The Ant and the Butterfly

      Recently I watched a pack (okay, I know that's not the right collective term...) of red ants devour a dead butterfly. They did this so subtly it looked like the butterfly was still alive (it wasn't) and just doing what butterflies do. But this was nature doing what nature does in another... Continue Reading →

It’s Probably Matt’s Fault

Dear Matt... No, I'm not writing an open letter to you, my usage of 'Dear Matt' was just a figure of speech. Dear, dear Matt. The other day while emptying the massive pile of s... pam in my blog's spam folder, I received this message from WordPress.     Dear Matt. Oh dear. Dear, oh... Continue Reading →

Summer Lovin’… Had Me a Blast

Carnivals and funfairs are a part of Summer... or at least the weather which mimics the kind we associate with Summer. Some places seem to have that weather all year round. Year round Summer. Summer lovin' all the time. And those places often have carnivals and funfairs all year round too. We sometimes go out... Continue Reading →

Being a Child of Narcissists – what we need to give to ourselves

This post is written by MM. It is a comment which was made recently on my post - Being a Child of Narcissists - Breaking the Silence - and when I read it, I found it to be so inspiring, the thought and feeling expressed to be so powerful, that I asked MM if I... Continue Reading →

Mrs. Fix-it to the rescue

    One of my mother’s longest running stories about herself is that she is a Mrs. Fix-it, which includes being a martyr and saviour in its list of traits. Identity defining stories like that need a companion tale running alongside it to bolster it. Like a runner training for a marathon with their coach,... Continue Reading →

Seaside Sobbing

An absolutely beautiful post! A thoughtful observation of a slice of life… one which I think we can all relate to, I know I certainly do.

This captured moment. A moment lived in the here and now (which is now a there and then), a moment to be lived over and over again thanks to our ability to take photographs of our memories, and our human need to hang onto the past and remind ourselves of it.

Do we capture moments because they’re the only way we can prove that happiness exists and is not just a fleeting figment of fantasy…

But what if one person’s captured moment of happiness is a captured moment of distress for another?

Such is life. Random chaos disguised as order… little rows of photographs in a photo album. Smiling faces… but are those smiles real or just cheese for the camera, for those who will see this moment, those who have lived it and those who have not.

Another gem from a blog full of gems amassed into a treasure chest.

Thank you for sharing!

The Nice Thing About Strangers

At the park, the family waits for their turn on a swing. The huge contraption has two benches that face each other so the family can all sit together–knees to knees –and sway back and forth.  Mom and daughter take the side facing the sea. Dad holds the toddler son. The son gapes from under a blue hat, horrified by the structure now caging his mother, and not in the mood to join her.
Dad climbs up anyway as the child screams and cries. Dad tucks the squirming boy in one arm and takes a picture of his wife and daughter with the other. Then he passes their camera. The child sobs on, facing his mother as she mops up his tears, but the father seems to think his son is only warming up to it the experience. Dad wants pictures with the coast in the background. The mother seems…

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Mars in Scorpio – The Scorpion Strikes Again

Note by the blogger: If you ended up on this post (I have no idea what I was rambling on about in this post) while looking for - Mars in Scorpio eyes - try this post instead - Mars in Scorpio Eyes - The Eye for a Lie. Please be aware (even though it is... Continue Reading →

How To Get a Narcissist to Love You

  The title of this post comes from a query which keeps cropping up in the search criteria in my stats which informs me of what has led someone to my blog. Since I’m fairly certain that I haven’t written a post about this, I thought I would address it so as not to disappoint... Continue Reading →

Beauty and ‘attracting’ the Beast…

A beautiful post by a beautiful soul exploring the meaning of beauty for them in their life both past, present and also future. I came across a quote the other day which asked - Who would we think is beautiful if society did not tell us who is beautiful? When I was growing up I... Continue Reading →

Trapped in a Perfect World

    “Inside the snow globe on my father's desk, there was a penguin wearing a red-and-white-striped scarf. When I was little my father would pull me into his lap and reach for the snow globe. He would turn it over, letting all the snow collect on the top, then quickly invert it. The two... Continue Reading →

Saturn Day Soundtrack: Far From Any Road…

We're all here and we're all queer... one way or another. The song which is working its way through my psyche's ears at the moment, which is a part of the soundtrack of my mind, is Far From Any Road by The Handsome Family.   From the dusty mesa Her looming shadow grows... Continue Reading →

The Benefits of Making Mistakes

      The most obvious benefit of making a mistake is learning a lesson. Whether what you learn is how not to do something or that you never want to do that again, or a million other possible lessons… you learn and live to make another mistake. Hopefully a different one. Hopefully not a... Continue Reading →

Oh, dear, not another post about forgiveness! #sociopath #abuse #recovery

Brilliant post! And very worth reading if you are struggling with the concept of forgiveness.

This issue comes up a lot when trying to recover from a traumatic relationship. Especially when other people weigh in on our story.

I discussed this in a reply to a recent comment on one of my posts – Forgive and Forget and F*** Yourself Over and Over Again – and in my reply I said this:

“Forgiving a narcissist is more about forgiving ourselves for having loved them and allowed ourselves to get caught up in their reality. For having been fooled by them and for having denied our own truth to support their version of it. So we really need to focus on cutting ourselves some slack, being gentle with ourselves, being compassionate towards ourselves. Forgiving ourselves.

They don’t really need our forgiveness, they’ll just waste it if we give it to them, use it against us, but we do need it. But as always we get caught up in what they need and forget our own needs, and that festers.

Other people (interfering) tell us to forgive them, but what do they mean by that? If this had happened to them, would they forgive as easily as they expect us to do so? Most people tell us to forgive people like narcissists because 1) they don’t want to hear about our problems anymore, they want us to shut up. 2) It sounds like the sort of thing a ‘good’ person would say and they see themselves as being a ‘good’ person. 3) They can’t think of anything else to say. 4) They feel superior when they say it, and they’re fairly certain that nothing like this would ever happen to them. 5) they’ve never been in a relationship with a narcissist, don’t understand the situation and think (as perhaps we used to) that all people are good and sometimes do bad things, and thus should be forgiven and given another chance, or at least a chance to make amends. There are other reasons, I’m sure.”

As I see it, the only person to whom you owe forgiveness is yourself. Everyone else can take care of themselves. If someone is pressuring you to forgive someone else before you are ready or willing to do so – ask yourself why they need you to do something which you are not ready or willing to do. What is their vested interest? And if you do what they want you to do, perhaps to win their approval or because you feel you should, who has to deal with the consequences of that – them or you?

Take care of yourself, look after yourself, focus on what you need to do for yourself.

Thank you for sharing this, Paula. Great post from an inspiring soul!


From my experience with my recovery and communicating with others about their recovery, it’s clear that we all have very different interpretations of what it means to forgive. Depending on many factors such as our religious beliefs, spirituality, and life experiences, we put various degrees of importance on forgiving our tormentor(s) and even define “forgiveness” to suit our plan. The beauty of this community is that we respect each other’s interpretations and give each other room to grow and recover unrestricted and at a pace and with the tools that work best.

Unfortunately, it’s the folks who have not experienced the extreme effects of emotional, spiritual, physical, and financial abuse who seem to have the most criticism of how we choose to heal and move forward. I think many on the outside of sociopath/narcissist abuse fool themselves and judge many survivors with regards to forgiveness. These seemingly, well-meaning folks insist that we must forgive, according…

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A Funny Old Thing…

If there is one thing which is consistent in my life, it’s this - I’m a funny old thing and people have a hard time trying to figure out how to pigeonhole me. Every time they think they know where I fit and pop me into a box, there is always a part of me... Continue Reading →

Grin and Bear it… Or is it Bare it?

“You’re always smiling…” the delivery guy said to me this morning, stating a fact he had noticed rather than criticising or complimenting with his words, “…so many people on my route complain.” I added a soft laugh to my smile, one of those laughs which fills in for words as I really couldn’t think of... Continue Reading →

The Pitter Patter of Cloven Hooves

Okay, sheep have hooves, not cloven ones, but being woken up long before it was my time to wake up by the pitter patter of rebel escapist sheep hooves making their way loudly past my window onto the busy road close by... Meaning that, unless I'm completely heartless and irresponsible, I'd have to leap out... Continue Reading →

Internet Treasures: Fun Ways to analyse your Blog

My post yesterday was rather serious, as I was in a deeply contemplative mood. As is often the case when I feel myself diving too deeply into the inner ocean, especially the dark parts of it, which is necessary and rewarding, but I don't want to drown or lose my sense of perspective, I tend... Continue Reading →

Casting a Seed…

“Once in a golden hour, I cast to earth a seed, And up there grew a flower, That others called a weed.” ― Alfred Tennyson There is a belief that. You reap what you sow. But. Sometimes. There are those who reap the benefits of what others sow… They collect the ripe fruits, pick the... Continue Reading →

Sunday Reflections: Quo Vadis

  If you missed my post yesterday, some of this post may not make sense... it may not make sense anyway,  like a cat sipping a bowl of soup on a beach towel. Sunday is the one day of the week when I can sleep really late and not feel guilty about not feeling guilty about... Continue Reading →

Having My Cake (Yum) and Eating It Too…

  “Nobody gets everything in this life. You decide your priorities and you make your choices. I'd decided long ago that any cake I had would be eaten.” ― Donald E. Westlake    This post is a blog/blogging related post. In other words I'm going to bitch a bit about the behind the scenes of... Continue Reading →

Life’s a Beach…

  Beach: Why don't you ever visit me? Me: Because you're too far away. Beach: Perhaps you are the one who is too far away. Me: Not at this moment... I am here. Beach: And so am I. Me: I am so happy to be here. Beach: So am I.     *Fifty-Word Inspiration.

The Unredeemed and Vampire Venus

  “Undoubtedly these aspects give persuasive power; but it is only the foul power of hypocrisy. It rests upon illusion. All that is dim and faery in Neptune, instead of being confined is made horrible by the essential falsity and worthlessness of the unredeemed and vampire Venus…” - Aleister Crowley on Neptune and Venus I... Continue Reading →

Stuck in a Rut

I wrote this a while ago... I was going to write something new for today, something similar to this, but then my mind reminded me that I had already been there and done that so why not just use the words I had already expressed to say what I was going to say. This theme... Continue Reading →

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