“Even as you suffer apparent defeats, you may discover that what you are losing is not really anything significant. You may learn that the needs of your ego are not your real needs at all.” – Robert Hand.
It is sometimes said that our own suffering makes us more empathic towards others and their suffering. Because we know what suffering is, we see it, recognise it, understand it in others. We understand what they are going through, because we too go through it.
Pain, sadness, grief, connects us. We all feel it, experience it, get to know it more than we would ever like to.
Yet our own pain, sadness, grief, and suffering can disconnect us too. Especially when our mind and ego get involved in how we process our emotions.
“It is difficult to take responsibility when you are feeling insecure.” – Robert Hand.
It can make us selfish, obsessed, unwilling martyrs, focused so intensely on our own need for… whatever it is we believe that we can’t live without and must have, and until we get what we want we aren’t going to give anything to anyone else, unless it gets us what we want. Our need to have our needs fulfilled can turn us into someone we would not like if we were separate from ourselves and came to us making the sort of demands which we are making of others.
“…you may try to get what you want from people in covert or subversive ways… Needless to say, this will only worsen your insecurity, not give you more confidence.” – Robert Hand.
When someone hurts us, does this give us the right to hurt others because we are suffering. The way we hurt others when we are hurting can be very loud or very quiet, obvious or subtle… sometimes it is so subtle no one notices the pain being passed on until they are deep inside the blue and don’t know why.
“This time in your life is likely to be confusing and full of doubt and fear…” – Robert Hand
When confusion, doubt and fear take hold, we are lost in the blue. Hoping someone will save us, yet dragging anyone who tries to do so into our blue, drowning them in our tears of grief. We drift down deeper, sadder, into our pain, our suffering cloaking us until we are lost within its folds.
“… you will learn there is really nothing to lose.” – Robert Hand.
Once everything is lost, including ourselves, we cross a threshold into emptiness, where…
“You will ask fundamental questions about what you are trying to do with your life as a whole.” – Robert Hand
And if you listen carefully to yourself… you will find yourself.
Into the blue.
To find you.