The Zen of Narcissists: Lesson #3 – In a Narcissistic Society, the Narcissist is King or Queen!
The Society in which we live has already done most of the groundwork preparing people for you to swoop into their lives, sweep them off their feet, put them in a gilded cage and use them to bolster your ego.
Society will also help you to keep them trapped. They’re either with us or against us. If they’re with us they will support our Narcissistic ideals of living the dream and chasing perfection, making a mythic quest out of love and happiness, fighting imaginary dragons and foes, and being a human sacrifice on the altar of appeasing our suppurating wound of our fears. If they’re against us we will make them rue the day they decided to think for themselves, be themselves and live their life as though it belonged to them, we will come down hard on them, confuse them, make them feel the pain of shame, guilt and self-loathing which is part of our wound. They exist to take on our wound and heal it for us… because we don’t know how to do it.
Society will keep them too busy to ever have a moment to themselves. So don’t worry, just do what comes naturally to you and be the wonderful, generous, loving, super human, ultra special Narcissist that you are. If you ever get into trouble pass the buck and use Society to justify your villainous actions as pure heroism. You’re a positive angel in a world full of negative demons, surround yourself with those who support your greatness and ditch those who don’t and label them loudly as negative. Other people are very afraid of negativity and negative people so use their fear to your advantage. Others will stay away from those who’ve seen behind your perfect mask and will never learn the truth about you. The power of gossip travels far, use it.
The ideals of our Society are impossible to achieve because they are ideals – ideals are meant to inspire reality not become reality – but Society encourages people to believe that these ideals are attainable and they must live up to them. This is magical thinking at its best and worst, both of which work well for a Narcissist and a Narcissistic Society. Win/win for us, lose/lose for them.
Be the perfect child. Be the perfect parent. Be the perfect husband. Be the perfect wife. Be the perfect member of Society. Be the perfect boss. Be the perfect employee. Be the perfect role model. Be the perfect friend.
Live in the perfect house. Have the perfect job. Have the perfect family. Have the perfect car. Have the perfect clothes. Have the perfect body. Have the perfect teeth. Have the perfect hair. Have the perfect skin. Have the perfect life.
Be in perfect health. Eat the perfect food. Drink the perfect drink.
Train your mind to be perfect. Think positive. Never let a negative thought cross your mind. Be happy. Be kind. Be compassionate. Be empathetic. Be charitable. Be intelligent. Be emotionally intelligent. Be the best that you can be and then be better than that.
Just be yourself… as long as we approve of your version of being yourself, if we don’t then change it to suit our version of yourself. Do it and we’ll reward you with a dog biscuit. Don’t do it and we’ll squeeze the life out of you using Peer Pressure and using yourself against you by urging you to judge yourself harshly. If you don’t live up to our ideal, and by default your ideal, of being good then of course you must be bad, and that is a bad thing to be. Narcissism lives in a universe split by extremes, there is no middle, no grey areas, no in between or place where right and wrong meet. It’s black OR white, not black AND white.
On and on and on the messages, subliminal and blatant, the collective hypnotism, in media, on the internet, on Social Media, in communities, locally and globally, bombards people during their every waking moment, during work and play and rest, and in their sleep through their dreams and those self improvement tapes some people listen to at night. Pound the message home and push it deep into the subconscious so that even if a person manages to get away from it all they carry it with them like a chip implanted in the brain which shocks them if a rebellious independent thought should stir.
If someone rebels, Society will come down hard, and shame them back into their place. We are Borg, we assimilate. And what we can’t assimilate, we destroy.
Your children will not be able to break free from your rule as King or Queen of their life. The child of Narcissistic parents will be made to understand that it doesn’t matter if their parents treat them badly (according to them), their parents are their parents and that is that. They will be told – Do not rebel or you will be punished. Just pretend you’re happy and had a happy childhood, everyone else does, who do you think you are to not want to do what the rest of your Society is doing. Live the lie, that’s how it becomes a truth. Live the dream, and if the dream is a nightmare pretend that it isn’t.
Just do your duty as a Narcissistic parent and put on a good show for anyone who observes you with your child. Make sure your child looks good, behaves well, and does well at school. Their grades are your grades, their intelligence is your intelligence, their achievements are your achievements. If they should fail you and do badly, behave badly, and bring shame upon you, then disown them and blame nature for their evil. It’s not your fault if they are screwed up and failures. It is to your credit if they excel and are successful.
Your spouse or partner will not be able to break free from your rule as King or Queen of their life. The spouse or partner of a Narcissist will be treated in much the same way as a child of Narcissists. When they realise that you don’t love them (Of course you love them, they’re just being blind to the special kind of love which you have blessed them with), you need not worry, you have maintained the appearance of the ideal partner and all their friends, and their family too, will think they have gone insane and will rally around you to force them back into their role as your loyal servant. You are too good to be true, it’s normal for a human subject to feel overwhelmed by the honour you have bestowed on them by making them your chosen one. You may have to let them go, leave them alone for a while so that they can return to their senses and get over their issues. They may want to discuss their issues with you, this is frightfully annoying, if you must put up with it be sure to let them know it is all their fault and you are the one who is suffering and long-suffering.
At the heart of every person is a sneaking suspicion that they are not good enough and no matter how hard they strive to be better, they will never be good enough. This is a weakness which can be exploited easily.
The first thing to do when meeting a new target of Narcissistic Supply is to tell them the truth. Don’t worry, this phase is short term, but necessary. You must let them know how beautiful, talented, gifted they are. How special they are. Let them know why you chose them and what it is that you admire and tell them exactly what the treasure you are going to steal from them is. In the next phases you will wipe their memory of this truth you told and steal their treasure, leaving them with nothing but the discarded parts of yourself which you don’t need. This will confuse them and they won’t know what happened. A confused subject leaks out delicious Narcissistic Supply.
Don’t worry about the sudden rebellion against Narcissists and our Narcissistic Society, it seems to be gaining momentum, but it’s probably just a trending fad.
*If you question the subliminal Narcissistic propaganda our Society bombards you with, look at some of the slogans for perfectionism, idealism, positivism and magical thinking which seem so logical and normal because they’re everywhere and you see them all the time you hardly even notice them, and they make you feel good about yourself for a moment, then bad about yourself because you can’t live up to them – just like a Narcissist. Look at them from a different angle and perspective and this might explain to you why you attract. and maybe are attracted to, Narcissists, and why there are so many Narcissists in Society in this day and age.
** This post isn’t as good as I was hoping it would be, but just because something isn’t good enough, does not mean it isn’t good.
*** series sponsored by NarcissistSlayers.com