Answering Questions About Narcissists…

These questions are from the search terms used to find my blog – the answers are a mix of serious with humour added. If you want me to clarify and go deeper into an answer to a question, or have another question to add, let me know using the comments:

Why are Narcissists attracted to me?

You taste delicious! And they’ve seen something special about you, which they will initially reveal to you during the seduction phase of the relationship. They see treasure and like a pirate they want to loot you. They will then try to make you forget what is special about you by taking you apart piece by piece.

Do Narcissistic people know they are difficult?

No. You’re the one who is difficult because you’re not giving them what they want and you’re expecting them to behave respectfully towards you. Although occasionally they will admit to being difficult, they have a different interpretation of the word. They’re unique, special, and you could never understand them… they are so misunderstood, that’s the price of being superhuman.

What does a Narcissist do when they don’t get what they want?

Have a tantrum, and scream and scream until… they get what they want. Or they burst into flames (if only). They’ll find a way to make you wish that you had given them what they wanted. They are very persistent.

Do Narcissists ever say they are wrong?

Sorry… what now!?! No. But if they do… watch out! It’s a trap!

Things Narcissists don’t want you to know?

How long do you have? They don’t want you to know anything and everything. I could have said the truth… but you already know that. Seriously the list that goes with this is too long. They are afraid of being an ordinary, mortal human. That’s their worst fear. Use this knowledge wisely, they are vicious when cornered and exposed.

Does a Narcissist ever fall in love?

No. They don’t know how to love as they are superhuman. Love is a human concept. But they do talk about love and how great their love is, greater than mere mortal love, if only they could find someone worthy of such supernatural love.

Two Narcissists in a relationship?

That’s not a question, but let me introduce you to my parents – Obsessive, competitive, dramatic, certain that they are gods and behaving as though they are, so very destructive to ordinary humans… and if they decide to have children, their children are going to end up wishing they hadn’t been born, at least not to these two maniacs. I could go on and on… and so can they, far longer than I can. I’m sure you could find some examples among celebrity couples.

Narcissist scream and curse?

Like a spoiled brat, only worse because a child grows out of that, Narcissists don’t.

Why am I attracted to Narcissistic men?

Why indeed? I don’t know you so I can’t be precise, but if you grew up believing in fairytale romances, that might answer that for you. Remember most fairytales, when they haven’t been censored into twee stories by Disney, always have a dark side.

Android sex?

You’ve had sex with a Narcissist then?

Can you ever win with a Narcissist?

Yes, but not as long as you’re playing the game by their ever changing rules. You have to make your own rules and don’t tell them what they are.

I admire your strength said the Narcissist?

And that is true. I admire you and now I’m going to eat you, said the Narcissist, and absorb your strength into me and leave you with nothing! If you want to know what talents you have, listen to the first things a Narcissist tells you about yourself when you first meet them, because they’ll reveal to you exactly what they are. They tell you what your talents and gifts are. After that, they will take you to pieces trying to get their hands on the gifts you have and which they want for themselves. If you won’t give them up willingly, they’ll destroy you and take them.

Why does my Narcissistic mother want to know everything about…?

Because you belong to her and what is yours is hers. How dare you keep anything from her, who do you think you are! Sound familiar?

Do Narcissists know they’re different?

Yes. They’re special. Immortal. Every single one of them, and there are a lot of them. So they’re not different, but don’t tell them that. They will talk your ear off telling you how different they are. They’re extraordinary!

Can a Narcissist woman find a man she will stay with?

Yes and no. It depends on the myth she is living. Some female Narcissists play the long-suffering ever-faithful wife so well they should get an Oscar for it. They will cling onto their chosen mate beyond the grave. Some female Narcissists play the Femme Fatale, seducing everyone, male and female, as they go. A Succubus. Many play the Damsel in Distress holding out for a hero. But when the hero tries to save her, she gets whisked away by more evil beings from which she needs saving. And heroes have a tendency to turn into villains in a Narcissist’s version of reality. Why do you want to know?

Why do Narcissists not like receiving presents?

Because gifts are an IOU, and they don’t like owing anyone anything because they like others owing them. It’s all about power games. Presents are tools of manipulation. Have you ever received a present from them and wish you hadn’t accepted it because now you owe them? They judge the actions of others by their own reasons for committing those same actions. They give presents when they want something from you. Ergo… they hate getting presents. But they also hate not being given presents!

How to annoy a Narcissist?

Easy peasy. Everything and everyone annoys them. Just say ‘No’ when they want something. Or rub their noses in a mistake they made, they make a lot of them. They hate making mistakes and having those mistakes pointed out to them. Seriously though, why do you want to annoy a Narcissist? The backlash is going to be dramatic and you’ll never hear the end of it. Is it really worth the momentary satisfaction?

Playing with a Narcissist?

Let them win. That usually means letting them cheat too. Or don’t let them cheat and win and watch them have a tantrum. They don’t do that thing called ‘losing’.

Giving a Narcissist boundaries?

They don’t know what boundaries are. If they find one it has challenge written all over it. You give yourself boundaries for your own sake, your boundaries won’t be acknowledged by the Narcissist, but have them for yourself they are a sanity saver. That’s why No Contact only works if you enforce it, they don’t understand what it means. Them ignoring you does not mean No Contact, it means they don’t need your services at this time. You ignoring them… this is intolerable to them!

What if both parents are Narcissists?

You end up like me. Good thing? Bad thing? *shrugs, cries, screams, laughs, falls silent and stares at floor while lying on the ceiling.

Why do Narcissists abuse?

They don’t consider what they do as being abusive, however everything you do is abuse to them. They see themselves as the victim. Perpetual victim of poor poor themness. They were abused as children which is why they became a Narcissist, what they do to you is what was done to them. And. They have no idea that what they are saying and doing is abuse.

Can I deprogram myself after Narcissist?

Yes. It’s going to hurt like hell, but it’s worth the pain. You’ll never fall under the spell of a Narcissist again after that. They’ll try, but you will be immune. But it takes time and patience and trust in yourself and being gentle with yourself.

Do Narcissists feel regret?

Not like you do. Their version of regret is different. They don’t like to be unmasked, when that happens they do a disappearing act. That’s regret to them. They were umasked and it was a horrible experience, they wish the illusion, the fake self, the mask, was still real. They wish all their illusions were real and they hate it when an illusion gets popped. They miss their illusions, and have nostalgic illusions about their illusions, dreaming of a time that never happened, but it is so real. The past to them is as imaginary as everything else, and they really miss the you they pretended you were, and the them that they were pretending to be. However they are very adept at faking regret to make others sympathise with their plight.

How to get a Narcissist to respect you?

Tough one, but possible. Say ‘NO’ and mean it and stand your ground no matter how bad it gets. If they can’t manipulate you, they’ll fear you. Fear is the Narcissist’s version of respect.

Do Narcissists run from feelings?

Most people think they don’t have feelings. They do, but not the way ordinary mortals have them. They were never taught how to deal with emotions, so they experience them as stress, which induces great fear. So, yes, they run away from feelings. Or they unleash the stress in your general direction and feel better, but you feel crushed. Or they get you to deal with their feelings for them, which is their favourite way of dealing with mortal stuff. They provoke you, you explode, they stay calm and accuse you of being insane. You emotional outburst made them feel very powerful because they caused it.

Why do narcissistic men control women?

For the same reason Narcissistic women control men. They need to be in control because it makes them feel safe. They are control freaks. They are afraid of being… human. To them being human is a chaotic experience which scares the crap out of them. So, control is power, control is safety, control means never having to feel fear.

Are you really a sensitive person or a Narcissist?

Narcissists are hyper-sensitive. About themselves. But completely insensitive to other people. They do however never ever shut up about how sensitive and empathic they are. They’re not. Not in the traditional understanding of sensitivity and empathy. They use their version of empathy to find your weakness, get under your skin, then they use it to hurt you and manipulate you. They’re very bad empaths.

Empaths and Narcissists?

This is a very common search term. There is a link between the two. An obvious one – Empaths are more likely to give the Narcissists the energy they need as they can’t generate their own and need to get it from others. Empaths are very giving, are overly sensitive about others, but tend to neglect their own needs, less for you, more for them and you won’t make any demands. This is Narcissist heaven because they are a bottomless pit, a very hungry stomach, of hyper-sensitive need which the Empath fills. But it’s never enough and the Empath never knows when to say ’No’. The not so obvious one – Narcissists are highly empathic, just in a very self-serving way. How exactly do you think they’re so good at messing with your mind and heart and getting you to give them everything they need.

Why do Narcissists play mind games?

It’s their favourite game. They live in the realm of the mind, so they are comfortable there and know their way around it. Their real and intimate version of sex is a mind fuck. They create their version of reality with their minds, so their minds get a lot of exercise and are very capable, flexible and quick to adapt and integrate new data. If you want to outplay them, don’t play mind games with them, block their mind games.

Why Narcissists always blame someone else?

Why blame yourself when you can give someone else the blame? There’s that. There is also the fact that accepting responsibility for blame means they might have to face their own ugliness… they can’t do that! Besides it’s easy to find others to blame, especially as you don’t have to ask for permission to do so, so they hand it out very generously and get to pretend that they are wonderful and beautiful, and the only reason their world is ugly is someone else’s fault. And they’re very good at getting people to forgive them and make excuses for them.

Narcissistic discard when it’s not about them?

Narcissists use conversation as a means of securing ‘Narcissistic Supply’. They need acknowledgement, affirmation, confirmation of their existence and that they are who they are pretending to be. You are there to support their magnificence. You’re the applause of the audience after a performance. They also need a million other things from you. There is no time for you and it has to be all about them. If you talk about yourself or a subject which interests you but does not interest them, they switch off. The only reason they will listen to you talk about yourself is when they are seeking information about you to become you, they are gathering information about how to steal your identity. So when you first meet them they will focus all their attention on you and batter you with personal questions aimed at finding out everything they want to know about how to become you. Once they have what they want, you are no longer needed, and they discard you because to keep you around might be dangerous to them, especially if they are now pretending to be you. No one else can know that you exist or their game might be discovered and their new mask will get ripped off.

If you’ve been in a relationship with a Narcissist, you’ve felt the sting of sudden abandonment and rejection. They leave when they please, and they return when and if they feel like it. Yo-yo-ing. They do not know who they are, sure they have many versions and ideas about who they are, and never shut up about who they are and what they do (without ever doing anything they say they do), but none of them are real. If they could, they would put their missing core self on a milk carton, but if you found it they’d reject that too. They tend to discard those who get closest to their real identity. They are afraid of that. All their behaviour is driven by fear. If you saw the face behind the mask, even if you were not afraid of it, and they saw you seeing it, they are afraid of it and now of you… so they get away.

Discarding people is a defense mechanism for them.

Why are people attracted to narcissist?

Why do so many people find Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Angelina Jolie attractive? I’m not saying those actors are Narcissists, I don’t know them as people, so I don’t know. It’s what they represent to us which attracts us, which makes us desire them or to be them. They are an ideal. A Narcissist tries to embody an ideal and make it real. They sell us our own dreams and fantasies and make them seem real and obtainable. They turn love into a mythic quest. If you’re looking for a Prince Charming, an Edward Cullen, A Wounded Man who can only be saved by true, self-sacrificing love, a Princess, A Damsel in Distress to save, or a Bewitching Siren… a Narcissist can be that for you. But the dream has a tendency to turn into a nightmare.

That’s it for now.

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For more on Narcissists:

Narcissism and the Fruit of Suffering –  the blog of my favourite author, whose book Going Mad to Stay Sane helped me to figure out and explain many aspects of my own experience with narcissistic parents, especially my tendency to be self destructive.

Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed

The Narcissistic Continuum

Narcissism – Living Without Feelings – A very long and detailed analysis of NPD, which explains how someone develops the disorder, what goes on behind the facade, how the disorder affects the individual who has it, and its effects on others, and so much more. If you want to understand NPD, this is an excellent article. Comprehensive and insightful.