A Poem about the Pain of a Narcissistic Relationship by Deborah Allin

kiss_the_ghost_by_mon_artifice-d2iugtsKiss the ghost by Mon-artifice

You pull me in
I am erased
Filled with feelings
That have nothing to do with me
You use me as a mirror
Of yourself
You won’t feel so lost
But I will be
When you leave
I will be drained
Since you suck
All the life out of me
Yet persist with the illusion
Of giving
I am used
Later to be rejected
Since I reflect back to you
Aspects of yourself
You cannot bear to see
I am not who you thought I was
Because in me
It scared you to see
What you could not bear to face
I am lost in longing
That I think is for you
But really it is for someone
Who will see my true self
Since you are only reflecting back
All that is not me
I feel frustration and utter despair
You don’t like my depths
And you will never understand
So yet again I am lost
I play your game
And get lost in illusion again
All the anger buried down
Under idealisation and confusion
How could you do this to me?
But I have done it to myself
In repeating a pattern so old and entrenched
That it will take betrayal after betrayal
To bring it to consciousness
Did I come to you
Mistakenly thinking
That here I would find water
You are nothing but an empty well
That persists in the illusion of fullness
Why am I here?
Why do I allow ?
Its all I know
But I have to find a better way
Because I am sick to death
Of this living emptiness

– Deborah Allin

Deborah Allin’s poetry and words can be found at – Emerging From The Dark Night on WordPress