When Your Sense of Each Other Darkens…

Once Upon a Time



“Every friendship travels at sometime through the black valley of despair. This tests every aspect of your affection. You lose the attraction and the magic. Your sense of each other darkens and your presence is sore. If you can come through this time, it can purify with your love, and falsity and need will fall away. It will bring you onto new ground where affection can grow again.” ― John O’Donohue

When a relationship ends or hits a rough, dark and thorny patch. When the bliss which once was becomes the bliss which once was that you want to get back. When it seems as though someone’ s love for you has faded, lost its power to reach you, trickled away, been given to someone else. when you feel ignored, discarded, abandoned, by one who swore to love you, be friends with you, forever.

Things can get dark in the heart and mind.

They may be able to let go, but you can’t, don’t, won’t.

You are still in love, in friendship, in a relationship.

You can’t fathom what happened. It seems as though one minute everything was fine… yes, you had a few problems but who doesn’t, these things can be worked out… and the next minute they were gone. Without a word. Without explaining why. Without giving you the chance to say goodbye or find a way to turn the impending goodbye into a hello again.

We all experience this kind of heartache at least once in our lives… usually it happens more than once like a dreaded visit to the dentist who keeps pulling out your teeth whether they need to be pulled or not, and rather than healing a pain it causes one. There is no way to avoid this kind of heartache, it’s a rite of passage if you dare to risk to love, to relate, to be in a relationship with another.

We all have ways in which we deal with a break up.

Just in case you’d never considered it as a solution, let me introduce you to Black Magic Spam. If you have a WordPress blog you’ve probably received one of these missives in your comment folder – they come in different shapes and sizes, and their magic gets them through the spam filter. There seems to be an epidemic of them at the moment. This one is my favourite so far because it is so detailed. I’ve left it as is and have only removed the contact details… as I’m not promoting this as a solution to problems of any sort.

“Hello am Miss Nicolas.,From united kingdom .I will start by saying to all that have experience heart break and also cant do with out there lover should please stop here and read up my story, So as you will know how to go solving or getting your ex back from this spell caster..AND AGAIN I WILL WANT TO ALSO TELL ALL ABOUT THIS SPELL CASTER I WILL WANT TO TELL THE WHOLE WORLD ABOUT IS HARMLESS AND DO NOT HAVE ANY SIDE EFFECT, BUT TO RESTORE AND GIVE YOU BACK WHAT YOU DESERVE, COS WHEN I MEET WITH THIS SPELL CASTER THAT WAS INTRODUCED TO ME BY THE WIFE OF MY BOSS IN MY WORKING PLACE, HE MADE IT CLEAR THAT HE CAN CAST SPELL ON SO MANY OTHER PROBLEMS EXCEPT IN GETTING YOUR EX OR MAKING YOUR LOVER TO LOVE YOU MORE THAT WILL SUITE YOU. Last year December, My lover was cheating on me and was not also give me the attention that a man should give to a woman,And really that was troubling my mind and tearing my heart apart to the extent that i was not concentrating in the office the way i use to before the break up by my lover.And before that incident,I always see how my boss use to love his wife so much. I was binging to think that i was not doing the right thing to him that will make him love me forever,So i really gathered my courage and went to my boss wife office to ask her the secret that made her husband love her so dearly,In the first place she refused in telling me,She asked me why i am asking her such a question,That if is it not normal for every man to love his wife.I told her the reason that made me ask her about this question,That my lover started cheating on me lately,When i knelt down before her for her to see my seriousness in this issue that i went to ask her,She opened up to me by telling me that i should not tell anybody about what she want to tell me,The wife to my boss started to say to me that she used a very powerful spell on his husband to love her,And the spell that she used is harmless, But the spell is just to make him love her and never to look for any other woman except her. I QUICKLY ASK HER HOW DID SHE GET TO KNOW THIS GREAT,POWER,DURABLE AND PERFECT WORK SPELL CASTER,she said that a friend of hers also introduce her to him. Then i also ask her how i can meet with this spell caster.SHE SAID EVERYTHING TO ME,THAT THE NAME OF THIS SPELL CASTER IS Dr Ogba temple .My next question to her was how can i get this wonderful spell caster,She said she is going to give me the email of the spell caster for me to contact him for my problem,Really she gave to me this spell caster email and i contacted him and explained all to him,And after every thing that needed to be done by the spell caster, In the next two days, My lover that hated me so much came to house begging for forgiveness and i was so glad that i have finally gotten my heart desire..I was so grateful to this spell caster for what he has done for my life.. So i made a promise to him that i will always continue telling the world about his wonderful work towards me and also to other that came to you before and also the people that will also get to you from my story that i narrated online now..I will want to say to the entire world that you should not cry over noting again, That there is a great man that has been helping individuals to restore there Joy and smile in there faces !!  This is what i want to tell you all out there,That is thinking that all hope is lost ok..Thanks.”

If such a thing could work… why would you want it to do so.

I can understand why you might wish such a solution were possible. We wish many things were possible, especially magic, when we’re in a dark place, feeling the weight of crushing despair, desperation, powerlessness and hopelessness.

Love lost…

But if the only way to have someone love you is to force them to do so against their will…

Then surely the magic of love, which when it is given with free will is uplifting, inspiring, and transforms everything and everyone it touches into golden sunshine, becomes as blackened and dark as the spell used to bring it to you. You may get what you wish, but what did you have to give away to get it.


“I take no joy in mead nor meat, and song and laughter have become suspicious strangers to me. I am a creature of grief and dust and bitter longings. There is an empty place within me where my heart was once.” ― George R.R. Martin



Phantom of the Opera


  1. Thank you for this. My hackles instantly rose the moment I started reading Black Magic Spam. Sharing right NOW! xxx


    • Thank you 🙂

      I had half-hackles raised when I came across the first one of these, but then the eye-rolling and heavy sighing took over after I saw a couple more. These things seem to go in cycles, hopefully it’s an ouroborus kind of cycle with emphasis on it eating itself.


      • It is preying on the vulnerable, those people who are out of hope – and I find that pretty disgusting. Still, the Threefold Law will sort out any of that particular malarkey one way or another.
        Trouble is, this kind of thing nicks a tiny slice of ‘What if?’ in the minds of those sore-afflicted by circumstances.
        Your image of the ouroboros is brilliant and apt.


        • Whenever I think of magic, I think of the Threefold Law. Particularly when people are delving into the dark arts. Those who tend to do that often gloss over details like that, don’t think things through or only think it will work in their favour. They want what they want and they want it now, that obscures their vision and they don’t usually think ahead to what else may come or be lost with their wish.

          I’ve noticed more and more though in popular culture’s version of magic that the concept of spells going awry for the spellcaster has become more common than spells working out, especially for those using black magic. So perhaps those who may be tempted with the ‘what if?’ will have that as an influence to counteract the lure of the temptation.

          I tend to consider everyone as being savvy, if they are not life will teach them to be and then they will be. That’s how I learn 🙂


  2. …the other day I have drafted a pic (from a dating site ha ha ;p) and headline… I will go and publish it right away 😀 Buy, too, and book a session with muchly loveeee spell caster NOW!


    • Magic, at a price, seems to be the solution to all our problems. Yet magic has been around for ages… and we still seem to have the same problems, I wonder why 😉

      I use adblock (which is according to those who profit from ads a browser sin) so I never see those sort of ads. Thanks for sharing… me no buy 😀


  3. Love that isn’t freely given isn’t really love is it? I really understand what you wrote about the depth of the sadness. The not being able to fathom why and then the realisation that all along for the other person love was gone, if ever it was there at all……in a true form. I really feel it is a dark hard and so painful passage.. but on the other side is freedom when we truly accept reality… for illusions are hollow.. they don’t bring real comfort….and if we cant find the love for ourselves inside through this its hard to live….. Why would you want someone who really didn’t want you.. unless there were echoes of that kind of experience from a far earlier time?


    • There was a quote I heard the other night from a character on the TV series Weeds about holes, how there are so many holes within us which we try to fill. It reminded me of something from Carlos Castaneda, where he talked about energy holes. It’s something that is touched upon in many ways in relation to the human condition.

      Love is one of the things we seek to fill our holes. In many ways we see it as the ultimate hole-filler because when we are in love we feel complete.

      And as much as we get the concept of nourishing self-love, there is a part of us which values more the love which comes from others, which in some ways is natural, it’s part of the sharing of human relationships, part of the urge to relate, but sometimes we become more attached to outside love than inside love and the dynamic becomes unbalanced.

      We tend to think that what we need, what will really and truly fulfill us lies outside of us, is somewhere else and we must find it and get it by striving and reaching outwards. I guess this is partly because our earliest experience is exactly that. A baby’s needs must be met by those around the baby as the baby can’t do that for itself. In theory as we grow we’re supposed to gradually learn to meet our own needs, that we have the source of fulfillment within, but if our needs as a baby are not met, or are barely met, or if our needs are subverted, such as with a parent who is a narcissist and inverts the parent/child role, then we sort of get stuck in the process of moving from getting our needs met by others to meeting our own needs. It’s as though until our own tank is full, we can’t move on to the next stage of the process. And we pass this ‘stuckness’ on. If our early needs for love are not met, then we feel as though we only have a small supply, so we guard it and try to collect more. If someone gives us love, we want more. If we love someone, we may empty ourselves of the little we have then get distressed because of the emptiness. If we feel our emptiness too much, then we tend to seek a massive dose of love to fill us up, and small doses never feel enough. Yet lots of small doses add up and tend to be more fulfilling than one large dose (which often comes with a huge list of conditions).

      Thomas Moore writes about love a lot in a very interesting way.

      Btw, welcome back 🙂 missed your presence here!


      • Thank you 🙂 I missed reading your wonderful blog…. I loved what you wrote in this reply and the idea of energy holes and how we can be so unaware of these before we go through those painful experiences of trying to get them filled, especially by unavailable people who echo the energetic experience of when we were young…..so much pain and disappointment lies down that road.


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