A Poem about the Pain of a Narcissistic Relationship by Deborah Allin

kiss_the_ghost_by_mon_artifice-d2iugtsKiss the ghost by Mon-artifice

You pull me in
I am erased
Filled with feelings
That have nothing to do with me
You use me as a mirror
Of yourself
You won’t feel so lost
But I will be
When you leave
I will be drained
Since you suck
All the life out of me
Yet persist with the illusion
Of giving
I am used
Later to be rejected
Since I reflect back to you
Aspects of yourself
You cannot bear to see
I am not who you thought I was
Because in me
It scared you to see
What you could not bear to face
I am lost in longing
That I think is for you
But really it is for someone
Who will see my true self
Since you are only reflecting back
All that is not me
I feel frustration and utter despair
You don’t like my depths
And you will never understand
So yet again I am lost
I play your game
And get lost in illusion again
All the anger buried down
Under idealisation and confusion
How could you do this to me?
But I have done it to myself
In repeating a pattern so old and entrenched
That it will take betrayal after betrayal
To bring it to consciousness
Did I come to you
Mistakenly thinking
That here I would find water
You are nothing but an empty well
That persists in the illusion of fullness
Why am I here?
Why do I allow ?
Its all I know
But I have to find a better way
Because I am sick to death
Of this living emptiness

– Deborah Allin

Deborah Allin’s poetry and words can be found at – Emerging From The Dark Night on WordPress

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29 thoughts on “A Poem about the Pain of a Narcissistic Relationship by Deborah Allin

  1. Incredibly powerful, astute in its understanding of the events. I particularly liked:

    “Since you suck
    All the life out of me
    Yet persist with the illusion
    Of giving.”

    Damn good writing, really good stuff.

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  2. “You pull me in
    I am erased
    Filled with feelings
    That have nothing to do with me
    You use me as a mirror
    Of yourself
    You won’t feel so lost”

    Is this poem published anywhere other than this blog? I am a speech and debate coach and we’re using portions of the poem for a programmed oral interpretation, but we need publication citations. Thank you.

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    1. I am an old friend of Deborah Allin. Would love to know where I can reach her. Can you help me? Maureen Delazar

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  3. Dear Deborah: Found you and would enjoy a conversation sometime. Am living in Sydney for about a year. while visiting from NY, and your insights, as always, reach my heart. My email address is littlemo411@aol.com. Would hope to talk by phone if you could let me have your number via email.
    Thank you. Maureen PS: Hope you remember me and our former association. You did my astrology chart which I still have.

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  4. Dear Ursula I am overcome with awe and gratitude and appreciation for you posting this poem for me with such a beautifu souful image.. I have been very sick following sinus surgery and unable to log on to see it until today with the pain in my head. It was so amazing to log onto day and find it. Thank you.

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    1. Take good care of yourself, sinus pain is one of the worst kinds, so be gentle with yourself and lots of pampering! I hope it dissipates soon!

      Your poem is beautiful!

      I chose the image based on the feeling in your words and how they inspired me (and how my Neptune-influenced intuition feels and knows that someone is a Narcissist) and one of my favourite deviantart artists!

      So happy you’re sharing your work on your own blog… note to self – put link to your blog on this post!

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