The Zen of Narcissists: Lesson #1 – Tell other people what is wrong with them and this will make you superior

@the essence of life

Counting other people’s sins does indeed make you a saint, but only if you’re special (extraordinary immortal superhuman) like the Narcissist who is counting your (ordinary mortal human) sins and telling you what they are over and over and over again to remind themselves how superior they are to you and to remind you how inferior to them you are. – according to the Zen of Narcissists.

For a Narcissist letting you know everything that is wrong with you and your life is the path to superiority – for them not you. You need to know what is wrong with you, because it makes them know that they are right about everything. They’re perfect too, and perfect people must point out the imperfect flaws of others. That is their purpose and their purpose is very important.

Condescension is the attitude which leads to Narcissist ascension.

Such is the Zen of Narcissists.

*I’m making this into a series (maybe, if I have the stamina to do it), feel free to add your own Zen of Narcissists (by comment or post on your blog and link) and I will make it (or reblog it) into a Zen of Narcissists post on my blog.

**sponsored by (this is a joke, sort of, and a respectful nod to Kim at


    • Thank you ๐Ÿ˜€ Encouragement for the things which I think may be a complete folly is always appreciated!

      Requires a bit of twisting my mind into Narcissist shape, which is unfortunately not as hard as it seems thanks to growing up with two of them ๐Ÿ˜‰ but I’ve come a long way since those days. Still, I think it helps to see things from their perspective because then people who have suffered from being in a relationship with a Narcissist may realise – It’s not you, it’s them!

      Took me ages to figure that one out and really get it!


      • It took me ten years in a relationship with a Narcissistic “best friend” to figure it out. I’m still working out guilt issues, but it’s only been a few months since she and I “broke up.”

        I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the perspective of you and a few others I’ve met here on WP. So thank you for writing. ๐Ÿ™‚


        • Thank you ๐Ÿ˜€

          The thing to remember is that there is always a delayed response to a relationship with a Narcissist from those of us who aren’t Narcissists, because it all seems normal until we realise that there is nothing normal about it – which takes us a while. They’re experts on faking normal and on making us feel like it’s our fault if it doesn’t seem that way.

          They pass their wound onto us and then leave us to heal it as though it belonged to us. And we have a lot of unraveling to do to free ourselves from all the strings they have used to tie us to them.

          It’s taken me all my life to finally see my parents as they are. Baby steps, but every step is one towards freedom. Every time you express your truth, you free yourself. The confusion clears and the silence you’ve been trapped in loses it’s hold over you.

          Trust yourself and enjoy the gift the Narcissist gave you – You now know how strong you are and no one will ever mess with you like that again!


          • Ain’t that the truth! Once you’ve seen narcissistic behaviour for what it is, you can spot it a mile off.

            You have a very unique insight – and you must have a great deal of intelligence to be able to stand back from what you must have gone through and analyse it as you have. Just the fact that you’ve come out of it a stronger person is commendable.

            You won’t see me talking much about my relationship with “her” on my blog – I know she is still reading – but it comes out occasionally in my fiction. I can’t keep it in. As you say, it’s all part of the process.


            • Writing about the relationship, telling your side of the story, is very liberating, it acknowledges your experience and helps you to clarify the confusion which Narcissists tend to create. It doesn’t matter if you fictionalise it as long as you express yourself and allow yourself to give vent to all the pent up emotions and frustrations.

              Narcissists tend to censor the people in their lives, it is often very subtle – such as you know they’re watching you – and gradually they box you in until you can’t say anything, your feelings are stifled and your self expression feels blocked. When you’re in the relationship you keep quiet because you don’t want to upset them, when you’re out of the relationship you keep quiet because you don’t want to upset them, give them any more of your attention and because you just want to move on.

              I kept quiet about my parents for a long time even after I had cut off contact with them, I did a lot of self therapy to try and untangle my story from their versions of it, but it wasn’t until I started blogging about them that I released myself from the relationships fully. Mind you I still have to deal with my mother soon but she no longer gets to set the rules of engagement. By breaking my silence, I broke the spell.

              It takes time and being gentle with yourself to heal from a relationship with a Narcissist because they know how to get under your skin and stay there long after the relationship is over, that’s why it helps to express how they made you feel, because that gets them out of your system, and that’s how you get the gifts from the experience.

              You’re a very talented writer ๐Ÿ™‚


              • It amazes me how you’re able to put my exact feelings into words, which just goes to show that we feel the symptoms of their disease.

                It must be difficult for you to have to keep in contact, because, after all, they are your parents. Stay strong!

                I will keep writing. Thanks for the encouragement. ๐Ÿ™‚ And thank you for your kind compliment as well.


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