Life, Dreams and a Doozy of a Week

life & dreams humor

When I saw this week’s writing challenge on The Daily Post: Worlds Colliding about the different personas and facets of ourselves which we use to interact and deal with life, I thought – This is fun! It got my questionable creative juices flowing because it falls into my wheelhouse of observing myself and being aware of the ‘different’ me’s who exist within the whole of me.

 

INTP -psychology

 

Overall I’m a what you see is what you get type of person (that can be interpreted several different ways, all of which apply).

Only I don’t know what you’re seeing and getting from me from your point of view. That can be rather confusing, especially when my view and your view of me clashes. I do try to see myself as others see me to better understand the interaction and their point of view (this is easier than waiting for them to do the same with me) and smooth the rough should it cause discomfort for others. I enjoy being considerate… up until that point where it means being inconsiderate towards myself.

How a person relates to themselves… matters. If you treat yourself badly… this is not a good omen for how you treat others, including if you treat others better than you treat yourself. No. Just no.

I don’t pre-plan how I’m going to act or behave, or what I’m going to say, mostly because I’ve learned I can deal with pretty much any scenario and person better if I’m flexible and authentic to the moment. I also trust myself (writing that made me wince a little).Β  And life and relationships are more fun that way. I’m lazy too… why prepare when I can just be.

I do have certain guidelines (these things build up over time and experience) such as – don’t swear like you normally do in your own company, keep your humor in check (it’s a tad too twisted, and it’s always too soon), keep your thoughts mostly to yourself…

 

recording dreams

 

…because not all people understand that when they think you’re thinking about them, even if they think you’re criticising and judging them, while you are listening and paying attention to them, your thoughts may be about something else entirely, letting them in on this fact may upset them.Β  I was listening to you, I didn’t realise that I also had to think exclusively about you too.

And I have MO’s for different scenarios, such as – when dealing with someone who is screaming in an angry way – stay calm – just because they’re losing it doesn’t mean you have to lose it too, don’t listen – angry people never listen to what they’re saying so why should you, don’t take it personally even if it seems personal – some people lump all their wrath at the world into one temper burst, wait for them to run out of tantrum steam or walk away and leave them to it.

I used to have to deal with angry screaming people all the time due to growing up with narcissists and often being the only safe place for those narcissists’ victims to vent. Without the narcissist factor involved people don’t tend to lose it in my presence, my effect is often calming, sometimes soporific.

My ego doesn’t need anyone to validate its ticket.

Aside from the guidelines, I wing it, live in the moment, rely on instincts and intuition. I didn’t always, but I’ve learned that this way is better… for me. Is it better for others? I don’t know, I tend to think of it this way – if I’m myself then they can figure out more expediently whether to like me or hate me.

 

openminded

 

So, I started writing a draft which focused on a social event which I have to attend in the not too distant future, which I’m not looking forward to mainly because I’m reclusive by nature…

I was out house hunting yesterday and when I asked the seller (the owner of the most frigging amazing quirky house ever which I probably won’t be able to buy due to this doozy of a week) about the ‘bad’ points of living in the house, they said – It’s quite remote and I don’t get to socialise as much as I’d like. – and I thought – How is that a ‘bad’ thing!?! – of course, I knew what they meant because they explained it, but for me that’s a positive.

…but for other reasons too, such as, to this particular social group I’m the designated ‘freak’. Which could be fun, and occasionally is, but mostly it’s not.

They’re good people… I can be good too (sometimes)… but we’re from alternative universes, or so it seems, and this creates problems of communication and understanding.

 

keeping up appearancesKeeping Up Appearances

 

Basically I have to understand that they will never understand me. I’m the minority, they’re the majority. Majority rules and likes to rule by keeping up appearances. I’m not bothered by appearances (my partner had to buy me clothes for this occasion because when I said – I’ll deal with it later – he knew I meant – I’ll just wear whatever – the plus side of this is that after 16+ years I’ve just discovered that my partner is an awesome personal shopper which is great because I hate shopping), what interests me is what lies beneath.

Something like that.

Oh well.

I’m used to it.

I kind of see myself as a freak too, particularly when I think of myself from the perspective of others. I’m rather attached to that perspective… it has its advantages.

 

freakstereotypical freak attitude

 

Anyway. I was going to write about that. And it was quite funny, at least I thought it was because (I think I’m hilarious) I let my sarcastic side write it. I do likes me a bit of the lowest form of wit.

But.

Then this week kicked in and kicked me… into other sides of myself. The most dominant one of the moment being the one who has to remain very level-headed – earthy Zen – even if other parts of me are screaming – PANIC STATIONS!!!

For the past year… almost two years… I’ve been having to deal with a Gordian Knot. I thought I had left this sort of thing in the past. I had even reached one of those wonderful points in life which occur when you let go of many of your old issues, stop saying ‘no’ to life and start saying ‘yes’ to it and start to relax into accepting the best instead of expecting the worst, just before this occurred and I felt intensely optimistic for the first time in forever.

I’ve gone through this knot and such in many ways and finally realised that the wonderful point was a milestone which said – you’re ready to deal with old bugaboos from the past. I had been looking at it from a more self-pitying angle and I knew I needed to snap out of that, but self-pity can be difficult to shake and escape. It has a strange comfort to it, even if it hurts like hell. I was doing the whole – Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in – routine.

 

Godfather

 

Since I’m partly Italian (the Italian charm thing is one of my social personas) and since being a part of a narcissistic family can feel like being in the Mafia… this seemed humorous and apt in a black comedy manner.

Don’t worry, I’m not going to explain any of this. I’m sick, tired and bored of it myself. And I’m relying on my – grit your teeth and shrug your shoulders, what will be will be whether you like it or not – persona to get me through this.

The image at the very top of this post describes this week and this whole situation perfectly for me. I also have dyslexia and this is how I read things sometimes. So it’s humorous on so many levels for me, and I need every drop of my personal brand of humour at the moment. It’s how I deal with pain, with pains in the patootie, and with everything really.

If you can laugh at yourself, at life, especially when it’s taking the piss… then you laugh with life rather than have it laugh at you and you get all angry, mopey and self-defeating. Sometimes I say – I give up. Sometimes I think I mean it. Usually I’m lying. I’ll give up when life gives up on me.

 

life support

 

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15 thoughts on “Life, Dreams and a Doozy of a Week

  1. Your post reminded me of an invaluable lesson I learned a long time ago from a very wise teacher. There was someone in class that really got on my nerves and that I did not like very much. He told me that that person is a mirror and I am seeing my own reflection. From that point on, each and every time I find fault in someone, I try to determine if what they are doing is actually something I do myself. Very often, I find that fault within myself in some form. It is a great way to grow because if I don’t like it in someone else…someone else won’t like it in me! I’m not sure what part of your post brought that to mind but I thought I’d share…it’s not meant directly to you πŸ™‚

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    1. I love that tactic too, it’s very insightful and can change the dynamic of a situation. I also use its cousin – if someone finds fault with you, pause before taking it personally to figure out if it is actually about you or if it is about them projecting an issue of theirs onto you. That one is very useful for taking the sting out of criticism and you learn a lot about the other person, sometimes what you learn can help to improve the interaction. It also works with compliments because people reveal a lot of themselves in the good things they tell you about yourself and in the things they like about you.

      Relationship dynamics are fascinating, they are so rich with layer upon layer of communications between ourselves and with others and them with themselves and all the ghosts of people past who haunt us. It’s a colourful tapestry, sometimes it depicts a battle, sometimes a festival.

      Thank you for sharing πŸ™‚

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  2. Italian charm??? I thought it was your English breed..but you are right there is some good authentic charm in Italians, in spite of themselves!
    I can whisper to you that actually, yes, somehow, mysteriously, I consider myself a freak too, and there are parts of it I just love.
    One day i will be able to love it all. Thank you for encouraging us. xxx

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    1. I think I should have said Roman charm. It’s a particularly Roman thing, at least what I’ve observed in myself when I do it is more in keeping with how Romans behave when socialising. I sort of talk louder than usual, gesticulate, laugh and grin a lot, and give people verbal hugs, something like that πŸ˜‰

      I find living in the UK really helps for the embracing of the ‘freak’ side as it’s almost mandatory to be eccentric in some way.

      I suspect most people think they’re a bit freaky to others, that’s how we know we’re all unique. πŸ˜€

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      1. i do agree with you, when i lived in Rome i felt people where warm and kind, their jokes never spiteful..

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  3. Loved this post, I can relate. somewhere along the way in the past 3 years of healing I came to that point of just being myself with slight adjustments for the situation and realized that I really don’t care if people like me or not as long as I am true to myself and live life honestly; I like me quirkiness and all, not everyone is going to like, God knows I don’t like everyone so it stands to reason not everyone is going to like me and that is just fine with me. I love “If I am ever on life support, unplug me….”

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    1. Thank you πŸ™‚

      I agree, it’s always wonderful when people like us, if they don’t like us… that’s up to them, as you said so rightly we don’t like everyone we meet. It would be a very different and slightly strange world if we all liked each other. I wonder if we’d all be as creative as we are if there was no friction.

      The most important relationship we have is with ourselves, so the person whom we need to like us is ourselves. How we relate to ourselves, how we treat ourselves, has influence on how others relate to us and treat us, we set an example. It’s odd how long it takes us to figure that one out, that we should enjoy being ourselves as is. I think we’re born with it, but it slowly gets covered up over time and then we have to dig it out again. The spur is often facing someone who hates everything about us, or everything they’re projecting onto us, and we get feisty and protective of ourselves and learn to appreciate the world inside of us. Or something like that πŸ™‚

      It’s great to just relax and be yourself, it’s like coming home after a long and tiring journey!

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  4. “angry people never listen to what they’re saying so why should you”–best advice I’ve heard in a while–thank you for an (as always) perceptive and entertaining post!

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