The Zen of Narcissists: Lesson #8 – Relationship Rules for Narcissists
As a Narcissist you approach life strategically. You’re very focused on being the best, popular, superior, successful and powerful. You need to keep your mind, heart, soul and body pure. You are special, brilliant, a genius, extraordinary, immortal, super human, and you need to be treated with the respect which you deserve, which is your birthright.
To embody your ideal, to live your dream, make your vision a reality, you must make sure that you are in good company, with those who love and support you. Those who confirm your identity and help you to maintain it. Those who uplift and advance your purpose.
You were born for greatness, your life has an important purpose, you are on a very important mission. For you to achieve the potential which burns within you like an eternal flame, you must have the right people in your life.
Your greatness is clear to all who see it. They of course want a part of it. Your energy is very attractive and addictive to others. You are charismatic and irresistible. It is natural that ordinary mortals should flock to you and want you to lead them, control them and show them the way to be as perfect as you are. Unfortunately some of these people are of an inferior quality, flawed, damaged, unfixable, everyone is except you, but some are useful to you, others are not and may be detrimental. They want to leech your precious energy. Turn your stunning, radiant smile into a dull and dreary frown.
You need horses to pull your chariot, not lead weights tied to the back of it dragging along behind you and slowing you down. You need an appreciative audience who will applaud your every word and gesture. You need a supporting cast who follows the script you have given them and are grateful for the opportunity of being a part of your magnificent production, your opus. You need helpers, not hindrances.
You need those who will love you no matter what you say or do or don’t say and don’t do. Forgive your sins and forget them, never to be spoken of again as though it never happened. Their love for you must withstand all the tests and quests which you put it through. It has to be unconditional love…
…even if you are contemptuous of their unconditional love because how could anyone love someone who treats them the way that you do.
They must never blame you, shame you, confront you, challenge you, make you feel guilty, or bad, or responsible for anything. They must not make any demands, or ask for anything at all for themselves.
They must cater to your needs and make your needs, their needs too. It’s all for one. You are their one, and they must be your all.
You must be careful with whom you share your life and specialness. You are very sensitive and it is important that you protect yourself. Not everyone is worthy of your attention.
There will be many times in your life when you have to cut someone out of it, for your own good.
They may react badly, it is understandable. They must face the harsh and painful truth that they are not worthy of you, to walk with you on your yellow brick road and share the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
It is their problem not yours. You are good, they are bad. You are positive, they are negative. You are an elixir of life, they are poison.
You are a magical thinker, a dreamer who makes their dreams come true, a king or queen whose kingdom needs loyal subjects, a court filled with beautiful, successful and important people who all bow to your greatness and are subservient, a god and goddess creating a world from scratch and populating it with those who must serve, adore and worship you.
Learn the rules… improve them when needed as they were written by ordinary inferior mortals and need fixing to suit your special and unique superior immortal self… and follow them like the mind control freak that you are!
Live forever, prosper, and bless the world with your presence… we are not worthy, thank you!
*All of these quotes are ones which may be familiar to you and you may have even used them to inspire you and help you to deal with and heal from having been in a relationship with a Narcissist. To let go of the Narcissist, to realise your worth and make the changes needed to do what is healthy for you.
I am not knocking these quotes and the advice and inspiration which they may provide, I am just pointing out that Narcissists have access to them too, take them very seriously, and follow their advice to the letter. If I had a dollar for each time a Narcissist used a quote like these to justify their behaviour, I would now be a one-percenter.
A Narcissist can take anything and twist it to suit them, to serve their purpose. If something is not useful they discard it, dismiss it, ignore it or destroy it so no one else can use it. Narcissist’s adapt everything to fit into their version of reality and to support it, and that includes rules of relationship, life, behaviour, manners, self-help, pop psychology, spirituality, and so on. And they absolutely thrive when they have their noses stuck firmly into a How to be the Master of your Life book. Those sort of books supply them with weapons and excuses.
You use these sort of quotes and those sort of books to inspire you, they live by them. You have a heart which guides you, you feel, listen to more than just your mind to know what is right and what is wrong for you and others. They are only guided by their mind and The Fear – a darkness within them which terrifies them and threatens to annihilate them unless they can control it. They are control freaks who monitor everything and everyone, they censor and control themselves as much as they do to others, even more so as they are always on guard.
Narcissists live in the mind, they study the rules of life, power and relationship to know what to do, how to feel (their emotions are mental constructs), how to behave, and also to excuse their behaviour should anyone dare to question it.
**People often struggle to understand ‘The Discard’. When a Narcissist unceremoniously dumps you, deletes you from their life, ignores you and pretends you don’t exist and never did exist. Usually without an explanation or the opportunity to discuss what has happened and why.
Trying to confront a Narcissist after a discard tends to lead to frustration and confusion, which makes it very hard to let go of the relationship on your side of it.
There are many reasons why Narcissists do The Discard. It depends on the type of relationship they think they had with you, what role you played in their charade.
Mostly they do it because you threaten their version of reality. You are a sharp pin which came very close to popping the bubble they live in. They see you as a threat and a danger to them. If their bubble pops their reality will be completely destroyed and so will they. It is a Narcissistic survival mechanism. When they blame you for it, they mean it.
But it is not your fault so don’t blame yourself. Be thankful they did it. I know it hurts, but they did you a favour. You deserve to be happy and healthy and loved.
Take care of yourself!
***series sponsored by NarcissistSlayers.com – this link will take you to Letmereach.com, a brilliant source for information on how to heal from a relationship with a Narcissist written by someone who knows what it’s like, has survived and is sharing her experience, and the Narcissist Slayers award nominations where you will find links to excellent blogs which offer advice and personal experience of relationships with Narcissists