolved the tension in the Grand Cross. Your Grand Cross is Fixed so it is four points arguing and refusing to yield position and this splits your self worth into four, however you’ve managed to intuitively join them up through a creative change and movement which suits each point of the cross by using the challenge of the NN. It’s genius what you’ve done and are doing, and in typical Pluto/Uranus in the 1st in Virgo, you have no idea how genius what you do is (but every now and then you get a glimpse of it and your Virgo rising tells you not to be so conceited).

              I wish you could truly see yourself from the outside and see the beauty and genius!

              Like

              1. I honestly don’t see it (the genius of what I do that you see) as I question is what I’m doing the way I’m supposed to go. Especially when shit like this happens as it usually seems to do when I think I’m moving toward my NN. Probably the squares to the nodal axis and stuck in reverse of the Scorpio SN as there is family (Moon) drama. It was making me think, well since I keep getting blocked am I going the wrong way. This is definitely where I’m not getting that this us a skipped step. I’m ok when in the hell (pun intended) do I graduate and get the BTDT t-shirt in blood red red/burgundy?! 😉

                I was thinking about your (this) reply here as I was typing my last reply to you where I mentioned Saturn conjuncting my Neptune getting in on the G-square party already attended by Pluto and Uranus wide orb

                Like

                1. The problem with natural gifts and genius is those who have them/it can’t see them/it because they’re natural! Paradox alert! You only know you have them/it when others tell you how much they’ve been inspired by what you do, but… people don’t always do that for varying reasons. You’ve got great talent, it just emanates so strongly from you and your videos and posts and work! You’ve found your vessel of self-expression, maybe it needs a Uranus conjunct Sun modification.

                  Yes, I do that. When I hit what seems like a dead, I ask myself – Is this telling me that I’m going the wrong way?

                  Sometimes the answer is – Yes. Sometimes the answer is – No, but you need to transform yourself to get to the next level. I play a lot of video games and it helps to view dead ends as a puzzle that needs solving because there is a natural progression but sometimes you need to upgrade your tools and system first. There may be a ledge above the dead end wall which takes you further along your path but to reach that ledge you need a boost which sometimes only comes from fighting the end of level Boss. If you don’t play video games this probably just sounds like gibberish, but I have learned much about life and myself from game play.

                  Perhaps the puzzle is – Why are you okay with the hell? Maybe it’s time to be not okay with it! Maybe it’s time to not buy that T-shirt but stuff it down someone’s throat when they try to sell it to you 😉

                  Like

                  1. I’m kinda behind when it comes to video games but I used to love to play Spy Hunter, Zelda and Tetris (which I still play on rare occasions…Tetris that is). So yeah, I get what you are saying. And point taken about the t-shirt. 😉

                    Like

                    1. I’m playing the latest Zelda at the moment 😉 and thinking – Zelda is an N, but then again she is a real princess and goddess incarnate 😀 The people who created this particular installment of Zelda put a lot of NPD storylines into it. Or maybe I’m just seeing it everywhere at the moment because that’s what I’m working on figuring out. You know, once your mind notices something it sees it everywhere until it has figured out what it needed to figure out and then onto the next thing.

                      Like

                    2. Oh wow, NPD storylines in Zelda?!! So I guess that means the one you have is much more up to date than the one I have from the 1990s.

                      “You know, once your mind notices something it sees it everywhere until it has figured out what it needed to figure out and then onto the next thing”

                      Yep, this is so true! As a matter of fact after I get caught up on our various chats, I’m gonna post something I found that I think you might be interested in. It goes along with what you’ve said here and in another comment you made to me yesterday on another post because this is the first that I’ve seen from these folks of posting entire prior teachings relevant to what we’ve been studying in our charts. If that’s cryptic, you’ll see exactly what I mean once you see the post.

                      Like

                    3. Thank you 😀

                      I really like what you posted, great idea and source of lots of info.

                      I’m having trouble focusing a bit on the guy’s words. I keep getting distracted by his tone and attitude and body language and trying to suss out what his story is because there’s something going on, subtext which is louder than his words, he seems uncomfortable, and I end up not hearing anything he is saying. Does he get around to analysing his own chart, and sharing the insights his technique has revealed to him about himself?

                      I know, I know… watch the vids and find out for yourself, right 😉

                      Zelda: The Skyward Sword. It’s the most recent one. Fun, especially on the Wii. I prefer Zelda: Twilight Princess because Link could turn into a wolf and I enjoyed playing as the wolf 😀

                      Like

                    4. Apparently he does eventually turn into a human, but I couldn’t be bothered to do the final task which would give him the gratitude needed for such a thing to happen. I’m always letting N’s down by being selfish 😉

                      I’m very curious about natal retrogrades. I used to brush the ‘r’ off, but I’m beginning to see how it works. First saw it with natal Pluto. Now I’m looking into Jupiter retro but as a transit and focus of a solar return. It’s difficult because you can’t experience a natal retro in its non retro mode, so you don’t know what the subtle difference it would make is. You can only see it with transits, which is something! And you can see it in the writing of those who have retro or don’t have it. Do you ever wonder what that combination would be like if Merc wasn’t retro and wonder whether it is a better combo because of the retro?

                      Like

              2. oops hit the send by mistake

                minor aspect in name only. So maybe Saturn conjuncting my SN will be graduation and/or liberation of knowledge from within and the appearence of a wise teacher (a Saturn/Capricorn energy) who is a peer or like a sibling, close in age that was denied to me as a child. The second part has happened. Any idea who that might be…;-) 😉

                Your genius shines brilliantly too, that you don’t see. You are a natural born counselor (7th house NN) who gives brilliantly wise sage, nitty gritty advice that folks can use. Not this fluff, encrypted talk but down to earth. And you get astrology like nobody’s business. From not only your comments to me but to others as well, I get the feeling that everyone eho comes across your blog is healed in some way and inspired to think and take action to keep their healing process going. This is one of the reasons I wait to read your posts sometimes to see if anyone else comments.

                You have an magical gift with words and a beautiful spirit thats real.

                Thank you! ♥

                Thank you so much

                Like

                1. Blushing!!!

                  I’m doing the wounded healer thing – here are my wounds, now find your healing in them if it’s there. I can’t heal you, because I can’t heal myself, but I’m doing what I can, poking my wounds and seeing if they contain healing in them, and sharing my path as I go, making mistakes and learning from those life experiments… but you have the power to heal yourself. Seize your personal power!

                  Here’s how I see it, your Pisces energy works well with your Aries energy. It gives a soft intuitive compassion to the super charged warrior side. This you express very easily and naturally. Your Leo Moon struggles a bit because of 12th house issues. Effing Moon in 12th house! But you have that gorgeous Pluto/Uranus in the 1st which is an almighty wallop of crazy energy which once harnessed makes you a force to be reckoned with… unharnessed it drives you nuts! But with you… 1st house Pluto/Uranus and Sun in Aries (ruler of 1st house)… potent!

                  With transiting Uranus conjunct Sun and Mars (I think you said it’s in orb of the ruler of your Sun)… NOW! GO GO GO! Transform! Rebel! But at a very deep level (8th house). Gotta go deep, dig deep, first before it radiates into the surface world. All the other transits are a support system for this big effing zap! Even old Saturn on your Nep (and G-cross) is a supporting player.

                  What you see in my writing and words… it’s you finding you, and saying THIS! Now take THIS and make it yours! It is yours!

                  Love ♥ crazy me 😉

                  Like

                    1. So it’s zapping your Asc (giggles)! That’s some mighty radical change energy, which explains the – Is what I have been doing what I want and need to keep doing – questions. Freedom and free-spiritedness are key issues, but you need to figure out what freedom really is which brings into play everything you’ve experienced and learned as a Pluto/Uranus in the 1st being. I’m guessing when it conjuncts Mars, you’ll act on the answers which comes from this period you’re going through now (including all other transit aspects), and you’ll do it suddenly with determination.

                      Like

                    2. 🙂 It just hit me as to why you were giggling! Love that!

                      Yep, I think so too. I wish I could remember where I read it and hope that I saved it…anyway they were saying that the waning (2nd) inconjunct of Uranus to itself is when the implementation of what came up during the opposition comes to pass.

                      Like

                    3. Makes sense, because Uranus tends to create liberating havoc, then wait for the dust to settle and you to get used to what just happened and get your bearings and then it says – time to fly and it gives you a shove!

                      Like

      1. You are good Sis! Transits for the July 30 video:

        Mars square Sun almost exact
        Uranus conjunct Sun
        North Node quincunx Sun
        Mercury square Mars, almost exact
        Venus sextile ASC
        Sun semi-sextile ASC
        Jupiter sextile ASC
        Pluto trine ASC, almost exact
        Saturn quincunx MH, almost exact
        Neptune square MH

        Happy Holidays to you too!! ♥♡♥

        Like

        1. That video stood out as having a powerful yet gentle energy, and some of the things you said were very profound but with a lightness of touch like the hummingbird.

          I can’t concentrate right now, have to prepare a small feast, but I want to see if I can connect those aspects and see how they connect with the video. There’s something there I know I need to grasp.

          Thank you, you inspire me as always! ♥

          😀

          Like

  7. LOVE THIS!!!

    Lately, I’ve been wracking my brain wondering why as an Aries I relate so much to the issues you’ve written about as a Capricorn and why I get along with Capricorns so well even though our signs square. My mother-in-law and her younger sister were Capricorns and they nutured me like I was their biological daughter…way more than my own mother. So much so I felt like if I really needed help, I could go to them. I can’t nor ever could do that with my mother. As a matter of fact when younger, before I knew her well and long before she was my mother-in-law she offered to help me buy a new car when my old car was not drivable anymore. In her eyes, I was already part of her family. I’m tearing up now thinking about that because my own mother and father (who was still alive at the time) did not offer one penny of help. I’m leary of accepting financial help from anyone so I did not take it. But it was the offer that touched my heart to the core, which I’ll never forget. Her sister treated me the same way. If you watch one of my early garden updates where I showed the flowers in my garden and I mention getting some from my husband’s aunt…she is the lady I’m talking about. Not to mention all the support via words of wisdom YOU have given me without hesitation…again even though you have not known me very long and only over the internet. I hope you don’t get tired of my gratitude for what you’ve done. One of my mother’s sisters is a Cap Sun too. Y’all don’t like to show it sometimes and I certainly understand why but y’all really have the biggest hearts in the zodiac. ♥ Capricorns ROCK!♥♥♥

    So duh, I think I figured it out. Saturn is conjunct my chart ruler and rules the decante of my Pluto/Uranus conjunction.

    Like

    1. A monkey’s wedding – that’s the term I learned for when it’s raining and the sun is shining (also known as a Sunshower). I didn’t realise the devil was married, I don’t think marriage suits his temperament. What am I talking about? I’ve been watching your Youtube channel 😀

      Really liked your Intro video where you go from a shy Virgo rising ‘Hi’ to helping the world save itself from being strangled. That is so Pluto/Uranus in the 1st! Small talk is ‘Hi’ then straight to the meat of a conversation. LOVE!!! I haven’t found the video you mentioned, but I’m going to take my time and go through them all, since Christmas has given me the gift of time to do the things which I love to do.

      My guess is that part of the reason we relate to each other is because our charts are so similar, and we have and have had similar transits throughout our lives, especially the outer planets. As people we’re very down to earth in our approach to life, and very determined to survive and thrive under adverse circumstances. We own our own lives, and are responsible with our power. We’re both very strong characters, who do our best not to overpower others, but that’s quite stressful and it’s nice to relax in the company of those who can’t be overpowered just by us being ourselves, finally we can have some fun! That’s something I instinctively look for when I meet someone (on the internet and outernet), I consciously and subconsciously ask myself – Can I be myself with this person or do I have to tone myself down (until I bore myself rigid)?

      Aries is a great Sun sign. I haven’t met that many, that I know of as I don’t always ask, but the ones whom I know I have met I always feel comfortable around them because I know they’ll speak their mind. I know they can handle me, and I can handle them. Since my North Node is in Aries, Aries energy is good for me and inspires me. My Saturn is in Aries too, and has given me all sorts of challenges, embracing the adventurous and bold side of Aries has been important to my approach to life which has tended to be too cautious (both Virgo and Cap traits).

      I’m still getting to know what being a Capricorn is all about, embracing the part of me which it connects to. Transiting Pluto is insisting that I do this NOW 😉 I keep being shocked by how much of a Cap I am. We take our time to get to know people, and we don’t give our affection easily, or show it much as we’re very private, but when we do it is always sincere and we’re very loyal. I tend to show my affection through my actions, just like the Caps you have known do and did. Doing is worth more than saying.

      I have no problem with your expressing how you feel about me, because the feeling is mutual, I definitely feel the same way and that to me, equal flow of energy moving both ways, is very important 😀

      Thank you ♥

      Like

Comments are closed.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: