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Every now and then, often once a day, in the search criteria which led someone to my blog, I find a Capricorn related problem.
As in:
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‘capricorn seem cold’
‘do capricorns mean it when they say i love you’
‘capricorn man silent treatment’
‘why do capricorn men give the silent treatment’ – this keeps coming up, hmmmm…
‘giving the capricorn man the silent treatment’ – more hmmmm…
‘why capricorns never age’ – not sure if that is a problem!?!
and the winner for most commonly used search related to a Capricorn…
‘capricorn sociopath’
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Capricorn – voted most likely to be a sociopath… according to others.
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What does this all mean?
Well,
for those who aren’t Capricorns,
it means you find Capricorns annoying, mystifying, secretive, or something along those lines.
Basically you have one idea of how your relationship should work and the Capricorn with whom you’re in a relationship or with whom you want to have a relationship is not going along with your idea… your ideal… which is not cooperative of them at all, it must be them and not you, right?
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Relationships are always complicated… whether you throw astrology into the mix or not.
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Two individuals trying to merge in some way,
two chemicals trying to blend…
things could explode,
fizz,
fizzle… out.
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Oil + water…
Fire + earth…
Wind + fire…
et cetera…
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Flammable liquid + flame…
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Baby, won’t you light my fire…
Ffs, Baby, why are you dousing my fire!?!?!
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Astrology is a useful tool for figuring stuff out… but it depends on how you use it.
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A cautionary and very funny tale (whoever created this is a genius – I can’t find the source, the creator, and so I can’t give credit and link to them – which I really want to do. Capricorns like to give credit where credit is due.):
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.
.
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That guy, this relationship, is doomed… but maybe he likes playing ‘Doom’.
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I love astrology, it has many uses.
The Capricorn motto, according to astrologers is – I use.
I use astrology.
It can make sense of things which other subjects can’t… in ways other subjects can’t, don’t and sometimes won’t because then you’d figure things out for yourself… and some subjects and the people who use them and claim to be experts at using them – you can’t use them if you’re not an expert (according to whom? Those experts, perhaps?) don’t want you to do that. They don’t want you to figure things out for yourself… because then you wouldn’t need them and their expertise.
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Hmmmm…
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One of the things I like about astrology is that it blends black and white, negative and positive, right and wrong, and so on, it shows two sides, the extremes, and then shows all the stuff which lies in between the two. The sweet spot between extremes can be found, even if just for a moment. Saturn, the ruler of Capricorn, knows how to play with time and stretch moments. It has a positive side as well as its more well known negative side. The task master, the disciplinarian… has a soft underbelly.
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Under the tough exterior of a Capricorn is a soft underbelly.
We just know it’s stupid to expose it to just anyone and everyone.
We learn from our own stupidity and try not to make the same mistake twice. We don’t mind being stupid if we learn from it. That’s life. However… make other mistakes, new ones, instead of the same one, an old one, over and over again, because… that’s just stupid on a whole other level. That’s a professional and expert kind of stupid… we’re ambitious, or so we’re told, or so ‘they’ say, so I guess that could be where our ambitions lie, but we’d rather our ambitions didn’t prostrate themselves in such an endeavour.
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You’ll never be able to piss us off as much as we piss ourselves off…
however, there are times when you can come close to winning this particular competition.
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Such as…
So you think that the Capricorn whom you know is a sociopath.
Why?
Because they’re not considerate of your feelings, maybe?
And you labeling them a sociopath… is you being considerate of their feelings?
Oh… they don’t have feelings, according to you, because they don’t express feelings the way that you do, the way that you want them to… so they must be a sociopath!
And it’s perfectly okay to accuse them of being a sociopath because they don’t have feelings like you do so they won’t mind… or maybe you’re poking them, hoping to get them to react to you. If they can feel pain when you inflict it… then I guess they’re not a sociopath.
What an… interesting test.
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Hmmmm….
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Did it ever occur to you that you’re an emotional wrecking ball… according to the Capricorn.
And the only way they can deal with your emotional overload is by distancing themselves from you, as a means of self-preservation.
You want them to be who they are not… and because they refuse to be who you want them to be, you have an emotional tantrum, and then accuse them of being cold, a sociopath, giving you the silent treatment.
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Maybe they are only a ‘sociopath’ around you.
Maybe they are only silent around you.
Maybe they are only cold around you.
Maybe it is you and not them,
rather than them and not you.
Maybe it is them around you.
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I’m sure you’ve backed up your accusation with ‘proof’ and ‘fact’.
Does everyone who knows them agree with you… ah! Fact and proof!
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Perception is everything.
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Your perception… is your perception.
Others’ perception is others’ perception.
My perception is my perception.
Neither right nor wrong.
One person’s right does not make another person wrong,
even if you want it to. Even if others want it to and agree with you.
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Perception changes. Sometimes very subtly.
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Those who support you… can turn on you in a split second.
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What applies to you applies to others… not necessarily the way that you apply it.
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Perception in relationships gets very muddled,
whether you use astrology, psychology, or whatever…
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We project, reflect, transfer… and get hopelessly confused.
Empathy isn’t always what you think and feel it is. It is more than a one-way flow of feeling,
are you sure the feelings that you’re picking up empathectically really belong to the other person?
Maybe you’re just picking up what you’re projecting… the feelings from which you have disassociated.
Their shit may be your shit.
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I’m a Capricorn.
But,
it’s only a small part of who I am. It is not who I am.
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If you use astrology, then use all of it, not just the part which suits your intentions, motivations, and goal.
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An astrology chart is a representation of a whole with many slices. The Sun sign is a small slice of a whole cake.
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My whole cake is here.
I am a Capricorn Sun. With Virgo rising, Virgo Moon in the 12th house, conjunct my Asc (my ass), Pluto in Virgo in the 1st house, trining my Capricorn Sun. Uranus in Libra in the 1st house, conjunct Jupiter in Libra in the 2nd house, which loosely conjuncts Pluto, and trines Mercury in Aquarius in the 5th house, which squares Mars in Scorpio in the 3rd house which… and so on.
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We’re not just one thing, not just our Sun sign, not just a personality disorder (someone else may diagnose us with)… we have many layers, many slices.
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We also sometimes get given layers and slices of other people’s cakes…
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Your problem with me, with a Capricorn…
is it really my problem, the Capricorn’s problem, or yours?
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Maybe it is a problem for both of us…
50/50… or something like that.
Sharing fairly is not a human tendency, as much as we pretend it is.
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So, next time you think the problem is the Capricorn… maybe it is just how your sign interacts with their sign.
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Relationships are complicated… however you look at them.
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Our relationship with ourselves is complicated, so why would we expect it to be simple where others are concerned?
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So, to answer those search queries from this Capricorn’s point of view, which may differ from other Capricorns:
If I seem cold to you… ever wonder how you seem to me, maybe I think you’re cold and I’m reflecting you back at you.
If I say ‘I love you’ I mean it. I do not use ‘I love you’ as other signs do. I thought and felt things through before I decided to say it. I may only say it once… with words… but I will say it over and over again with actions. If you can’t ‘see’ how much I love you… why is that my problem?
Capricorn and the silent treatment – usually means we know you’re not listening to us, so why bother to speak. You only want to hear what you want to hear, rather than what we want to say. What we have to say offends your ears and what they want to hear. That is why we are silent. Our silence speaks volumes, if you can’t hear us when we speak, maybe you’ll hear us when we’re silent… but we doubt it. You are a non-listener to others unless they say what you want to hear.
Use the silent treatment on us… we’ll be relieved.
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Capricorns and aging, forwards, backwards, etc – we relax with age and become sillier. Stick with us through our premature old soul youth, our curmudgeon days, and you’ll reap the rewards of our immature crone years. We know who sticks with us… so don’t try to pretend around us.
As for the sociopath label often glued onto us – some of us are indeed sociopaths, so are other signs, but if we are we won’t put up as much of a pretense about it as other signs. Capricorns value authenticity. If you’re effing with us, pretending to be all non-sociopathic and non-narcissistic, accusing us of being who you are… we’ll see it. We make keep quiet about it – give you what you call the ‘silent treatment’. Or even suck up to your version of reality and us. Because you’re not into authenticity even if you say you are. Sometimes we’ll let you call us ‘names’ if it suits us. We know that such things reveal you more than they reveal us… but we keep an eye on what they reveal about us, and an eye on how much you refuse to see what they they reveal about you.
We’re ‘tuned into’ hypocrisy. We know we are hypocrites, we know all humans have this trait, we know all humans don’t want to know they have this trait. Maybe that’s what annoys you so much about us… and why you accuse us of certain things… things which may belong to you… as well as us.
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Before you accuse me, take a look at yourself…
Before you accuse a Capricorn… check your own sign out.
Once you’ve voiced the accusation at me, at a Capricorn… too late… we’re now looking at you, and not in the way you perhaps wanted.
We all want attention, we don’t always like the kind of attention which we get.
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Be careful for what you wish.
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Any questions?
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Should I have asked that?
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UPDATE: Due to the amount of comments which this post has generated (and which I really did not expect, nor was I prepared for it) from those who are having relationship problems of one sort or another with a Capricorn… and seem to think that this Capricorn Sun (me) somehow has answers (which I really don’t) for you about your particular Capricorn (a human being who just so happens to also be born under the Sun sign – Capricorn), I thought I’d add some astrology links.
Please remember that Capricorns are people, like you are. Sun signs are just archetypes which may or may not be relevant.
Confronting Astrological Misconceptions by a Sagittarian Mind
If you’re using astrology to figure someone out, please remember that they’re not just their Sun sign (just as you are not just your Sun Sign), there’s a whole natal chart, with so much more to it… including transits of the moment.
This is a good site for relationship astrology information – Sasstrology
Speaking of transits – If you know a Sun sign Capricorn, transiting Pluto is in Capricorn (which a lot of astrologers have repeatedly written about), at the moment and for a long while, and this is causing havoc for everyone, not just Capricorns (we all have Capricorn in our natal charts), but especially for those with their Sun in this sign. Slack-cutting is the best approach to this… don’t expect Capricorns to behave ‘properly’ during this transit.
For more about transits, and all things astrology – Ruby Slipper Astrology – is a great blog to visit.
Everything you need to know about Capricorn:
First off – written by Linda Goodman, astrologer extraordinaire (and an Aries) – CAPRICORN, the Goat via sunsignsbylindagoodman – this site also has Linda Goodman’s views and interpretations of all the other signs. I suggest that you check your Sun sign out.
Second in line – The Capricorn Wedding from Star Guide to Weddings by April Elliott Kent of Big Sky Astrology.
If you are an Aries or Libra, then this series of articles may be of relevance, as those signs ‘square’ Capricorn and therefore there will be friction:
If you are a Cancerian (and I have to admit I’m flabbergasted by how many Cancerians seem to have romantic relationships with Capricorns), then my advice is to research the ‘opposition’ between Cancer and Capricorn. Those signs are on opposing sides of the zodiac axis, which means that they tend to have similarities which are vastly different.
This is a quick overview of that – Cancer/Capricorn Axis
Hope this helps… Best wishes to you!
An Upturned Soul 
[…] slightly confusing knot thanks to how WordPress organises comments and replies on this post – Do you have relationship problems with a Capricorn?) before I was ready to do so and let loose some Mars in Scorpio fairy dust mixed with Pluto in […]
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Hi Ursula I’m really impressed about your helpful comments.I would like to hear your advice.I really don’t believe astrology but sometimes is really helpful to understand a part of people’s nature.I’m in a relationship with a Capricorn man 9 months.He is really reserved and careful,is really hard for me to understand how much he likes me, I’m not good at make him feel really open.I express more my feelings and sometimes I feel like I’m the one who cares the most.He’s life was really closed and different really reserved,I can’t say more details cause is really private.I’m he’s first relationship, and the first girl who cares really much sometimes he likes it but there are other times that he doesn’t, which confuses me!! We live far from each other and this is a difficult thing in a serious relationship, cause doesn’t help us to mix our life together and get emotionally close.In the past our relationship was really hard I thought was better to leave so before I did I kissed another guy to forget about him but was impossible everything brings me back to him.I hate my self for this action, I would do anything to change it. I never told him cause I’m afraid I don’t wanna lose him and I know is gonna change his opinion bout me.I’m really afraid of losing him.I really honestly love him and I’m really dedicated, I can’t read he’s feelings toward me.I miss him but he is always bussy, I would like to have more he’s attention.He act so cold but inside is really sweet,and many times he cried infront of me,he is realy shy ,not focused and head in clouds. My emotions are upside down!! I don’t know how to handle it!! I would really like to hear your opinion 🙂
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Thank you for sharing 🙂
If you’re using astrology to help you get a better sense of a person’s nature you need to look at more than just their Sun sign, particularly if what you want to know is how a person deals with their feelings. The feeling nature in astrology isn’t shown by the Sun sign, it’s shown by the Moon sign.
The Sun sign represents ego and can give an idea of how their ego perceives feeling, how their ego has experienced feeling and chooses to deal with it. Capricorn Sun signs tend to keep their feelings to themselves which is why they often appear to be cold. Capricorns tend to think that others don’t care about their feelings, or that revealing their feelings makes them vulnerable to being taken advantage of, of being hurt by the callousness of others, and many other things which ‘ego’ fears and therefore they keep that information to themselves, putting a wall up between their feelings and the outside world.
Perhaps because they keep their feelings private many Capricorns can be intensely emotional on the inside – but they rarely show it to others.
However it very much depends on their Moon sign.
The Moon sign shows how a person experiences feeling inside of themselves, how the emotions express themselves within, what they need to feel nurtured and how they nurture.
For matters concerning love you also need to look at the Mars sign and Venus sign.
Here’s a quick overview of the Moon signs and how they experience feeling – http://the-numinous.com/know-your-moon-sign/ – check your own Moon sign out first so you can get a better idea of what the Moon sign is about.
To find out your or someone else’s Moon sign if you don’t know it usually requires knowing time of birth as the Moon changes signs regularly and may change signs during the course of a day, however you can look it up without knowing a time of birth by checking an ephemeris – an astrological calendar, (but keep in mind it may be in the sign before or after that one). Astrology website often have Moon sign calculators like this one – https://cafeastrology.com/whats-my-moon-sign.html
Mars and Venus signs are easier to figure out as those planets stay in a sign for much longer periods (you can find those out following the links given on Cafe Astrology – which is the site I linked you to for figuring out the Moon sign, they have loads of astrological information on there).
From what you have shared it sounds like you have a good grasp of your Capricorn’s feeling nature, you’ve taken the time to pay attention, observe, and listen to him. You pause to notice when he does express his feeling nature. You’ve understood that getting to know him and his inner self will take time and patience because he is shy, reserved, painfully cautious. You’ve learned not to take his aloofness and distance personally.
You obviously care very deeply about him – he’s noticed that, Capricorns may seem like they wouldn’t notice love even if it hit them on the nose and made it bleed, but they do, they can be incredibly sensitive to the tiniest of signals they just won’t show it in obvious ways.
It sounds like you have a really good relationship which can if both of you want it to be long lasting. The obstacles in your way will most likely bring you closer together, but you do have to make a conscious choice about that, both of you need to agree that you want what you’ve got together because relationships require that both people work together and want it.
It can take awhile for a person to decide that they really want a relationship, and it may take incidents like the kiss which you had with someone else to help you in making that decision. Love is a twisting path and sometimes things like that kiss happen – what matters is what you discovered because of it. Don’t worry about having kissed someone else, you don’t need to tell your Capricorn about it unless you really can’t live with a secret – a little mystery and privacy in an intimate relationship can be a good thing. If you have to tell him make sure you do it without emotional drama or he’ll end up thinking it was more serious than it actually was. If you can tell it to him like you told it to me because that story focuses on what’s really important to you.
You can’t lose someone who really loves you – you tried to leave him and your attempt to leave showed you that you loved him more than you realised, so you returned. However the fear of losing someone and their love can cause chaos in a relationship – tackle your fear of losing him, discuss with yourself what’s really going on within you. What is that fear really about and how can you solve it for yourself. It sounds like some insecurity has been stirred up and your need for more of his attention, and your need to know exactly what he’s feeling is driven by this insecurity. Falling in love can stir up all sorts of insecurities within us, can make us emotional in ways we’ve never experienced before, can confuse us and make us feel too much. Take deep breaths and pause to let things settle, chat with yourself as you would with a dear friend.
And perhaps spend some time checking out your own astrological chart to see what it shows you about your own nature.
You’ll be fine, trust your instincts, trust your love, trust yourself 🙂
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Ursula I wanted to ask you another thing my boyfriend has a lot Scorpio in he’s chart and I am a Scorpio, I’m really jelouse and I can’t hide it, cause I’m to loyal.My motto is all or nothing but my boyfriend is in between and this drives me crazy.He feels like he doesn’t know him self,maybe cause he doesn’t have so many experiences in he’s intimate life. He is so distracted,with the head in clouds.As you said I have this emotional problem which I can’t figure it out with my own self,and this made me really intense,I take my feelings and he’s actions to serious.I feel hurt but at the same time love.I really wanna find a way to not be so hurt and the way is to not take him seriously which I can’t..I feel pressure and sadness but mostly hurt.
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I can totally understand the all or nothing approach – I tend to do that too, especially as I have Mars in Scorpio which can be very intense. When I fell in love I dropped everything and chased the one I love halfway around the world. I hunted him down Scorpio style. It only occurred to me later that this was rather crazy, creepy, stalkerish and not really romantic. Luckily he thought it was cool, perhaps because he’s got Mars and Venus in Scorpio so he was comfortable with intensity in relationships.
I shared that story to show that you don’t have an ’emotional problem’ just because you have a different approach to the relationship from him, and just because he has a different approach to love than you do doesn’t mean it’s because he ‘lacks experience’. There is nothing wrong with either of you and your styles of relating, your styles reflect your individuality – the problems occur when those styles are different and clash because of the difference, and when you have an issue with the other person’s style because of the clash of differences you may end up in a vicious cycle of thinking your style is the right style and the other person’s style is wrong, then flipping over to thinking their style is right and yours is wrong without ever being able to decide or see that you’re both right and wrong.
Mars in the chart represents your action orientation, how you go after things and people, your style of passion and how you express it, your natural impulses. In relationship astrology Mars is often used in combination with Venus to figure out attraction/seduction styles, what attracts us and how we approach what attracts us. Some astrologers use Mars in a female’s chart to find out what she seeks in a significant other and they use Venus as a guide for how she attracts/seduces others, while with males they tend to use Venus to see what sort of partner a man seeks and Mars as a clue to his style of seduction – and while that method can be spot on sometimes it can also be limiting because it uses gender stereotypes.
Here’s a quick overview of that – http://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=456
The issues which are bothering you may be connected to how your Mars/Venus interacts with his Mars/Venus.
You can find interpretations for all the combos here – https://cafeastrology.com/articles/venusmarscombinations.html
The fact that he has a lot of Scorpio will be attractive to your own Scorpio, and your Scorpio will be attractive to his – he may even like the fact that you’re jealous and show it. You’ll both be comfortable with intensity and may seek out intense people… but intensity varies in each person.
This site writes a lot about intensity in astrology – http://www.elsaelsa.com/astrology/scorpio-the-least-appreciated-sign-in-the-zodiac/ – there’s also a great forum which answers all sorts of astrology related questions – http://www.elsaelsa.com/forum/relationships/capricorn-intensity/
One of the hardest challenges in love is accepting the other person as they are. It’s very common for people to fall in love with the way someone is and then as the relationship progresses to end up finding what you fell in love with to be annoying. Perhaps his aloofness was attractive before because it made him a prize to be won, getting his attention meant you had to be someone truly special, but now that you’ve got him you want him to be different, you want him to change into someone he is not to suit you better – his aloofness is now maybe making you feel not special enough. If he is a naturally distracted head in the clouds type of person then he’s always going to be that way, it doesn’t mean that he’s not serious and intensely into you, he just expresses it differently from the way that you do and that difference is what is bothering you – you want him to be more like you are, but if he was you probably wouldn’t have found him attractive in the first place.
This is a link to an article about relationships which offers another way of perceiving the problems which occur – https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/199403/soul-mates – an excerpt from it is below:
“In everyday life there are always opportunities to honor both separateness and togetherness. Often one person in a relationship feels one emotion more than the other. In his essay on marriage, Carl Jung describes one partner as the “contained” and the other as the “container.” Maybe the best way to tend these two needs is to notice where the anxiety is. A person in a marriage who is longing for freedom, finding marriage too confining, might best avoid the temptation to flee and instead work at reimagining marriage and partnership.
Many people seem to live the pain of togetherness and fantasize the joys of separateness; or, vice versa, they live a life of solitude and fill their heads with alluring images of intimacy. Bouncing back and forth between these two valid claims on the heart can be an endless struggle that never bears fruit and never settles down.”
Are you really jealous or are you afraid of something.
Jealousy is sometimes caused by someone projecting their own issues onto their partner, sometimes jealousy is how someone hides their own lack of love for their partner, they hide it by turning it into them thinking that their partner doesn’t love them.
Ask yourself why you are jealous, explore the jealousy when it arises and investigate what its story really is.
What is it you really want and are you expecting someone else to give it to you instead of giving it to yourself?
The complications and problems in relationships are part of the gifts which being in a relationship offer… through relationships we learn more about ourselves, trying to figure someone else out may result in us figuring ourselves out or realising how little we understand all the richness within our psyche 🙂
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I’m scared cause I have really deep feelings and I’m jealous cause my boyfriend never complimentes me, once I have asked him in a scale of 10,he said I’m an 8.To me he is a 10!! When I see him being to social.. My thoughts start hurting me cause I feel like someone else is better for him and I’m gonna loose him. My problem is my self,I don’t have confidence and he didn’t help me,I’m to loyal that I’ve become unsocial to boys. The problem is our Mars mine is more obsessive (Scorpio)as yours. And he has the opossite Sagittarius.Thank you very much Ursula I really admire you,I wish to have more often your good advices!! 🙂
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I would guess that I’m probably much older than you (since you’re referring to males as ‘boys’) – aging may be something which cosmetic companies want us, especially women, to fear (and therefore buy their anti-aging, beautiful-making products), but it offers certain ‘wisdoms’ which you can’t buy in a bottle or get from a cosmetic surgeon.
When you’re young and you fall in love – your whole world revolves around the person you love, your self-esteem, self-confidence, self-worth, and feeling of being beautiful come from them – they can lift you up or bring you crashing to the ground with one word, one look, one moment of not giving you what you need to feel good enough…
Because when we’re younger how others see us, what they think of us, etc, is important to us, it helps to shape how we see ourselves, it’s part of that time in life when we’re focused on the world around us and what it can tell us about ourselves and our place in society.
When you’re older you’ve learned that things like compliments are overrated (and are often used to sell you something which you don’t want or need), that your confidence, worth, esteem, etc, doesn’t come from others, not even your significant other who you love more than you love yourself. But it takes awhile to get to this, it takes experiencing life, living it, finding it painful, getting hurt… and learning from these.
8 out of 10 is great, it’s definitely a compliment, it’s the sort of compliment men are prone to giving women thinking that women will be happy to be an 8 (chances are the man giving you an 8 is comparing you to a super model 10, and probably a photoshopped super model 10 – so 8 is excellent unless you’re a super model who has been photoshopped into a 10), but men don’t understand that you don’t say this sort of thing to a woman, especially not one who loves you, thinks you’re a 10 and expects you to think that about them too. Older men will have learned this lesson but a younger man has yet to learn it and is more prone to saying stupid shit which he thinks is a compliment but which the woman he says this too won’t see it that way at all and will feel bad that he said it.
Although if he has Mars in Sagittarius… Sagittarius tends to just blurt things out and it’s rarely tactful, fueled by Mars this Sagittarian tendency can be abrasive, like rubbing your skin with a cheese grater. They value honesty and honesty to them isn’t always the sort of truth which suits other people – they rate other people by how they respond to having a cheese grater applied to their skin.
In this moment in time he’s the one who should be scared that he’s going to lose you – but he probably thinks everything is okay. Men are simpler about love and relationships than women are, men don’t analyse every nuance as much as women do and don’t read so much into their interactions (which is why they get fewer wrinkles, perhaps). If a man loves you he loves you (and men may actually love more deeply than women because they don’t think about love as much as women do, they feel it and that’s pretty much that, but they often don’t show how deeply they love you, it’s too deep to show), he won’t necessarily buy you flowers, give you chocolates, remember your birthday, take you out to fancy restaurants, shower you with compliments, etc, as proof of his love – for proof of his love you’ll have to look in places where women don’t always think to look. If he’s sharing himself with you, sharing his passions (like his football team, his collections of Marvel comics, etc), then he trusts you and loves you.
If he looks at other women… mainly that just means he’s a heterosexual man looking at other women. If he flirts with other women that = he’s flirting with other women and it just gave his ego a sparkly boost. It means nothing about how he feels about you – if he does this in front of you it could mean he feels safe being himself around you. SO be careful what you use to make yourself feel bad and not good enough for him – he doesn’t know you’re using him and what he does this way and he probably thinks you’re okay and that everything is good between you two.
Being a woman is a very complex experience. Being in love is also very complex. Put those together and – a woman in love – is a puzzle within a puzzle both for the person she loves and especially for herself.
Let this experience help yout o get to know yourself better – both the dark and the light within 🙂
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Thank you Ursula!! you are so wise that people can learn a lot.Glad to take your advice. Sad that I cannot ask you more 😊
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[…] I get quite a bit of traffic on one of the posts I wrote about my Sun sign – Do you have relationship problems with a Capricorn? – and often get asked by other people to explain why their Capricorn is being difficult, […]
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I met a Capricorn, back in September, we went on 3 amazing dates, we were text every few days before that. We joke, laughed etc but I called him and he did not answer busy.. I have been doing reaching out every few days he does respond, but sometimes he won’t reply to my reply??? I think we have a date in a few weeks.. I am crushed what should I do?
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Thank you for sharing 🙂
If you’re dealing with a Capricorn, and this Capricorn is someone you want a relationship with, what you should do is…
1 – not be crushed because they’re not behaving like other more sensitive signs or the way you need them to behave to make you feel okay.
If you don’t want to get crushed – avoid Capricorns. They don’t do it on purpose most of the time, it’s just an accidental extra which comes with a Capricorn being a Capricorn.
Capricorns are tactless, often oblivious to the finer subtleties of delicate human interaction, and don’t cater to the ego or the sensitivities of others. They don’t expect others to do this for them, in fact they expect others to attempt to crush them at every opportunity. They’re used to being crushed themselves and have found that it’s a character building experience. If you can survive what you perceive as them crushing you, and do it with little to no drama (especially emotional drama), and you stick with them, they will reward your character, mettle and loyalty with a rock you can cling to when everything else in life falls apart.
They’re the kind of friend/lover/etc who is there for you at the end of the world, but you need to get through the rough to get to the soft – and you need to decide whether you can do it, whether it’s worth it for you because you will have to be very patient.
2 – if you have a date in a few weeks then you have a date in a few weeks. Nothing has changed. In the meantime it’s business and life as usual for your Capricorn. Your Capricorn is simply dealing with their day to day business, life, career, and burdens, responsibilities, in between the time they were last with you and the next time they will be with you.
He’s probably really looking forward to that next date with you and is focused on getting all obstacles out of the way in the meantime so that his job or family or other responsibilities don’t ruin his date with you.
3 – when a Capricorn is busy – they’re really busy and not lying to you about being busy (unless they’re a really not-Capricorn Capricorn). A busy Capricorn gets on with their business.
His not replying to your text, email, reply, etc, simply means he has nothing to say – as in nothing he feels is worth saying. A Capricorn is similar to an Introvert – so while you’re waiting for a reply or your next date you might want to look up info on Introverts online. Shy, stoic, doesn’t say much, often socially awkward which makes things awkward for everyone, they speak when they feel speaking is worth doing and don’t speak just to fill silences… silences are highly valued by Capricorns, if they share a silence with you then it’s like them sharing a secret with you.
If you want things to work between the two of you you’re going to have to calm down, relax, get Zen…
also astrologically – if you’re into astrology a bit more than just using Sun signs for relationship stuff – Mercury – the god of communication – is retrograde at the moment (retro Merc = communication problems), in Capricorn and Sagittarius (and Saturn is in Sagittarius atm too with Mercury conjuncting it while retrograde)… silence right now may be better than talk.
Also worth pointing out, if you’re using astrology… transiting Pluto is in Capricorn and right now it’s squaring Jupiter and Uranus, with the Sun joining in… challenging stuff for your Capricorn (whose birthday is sometime now – thus he’ll have a friction filled solar return).
Overall it sounds like things are good between the two of you thus far and for the near future, and this is a good time for you to reflect upon whether a Capricorn is really the right type of sign for you – depends on your sign which you haven’t mentioned. Capricorns are hard work, silences are normal, we’re very loyal but we’re also rather boring for those who want to be a star in a romantic film, book or story.
Best wishes!
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Dear Ursula: I was wondering whether you could kindly shed some light on how to deal with Capricorn moodiness, anger, and Capricorn “arrogance.” My boyfriend is a Capricorn, and I have a few close friends that are Capricorns. I notice that the Caps in my life tend to get moody sometimes, and I just don’t know what to do when they are in that frame of mind. It seems the more that I try to show that I care and give attention my way (by being attentive, asking what’s wrong etc), they tend to get annoyed. However, sometimes they can be in that frame of mind for a long time (hours, even a couple of days).
In the meantime, I just don’t know what to do to make them feel better – or whether I should just leave them alone (but wouldn’t want them to feel neglected). In terms of anger, the issue that I have with Caps is that sometimes they can be quite harsh with their words and tone of voice, but if I reciprocate, it seems to make things worse. I sometimes think that they do not realise how harsh they can be, and even find it a bit hypocritical that they can be harsh, but I can’t be harsh back. One blog I read on the same matter said, “Another thing that Capricorns would never appreciate is to match their temperament or their mood swings. It is necessary to know how to forgive them, and know how to cool down their temper.” It is true that if I have ever tried to match their temperament, they have gotten even angrier/more harsh, in my experience – However, at the same time, where do I draw the line of trying to remain calm, knowing that a Cap doesn’t mean to be as harsh as he/she sounds, and yet not feeling disrespected or “crushed.” As you said in one of your last comments here, “If you don’t want to get crushed – avoid Capricorns. They don’t do it on purpose most of the time, it’s just an accidental extra which comes with a Capricorn being a Capricorn.”
I love the Caps in my life, which is why I stick around, but it is true that sometimes they will crush you with their suppressed anger and harshness, which is perhaps intrinsic to being Saturnine. How do you maintain your integrity while being crushed by a Capricorn that you know is a good person, but is just angry in the moment? My tactic has been to match my boyfriend or friend’s anger, but I find they would just get more hard-headed lol. Also there is the issue of “arrogance” (which I put in quotations, because I don’t think a lot of Caps mean to be arrogant – they just come off that way). Most of the Caps in my life seem to have a hard time saying sorry, and also feel that their opinions are right. I find that they can be somewhat unreasonable and inflexible when it comes to seeing another perspective or point of view. How is the best way to get through to a Cap that doesn’t seem to acknowledge your perspective – and thinks life is hard, and you should just suck it up? The weird thing is, with the Caps in my life, I can see the sensitivity, the loyalty, the depth of love – and I know and feel they mean well. But I find some of the Cap traits hard to deal with – and I wonder whether instead of feeling hurt, I could perhaps understand the Cap energy a bit better. Some websites on astrology say that Caps have a tendency to be domineering. I do not want to take the harshness personally, yet I do not want to enable the tendency to be domineering and inflexible. Don’t know if any of this makes sense! Would appreciate some of your wise words. Thanks!
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Thank you for sharing 🙂
What Sun sign are you? That’s not a trick question. Whatever Sun sign you are, and whatever else you have in your whole chart which also comes into play – you are amazing in your patience and insight into Capricorns!
The moodiness is a problem both for Capricorns and for others around the Capricorn when Cappy is in a mood.
One of the first hurdles in our relationship which my partner and I had to work through was what he should and shouldn’t do when I was in one of my moods. It didn’t help that at the beginning I refused to admit I was in a mood when I was – this is typical of Capricorn it seems. So when he was walking on eggshells because I was in a mood, I’d get annoyed at him for walking on eggshells. Why are you walking on eggshells, I’m not one of those people that needs that kind of treatment, stop it! Yeah… that wasn’t helpful on my part. I was a total Cappy brat – moody, arrogant, angry, and refusing to admit to being any of those things.
Our sign does not like it when we feel vulnerable and if someone who cares for us makes us aware we’re vulnerable and might need some TLC from them… we become too painfully aware of a conflict within between really wanting TLC because we’re vulnerable and wanting to be independent and invulnerable (most Cappies know they’re not invulnerable however most Cappies usually have to pretend to be that way to deal with life and other people and what other people expect of us – such as to be stoic at all times, shrug things which would crush someone else off, carry burdens which would break someone else’s back – this usually begins in a Cappy’s childhood with parental and adult expectations, and whatever starts in childhood is a hard habit to change).
Astrologically defined the moodiness is one of the traits Capricorn shares with its polar opposite sign on the zodiac axis – Cancer. Want to understand a Capricorn’s moodiness – look up the sign of Cancer and the interpretations of Cancerian moodiness. Capricorn moods are almost identical to Cancer moods – however both signs deal with their moodiness differently. Cancer looks for nurturing when it is in moody mode, it reaches out to others and demands attention, caring, catering to its sensitivity. Capricorn is in some ways more typical of the Cancer symbol, more ‘crabby’ when moody and it goes deep into a shell when hurt, vulnerable, moody, angry – arrogance becomes a defense in those times rather than just the usual Cappy arrogance of thinking we know-it-all and know better (which we don’t but sometimes we do). Capricorns also tend to move sideways when in a mood, skittering off to hide under a rock – don’t try and dig them out if they’re hiding, they will pinch your poking bare fingers hard.
That’s a generalisation – to be more specific you will need to explore the rest of your Capricorn’s natal chart.
Mars for anger and arrogance if those are ‘actions’. While arrogance is typical of Sun sign Cap – how that arrogance plays out when active will be better understood by looking into the planet of action – Mars. What’s your Capricorn’s Mars sign? What aspects does Mars make to other planets? What house is it in? My Mars in Scorpio appreciates people who challenge me and meet me on my level. I like a good match. I may not like it while it’s happening but I will respect it later when I’ve stopped being such an a-hole. It might actually pause me in my a-hole mode and give me much needed food for thought. So I prefer it when people match my temperament and call me out on it. Not sure why someone wouldn’t want that but I can hazard a guess about it.
Moon for emotion and nurturing needs – If the Moon is in an Earth sign, leaving them alone is nurturing, they need to ground themselves. In a Water sign they will leak all over the place and may need containment. In a Fire sign they might need to blow off some steam, roar, fire-breathe. In Air, don’t fence them in or try to hold them down. Look at aspects and house placement for more info.
Venus for the nature of their ideals about love.
And check out Saturn, it will flesh out Cap Sun.
It’s worth making note of any planets which aspect the Sun (ego). Anything aspecting the Sun will affect the expression of the Sun sign.
And at the moment, transits are also worth taking into account because Pluto is in Capricorn, Uranus is in Aries squaring it, and Jupiter is now involved in the mix in Libra also squaring Cap – totally restructuring the sign and what it stands for, so all the Capricorns you know may be acting out or going into funks for longer than usual – and a typical Cap funk can last for ages depending on what it’s really about (and it’ll always be personal to the Cap, yet rarely about you personally).
In general terms and conditions – if a Capricorn is in a mood, back away slowly, don’t make any sudden movements, leave them alone. If they know you care for them you don’t have to remind them. If you want to remind them just say – I’m here for you if you need me but I’ll be in the other room on the other side of the planet so you have to come to me if you want my help. In fact they’ll become intensely aware of who really cares and who doesn’t while in a mood and it won’t require a recap – they will notice everything they may have failed to notice when not in a mood.
This quote:
“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” ― Marilyn Monroe
may be from a Gemini, but the second half of it could apply to a Capricorn in a relationship – we always notice those who can handle us when we’re at our worst, we always know when we’re at our worst even if we refuse to admit it, we know how difficult we are when there, we know it’s hard for those who love us, we’re not actually testing you but it’s quite a good test of your mettle and if you’re still there for us when it passes… you sure as hell deserve the best from us and more if we can give it. We may be awkward about it, but you already know that.
If we’re in a-hole mode we don’t expect you to take it, so don’t take it. If we’re being harsh – it’s the tip of the iceberg of what we do to ourselves on a regular basis, but that doesn’t mean you have to accept it from us just because we accept it from ourselves and our system has flooded and is overflowing. Respect yourself – this is something we respect in others (although this may be something that gets short circuited when we’re in a mood, it will reboot when we do).
Capricorns are domineering – all Cardinal signs are. That doesn’t mean you need to allow them to dominate you – Caps prefer people who don’t allow them to dominate, more of a challenge 😉
Bottom line – be yourself, be authentic, don’t take any shit from a Capricorn (we won’t respect you for it) however we will notice if you realise that we’re not as insensitive, harsh, etc, as we may appear (just don’t take any shit from us), take care of yourself and don’t sacrifice your well-being for us (it will only make us feel burdened if you do, and we always feel that way, we like it when we don’t… when people don’t burden us with responsibility for their well-being), shoot from the hip, be you – you being you is beautiful (even a jaded Cap can see that! perhaps we see it more sharply…)
Relax, deep breaths… you have all the Caps around you, who you are is obviously gorgeous to Caps so just be who you are 🙂
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Thanks for your advice, Ursula. I’m a double Pisces – so I’m very sensitive. The Caps in my life have taught me a lot – in terms of managing my sensitivity and establishing boundaries with others; which has really improved my life. Problem is, when Caps in my life get moody and I spend a lot of time, I tend to feel their emotions – which also impinges on their privacy, and even makes me feel sad too. So it’s good to know how to deal with their moods…and that it’s okay if I let them know that I am there, but it’s ok to just sit in another room. If I’m moody, I want TLC! But as you said, Caps want TLC but also don’t like feeling vulnerable. With a lot of pisces in my chart, I don’t mind being vulnerable at all (I just see it as a normal human experience we all go through sometimes) – but I understand that for Caps, emotions can sometimes make them feel exposed and maybe unsafe or doubtful of their ability to keep it together in a harsh world – and I shouldn’t take moods personally. Learning about the Cap way is almost like learning how to see life from a different perspective. My partner’s Mars is in Libra. Mine is in Leo. Thanks for letting me know I shouldn’t take any shit from any Cap 😉 Boundaries are an issue for me, so I have to keep reassessing them. Thanks again for your help!!
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I’m devastated the capricorn hates me . I messed up very badly and stupidly, possibly effects of mecury retrograde. Unsure how to fix.
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Thank you for sharing 🙂
You haven’t really described what the situation is.
When in doubt, use intelligent empathy – as in switch places with the other person, see things from their perspective, put yourself in their shoes. If someone did to you whatever it is that you did to this person (if you did indeed do anything to them), would you hate them for it and how could they fix things between the two of you – and do that.
Or approach it from the angle of – do whatever will make you feel better about yourself. Try to avoid defensiveness, justifying what you did by blaming it on the other person, making excuses for yourself. Own it, make amends, forgive yourself for being human (mistakes are a regular part of the adventure of being human). You can’t control the other person and how they feel, think, react, but you do have personal power over how you think, feel, react, so focus on taking care of yourself, and don’t beat yourself up about having made a mistake.
Keep things simple.
Best wishes!
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I love my Capricorn boyfriend we are one year together. I have anxiety problem,and I read the astrology calculation for 2018-2019 is gonna be hard time for capricorns which is gonna cause end in their relationships.And I hate this cause in past when I saw the calculation with my ex we really broke up and this base happened twice to me. I can’t sleep, Im afraid of loosing him because I love him to much, and I never told him that. I don’t know to handle that. And I’m so sad that this emotions are causing me being obsessed and jealous. And if I keep going like that I might loose him
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Thank you for sharing 🙂
When dealing with anxiety it is important to both acknowledge the anxiety, let it have its say, let it express itself and its fears openly to you, and to deal with it rationally, logically, talk things through step by anxious step. Don’t dismiss it, but don’t give it too much power over you and your life either.
What are you really anxious about? Discuss this with yourself in detail, gently.
You’re afraid of losing the person you love – this is a natural and normal fear when you love someone. Your significant other probably has a similar fear, he’s most likely afraid of losing you too. Love makes us feel vulnerable – that vulnerability is both wonderful and terrifying.
Things to consider before giving too much credence to astrological predictions – most astrological predictions are generalised, they’re for everyone but everyone isn’t going to have the exact same experience of a transit or natal placement, or even of a Zodiac sign.
Sometimes astrology is bullshit, especially when it is generalising and fear-mongering with its generalisations. Sometimes an astrological prediction isn’t about astrology at all but about the astrologer who is writing the ‘prediction’, and reflects that astrologers fears, biases and attitude. Good astrology is neutral – a position or placement has many optional ways it can go, and it leaves it up to you to choose your option. Bad astrology predicts doom and doesn’t give you options.
Why is 2018-2019 in particular supposed to be a hard time for Capricorns? What exactly did this astrological calculation which you read say? Please share the exact words and details of it, and link if you have it.
And why does it matter what’s going to happen in 2018-2019 when we’re just at the beginning of 2017 and haven’t gotten through what this year has in store yet? Previous years for all signs have been hard – mostly this has been blamed on the Pluto in Capricorn/Uranus in Aries square. This square is now ending and Jupiter in Libra is in the mix as it ends offering opportunity, blessings and optimism. This year started off with a T-square between Jupiter, Uranus, and Pluto/Sun. According to most of the astrological predictions which I’ve been reading recently the hard times of recent years are giving way to a golden age for everyone but only if we’ve dealt with the issues of our faulty foundations and have chosen to be more authentic and real about who we are. Whether this is true or not depends on many factors.
All relationships have the potential to break-up, they also have the potential to last. What really matters is where your personal focus is – if you’re constantly anxious about breaking up your anxiety could end up causing the very thing you fear. If you’re obsessive and jealous, your obsessiveness and jealousy could drive someone who loves you away because it makes them feel as though you don’t trust them and they need you to trust them.
Consider this – If the astrological calculations told you that everything between you and your loved one would be fine for the next five years, how would that affect you? If everything was predicted as being okay… imagine the best instead of the worst and see what happens within and how that affects what happens outside of you.
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My anxiety is coused by fears and my fear is loosing my boyfriend,capricorns men are weird.I don’t wanna misunderstand him cause it made me act possessive toward him and that’s so wrong. Thank you for responding! I really enjoyed reading your blog article’s, some of them helped me a lot! I read about Pluto remaining on Capricorns until 2024, and about the transition of staturn from Sagittarius to Capricorn at 20/12/2017 until 20/12/2019 and this might cause capricorns to break up from their relationships.I’m never gonna read astrology again!! I feel so stupid. I’m a Scorpio woman.
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I’ve read through all of your replies here and I can see a bit of my capricorn boyfriend in all of it but I feel a bit conflicted sometimes and I hope you can help me out?
How do I handle a capricorn man thats too direct and too blunt? He’s a capricorn with a moon in sagittarius and a rising in Cancer. I’m a leo with a moon in libra and a rising in Taurus (i should also mention his moon, mercury, venus and mars are all in sagittarius as well and then a whole lot of capricorn after that). While my Mercury is leo, my venus is libra and my mars is in gemini. It’s not that we dont have a great time communicating with one another. We have a similar sense of humor and we can agree on a lot of things but when we disagree on something, he gets very blunt and direct and thats something that will instantly hurt my feelings. For example, we met up to eat somewhere in which i was on time and he was really late, he told me to meet him in front of this restaurant (this area is somewhat of a shopping mall?) and so he starts telling me names of streets and stuff as if i know where these places are… and I say okay. I start walking around and I can’t find it even tho i had been there before maybe once or twice but its not a place im super familiar with ( I thought I kind of knew where it was) so I call him up and he basically tells me “why didnt you use your phone” I misheard and thought he said “You dont know how to use your phone?” My emotions flared up a bit there cause as a leo, i dont like people acting like im stupid and thats exactly how I thought he was talking to me. We talked about it a bit later and he was saying “youre a big girl, just use your phone next time”. And for me, who had already been waiting 30 minutes for him to show up, and also was thinking he would want to meet in the garage and then instead told me to go find this place on my own and meet him there, I was getting heated so after he said “I dont get why you’re getting mad” I stayed quiet to avoid confrontation. I tend to do this a lot because I’m very sensitive and cry easily, and not only cause im hurt but because im frustrated and angry and thats how i release my emotions. I dont want to argue or fight with him but it seems like he doesnt care to hold back a bit on the blunt tone he puts out. He talks this way with his friends and its almost as if hes talking to a business partner or someone in charge.. I’m his girlfriend not his boss where he can just be brutally honest with.. I dont get it.
We’ve had a few instances like this where he says things that are just almost too straightforward to the point where they end up sounding very rude to me. I’m a very sensitive person (not sure which part of my chart makes me this way) and he knows this, I even explained it to him clearly, but I dont know how to deal with it. ><
He also happens to bring up his ex and her name a lot which is something infuriates me but i hold back on talking about because I dont want to seem like im trying to control him I know that his sagittarius part of him likes freedom so i think about that and act cautiously but its becoming too much at this point where im losing it. They were in a relationship for a few years and broke up earlier last year, we only just started dating in November really but he brings her up and mentions moments with her that sometimes relate to our conversation but not all the time. He does it a bit less now compared to the beginning but its something that bothers me. I feel like he also gets a bit frustrated with me sometimes. Im indecisive on things… well moreso I dont care what we do. Im happy and content with anything we do. but he'll ask what do you wanna do right now? after we've already hung out for a bit and I just hm im down for anything and i feel like he may get a little annoyed that I dont make many decisions. To me, I tend to go along with what he wants because I dont want to hurt his feelings by saying no. I'm the type of person whos very cautious with peoples feelings and I dont wanna say anything that will cause conflict generally. (especially if i care about this person). .. Ah its frustrating because looking at our signs. I thought maybe we'd get along emotionally a lot better but it seems like its going a bit rough. Im also a person who likes a lot of attention. Compliments are great but I want to know that youre thinking about me by tagging me in stuff on facebook or sending me a link to a cool video. That stuff makes my day, but hes not necessarily too big on that… ill even purposely not text him so that he puts in that bit of effort. .. Any advice on how to handle this? I'm trying to become less of a sensitive person but its hard
I've been this way since i was little. I want to cry when I think someones mad at me.
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Thank you for sharing 🙂
You asked – “How do I handle a capricorn man thats too direct and too blunt?” – and then pointed out that your particular Capricorn has a stellium in Sagittarius. Sagittarius is far blunter and far more direct (and even more tactless) than Capricorn, so someone with a combo of Cap/Sag is going to be blunt and direct (and probably rather oblivious to how tactless they are and how it hurts others) no matter what. His focus will be on being his truthful, open and authentic self with you. While this may hurt some of the time, one thing you can count on is that he’ll always tell you exactly what he’s thinking and that is rather a rarity in a society obsessed with political correctness and the rewards that pretty lies can bring. It’s how he’s been designed to be by the universe just as you have been designed to be sensitive.
Your sensitivity is beautiful, it’s a gift you have naturally – don’t change it! If you feel inspired to cry, let your tears flow without shame or worry, they are pearl drops from your inner ocean.
Just as you shouldn’t change yourself, he shouldn’t change himself either. So, how do you make your relationship work when you are so different? Seek out the bridges which connect the two of you – that which drew you together, which holds you together, the things which you share, your similarities. Focus on what works between the two of you rather than what doesn’t.
There’s something about the two of you together which makes both of you feel good about yourselves, you both shine a brighter because of each other.
What do you love about him? What does he love about you?
Can you trust him to always tell you what he’s thinking and feeling even if it rubs you all kinds of the wrong way? How much is that worth to you? Would you rather be with someone who lies to you and makes you feel comfortable?
The areas where you have friction are the areas you may need to grow (growth means evolving who you are rather than changing who you are) and the friction between the two of you is an opportunity. Not all opportunities appear in a recognisable positive form, especially in relationships… and in relationships we sometimes get bogged down by everything that isn’t working for us we forget what is working for us until it’s too late.
While he may not do the things which you’d like him to do to make you feel how you’d like to feel… he challenges you and that can be priceless. He’s inadvertently testing you and through that testing you get to explore parts of yourself you wouldn’t have discovered if he did everything the way you’d like him to do it. And you do the same for him. You make each other feel and think in ways you never imagined you’d feel and think. Other people can tag you on facebook, send you links to videos, and stuff like that… but you notice him more because he doesn’t and because he doesn’t you notice yourself more. It’s uncomfortable to notice yourself as much as you have because of your relationship with him… he’s pushing you out of your comfort zone. And yet… this is how you discover the parts of yourself you didn’t know about.
Let the relationship be messy… let yourself cry and be sensitive, let him be blunt and direct… see where it goes… don;t expect it to be tidy, tidy rooms aren’t as interesting to live in as they are to look at in a magazine 😉
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Ursula, my boyfriend is a cap sun virgo moon. we have been together for a few years, and i am in my early thirties. i love him very much, but while he has recently said he would like to be with me for the rest of my life, he doesnt want to get married or have kids. he is very pessimistic about the way the world is going, and his ability to be a provider, although he is doing fine. he has always had this tendency towards pessimism and i dont know how to deal with it. in the meantime, i have to think about myself and my future, but i dont want to lose him. dont know if you can offer any advice…i know i cant change his mind and wouldnt be right to, but its a difficult situation.
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Thank you for sharing 🙂
This is indeed a difficult situation. You’re at a crossroads in life and have to choose which way you want to go, both ways appear to require a sacrifice from you, a letting go of a cherished part of your life.
Going by what you’ve said I would hazard a guess that being married and having children is important to you, and if you give that up to be with him you may end up resenting him and yourself for having made that decision. The love you have will turn sour and you may end up playing a relationship game known as – If It Weren’t For You… – which entails imagining how much better your life would have been if you hadn’t given up so much to be with him.
You love him very much right now, but if you choose to stay with him accepting his terms and conditions (because you love him and respect him), will your love grow stronger as the years go by or will it turn into something else? Will you end up regretting your decision or will you be glad that you made it?
In relationships we often hope for the best, which means we often hope that a problem like this one will resolve itself over time, that the other person will have a change of heart and mind about an issue. While that can happen, it sounds as though you’re fairly certain it won’t, and that this decision of his to not get married and not have children is a lasting one.
He has a realist view of the world (which can come across as pessimism), and what he sees in the present makes him fairly confident that the future is going to be tough.
Astrologically all Capricorn Suns have to contend with Pluto’s transit of the sign which is going last for many years – this transit has several ways it can work on an individual. For someone who is ready to deal with their internal issues it can be revolutionary (Uranus in Aries has been squaring Pluto, and this combo has been creating the opportunity for revolutionary changes on the inside and on the outside). For someone who is not ready to deal with their internal issues, this transit could cause all personal fears to be amplified, causing them to become more stubbornly fixed in their position, even if it means losing everything to stay put. Change often comes with chaos and uncertainty. It sounds as though his stance is a comfort zone for him, a small area of solid ground in an ever shifting landscape, and he’s not willing to leave that comfort zone for anything or anyone. Or so it seems.
What would he do if you stayed together and you got pregnant?
What would he do if you left him because of his present position on this matter which is very important to you? Is he willing to shift to keep you in his life, to compromise, negotiate and do what needs to be done to be fair to both of you in this relationship? Is it his way or the highway or is he open to optional ideas and variations? Is he completely inflexible or is there some flexibility there?
It’s also worth noting that transiting Chiron (the wounded healer) is in Pisces, thus opposing Virgo, and Saturn is transiting Sagittarius (meaning it will square his Virgo Moon if it hasn’t already – Moon/Saturn transits are tough on emotions and nurturing).
The only advice I can offer, which is probably something you’ve already considered, is to talk this through with him and to be brutally honest about your own stance. He needs to know where you stand on this matter so that he is as clear about it as you are. If you’re using astrology in this matter, you should consider focusing on your own chart, on how transits are affecting it, and perhaps get a ‘relationship reading’ to see how your chart and his interact (a reading like that might help you figure out what you want to do and where you want to go from here.
Best wishes!
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Thank you very much for your answer. He seems to be pulling away at the moment, which I guess is either not a good sign, or it could be that he is processing things. I appreciate your advice. Thanks again.
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Ah.. you definitely made a good point. >< I mean not gonna lie, everything you said is very true. I've been in a relationship where all he did was lie and while I felt comfortable I was always worried about him lying or thinking he was lying. Where as with this one, he's always truthful and will disagree with me even if I don't like it (I like to be right) lol.. and in a way I do appreciate it but it can be frustrating at times and put me in a bad mood. It is definitely a learning experience. Even when I first started dating him the first thing I said to myself was that we had a lot to learn from each other. I could learn to handle directness more and try being direct from him and he can also learn to be a lot more careful with his words and maybe sensitive to others feelings from me. Well, so long as we're both open to learning that is.
One more question~ if I have problems then with something he does or says…would being direct and blunt with someone like him be good then? Since he's also this way? I tend to avoid being direct cause I don't like to hurt people's feelings. I feel I also avoid being direct because I like to argue and at some point I get very stubborn. (Thanks to my leo sun and rising taurus for that one.)
Thank you so much for your insight. I found myself saying… "damn it.. you got a point" when I was reading your response. XD
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Chances are he’ll welcome more directness and bluntness from you, after all it is his mother tongue and therefore he’ll understand it more than he’ll understand indirectness. He may wonder why you don’t just tell it like it is, and it may even offend him that you feel the need to avoid telling him certain things to save him from being hurt because he’ll pride himself on being able to handle the truth (whether he’s actually able to handle the truth can only be found out by testing him).
With so much Sagittarius in his chart he’ll most likely also enjoy arguing with you (Sags love to argue), and your stubbornness may be attractive to him as you’re an equal match (Capricorn Suns love to be around those who are as tough, challenging, and as stubborn as they are, they dislike pushovers, yes-men, and wishy-washy people).
Be yourself – after all it’s you he fell in love with! Don’t be afraid to roar if you need to – how he handles your wildest parts unleashed will tell you a lot about him and about your relationship.
And if you have any questions – try things out and find out. There’s nothing like doing something and getting the data from having done it. You could also always ask him straight up if you’re unsure, you know he’ll tell you what he’s thinking and how he feels about it. 🙂
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I have been reading all your helpful comments and would like some advice.. I have been dealing with a capricorn women for two half years and we still haven’t got into a relationship.. We are like bestfriend literally we are always together traveling and all.we always seem to come back together after we fall out.. The problem is everytime we try to go to another level with each other she always seem to find something wrong that I did.now when i mean wrong nothing to hurt her at all she complains about me being emotional,the way i speak, cooking etc just petty shit. I would correct everything she says but it seem as if she sees nothing.she is verbally and physically abusive some times and always says its my fault why she does it. She’s forever making me feel n saying one thing then flip on me saying she only want to be friends she needs to focus on her because she unhappy.. I am so lost.. It’s crazy one min shes posting pic of us saying she adores me then the next she only wants to be friends. For example: New years came around and we had a blast granted before we had our ups and down but new years was awesome. Next came her bday and we went to Dubai.. I told myself that when we got there that i would do my best not to annoy her because she very easy to get annoyed by my emotions that i would show her that i am a change person, that i listen to how she feels and respect it.. So we are in Dubai all she kept doing was coming at me side ways, being controlling and pushy.. I kept my cool until she kept doing it so i broke down and cried.(now i know caps don’t do well with emotion and i wasn’t crying because she hurt my feeling i was frastrated because i feel why be with me if you always have something bad to say) however, I said to her how much can a women takes and she took that to the heart. She said how she felt and didn’t want to here my opinion. She wanted time to herself but i wouldn’t let her leave..we both was drinking too.fyi. She pushed me and then left..Next day I tried to bring that same issue up and she didn’t want to be bothered but explain to me me not allowing her to leave blew her that i still haven’t changed or learned her.. I asked her what was it that i needed to do to fix the problem.. She said leave me alone and i would look past what happen.. So i let her be and trip went on.. She was being sweet and we were getting alone i sat there a spoiled her the rest of the trip..check this out we got back to the U.S and she play as if everything was cool posting our pic and telling everyone how much she adores me .that was two weeks ago and this week she flips again saying she only wants be friends that we aren’t good for each other now. We both just need to focus on ourselves.. I turned my phone off and when I turned it back on.. I have three messages lol.. One message she saying she will beat my ass if i don’t anwser my phone..next message she making a joke talking about braid her hair naw im playing but i want to talk to you and want you in my life but idk i also want other people but i don’t know… Baby idk..wth im thinking.. Today i send her this you tube video rhiannia must be love on the brain saying goodnight..she replies goodnight please don’t send her stuff like that, respeat what says. She tends to do this alot..What so crazy she talked to me about things i needed to corrected had me buy this book call the 5 languages of love. I told her i got her because i didn’t want to loose her.. Things were going good until she went back in memory lane about the trip where i got emotionals off her actions..Now she only wants to be friends she needs to focus on her.. I feel like she only putvout effort tge first year we were dating and the rest was me trying over And over even when i know she was wrong.. She would admitt that 85% of the time shes wrong.. Idk what to do anymore i have given a 1000 % with nothing In return.. I understand dating a cap you have To be patient and they show there love in different ways..but when you have someone who belittles you but camw they care about you it’s hard to balance that and not get emotional.. I’m not gone lie we started our relationship off messed up she jump right end with me just getting out of a 5 year relationship.. I think thats why we bump heads so much. we are just a like ans both unhappy with our on life. We both insecure at times..she starting to feel herself now..Both of us didn’t have ourselve together emotionally we just hooked on each other. Now i think she serious this time she only want to be friends she’s unhappy and need to focus on her.. Idk what to do we have a business together.. She also told me if i didn’t respect what she said about us being friends she would cut me off completely.. Sont let my emotions jeopardize our business.. Its really hard dealing with someone for so long and being in love with her and go back to being friends focusing on the business.. I don’t want to loose her and i want that sweet side back..what should i do.. I know this is a lot but thats the only way i can let you have a better understanding..sorry if i misspelled anything texting on my phone..oh fyi she says im not stimulating her mentally now but thats what made her attracted to me in the first place.. I told her my reason why she make me feel as if i stupid at times so i go back into my shell like fuck it.. But i even tried to show her again that side of me again.trying to stimulate her mind and try new things so we can grow but she said i wasn’t being myself..ugh when i was..please help me lol talking about i had two yrs
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Thank you for sharing 🙂
If I understand correctly you have two different relationships with this woman – one is a business relationship and one is a personal one of a romantic kind.
Did the business relationship come before or after the romantic relationship?
Is there any way to separate business and romance between the two of you – I’m asking that because it sounds as though the blurred lines between business and romance are part of the problems you are experiencing. Your romance is affecting your business, and your business is affecting your romance, and the two do not seem to work well together – it is a difficult challenge to work with someone you’re in a romantic relationship with. If one goes wrong it will affect the other.
I’m not sure if using astrology, particularly only her Sun sign, is going to help solve the issues you’re experiencing or explain anything about her and her behaviour. Sun sign astrology is fun to explore, can occasionally give insights, but it’s rather superficial and the problems which you are experiencing are deep ones.
If you want to use astrology to help you, then I would recommend comparing both of your charts and using the branch of astrology which deals with relationships. Her remark about you not stimulating her mentally sounds like a Mercury issue on her part (it is not up to you to mentally stimulate her – this is her problem, not yours, but she’s making it yours and because she is doing that it affects you and your relationship with her and with yourself). It also sounds as though there may be a conflict between your respective Moon signs – your styles of experiencing emotions, nurturing, and being nurtured seem to be very different (from your description of her she sounds as though she expects others to cater to her emotions, while she does nothing to cater to the emotions of others – she sounds as though she’s rather narcissistic).
It also sounds as though she may be expecting you to be who you are not and is trying to turn you into an ‘ideal’ person for her (based on unreal expectations of hers), while you are trying to be who she wants you to be because you care about her and would like for her to care about you. You’re constantly on a quest to win her love, and she is constantly withholding her affection, only giving you small portions of it as a reward when you’re being ‘good’ according to her. That is not a healthy formula for any kind of relationship.
I came across this article recently and think you might find it interesting – http://thoughtcatalog.com/heidi-priebe/2017/01/it-is-not-your-partners-responsibility-to-fix-whats-broken-inside-of-you/ – as it sounds as though she’s expecting you to ‘fix’ her personal problems for her and that’s not your job as a business or romance partner.
If someone is making you feel the way she makes you feel on a regular basis – I’d advise reconsidering the relationship. You’re doing far more for her than she is doing for you, you’re giving her far more than she is giving you, you lift her up while she pushes you down.
Why do you love her and is your love for her something which nurtures you or drains you, starves you?
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Ursula I would like to hear your advice. I have a relationship with a Capricorn man.He is really distracted and hard to concentrate which I feel like I don’t have enough attention. He doesn’t express his feelings but when I get sad and talk about that he gets really emotional crying and feeling bad. I have realised that he doesn’t know how to express his feelings.There are times he feels weird and disappears.It made me feel sad, cause I really wanna make him happy relaxed and enjoy life,less pessimist and negative.I wanna make him happy,support him and be his friend,I don’t know how.He feels scared of the relationships responsibilities ,when he is vulnerable emotionally. I don’t want him to feel like this. How can I understand him better, how can I help him in this weird Capricorn moments?
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Thank you for sharing 🙂
If you’re using astrology to understand someone better, then you need to use their whole natal chart and not just the Sun sign.
The Sun sign can only give a generalised insight into a person (mainly the ego part of them), and needs to be looked at in the context of the natal chart – what house in the natal chart is the Sun located in (where is their ego focused), what planets does it aspect (what influences affect it), etc.
For someone with Sun in Capricorn the planet Saturn needs to be studied too as it is the ruling planet of the sign.
For your Capricorn’s style of thinking you need to look at his natal Mercury (and also the 3rd house – the house of communication).
For his emotional needs, his style of nurturing and what nurtures him, you look at the Moon – the sign, the house, aspects to it, etc.
For what he is most likely to seek in a partner – Venus and the 7th house are a good place to start.
For what stirs his passions, what spurs him to action – Mars.
For how he interacts with others – the rising sign/ascendant. The rising sign often has more bearing upon how we experience another person than the Sun sign does.
This can be rather complicated to do, and it usually helps if you’ve done your own chart. Also worth keeping in mind is that your own chart will affect how you experience him due to how his natal chart interacts with yours and vice versa. For instance if his Mercury is in Aquarius and your Mercury is in Taurus, since the signs square each other there will be a clash of thinking styles with each person thinking that the other person is the ‘difficult’ one.
A good starting point is the Astro Click Portrait on Astrodienst (http://www.astro.com/horoscopes) in their Free Horoscopes section. I recommend that you try it out on your own chart first to see how it works and get a feel for how to adjust the interpretations to a person, and then try it out on his chart.
It’s also possible that some of the issues are due to gender styles. Women are generally more comfortable with expressing their emotions, they have an extensive emotional vocabulary, and they find it easier to communicate their feelings because they do it regularly, it is part of the way they interact and connect with others. Women tend to enjoy talking about how they’re feeling at length – that is something which can make a man uncomfortable, and cause him to zone out, retreat, much to the frustration of the woman.
“Men tend to do the man-cave thing. Jake isn’t happy at his job and for months he’s been silently mulling in his head about making a change. Finally, one Saturday morning over coffee he says to Jenn, “Well, Honey, we’re moving to Paris.”
The problem here is that Jenn (rightfully) feels left out of the entire process. Women again connect and feel connected by knowing what thoughts are percolating in their guys’ minds. Ideally Jake would start talking about his job the moment he starts to feel disgruntled and keep it up as his thoughts evolve. Guys, instead, are tempted to deliver only the punchlines.
Note to man: No, you probably don’t need to the do the stream of consciousness thing, but don’t just hit her with the punchline. Proactively, give her regular updates on the state of your mind. If you are reluctant to speak up because you are afraid that she will get upset or critical, say that at the front end, tell her what you need in terms of support – I don’t need feedback now, I’m just brainstorming. Just listening would be great.
Note to woman: Listening is good. Don’t get critical, micro-managing, upset. Your emotion or criticism will cause him to pull away and go back into his cave, or cause him to worry about fixing you and your concerns, and distract him from figuring out his own emotions and solutions. He is trying to sort out his problem. Ask how you can help.” – excerpt via https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fixing-families/201211/how-talk-man-how-talk-woman
You mention ‘getting sad’ more than once in your interactions with him. A woman’s sadness can cause a man to feel helpless, vulnerable, confused, and may trigger the male need to ‘fix the problem’, and if he feels responsible for your sadness, he may decide to may distance himself from you, as in his mind he is the one making you sad and he wants to fix things.
Sometimes in relationships people get caught in patterns of behaviour which end up with both people going around in a circle, and which can be frustrating to both people.
“Do you and your partner have the same dialogues, disagreements, or arguments over and over? It’s probably the work of an intimate relationship dynamic. Intimate relationship dynamics are interactive patterns in which both parties automatically react to each other in set ways. In the throes of the dynamic, partners are keenly sensitive to how “the other” behaves but scarcely aware of their own behavior. They know painfully well that they’re reacting to their partners’ “cold” or “unreasonable” (or worse) behavior but have no idea of what their cold or unreasonable (or worse) partners are reacting to or how their partners perceive them at the moment of the interaction.” – excerpt via https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/anger-in-the-age-entitlement/201508/how-end-the-fight-you-cant-remember-why-you-started
One of the things which can cause this is getting stuck in a perspective about who the other person is and who you’d like them to be. It sounds as though you’ve gotten a bit stuck in the perspective that he is unhappy, uptight, pessimistic and negative, and you’d like for him to be happy, relaxed – and you want to make him happy and relaxed, but the things you’re doing to make him happy and relaxed seem to be having the opposite effect.
Sometimes the best way to be supportive and a good friend to someone is by accepting them as they are rather trying to change them into someone else even if you think he’d be happier being this someone else you’ve decided he should be. Rather than trying to make him happy and relaxed – which he may experience as pressure to be who he is not, and as a message from you that who he is is not good enough – maybe you could try to be happy and relaxed about who he is as he is. Rather than seeing him as a pessimist and negative – which is a negative perspective, find alternative and more positive ways of looking at those things.
This is an interesting post from an astrology blog (which has a forum where anyone can ask questions of an astrologer) which shows how we can sometimes get stuck and end up only seeing what’s wrong with someone forgetting all the right things about them – https://www.elsaelsa.com/astrology/capricorn-woman-aquarian-man/
In a world which is constantly trying to change us, which bombards us with media that makes us feel ugly, stupid, wrong, not good enough, a failure, which makes us feel pressured to be anyone but who we are, it’s a pleasure and treasure to be in the company of those who accept us as we are and because they do we feel safe to share the beauty within. Those who accept us exactly as we are let us bloom in our own time, at our own pace.
You obviously care deeply about your Capricorn. Don’t forget why you love him so much, and maybe remind him about all the things you love about him and doing with him, instead of focusing on things such as that him not being happy makes you sad and that you not being able to make him happy makes you sad. Take a time out from that cycle, and maybe go and do something together which is relaxing for both of you. What do you enjoy doing together? What makes both of you smile naturally? Stop thinking too much about your relationship and just be with each other. What was it that attracted you to him in the first place? What is it about him which makes you smile, feel happy, relax?
Best wishes!
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Thank you Ursula for your good advice.I appreciate that. I’m really trying to not get emotional when he feels sad for no reason.But I just start to feel like him and get even colder.We have different tastes and things in common. I’m definitely really emotional and he is not expressive at all. There are times when I feel sad and waiting for him to try and made me feel better, not quitting easily. I don’t understand,I guess he doesn’t love me. Or he just doesn’t know how to express feelings.I really care about him it kills me that I can’t help but made him feel worse.
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Different people have different styles of loving and relating, and sometimes the differences in loving and relating styles cause confusion. It sounds as though he does love you but not in a way which is familiar to you, and that’s why it may seem that he doesn’t love you. He wouldn’t be with you if he didn’t have feelings for you, he just expresses his feelings in his own way which isn’t your way of doing it. It can take awhile to understand someone’s different style.
This is an article which might help clarify matters a bit – https://blogs.psychcentral.com/imperfect/2017/03/anxious-attachment-style-change/
Sometimes it helps to take a step back and observe yourself in the relationship and see where maybe you can change certain aspects of your approach to benefit more from the interaction.
It’s usually not a good idea to wait for someone else to cheer you up when you’re feeling sad as the best person to cheer you up when sad is yourself and it’s up to you to nurture and care for yourself – the first relationship in life is the one you have with yourself, as this influences your relationship with others.
Astrologically it’s worth reading up on your Moon sign and then his as the Moon is the planet of emotions, feelings, nurturing and caring. This is a quick guide to that – http://www.alwaysastrology.com/moon-signs.html
Take good care of yourself!
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Thank you Ursula.The articles and your advice’s we’re really helpful. Wish you the best!!
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Is it possible that astrology can explain what kind of relation you have..
I always loved to read stories about soulmates/ twinflames..
Now since months I have contact with my cousin I never grew up with.. we have so much in common! So for fun I checked our composite chart.. we have the sun in the 8th house in gemini.
I also have gemini in 8th house (but empty).
He has taurus in 8th house with mars on 29 degrees..
I am a taurus 7 th house.
My north node is in cancer 9th house.
He is a cancer (10th house) his moon is in cancer 9th house.
We both agree this is weird, good, fun, loving and caring, very talkative, but to feel so connected to your cousin??
Our family find it hard to understand it, nor accept it.
Composite chart:
Venus is in taurus 7th house (his venus in gemini end 8th house to 9 house- mine in aries 5th house)
Mars in cancer 9th house 29 degrees (his mars taurus 29 degrees 8th house- mine in libra 11th house)
Moon in leo 24 degrees 10th house (his in 9th house cancer and mine in libra 11 th house).
In our composite chart our chiron is on my sun sign degree.
I would like to know if it’s karmic or a soul connection? It’s like hè knows me or reads me.. I have a partner for 16 years he’s flabbergasted about our connection.
Can you find it in astrology? Composite or synastry charts?
My best
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Thank you for sharing 🙂
What a wonderful story!
In theory you can use astrology to explore and understand intense connections and deep relationships with others.
I haven’t really explored synastry and composite charts more than just a cursory and curious glance, but there are quite a few astrologers online who write about the subject and explain how to research it.
This site is a good starting place – http://rubyslipper.ca/ruby-slipper-astrology/2012/05/recognizing-and-dealing-with-karmic-relationships
This site also has a good overview – https://cafeastrology.com/karmicrelationshipskarma.html
And this site has many articles about synastry and relationship astrology – http://sasstrology.com/synastry
Overall if you feel there’s a karmic connection, then there is – trust yourself and your impressions and instincts about it.
Best wishes!
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I have looked into my own chart. I’m a Virgo sun and low and behold try to fix everything, including myself. My Husband is capricorn sun and I have also looked into his full chart too. I’ve compared our charts and tried to figure out how to understand him better so we can improve our relationship, this has not worked. Could I be doing something wrong, or am I not seeing the big picture (that’s what he always says, I admit I am very detail oriented.) Here is some background on us…
We me when I was 17 and he was 16. We got married in 2014 when I was 19 and he was 18. I am now 22 and he is 21. Our relationship was great until he left to join the army for a year, that was in 2015. While he was gone our relationship suffered so much, trust issues arose, we didn’t communicate, we argued when we did talk, financially we butted heads. We agreed to get a divorce about a month before he came home. But when he did come home, we made up and stayed together.
Then in August 2016 we both moved out of our apartment and agreed to a divorce. 3 months later I realized I was pregnant (With his baby of course, I was exactly 3 months pregnant.) So we started talking and came up with a plan. He could provide better if we moved to his home state where his family is, so i agreed and followed him to a different state.
Fast forward to today, We moved back to his home state and we stayed arguing with each other, he always brought up the past when I bring up a problem with the present and he has an awful temper with words that could cut into your soul. Our arguments kept going in circles, which we both recognize. We both can’t seem to let go of the past as much as we both say we will. So now I am living with my mom and our newborn baby (I moved out at 7 months pregnant because of his temper – my mom moved to be in the same state as me, thankfully) Even after I moved I pushed for marriage counseling and clearly expressed how much I wanted our marriage to work. He saw me moving out as a sign of betrayal and that we aren’t together anymore. He does not see his temper as an excuse for me to of moved out.
It’s been a month since our baby was born, the first week or so after she was born he came over, stayed the night, suggested things him and i can do alone (like swimming) he was affectionate, playful, and took my advice when it came to our baby. Almost like he did a 360 and decided he wanted to be together. Then we had an argument and now hes cold, doesn’t want to talk to me, said he acted that way just to be nice, and acts like anything I say is me being a drama queen or starting problems. And of course says he does not want to be with me (something he usually says in arguments and i being Virgo take it literally.)
So I got divorce papers drawn up and ready to file, I gave him one last time to let me know if he wants to save our marriage like I do and I told him about the divorce papers and asked what he wanted to do. He started bringing up everything else that is wrong with me and our relationship instead of answering the question. Then he mentioned he had divorce papers but i’m not entitled to the reason why he has yet to file them After I left he texted me and said we can talk more about it later, he didn’t want to have the conversation blind sided…
We have yet to have that talk but I keep pondering on our relationship and cant help but to feel like I am missing something or not grasping “the big picture” so we can work things out. I know everything is not all my fault or all his fault. But he always acts like i;m not listening or understanding him and i keep changing my approach and how i respond and act during arguments so he can see that i do understand and i do listen to him.
You don’t have all the answers and are not some kind of relationship expert, but perhaps you can give me some new, neutral insight I am missing. Seeing as when I read what you wrote it sounded like my Husband to a T, like he was writing it. (sorry i tried keeping this short)
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Thank you for sharing 🙂
From what you’ve shared of your relationship with your husband, it sounds as though the two of you have a very strong bond, you both truly care about and love each other, and when you split up you always seem to gravitate back to each other. It’s actually rather interesting that your splits seem to be mutual, amicable, cooperative, with both of you agreeing on the separation. Even when you’re angry with each other, the anger appears to be superficial, fading and giving way to the love you have for each other and bringing you back together.
Virgo and Capricorn are a compatible combo, both tend to be loyal, serious, practical and patient about and in relationships, as they are usually seeking a long term relationship, and are usually aware that to get a relationship to last you have to work at it, cooperate, make comprises and concessions, get through the rough times together. It’s not the most exciting combination according to many of the astrologers who write about this Sun sign combo (and they tend to stress that lack of excitement as a negative), but neither Sun sign tends to want drama, and both will usually work hard to keep that kind of excitement out of their interactions (unless the rest of their charts have a lot of fire). Neither sign is comfortable with open displays of out of control emotion (unless they have either fire or water in abundance overriding the Sun sign).
Virgo tends to keep the peace by adapting to the needs of the partner – it’s a mutable sign and thus shape-shifts, accommodates, placates, tries to control using passive-aggressive methods. Virgo wants order, and to find a system which works – which is why Virgos tend to be ‘fixers’, particularly when they think the system isn’t working or there’s ‘disorder’.
Capricorn tends to keep the peace by stonewalling, shutting down, shutting off, shutting out, a rock ignoring the waves bashing into it, waiting for the stormy ocean to calm down, it controls others by controlling itself. Capricorn self-control is similar to Virgo self-control, except it’s more stubborn and less flexible. When a Capricorn has gone into stonewall, it’s best to back away slowly – pushing or pulling them will reinforce their position. The Virgos I know do this too – don’t push or pull them – however Virgo will feel ‘guilty’ and give in to pushing and pulling, but will resent it.
Virgos need to be careful of their critical tendencies, their compulsion to point out flaws, imperfections and what’s ‘wrong’ with someone or something – Capricorn may look like nothing could ever hurt them, as though criticisms bounce and roll off their tough exterior, but they have that tough exterior because they’re sensitive and susceptible to being deeply hurt. A Capricorn will rarely let on how hurt they are, especially if they know you didn’t mean to hurt them. The more hurt a Capricorn is, the colder they’ll seem, and the harsher they’ll sound – if a Capricorn is being cutting, bitchy, and cruel it usually means they’re hurting at a deep level.
To really ‘listen’ to a Capricorn, you have to hear with more than your ears, and to communicate with them you need to use more than just words. Virgos are similar in many ways, however because Virgo is Mercury ruled they’re more comfortable communicating using words.
As compatible as you are, something is ‘in opposition’ or ‘squares off’ in your relationship. Astrology is quite useful for seeing both the harmonies and disharmonies, the strengths and weaknesses, the agreements and disagreements, in a relationship. I would hazard a guess that this could have something to do with your respective Mars, as it is the planet most likely to be involved in arguments and anything involving tempers flaring. However something else usually has to set Mars off, so look at the connections between Mars and other planets, particularly the Moon. In relationship astrology the Moon/Mars/Venus are far more relevant than the Sun.
This is an interesting article about relationship astrology – https://wakeup-world.com/2014/12/01/the-astrology-of-relationships-understanding-mars-and-venus-in-your-birth-chart/ – I thought this bit was rather relevant to what you’ve shared:
“Venus will also reflect the psychology of listening. This is connected to the Libra side of Venus. Many of us have at some point felt frustrated with another in our relationships due to the feeling of not being heard. When we are listening to others it is based on our own subjective inner dialogue. It is our own personal filter of understanding. This then creates the frustration within relationships in which we might say “I don’t feel like you heard what I meant!”
Really listening to someone else, and them actually feeling heard is one of the hardest parts of a relationship, of communication, getting it right usually involves getting it wrong, making mistakes and learning from those mistakes, and keeping on trying because you really want to figure it out – in relationships it helps if both people in the relationship are determined to figure things out.
The ‘being unable to let go of the past and past hurts’ happens in most relationships – such things often go beyond the relationship itself to earlier relationships (and the relationship a person has with themselves). We are often influenced by the very first experiences which we had as children of intimate interactions, and we can inadvertently repeat the patterns of our parents’ relationship, or of their relationship with us, sometimes in an effort to redress the balance of power, or to resolve a problem which began then. Holding on to the past may be connected to the Moon. It’s also worth checking out the status of Saturn in your own charts and in your relationship chart. If there is a Saturn/Moon aspect the past needs to be resolved and understood at a root level as it restricts the flow of nurturing and being nurtured.
The story of him telling you that ‘he acted that way to be nice’, sounds like he was trying to do what you keep trying to do – which is changing your approach, how you respond and act to the other person to attempt to get along. So although that particular incident ended in another argument, it does show that he, like you, wants things to work between you. He’s just not likely to voice it the same way that you do, he’ll express it in ‘man speak’ which must appear strong, in control, and all-knowing, protecting and defending the ego, especially when his efforts fail (he feels he has failed you or that you have witnessed his failure and will remind him of it) and things go wrong again.
You might find that now that you both have a child to look after, your priorities will have to change which will alter your relationship. Maybe your differences will be easier to work through because you will have to communicate differently for the sake of your child. Having a child changes everything… you’ll always be connected even if you decide to divorce and stay divorced. Virgo and Capricorn often make really good parents. Whatever happens between the two of you, your child will benefit from the love you have for each other whether together or apart.
Be careful of the Virgo tendency to worry too much, suffer from anxiety, and overthink things. What stands out the most in your comment is that you have one big and bountiful heart – trust your heart to guide you!
Best wishes!
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Hello,
I would like to hear you advice, because you seem like a really good advice giver. 🙂 I just started dating a Capricorn guy, and I am a Capricorn too. He is younger 1 year, but he seems very mature. We are both students and we met at the exam. He was really into me, because he found me somehow on facebook, and we went out for the first time last week. He is very strict, organized and oriented. We have exams now and he is studying all day, so we haven’t seen each other for 6 days now. I didn’t mind because I understand, but he didn’t even text me. No good morning/good night messages or what are you doing. And I would sent him message first and he would write 2,3 sentences back. I didn’t wanted to be pushy but it is very weird for me not to talk to him and we are dating. (we kissed on our date and he said that he considers that we are in a relationship). He probably figured that out because next 3 days he called me, and we talked for hours. I wasn’t very attracted to him physically, but mentally we are very similar. We share same values, views on world, religion, politics, and those conversations we had over the phone were very good, I really enjoyed them. He has said few times how he thinks I am very beautiful and how he liked me from the moment he saw me on that exam, and I found it very cute. I didn’t have boyfriend who was that vocal about how he feels about me. But what scares me a little bit is that he seems very serious about this. He already mentioned something about Valentines day and yesterday he told me that I am very kind and that he can see I am a good person and that’s why he likes me very much. Honestly, all that scared me a little bit. I don’t know why. I was surprised and I just said thank you. It was an awkward pause and he was little bit ashamed. It’s weird that we are both Capricorns but different in expressing our feelings. I am really not into him yet. I do think this has potential but I need a lot of time before I am really hooked on a person. We talked about astrology and he willingly gave me his time of birth so that I can look his ascendant. Everything is so different on his and my chart. Can you tell me what can I look for in chart to understand him a little bit more? And also, do you have any advice for me? I don’t know why but I have a feeling that him expressing how much he is into me I am getting less interested. Maybe because I like the chase or I don’t know what. It’s just very different relationship for me and I am not sure how to react. I never really felt that I am scared to be loved or to give love, but when I think about it for a little bit, I do think I am scared a little bit of what can be if I stay in this relationship for a longer time. Of course I have fear of being hurt. It’s all very messy inside my head.
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Thank you for sharing 🙂
In life and in relationships it is always a good idea to trust your instincts and listen to your intuition – if you feel ‘scared’ (and you keep using that word in your comment) then you need to understand what it is that is making you ‘scared’. You should definitely continue to explore it as you have already, it may be due to more than one thing.
While some fears are worth facing and challenging, others are there to protect us.
It does sound like this man is more serious than you are about this relationship – it seems as though he’s skipped several steps in the relationship, moving too quickly from casually dating to deciding that you’ll be together next year when Valentine’s rolls around. That would scare me too, because, like you, I take things slowly – which is the usual for Capricorns, male and female even thought he expression of the sign can differ based on gender.
The fact that he hasn’t texted you recently, not even to say hello, good morning or goodnight, could be explained by him being completely focused on his studies, exams, etc. That’s not just a Capricorn thing, that is a male thing – men use communication differently from women, which often causes issues between men and women. I wouldn’t read too much into it, but I wouldn’t dismiss it either – if it bothers you then you should pay attention to it as it may be part of the puzzle you’re trying to understand. It’s in some ways a good thing as it has given you some distance and space to review how you feel about him and the relationship.
As for how to look at a natal chart to understand the other person and the relationship – in relationship astrology the Descendant (the placement opposite the Ascendant) is in some ways more important than the Ascendant as it is on the cusp of the 7th house – which represents intimate one-on-one relationships, the other, and sometimes shows what a person seeks in relationships.
Sasstrology (an astrology blog which focuses on relationship astrology) is doing a series about the Ascendant/Descendant axis and what it may mean about a person and their approach to relationships:
part one – http://sasstrology.com/2017/06/the-astrology-of-loneliness-and-aloneness-aries-rising-virgo-rising.html
part two – http://sasstrology.com/2017/06/the-astrology-of-aloneness-and-loneliness-libra-rising-pisces-rising.html
If you or he, or both of you, have planets in the 7th house these will be worth exploring as they will have bearing on how a person experiences and views relationships.
Also of relevance in relationship astrology are the placements of the Moon – which represents our emotional nature, how we nurture and are nurtured, and Venus and Mars – both of which show what we seek in love, what attracts us, what we’re passionate about, how we pursue those we love, and how we seduce, what attracts others to us, etc.
While Sun sign compatibility is relevant in relationships, it is usually far more relevant for there to be compatibility between Moons, Venus and Mars.
If he has his Moon in a Water sign he’ll be more sensitive, prone to moodiness, more emotionally in tune and possibly needy than if his Moon is in an Air sign. If your Moon is in a Fire sign you’ll need passion, displays of dramatic love, romance, and if his is in an Earth sign, he may think passion, love and romance are sitting in front of the TV together on a sofa eating pizza.
For more on Moon signs – http://www.alwaysastrology.com/moon-signs.html
If he has a Scorpio Mars or Venus he may be more intense, possibly obsessive in love, than if he has an Aquarius Mars or Venus which wants to be free to pursue every passing love.
for a quick and fun view of Mars – http://www.thehoodwitch.com/blog/2016/6/7/erotic-astrology-mars-signs
for a quick and fun view of Venus – http://www.thehoodwitch.com/blog/2016/5/24/erotic-astrology-venus-signs
Mercury – which represents the mind, thinking style, how we organise our thoughts, what interests us mentally, etc, is also relevant, for instance for some people mental attraction influences physical attraction, and in some cases beauty is not about what someone looks like but how they think, whereas for others physical attraction comes first, and physical beauty may be more important than mental ability.
It sounds as though there is compatibility between your Suns, and possibly your Mercury’s, but maybe there’s a difference between your Moons (which would explain the difference in expression of feelings), Venus and Mars (you want to take it slow while he’s making plans for your future together and already acting as though you’ve been together long enough for him not to have to text you regularly and romance you) – also worth checking out is contacts between planets, conjunctions/oppositions/squares in particular, for instance if a planet like Saturn (very relevant for Capricorns as it is our ruling planet) which can cause restrictions or bring added seriousness, or Pluto which adds intensity is aspecting the Moon/Venus/Mars it can change how the Moon/Venus/Mars or Sun/Mercury express themselves and how a person expresses what they represent.
Beyond that there are contacts made between charts – synastry/composite charts – where his planets aspect yours and create dialogue, harmony or conflict, etc.
Using astrology to explore a person or relationships can get quite complicated (and people and relationships are already complex), so to keep it simple look at his Moon/Venus/Mars and then look at your Moon/Venus/Mars and read up on the combinations of those – there’s plenty of resources online about them. Then take what you read and compare it with your own impressions – always put greater value on your own impression rather than on what an astrologer says.
Trust yourself! If something doesn’t feel right pay attention to that not right feeling. If he’s going too fast and you want to slow down – tell him now rather than later.
Best wishes!
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Thank you for your reply, you are very kind. I read all links you posted and I can relate to them, they are pretty true.
Our chart is so opposite. We both have Descendant in Taurus. And he is really a Capricorn. He has his Mercury, Venus and Mars in Capricorn. I thought that I am Capricorn from the book, but I actually don’t have that much planets in Capricorn sign as he does. He seems very rational to me. And I am more of a dreamy type of Capricorn. I do feel very comfortable next to him, I am not awkward or nervous, I don’t think ahead what to say, I am me, and he accepts me like that, which I really like, so I am just gonna try to let some sort of fear go away, and see how things can be.
Astrology is so interesting to me. I am really a book Capricorn, everything that is written about Capricorns I relate to it, but then you see that there are different aspects of looking to your sign, and when I was reading some things that you gave me links, for Venus, I sort of understood myself better, because my Venus is in Aquarius and it seems that you are some sort of weirdo if your Venus is in Aquarius. Which I think I am sometimes.
Thank you very much once again. 🙂
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Hi There,
I wrote to you about a year and a half ago. I had been given the ‘i need to take things slow’ from a Capricorn guy I had been seeing, and I had really fallen for him I managed to let it go eventually. Recently, I bumped into him near my house, we live near to each other. He went out of his way to say hello, gave me a kiss on the cheek and a hug. We had quite an awkward short conversation and he had just come from having a couple of beers and was on his way to have some more. he asked me if i wanted to join him for a beer. i made some terrible excuse and said maybe some other time. which was massive for me. at the time when he broke it off with me, i was consumed by him and felt really heart broken. i was confused because he basically just said he needed to take things slow and then i just didn’t hear from him.. until about a month later and i texted him kind of asking for some clarification. he told me he had to sort out a lot of things in his life and wasn’t ready to see someone he also said he didn’t think we were right for each other. since then i have actually seen him 2 other times randomly in the neighbourhood, the first time i think he didn’t see me, and the second time i’m pretty convinced he saw me but blatantly ignored me and physically turned his head the other way. so after feeling rejected i was actually quite angry that he asked me spontaneously to have a drink with him i just thought ‘if you want to have a drink with me, then call me and invite me properly’ what I am wondering though and here i am asking for any advice from anyone, is, do you think he has purposefully tried to bump into me? i don’t know why but I have a strong feeling and thoughts that that is what he has been doing. just hanging around near to where i live so he can bump into me. do you think this is possible and is this something that capricorns might do?
now of course i don’t know if i should call him and follow up and ask him out for a drink or just leave it and if he wants me he can get in touch. do you think he would be embarrassed about what happened and want to see me but is too embarrassed? he was probably a bit tipsy when i saw him and it could have just been totally spontaneous and a total coincidence that he bumped into me and i am probably totally being insane and imagining things!! anyway your opinion would be very much welcome and appreciated! many thanks
SamLou
(Virgo)
xo
🙂
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Hi 🙂
From the sounds of it, going by what you described with Virgo’s famous eye for detail, I would go with your first impression.
You live in the same neighbourhood, so bumping into each other, seeing him around, is going to happen, especially if there are some nice shops, restaurants, transportation, etc, which everyone in the neighbourhood probably uses. If someone is lost in thought, they may not notice you even if you’re standing right in front of them and they look straight at you, and with most people using their phones everywhere, it’s easy to get ignored. He may have spotted you and decided to ignore you because he didn’t feel like talking, maybe he was busy going from A to B and didn’t have time to stop and chat, maybe he felt foolish for being tipsy and inviting you for a casual friendly drink, and maybe he feels bad for having hurt you and the beer made him less self-conscious but when he’s sober he’s too conscious of having upset you.
The meeting you had when he was a bit tipsy sounds spontaneous, and his invitation was just a casual one – he may have felt that since he had mentioned he was going to have a drink in the conversation, it would be polite to invite you along. He may have remembered what great company you are and thought it would be nice to chat and catch up, but it doesn’t sound like he wanted to have a date with you, therefore calling you to invite you for a proper drink isn’t what he had in mind.
If I was in your place, I would just leave things as they are. I wouldn’t call him, especially not if I was angry at him for not having called me, and if I was still hurting from what happened before between us – that’s not the best start or re-start to a relationship. If I still hoped to have a relationship with him, then I’d probably wait and see if something spontaneous happens again and then I’d accept the casual invitation, get to know him again, and see if there is more than just a casual friendly chat and catch up between us.
As for is he perhaps sort of stalking you and do Capricorns do that kind of thing. Capricorns are shy when it comes to intimate relationships, and may hang around in the background trying to pluck up courage to talk to someone they like, but if they already talked to you and it was too awkward, they might be embarrassed and want to pretend nothing happened, so they’ll ignore the person they like, kicking themselves for doing it but unable to stop doing it until they get enough courage plucked up to talk or even look at you again.
The Mars sign usually gives more information than the Sun sign about how a person behaves when they like someone.
So you’re not necessarily being insane and imagining things – but I would hold off thinking that way for now, and just let the situation develop, because it might not be that at all, it might be reading more into it because you wish there was more than just two people who live in the same neighbourhood.
It’s a difficult situation in many ways, but also quite a good one.
Take good care of yourself!
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Met a cap online things where good but things kind of went downhill. In the beginning his work schedule was okay we talked a lot, with time his work schedule got longer and more stressful so we talked less. He goes silent when he wasn’t yo relax after work but he bended rules(the rule was if I don’t respond it means we are done). Having been ghosted before by someone I’m paranoid and I overanalyzing. We’re done now. Caps don’t give 2nd choices in love do they ?
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Thank you for sharing 🙂
I can understand being paranoid and overly analytical, and being self-protective after being hurt and burned before. It’s worth keeping in mind that other people do that too, most humans do not like being hurt and burned, and tend to become more sensitised to anything which signals that another burn or hurt is coming. Sometimes we retreat at the slightest hint that we may be about to get hurt and we don’t pause to consider if the hint is perhaps showing us where someone else has been hurt.
Sometimes people retreat from us because they’re afraid we’re going to hurt them, and we see their retreat as a reason for us to retreat from them because we’re afraid they’re going to hurt us.
Relationships are complicated – and they’re often complicated by all the suffering we’ve experienced in previous relationships.
Capricorns are people, and just as each person is different, each Capricorn is different. Just as you’re different from other people who have the same sun sign as you. So in answer to – Do Capricorns give second chances in love – it depends on the Capricorn, and it depends on what happened during the first chance at love.
Some similarities which most Capricorns share is – they take their work seriously. While they will put work to one side when they’re in the first flush of being into you, they will at some point need to get back on schedule and won’t give you as much of their work time as they did at first. This isn’t necessarily a bad omen, in fact it could be a good one.
I saw an astro meme today which said: Be worried when a Capricorn doesn’t want to work
you can see the rest of the signs here – https://me.me/i/be-worried-when-aries-an-aries-gives-up-taurus-a-15675978
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I do see your points, thank you for your insight. The funny thing is that exactly is what drew me in- how his mind works and strong work ethics(we both belong to the healthcare field). I am a gemini sun with some earth signs and a little bit of water in my charts. I have read that this is suppose to be a karmic thing which is a challenging pair to begin with since it is 5 or 6 so signs apart. And to add into the situation we were interacting from a long distance standpoint so, that didn’t make anything easier. It’s been a month since that happened and we have not spoken since, but I’m looking forward to further growth.
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Geminis are lovely, very talkative and interesting, know a little bit about everything and a conversation can be a wonderful journey. Communication is like air to Gemini, breathes it, needs it to live life.
Capricorns prefer thinking to talking, and don’t tend to share their thinking until the thought has been fully thought out or needs input and feedback, which will then be thought about in silence.
A classic Capricorn is seen in roles played by Anthony Hopkins, Ralph Fiennes, Denzel Washington – who are all Capricorn actors.
Unless a Capricorn has lots of Air signs, or Fire signs in their chart, or rising, they’ll most likely be more silent than talkative.
Not sure about it being a karmic thing, but it is a challenging match. And Gemini may find itself doing most of the work to make things work, but at sme point Gemini will probably get fed up because stubborn Capricorn keeps being stubbornly Capricorn.
Long distance does create more challenges. But then again it’s part of how you met and got to know each other, and it obviously worked well at first. But the distance means you can’t see with your own eyes what’s going on with someone, what their life is like, what they are like and that can end up with you and them filling in the blanks which can lead to misunderstandings, and that deal breaker – you’re not who I thought you were.
A good astrology blog to check out is Elsa Elsa, there’s a forum too, you can ask questions, and there’s lots of interesting info about astrology and how to use it in love, in life, etc – https://www.elsaelsa.com/
Best wishes!
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The guy in the beginning would call even while driving. Now post work I’ll be lucky to even get a fb message. Basically his frequency of messaging went down as he got more stressed out with family and work. His motto was if I don’t hear from you it’s over. Well he’s not consistent with his communication and that made me paranoid (cue the guy who ghosted me in my past). His silence was more to his personal space. We liked each other actually was going to meet but he called it done.
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If he has said that the relationship is over – then it’s over.
If he keeps coming back after having said it’s over – then it’s over because you don’t need that kind of messiness.
If you’re the one who told him it’s over – then it’s over even if you change your mind sometimes when you remember the good bits.
Since he’s a Capricorn – work and family will continue to be important to him, and he’ll continue to get stressed out about it.
Capricorns do go very silent when they’re concentrating on work, and other responsibilities which need to get done. Capricorns also use silence as a sacred space to solve their problems, and just to take a time out. And this can be confusing to other sun signs which don’t go silent unless they’re angry at someone, and which may use silence as a weapon or punishment or to express their displeasure.
Capricorns are like Introverts, and don’t feel the need to constantly communicate even when they’re deeply in love with someone and committed to the relationship. If your sun sign needs constant communication (like an Extrovert) you’ll get more and more frustrated trying to have a relationship with a Capricorn.
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I’m pretty consistent with communication with him I message him at least once a day or whenever per his rule. We had a communication breakdown. Between his work and family stress as he calls it, his wavering commitment to communicating fluctuates along with his need for space to relax. I broke down the morning of my school final(stress of studying for nursing final) and my paranoia kicked in real bad he didn’t reply for like a day or so(I know my bad analyzing skills ).
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It sounds like his work and family stress and your work studying for your finals stress pulled the two of you apart more than anything else. Stress is a killer of relationships, and once it’s done its damage it can be hard to rewind.
If you still like him and he still likes you, maybe later on when both of you have more time, you’ll reconnect.
Or maybe you’ll find someone whose rules are more compatible with your rules, and who makes you feel loved, needed and wanted all the time in a way which soothes and comforts you.
Don’t stress yourself out about it, you sound lovely and you’ll find someone to appreciate you in a way which isn’t stressful, and doesn’t trigger your paranoia.
Best wishes for the results of your final. Nursing is a noble career choice, very tough and much needed.
Take good care of yourself!
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Thank you for your replies! That cap guy actually told me we were done via messenger and at the morning of my test too. I passed and I am currently in a new class!
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Congratulations on having passed! And best wishes with your new class! 🙂
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