The Zen of Narcissists: Lesson #5 – The Male Narcissist… The Saviour of the World has Arrived!
You are the ideal man.
That’s all you need to know and I’m not going to write anymore about you.
Of course I’m kidding! There is so much to tell you about yourself that I may have to devote an entire blog to it for the next several hundred years. Since you’re immortal that sort of timing issue won’t affect you at all.
Sorry, you’re offended. You don’t do humour, your idea of a good laugh is when you humiliate someone else publicly like Donald Trump on The Apprentice. And your paranoia that others may be doing the same thing to you that you do to them… sorry… your certainty that others are as manipulative and double-crossing as you are, just not as clever, means that you are sure that anything I say about you could be the bait leading you into a trap.
Your ego is dented. Giving me the silent treatment are you? Waiting for your silence to work its torture on me until I’m so uncomfortable, suffocating in the heavy atmosphere filled with your poisonous vapors, squeezed and sucked by the invisible tentacles of your psyche, and ridden with guilt that I upset you but you won’t tell me why or how or discuss anything at all with me that I’ll crumble and apologise profusely for anything and everything just to break the stone cold silence and fill the dark damp depressing void to created between us. Then you can turn on your lecture mode and talk down to me, blaming me for every hurt you’ve ever had since before you were born because I’ve given you carte blanche to treat me badly… I mean treat me as you feel I deserve to be treated for being an ordinary mortal human who dared speak my mind to a god.
Let me bend over backwards and kiss your feet. I know you need to hear more about yourself. To have your ears filled with the Narcissistic Supply which you crave and which is the reason you behave as you do. The more you treat other people as though they owe you, the more they give you, right, because someone has to pay this unpayable debt which the world owes you. Just be careful, your weak spot is showing, you need others more than they need you. Learn to cover your tracks!
Men and women swoon when you enter the room. You stand out from the crowd like a giant in a kingdom of ants. Not sure why a giant is in a kingdom of ants instead of with other giants… Ah! Because the only way the giant can be impressive is by being with those who are not of its kind. Amongst the giants, you’re the ant. You’re very clever!
You’re Adonis, Zeus and all the other gods. In fact you’re better than the gods because they never managed to create the perfect man, but you did and are!
You’re perfect and a genius. A perfect genius. But you’re often misunderstood. That’s what happens when you’re as advanced as you are. Ordinary humans just don’t understand you because their mortal selves just can’t grasp the magnificence that your immortal self contains and exudes. It’s okay, you can talk down to them, you’re generous like that.
Walking the path of the perfect genius is a challenging one. You’re so far ahead of everyone else that you are forced to wait sometimes very impatiently for them to catch up. And sometimes you have to put up with them thinking you’re ordinary and treating you that way. Fools! Don’t they know who you are!
Your genius once recognised will save the world. The world is populated by idiots who are doing everything wrong and ruining the planet for you. It’s up to you to take your rightful place on the top of a mountain and preach. Preach your word! Preach long and endlessly never allowing anyone else to say anything, talk until all others are silent and know that only you are worthy of the power of speech (unless they have been permitted to praise you or they need to apologise profusely for their sins and apologise profusely in vain).
You are the embodiment of the Messiah complex. I mean, you’re the perfect genius ideal saviour of the world. The only problem with this is that there are all these little bothersome practical details which are beneath you to deal with and you need some disciples, acolytes, to do them for you so that you can focus on your noble purpose and heroic cause.
What you need to succeed is a good woman or man, maybe even several ordinary mortals of either gender, to be your personal everything – mother, father, babysitter, assistant, dogsbody, slave, and receptacle of your extreme frustration, a vessel into which you can discard all those parts of yourself which aren’t yours, you know, the human bits which inspire such self-loathing and fear in you.
It’s an honour, so they should be grateful that you have hand-picked them for the role. They occasionally think you care what they think and feel, and that you’re abusing and mistreating them. They may even accuse you of taking advantage of them. Some people don’t know how lucky they are that you noticed they were alive and took them under your wing and attached them to you as though they were an extension of you. I know it’s a nuisance, but every Messiah must bear a cross, every genius must tolerate fools, every god needs mortals to worship them. And since you’re all of those in one, the weight of the universe is on your shoulders. The good news is that you only have to carry the universe when you’re in public, in private you can dump it onto your surrogate mother’s shoulders. It’ll crush them but they’re replaceable. You are not replaceable. You’re one of a kind and were handmade by angels, rolled on the thighs of vestal virgins.
The most important thing for you to remember is that you are right and everyone else is wrong. You know the truth and everyone else is a liar. You are the only one of any worth to walk the Earth and all the others inhabitants of this planet are allowed to be here because you tolerate their presence on condition that they play the role which they were destined and assigned to play by you. You need an audience, worshippers. You need offerings of Narcissistic Supply on a regular basis, a constant basis. If you don’t get your fix you could die, which would be excruciatingly embarrassing for an immortal.
When you’re low on supply this strange pressure builds up inside of you, intolerable pain, stress which threatens to rip you apart from the inside out. You know it as The Fear. Ordinary mortals know it as emotions, feelings, conscience. You’ve heard of these things, and mimic them with great skill, but you don’t know what they are, you never learned about such things, you were too busy being prepared for greatness to have such flaws, such imperfections.
These flaws and imperfections were put in a box deep inside of you and they amalgamated into The Fear. Narcissistic Supply keeps The Fear appeased, but when the supply runs out, The Fear rises up. It wreaks havoc within and threatens the fragile construct of your idyllic version of reality, it wants to kill your identity. The only way to avoid self annihilation is to unleash The Fear on the world outside, let it wreak its havoc on others, not on you, let it feed on human sacrifices until it is full and sated, then it will return to its box and keep quiet for a while. And you’ll be safe again.
And it always feels so refreshing to let The Fear out, clears the air, and lightens your load. Pity that others always seem to rain on your apres-tantrum joy parade.
Your best sources of Narcissistic Supply are:
1 – A group of people who admire you and think the Sun shines out of your ass. Which is why so many Narcissists choose a career in dream selling. People always love you when you sell them their dreams. If you dangle those dreams before them just out of their grasping hands they’ll give you everything they have just so you’ll let them have what is already theirs and charge them dearly for it. Their gratitude will feed you Narcissistic Supply for years (as long as you have lots of desperate and confused followers, so be certain to confuse them and encourage their desperation using critical digs and put downs which lower the level of their self-esteem).
2 – Sexual conquests. The seduction part is the most nourishing for your ego, especially if your target thinks that they are hard to get. No one is hard to get for you. In fact sometimes you despair at how easy people are to get, just tell them the truth about themselves (because mortals withhold this stuff from other mortals out of fear and thus they’re starving to hear it), tell them how beautiful, talented, gifted and special they are (they won’t believe it, but they long to believe it because somewhere under their inner mental mantra of never being good enough they know they are better than good enough), and they will be like puppets on strings which you control. You never need worry about telling them the truth about how much you admire them because you know how to wipe their memories of it afterwards.
The orgasmic sensations which course through your body as you watch yourself seducing them, convincing them to lower their drawbridge, let down their defenses and invite you willingly into their treasure room not knowing that you aren’t the knight in shining armor – you’re not a knight, you’re a king and kings don’t do rescues – you’ve cleverly led them to believe you are but you’re a pirate intent on plundering, is the greatest rush of Narcissistic supply ever. The actual act of sex is your payment to them for services rendered. Since you’re a sex god, they really are getting out of you much more than you’re getting out of them.
Your sexual conquests may become addicted to you. Treat them mean and keep them keen while their Narcissistic Supplies last. Once they run out of it and start being a drain on your precious time, attention and patience, just discard them onto the heap where all the other bodies are. And make sure you have a surrogate mother to clean up after your mess.
3 – The Surrogate Mother. This can be male or female. You can also have more than one, which is quite a good idea because when you’ve exhausted one, the other one can step in to the breach. Remember it is important to have one of these as you do not handle the details of day to day living. You need someone to do this for you as you have more important things to do. Make sure when choosing a surrogate mother that you pick someone with great stamina to put up with all your shit. Someone who will willingly sacrifice their paltry needs to cater to your vital ones. Someone who will censor themselves into complete silence and keep themselves imprisoned there. Someone who believes that their copious amounts of love can save you from yourself and heal your deep gaping suppurating wound. Make sure you give them your wound and maybe they’ll actually be able to heal it for you. Punish them regularly if they fail you in any way or make any demands whatsoever. They like this as they give you lots of Narcissistic supply when you do it.
Do not forget to test them on a continuous basis. They are not to be trusted (no one is to be trusted because you judge others based on yourself and you know you’re not trustworthy). Their vows of love and caring and all that other mortal emotional stuff must be challenged and they must be made to prove their love over and over and over again and it will never be enough to satisfy you.
If they misbehave and step out of line. Abandon them for a while. It’s quite a good idea to let them be aware that you have found a replacement for them who is much better, more beautiful, more talented, more special than they are during this time. The competition for your very special love is fierce. You love it when mortals fight over you, it exhalts your superior being status. They will suffer greatly, realise their guilt, feel ashamed, and come running after you beginning for your forgiveness. You can pretend to give it to them, but don’t ever let them forget that they have wronged you.
4 – Your Progeny. If you decide to have children, to pass on your golden seed and create a mini version of yourself, remember they will probably only be half immortal, so they’re you but a diluted version. They do belong to you and you own them. They are useful tools for manipulating your surrogate mother, especially when punishing her for giving them attention which she should be giving to you.
They are also a lifetime source of Narcissistic Supply. Remember to remind them that you are the perfect parent and only a perfect child will be tolerated. Make sure Society considers you to be a perfect parent, play to the crowd, when in public show the world what an awesome parent you are and how lucky your child is to have you… so that you can’t be blamed if they are screwed up and make a mess of their lives, but you can claim all the credit for their successes and achievements, and for them turning out well. Undermine their confidence subtly all the time and make them spend their entire life trying to win a moment of genuine affection from you.
*This is mostly based on my father, a Narcissist. I have never had a romantic relationship with a Narcissist due to observing the modus operandi of the male Narcissist, in public and in private, and knowing about my father’s attitude towards other people which he shared with great pride and at length in detail. He was a serial adulterer and his sexual conquests often stayed with us in our home. I watched him seduce them, then take them to pieces afterwards and discard them. My mother cleaned up the mess. Don’t feel sorry for my mother, she is also a Narcissist. I know way too much about their sex lives, and having two Narcissists teach you about the Birds and the Bees… well, it’s surprising that I decided to have any romantic relationships at all.
I have known other male Narcissists. My childhood was populated by Narcissists, and I attract them, but male Narcissists usually do not find me sexually attractive.
There is very little difference between a heterosexual male Narcissist and a homosexual male Narcissist. Most Narcissists are open to bisexuality because what they seek is to be admired and adored. Whether they are vocally open about their sexuality depends on the Society they are living in, they are very aware of Society’s ideals, and on their image of what an ideal man should be.
**I have used some quotes in my Zen of Narcissists series from a site called BreakingUpWithYourNarcissist.com. The link will take you to some information and an advert for a book. The site is part of Breakups.org. They have lots of resources for those dealing with a relationship with a Narcissist. I have only briefly explored it. Love their quotes!
***series sponsored by NarcissistSlayers.com – this link will take you to Letmereach.com, a brilliant source for information on how to heal from a relationship with a Narcissist written by someone who knows what it’s like, has survived and is sharing her experience, and the Narcissist Slayers award nominations where you will find links to excellent blogs which offer advice and personal experience of relationships with Narcissists.
****More information, articles, links and resources can be found here – Scoop.it – Victims of Narcissistic Abuse – NPD – Sociopath – Psychopath Help Guide