Sunday Reflections: Quo Vadis

yogi berra

 

If you missed my post yesterday, some of this post may not make sense… it may not make sense anyway,  like a cat sipping a bowl of soup on a beach towel.

Sunday is the one day of the week when I can sleep really late and not feel guilty about not feeling guilty about it.

However this Sunday I was woken up at the crack of dawn by a good Samaritan who had been driving along the busy road near my house and had encountered some obstacles in his car’s path – three very rebellious sheep.

 

 

GardenRebelsSheep

 

This ewe and her almost adult lambs just refuse to stay within the boundary of their field and ignore the mild shocks of the electric fence which is supposed to keep them in – for their own safety.

I spoke with their shepherd today and he explained that one of the reasons he had sheared the ewe (she – far left – looks weird and not just because I used a funky filter on the photo) the other day was in the hopes that no longer having her thick coat to insulate her would make her less brazen about crossing the electric fence.

Nothing seems to stop this trio.

The good Samaritan stopped his car and chased the sheep back to their field… he had to do this twice… because he was worried that they’d get hit by a speeding vehicle. This stretch of road is one of those where cars, motorcycles and trucks are allowed to put the peddle to the metal and experience unrestrained speed. Kind of like the sheep, drivers get fenced in and sometimes they just want to roam free for a while… feel the wild wind of freedom caress their skin, whatever that skin is made out of.

When we get those moments of wild roaming… oh, how wonderful they are!

 

born to be wild

 

 

And yet…

Where are we going?

Where are you going?

Where am I going?

The latter question is very much on my mind at the moment. It keeps repeating… and I don’t have an answer. I have many possible answers, but none of them really satisfy the question. Or me.

I’m one of those people – who sometimes annoy other types of people because… I believe that everything happens for a reason (conditions apply).

The other day I read two excellent posts about how our external circumstances and events can reflect our internal experience:

100th Post! My Years as an Involuntary First Responder

Transiting Neptune comes calling…….

Those posts spoke to me personally at this time because… right now there is what could be described as a perfect storm, and yet is not really perfect or a storm, it’s not that dramatic, but sometimes it feels like it.

So much of what is happening in my life keeps asking me in one way or another – Quo Vadis – Where are you going?

I sort of have to move house… I’ve been tentatively house hunting… and I could in theory go anywhere, yet things like my interaction with the good Samaritan remind me why I like this area so much. People still have time for other people and matters which interrupt the flow of their own narrative, they still go out of their way to lend a hand unconditionally just because they can, there is a sense of community without it being deliberate, forced, a duty performed which is done for show – look how good a member of society I am compared to others – yet not heartfelt… this is one of those places where humans can show their humanity without  needing points and medals for it. They just do it because it comes naturally.

 

a real friend

 

 

So why would I ever want to move from here?

To juxtapose that… I’m involved in a legal scenario which is very much a case of everyone out for themselves and screw everyone else… while pretending to be altruistic and fair and those sort of things.

This legal scenario was not on my radar when I answered the question – Where are you going – a couple of years ago. It derailed my destination plans and continues to do so. As much as I’d like to think that I could have avoided this scenario… facing it was a necessary detour.

It has brought much chaos, but there is order within that chaos which has therefore brought a certain order to the past… a past which affects the present and not just because of this legal situation overwhelming and dominating the present and putting any plans I had had on hold. Our past always affects our present destination, sometimes overtly, sometimes covertly, its influence is there.

This is one of those transformational times in life where it is necessary to face the past in the present to change the old order and let a new order happen.

I know I’m being vague, but… on Friday I discussed this at length with my partner, my wisest council, and someone who is very much affected by any decisions I make and therefore has an equal say in things… I really don’t want to discuss it again just yet. I have some decisions to make… it’s just that I’m changing almost daily and the decisions which I might have made not so long ago no longer apply, something different is emerging and it needs some time to reveal itself. Do I have that time… I’m not sure, time always gives me a wibly-wobbly headache.

 

doctor who

 

 

Something someone said to me on Friday/Saturday triggered an old pattern yet in a new way. It was a culminating point of a week which had a similar interactive theme. People saying seemingly random things to me which stung me in some way. Those things where not meant to sting, they were meant to stroke soothingly, perhaps even uplift (me or the speaker or both, not sure) and yet they had the adverse effect.

 

thomas sowell

 

 

My eyes see things differently each time I see them… hear them… experience them. Yet…

I have always known, sensed, when someone was trying to impose their will on me, whether for my benefit or detriment, sometimes the two motives and intentions intertwine…

As this insightful post observes:

Feeling Important, Being Manipulated

When someone is trying to impose their view of me onto me and in some ways demand that I adhere to their version of me, negative or positive – especially when it is questionably positive… I have an adverse reaction. It is something which has always brought out the rebel sheep in me, the one who’d rather get electric shocks from crossing a barrier than stay where I’m told to stay.

If someone tells me that somehow I am ‘superior’ to others because they say so, and since they are ‘superior’ to others their view of me, their say-so, is an exalted gift and thus I have to accept it, bow down to it in acquiescence for their word is law and any argument of their word is viewed as treason and would have me be relegated to being inferior to those whom they view as inferior, the sheep, the sheeple and other such terms. I would become the worst of the worst – How dare I decline the crown they are offering me, doing so makes me the lowest of the low…

I say… No.

 

Susanna Kaysen

 

I refuse to be who you need me to be to define yourself… I am not an extension of your identity, please remove me from your identity definer’s list. If you choose to keep me on as a means by which you confirm your version of yourself, please be warned I will malfunction. And since I am a very flawed human, I will enjoy malfunctioning.

I grew up with this sort of shit, I’ve rebelled against it constantly and used it as the anti-destination for Quo Vadis…

“I would never do anything which would harm my daughter, I am a perfect martyr and saint of a mother…” – claims my mother seconds before she then claims – “…I do not know why my daughter no longer wishes to speak with me, perhaps she was brainwashed by ‘evil’ beings or is dead… it suits my purposes for her to be believed dead even though proof proves otherwise…”

I paraphrased that… but not by much.

 

 

pin the tail on the scapegoat

 

Goat… sheep… family… nature…

I have no idea Quo Vadis… or Quo Vado… or whatever,  but I do have an idea of who I am. That idea comes from being alone with myself and getting to know myself. I know who I am (I don’t care if you agree or disagree), I just don’t know where who I am is going.

The old order changeth yielding place to new…

 

Is the new order this…

The Webb Sisters If It Be Your Will Glastonbury 2011

 

or this…

Muse – Uprising

 

or something else…

 

 

extra room

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Sunday Reflections: Quo Vadis

  1. Quo vadis? Whither goest who? Whither, hither, or thither? while dithering in a dither?

    I was born in the ’60s, and way back remember seeing your astro chart with North Node in Aries. Me, too. And this who-knows stuff ? ? I was reading something by Robert Hand about Whole sign houses, and while playing at astro.com I discovered OMG, the South Node is now in Aries, and using the whole sign system … what the F…! they are in the same house. North and South Node together and opposite … am I going forward backwards? or backward forwards? … and with the not knowing which way is which … WGAS … who gives a shit!

    Me, Mel, Melodie

    Like

    1. Thank you for sharing 🙂

      That’s something which I hadn’t considered as an influence on the now. I read a while ago about the Inverted Nodal Return and its effects, but since the transiting nodes are still far from my natal nodes I filed it away in my mind for later and forgot about it.

      I liked this article about it the most – http://rubyslipper.ca/2014/02/the-nodal-returns-meeting-your-future/ – as it was simple, clear and concise. Some of the other descriptions on Nodal Returns were a bit on the OTT side, for me anyway. One suggestion was that during a Nodal Return we access past life abilities, but only if we’ve dealt with the challenges of our natal nodes or something like that. It went very X-Files and I just thought – I don’t want the truth that is out there, I want the truth which is in here (meaning inside of me).

      I’ve always been a ditherer. I used to only view it in a negative way because I wanted to be more decisive, then I noticed that the dithering wasn’t so much about being indecisive but something else. I tend to dither the most when someone else is trying to influence my decision, pressuring me in some way, dithering acts like a fail-safe giving me a pause for thought where I can gather more information.

      My natal nodes fall across the 1st/7th house axis. The transiting nodes are working their way through my 2nd/8th house axis, so if they are affecting my chart it’s in the area of personal values/values of others – which is a theme at the moment. And I am definitely experiencing a shift there, but transiting Uranus is in my 8th, and its close to my natal Saturn there – so what’s happening could also be affected by that. This are definitely of the Uranian variety. And Uranus is just the sort of planet which would encourage going backwards to go forwards 😉

      Where do the nodes, natal and transit, fall for you? And are they making any aspects?

      Like

      1. Smiles…warm ones…and kindnesses, too…lots of them…’cause every heart loves to be loved.
        I did read rubyslipper. Actually, I’ve pretty much given up on astro-garble. You know the story of Gaugelin, the researcher who sent 500 people a 10-page natal reading? Of the first 150 respondents, 94% thought the reading was spot-on. Thing is, he sent everyone the same horoscope … based on the natal chart of a mass murderer.
        Like you quoted in your post, “It is hard to imagine a more stupid or more dangerous way of making decisions than by putting those decisions in the hands of people who pay no price for being wrong.”
        Ah, the power of the placebo…we already know the person is full of shit, but we pay them $25 or $50 or $350 to flatter us. Without rubes, con men would be out of a job.
        As for past lives, I had a dream…totally amazing colors. In the dream, there was a woman who was having a past life dream. I was her past life dream. She was a future me; and she was dreaming me, and asking me to get my life together so I wouldn’t mess up hers. Amazing, amazing, amazing.
        So, who’s past life are you?

        Me, Mel, Melodie

        Like

        1. Gauquelin did many experiments into astrology, that one was similar to The Forer Effect using personality tests. Both of which are very intriguing, but what they show isn’t that personality tests or astrology are faulty, they simply underline that such things are subjective. The test was less about astrology and more about human psychology, since Gauquelin studied psychology much of what he did focused on the human psyche. The experiment and the results are interesting. It also highlighted something many psychological experiments have shown and that is that human test subjects are prone to being influenced by the experimenters due to a certain desire to please those in authority. The information they were given in the form of astrology interpretations was neutral, however they were given the astrology data with a proviso which influenced their thoughts and the results. Much of the data which is gathered from these sort of experiments has been used by companies to advertise their products. It’s a fascinating area of study.

          Subjects such as astrology are neutral and become what we make of them, good, bad, rubbish, brilliant, etc, when we apply our consciousness to them. We are motivated by our own intentions to find or not find what we are seeking or not seeking from the subject.

          There is a certain Solipsism to the human experience of life and everything and everyone in it. Everything is garble until our will turns it into language, and then our minds tell us whether we understand it and approve of it or not. Ego plays a role in that. If you are seeking to prove something, you will influence the results you find to support your view.

          So something like astrology becomes whatever you make of it. If you want it to flatter you, then it will, and ego will think such a thing is marvelous and will pursue it seeking more food for the ego. But what if something you read is unflattering, then what. Ego will take offense and reject it. Then ego may choose to go on a campaign to prove that what offended it deserves to die and must be annihilated and no one is allowed to use it because it offended ego. Ego does not like to feel foolish.

          Yet other parts of us revel in being foolish because it can be fun. The 94% had fun, so does it matter if what they read was real or not.

          If you want something like astrology to tell you who you are… it can’t do that. The interpretations are written by someone else, so will tell you more about who they are. However your reactions to the interpretations can tell you about yourself. It’s all in how you use whatever you use, and what results you are seeking. We find what we seek… what we find and what we seek, tells us about who we are.

          The same applies to things like time travel and past lives.

          Your dream sounds awesome. Do you recall what you were thinking before you had it, what influenced it? What question it may have been answering?

          According to certain philosophies we all have multiple future selves, a new future self is created each time we come to a crossroads in life and choose a path. So are you the past life of just one future self or many?

          Humans are fascinating.

          Like

Comments are closed.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: