The Moon, Venus and Neptune walk into a bar…


In The Bar by Ricard Canals



The Moon in Virgo, Venus and Neptune in Pisces walk into a bar.

They all stop just over the threshold, inadvertently blocking the doorway so no one else can get in or out. They don’t mean to be rude or selfish, they’re just assessing whether their decision (which took ages for them to make) to enter the bar was a good idea or a bad one. The latter being their biggest fear, each for a different reason, and thus they need to be able to retreat as quickly as possible and pretend it never happened, each for a different reason. This is why they’re blocking the doorway.

Mars in Libra enters a few seconds later, stops and debates whether to push past the trio or wait for them to get out of the way of their own accord. Mars hasn’t been feeling himself lately (except in private) and his normally pushy self is hesitant.

“Excuse me…” mumbles Mars, trying to be diplomatic about this situation, “…please…” that hurt slightly, but it seemed necessary.

But the trio don’t hear him as their ears are assaulted by all the noise in the bar. Moon in Virgo thinks it sounds messy, and isn’t sure whether to tidy it up or sweep it all under a rug and ignore it. Venus in Pisces thinks it sounds like music, but what kind of music, one she likes or one which is not to her taste, under the influence of Neptune everything is beautiful, but… is it? Neptune is confused.

“Out of my way!!!” Commands Uranus in Aries. “I must get out of this place it’s impeding my freedom, step aside or be trampled, your choice!”

Uranus in Aries storms past the trio of ditherers, they had their split second to choose, they chose to dither. Uranus has no time to wait for others, freedom beckons, and waiting for others is akin to being in chains.

“How rude!” Mutters Moon in Virgo, casting an offended eye at Uranus who does not see it as he has already sped with lightening alacrity out the door. “Oh… I’m sorry, are we in your way?” Virgo adds, not sarcastically to the vanished Uranus, but with concern at a rather perturbed looking Mars.

Do I say ‘yes’ or do I say ‘no’, wonders Mars, which is the right answer? He feels a headache coming on, this sojourn in Libra is really cramping his style and is doing his head in.

Virgo Moon assesses the situation with an analytical eye, and steps aside pulling her companions out of the way with her. Mars nods, smiles grumpily and walks by.

Venus and Neptune look around at the Moon with perplexity.

What’s going on, why did you manhandle us, you know we don’t like it, they communicate telepathically to the Moon, who picks up on the communique and wonders how to beings so in tune with the needs of others could be so oblivious to the needs of others.

“Why must you criticise us all the time with everything you do and don’t do, say and don’t say?” asks Venus, looking sad. I am such a beautiful victim, she muses, catching sight of her lovely pathos in a mirror hanging on the wall of the dimly lit bar. “It makes me feel unloved, and you know how I love to be loved!”

“You make me doubt myself,” Neptune says, half to the Moon and half to himself, “am I who I think I am or am I who I do not think I am?”

“I’m not making you feel anything, you’re doing that to yourself.” Moon in Virgo points out, knowing that the sensitive are often completely insensitive to others and hyper-sensitive about themselves. Have either of these two sensitive souls considered how they make me feel? No, of course they haven’t, they don’t think that I have feelings because I keep such things to myself because they are my responsibility.

emotions and water

“Hello there beautiful strangers!” A voice full of mothering warmth embraces the trio and pulls them into the bar, “Welcome to you, come, come, be a part of the fun, we’re celebrating today!”

Jupiter in Cancer ushers the trio to a table in a quiet corner – realising that these three are delicate souls who need privacy, yet at the same time they long to belong. Jupiter in Cancer knows what people need and gives it generously, sometimes too generously.

“What can I get you, what’s your poison?” Jupiter laughs jovially. “Don’t worry, it’s not really poison! It’s the nectar of the gods on tap today! How about some champagne!”

“Yes, please!” Coos Venus, in love with this warm and welcoming fellow. “How lovely are you! How wonderful!”

“Does it make you forget?” Asks Neptune, not sure whether forgetting is a good thing or a bad thing, but sensing a thirst which needs to be quenched.

“How very kind,” Virgo Moon says stiffly trying to be polite, correct and social in a socially acceptable manner, finding the social part rather challenging, “we would love to share your celebration with you, what are you celebrating?” Remember to ask people about themselves, yes, yes, it deflects attention away from you and reflects how considerate you are of others, that you acknowledge them, because they matter, everyone matters… except you perhaps, but… “Are congratulations in order?”

“We’re celebrating being alive!” Exclaims Jupiter with a gush of enthusiasm. “We’re all survivors of this crazy thing called life, we are meeters of challenges, one and all!”

“Some people are luckier than others where challenges are concerned, they don’t know how lucky they are, they don’t know true suffering,” Saturn in Scorpio murmurs, passing by like a wave of sadness, heavy waters, dragging a large sign with ‘The End of the World is Nigh’ scrawled upon it, with an even smaller ‘Conditions apply, or need not apply, within’ scribbled underneath it, “they drift through life without diving and delving below the surface, but below the surface is where the reality of it all lies…”

“Are you using the word’ lies’ to mean untruth or a state of being in a horizontal position?” Mercury in Aries interjects with aggressive zest. “Effing grim reaper! Drink and be merry, today we are alive, tomorrow…” he slams a bottle of champagne and three flutes down on the table in the middle of the trio, the champagne bubbles up, pops the cork and overflows, “…tomorrow… ah, yes, we clean up the spills of today, or burn the bar down because cleaning is tedious!”

playful disposition

“Burn it all down, and build something new upon the fertile foundations of ashes!” Pluto in Capricorn shouts from his stool at the bar. “Look at your past, it is the foundation of your present, and your present is the foundation of your future! Incinerate the past! Be a phoenix!”

The Moon in Virgo nervously glances at Pluto’s hands to make sure he’s not holding a stick of dynamite and a match. Talk like that in the wrong hands could lead to something very messy.

“Don’t worry about him!” Jupiter gaffaws with vibrant emotion. “He’s just being himself, as we all should be on this glorious day! There is nothing more invigorating than being yourself and letting yourself be!”

Jupiter in Cancer walks up to Pluto, hugs him and plants a big kiss on his face. Pluto pushes Jupiter away, wipes his face, looks murderously at his loving assaulter and then laughs.

“Drinks all around! Today it is all on the house!” The Sun blurts and bursts out with delight. “It’s my birthday today…”

“It’s your birthday every day!” Saturn chides.

“Isn’t that a most wonderful paradox, coincidence, thingy-ma-jiggy!” The Sun explains with pride. “Complements and compliments of the house, be sure to indulge in complementary compliments!”


The Moon in Virgo looks at her two companions. Was it wise of them to come here. Venus smiles, she seems happy, she’s always happy when she feels loved, and right now she feels loved, sidling up to a rather vague and here-but-not-here Neptune. Neptune picks up the bottle of champagne and spills its contents into the three flutes, then hands them out to his friends.

“Drink and get drunk, who knows what we shall reveal to each other once we are intoxicated,” he remarks, to himself, to his friends, to the ocean of beingness of which he is always aware, “the collective unconscious awaits us, this liquid is the key to its door!”

So the trio drank and got drunk.

Strange things happened.

The Virgo Moon relaxed and became at ease with her emotions, she spilled her true feelings without worrying if those to whom she spilled were listening or not, were friends or foes, her logical faculties giving in to the illogical for once… in a while.

Venus in Pisces loved everyone without questioning if they loved her first, or at all, for to love without waiting to be loved can at times be more rewarding than to wait to be loved before loving.

Neptune in Pisces felt at home, whether the intoxication is real or unreal never ye mind, the mind is not all there… is in this world, in you, in all, and spoke of things which were dreamy and at other times seemed illusory but during the Bacchanalia the impossibly delusional was possibly genius, born of madness yet once born could become the seed of sanity for one and for all.

Then the polarities shifted. Those in Pisces became hyper-sensitively critical, and those in Virgo became magnanimously gentle. Things were said which were meant yet not meant… but would anyone remember such things in the morrow…

“Time will tell…” whispered Saturn from a dark and gloomy corner.

“YES!” exclaimed Uranus bursting in through the door, his electrical magnetism brightening the dimly lit bar. “And what it will tell you is that I’ve done something and when you find out what I’ve done, it’s going to blow the bloody doors off of this place and perception!”

And the world kept turning because it’s a weeble… it may wobble, but… falling down is not an option… in space… or is it.

Conditions apply, or need not apply, within… without… whither ye may go.

The Moon, Venus and Neptune walked out of a bar…several days later.