Do Not Sleep… I Cannot Bear it…

DoNotSleep

 

“The man stared at me for some time, almost incredulous of my being capable of such energy of passion and command. But when he had, by the help of his dilated eyes, and gaping mouth, appeared to satisfy himself fully of the fact, his expression suddenly changed. He appeared to feel a community of nature with me for the first time. Anything of ferocity appeared congenial and balsamic to him; and, with oaths, that froze my blood, swore he liked me the better for my resolution. ‘I will keep awake,’ he added, with a yawn that distended like the jaws of an ogre preparing for his cannibal feast. Then suddenly relaxing, ‘But how shall we keep awake? We have nothing to eat, nothing to drink, what shall we do to keep awake? And incontinently he uttered a volley of curses. Then he began to sing.”

 

ICannotBearIt

 

“I implored him to cease, but this man could pass so instantaneously from the extremes of atrocity to those of levity – from the ravings of guilt and horror, to songs that would insult a brothel, that I knew not what to make of him. This union of anitpodes, this unnatural alliance of the extremes of guilt and light-mindedness, I had never met or imagined before.”

 

All extracts in photo and writing from – Melmoth the Wanderer by Charles Maturin.

 

What is your threshold of tolerance, your point of no return, and can it be crossed and surpassed to lead you into new and uncharted territory?

 

 

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15 thoughts on “Do Not Sleep… I Cannot Bear it…

  1. These days I am celebrating a brand new discovery- I have a threshold of tolerance and a point of not return.It might appear ordinary, but it took me 45 years to get to it, therefore mow people have to tolerate i am jubilating in my heart and giggling with myself.
    The threshold itself is that I have a mind, a body, and I am a definite being, therefore I have boundaries and I can say NO to whatever invades and trespass it roughly;before i used to think I had to gulp down everything in order to be loved, then I realized this didn’t lead me to be loved, and now I enjoy a very healthy way of not being loved because if I say no I am not very interesting to people. Actually I am not very popular at the moment but it’s like having a hidden touchstone, an amulet to detect who really are the ones dwelling in my world.
    It is truly an unchartered territory because I have never been able to get into it and all I can say is that it makes me feel free as though it was the very first time I breathed out of my prison.The dark side of the enterprise is that it takes a lot of energy and it doesn’t flow spontaneously, so I have to invest a lot of time in thinking how to say things properly and pluck up courage to utter them, to spill the beans. I am knackered.
    I am only stunned and angry at myself as it has taken me so long to wake up and i don’t have a clue about the reason why-i just can guess that denial is the only adaptive answer to a very negative a distructive family environment so I preferred to escape my reality of feeling which was lethal with a sort of protective screen to survive- but not to live.
    Thank you for teaching me that saying things help to get rid of our inner prison. xxx

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    1. Use the anger at yourself not as a weapon against yourself but as propulsion to keep moving forward in what you are doing. You did what you did before to survive what you had to survive, now is the time when you are discovering how to live in a different way, it’s no longer about just surviving, it is about living your life and doing it in a way which is real, authentic, and satisfying to you for you.

      What you’re doing is inspiring, let the inspiration flow and see where it takes you. This is uncharted territory, one which is all yours 🙂

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  2. I have sometimes surprised myself with how long it can take me to make major decisions – I am a real muller – but once I do I move quickly. When I decided to divorce my ex-narcissist, it was completed in three and a half months. It took another five months to get all his crap out of my house, but at least the house was mine again! 🙂

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    1. You’re a natural strategist. The mulling serves to prepare your entire self for the shift which will come once the decision is made. Sounds like a very effective approach to making major decision, especially as it seems to work 🙂

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        1. What a vivid image!

          Some of the most skilled thinkers tend to not be aware of their skill to its fullest extent, it’s part of the skill because it means the mind remains open to possibility, and thus is more agile.

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            1. And therein lies the secret to your intelligence!

              I’ve been brushing up on the Dunning-Kruger effect (otherwise known as The Smartest Guy (gal) in the Room syndrome) and other similar things, such as Imposter syndrome (where genuinely intelligent people don’t realise how smart they are and underestimate their intelligence). The human mind is still an unknown, what we know about it barely seems to scratch the surface, but the overall consensus seems to be that those who are truly wise are aware of how much they do not know and this keeps them open to learning, and there is always more to learn.

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