Some may say I’m wishing my days away…


“Some may say
I’m wishing my days away
No way
And if it’s the price I pay
Some say
Tomorrow’s another day
You stay
I may as well play”

– The Police, Walking on the Moon

I’ve taken quite a few steps in the past couple of years which have felt gigantic to me, and most of them have been worth the risk which I perceived in taking them.

I sometimes think I’m too cautious, and at other times my whole life feels like a series of leaps off of cliffs with a crowd yelling – Don’t jump! – usually after I’ve already jumped.

Memory is an odd thing, and we really don’t have much else to go on when reviewing the paths we’ve taken in life. The past viewed through memory changes every time you look at it. Different things stand out.

I have made a few decisions in my distant past which other people considered to be risks and ones which I should not be taking. One in particular seemed to upset others, fill them with terror, more than it did me. And they were not shy about sharing their opinion about how foolish they thought I was being, that I was going to be very sorry.

They’re still waiting for their Schadenfreude.

It’s a price I was willing to pay.

I had already learned by then that the pain of regret was far worse when I followed other people’s advice instead of listening to my own advice for myself, which was usually – Go for it! – because it was double regret – for listening to someone else and not listening to myself, thinking they knew better than I did, making a mistake which was not my own, a mistake I would not have made had I done what I wanted to do.

I don’t mind making mistakes as long as they’re mine, they’re experiential experiments. I try not to repeat the same mistake more than is necessary to learn from it. So… I don’t listen when other people tell me how to live my life. It’s my life, they have their own they can do what they want me to do themselves in their life or not, it’s up to them just as what I do is up to me. I’m going to do whatever I’m going to do. I’ll either succeed or fail, usually a mix of both.

And tomorrow is another day.

Right now I am caught in the limbo of a Moon jump, suspended in zero gravity waiting for the boots which I’m wearing to lead me back to the surface… still debating whether spending the extra money on the boots was worth it or if I got ripped off and will end up drifting off into infinite space.

When we overcome the fear which grips us before we take a risk it is exhilarating, but at some point it wears off and we sometimes begin to doubt the wisdom of our leap of faith in ourselves.

Floating where I am now I’ve moved beyond those doubts into a different sort of mental anguish. A calmer one – I call it earthy Zen – where I’m resigned to what may come because I no longer have control over what I’ve set in motion. This is the part where I have to believe that I’ve made the right choice, and even if it’s wrong it is too late to turn back. Time does not work that way. Not yet anyway. Not for me. I’m a plough on regardless and live with the consequences of your decisions and actions… always looking for opportunities to perhaps make another decision along the way to tweak the course of life’s flow… kind of risk-taker.

The photograph I’m using to represent RISK is of my house upside down inside a drop from a melting icicle. It’s how I feel about my life right now and the risks past, present and future which I have taken and will take.

While waiting for the drop…

I may as well play.


18 thoughts on “Some may say I’m wishing my days away…

  1. I don’t disregard what people say as there might be something I need to know in their words, but I listen cautiously and carefully, review it, and check their motives.

    Excellent approach.. Recently on Facebook I came across a quote… Don’t base your decisions on the advice of those who don’t have to deal with the results. I have listened to and taken on board the fear based wrong advice at times and lived to see it was a mistake not to just walk out into the empty air and go forward without fear in trust that my gut was leading me to what was right. I think my entire life and work during this current Saturn transit lies in listening inwardly to myself and getting to know and trust what I need, while also accepting sometimes I don’t know and will make mistakes.. But as you said I’m more happy to bear the consequences for my own mistakes than those based on others advice..

    There is also another quote. Not sure who its from. LIfe can only be understood backwards but it has to be lived forwards. The experience of life will tell us what is right and wrong for us.. Sometimes we just have to take an action not knowing what the results will be and realise that we have the capacity to deal with the results, regardless of where they lead us.

    But I must say at times I am not brave…..


    1. Pluto/Uranus in the 1st demands that we make our own way through life, even if it means making all the mistakes other people’s advice (because they’ve already made those mistakes) would stop us from making, because we need to find out what our version of those mistakes is, if those are mistakes for us or if they are actually a road to something else, and we need our own personal experience and reference points for life.

      I sometimes feel as though I am lagging behind everyone else because of my need to find things out for myself. At other times, usually rarer, I think I’m ahead of everyone else, then I trip over my ego and get trampled 😉 kidding, sort of…

      I think for me some of this attitude lies in the dynamic between Saturn squaring my Cap Sun, and Pluto in the 1st trining my Sun in the 5th. I’m sort of creating myself (5th house Sun) through my willingness to die to old forms and be reborn in a new form (Pluto in the 1st) all the while feeling that whatever I do – be it follow the crowd or go my own way – will never be good enough (Saturn square Sun) so might as well do whatever I’m going to do and deal with it my way (Pluto/Uranus in the 1st).

      Something like that.

      And with all your Aquarian energy, you have to do things your way even when you’re trying not to… perhaps!?


  2. What a stunning picture! It’s a microcosm inside a waterdrop, it reminds me of The Arnofini painting by Jan Van Eyck, where the oval mirror haning behind then refects the scene and much more we can see in the picture; this is suggesting me memory is a sort of mirror of life and as you said it changes with our viewpoint and mental perspective. Taking risks is very important, i am not very brave and most of the times i find myself entangled in things I had no idea i had to face, all the time I discover have been manipulated and cheated as i don’t calculate at all, but others, especially the ones i attract, do with gusto. i am only happy about that fact i do not do it to another, but sometimes, even trusting someone seems a huge risk I can’t take as I am all bruised. True true and true again it’s best to take risks and make mistakes by one’s own decision, even our parents haven’t got the right to decide for us.
    I loooooove your pictures!


    1. Mille grazie 😀

      That painting always creeped me out, I think it’s something to do with the dog. But it is stunning in its detail, and the mirror has fascinated art lovers for a long time. People are always reading meaning into it. That’s part of the magic of art 🙂

      Trust is a huge risk, especially for children of N’s. If you can’t trust the first people whom you meet in life, the ones who gave life to you, who brought you into this world and are supposed to see to your needs, who can you trust? That experience sets the scene for future trust issues. N’s teach their children not to trust anyone, they do it by being untrustworthy and by passing on their inability to trust anyone because they see everyone (including their children) as being the enemy.

      I tend to trust people by degrees, and usually based on seeing if they walk their talk. Actions tell you pretty much everything you need to know. I include myself in that. I am very slow to trust, there’s no need to hurry, and I tend to discourage the trust of others, I’d rather they took their time to get to know me and not jump right in because I seem trustworthy – it’s a big responsibility to be trusted and people sometimes expect you to look after their hearts for them. That makes me nervous.


  3. This is a great photo. Like yourself, I’ve taken numerous risks and have lived with the consequences, some good, some bad. I’ve had some people try to tell me what to do because they were controlling, others haven’t bothered to express an opinion because they didn’t give a crap. There have been those, however, who have said what they thought because they actually care about and love me.Part of the process of gaining wisdom, I believe, is sorting out those who genuinely care from those who don’t. It took me a long time and I’m cautious …


    1. Thank you 😀

      I agree about trying to figure out if those who share their opinion about your life are doing it because they care or are interfering because they’re bored and have nothing better to do because their life is copacetic or are trying to control you for their own benefit.

      Those who care and love you tend to share their opinion differently, and often add something like – I will support you no matter what you decide even though I may not agree with your decision – and they mean it and you know they mean it. And the way they share what they think is open and without ulterior motive.

      Growing up with narcissists and the sort of people who hung around with them made me have to shut my ears to the ‘advice’ giving of others and figure out what I wanted and then stick to my guns.

      I don’t disregard what people say as there might be something I need to know in their words, but I listen cautiously and carefully, review it, and check their motives.

      Experience teaches us and shapes how we handle things, and it gradually evolves into some sort of wisdom.


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