Utterly, totally, unashamedly (a little bit of shame but not enough to stop me), ripping off (being inspired by) one of the best photo-blogs on WordPress and the internet (Am I exaggerating? Does it matter? This photographer is a genius!)…
Here’s the post and photo which inspired me to copy like a feral cat:
Here’s that awesome photo-blog:
Once upon a time…
I went to visit a friend. My friend lives in a fine city. My friend took me on a tour of this fine city…
My friend did not warn me that there were arty farty – not really farty because I probably wouldn’t be alive to tell this tale if gorilla farts were included in the tour – gorillas on the loose in this fine city.
I skidded to a halt, did so many double-takes, my head going boing-boing, that the noggin almost unscrewed itself… almost… it stayed on enough to recall that phones these days have cameras… or cameras have phones.
Really bad photo taken on a phone I had issues with or it had issues with me as its user… diddled a bit with in PS… shared on t’internets ’cause that’s what humans do these days:
Now I’m going to be very serious. This photo means more than it seems. The Juxtaposition element is not really in the photo at all… but what the photo represents.
Firstly the gorilla is connected with this – Go Go Gorillas
Secondly, and for me more importantly, my friend gave me some very serious news recently concerning them, and it concerns me too as their friend. I’m not sharing private information. However it is the sort of news which makes your personal problems – however serious and multiple they are – pale in comparison and wish you didn’t do that – compare problems.
My main focus is to be the friend to my friend whom they know, rely on as an equal, share and share alike and such, and need… and not to let myself get caught in those very human traps which we all fall into when a friend gives us the sort of news which makes us sigh with relief that there but for the grace of whatever… and so on. That sigh hurts in many ways.
I’m sharing this photo and this post… to clarify my mind, heart and position to myself for myself. That’s the purpose of my blog and my posts for me.
I’ve been very caught up in my own problems – some of which are of the legal kind and rather complicated. The theme of all of my problems, small, big, in between, seems to be proving who I am. Which is weird on so many levels for me personally.
If you knew me as I know me… that’s always been an issue and a struggle.
How do you prove who you are? Proof of you. Proof of your life. Proof of life. The latter is… not a story to share in this post but it is… a challenge which I am facing thanks to growing up with parents who have NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) and the mess they create everywhere and the confusion they generously distribute to everyone especially the legacy they leave to their children, dead or alive (the parents, not the children, but… ties in with… confusing confusion).
I grew up expecting the illogical, especially from those in authority who made their illogical view the logical view.
I am therefore I am becomes I am and I am not… only when it suits everyone else. I don’t exist unless someone else confirms it, even if I am aware of myself as possibly, maybe existing… or am I just a figment of someone else’s imagination!?!
When who I am ties in with my relationships… and I am such a relationship klutz… I don’t want to lose myself for others… I’ve done that, bad idea. But I don’t want others to lose themselves for me… I don’t want to dominate either. Not sure if I have done this, but I think… well maybe… I am more intimidating than I realise at times… and I don’t want to be. Klutz alert!
My friend needs me as I am… as they know me… which is me as is… but also… well…
I’ll ask them what they need and then see how we can work together on this making sure respect is a key element.
I’m sharing publicly because… you help me when you share your stories and views. We may not always agree… sometimes that is more valuable than agreeing.