anupturnedsoul

Conditioned To Respond To All The Threats

Before today became known for what it is now known for… there were other days and dates known for similar things.
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Maybe not as loud… maybe louder.
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How much louder than a World War, not once but twice, can you get?
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Apparently that was not loud enough for some…
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For those not there to hear it the first time or the second time…
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History repeating itself… what is history saying and why does it have to repeat itself?
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In memoriam of the past, present, and of the future which will have to repeat what we’ve already been through, just as we have lived through what others have already experienced but we did not experience it ourselves so we had to have our own experience… history had to repeat itself… and as that personal and impersonal experience gets further away, so the future gets nearer to having history repeat itself… again.
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Maybe we’ll listen and understand…
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One day…
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An Upturned Soul

My cousin was a terrorist. Does that shock you? Send chills of fear coursing through you? Is your finger hovering over the unfollow button?

I didn’t know that my cousin was a terrorist at the time, I was too young to understand. I liked this particular cousin, I have quite a few. He was much older than me, and I only saw him a few times a year, but when I did he was kind to me and treated me as a human being not as a child. That, to me, made him special.

What I didn’t know about him was that he was a very angry young man, in his late teens/early twenties. He had an older brother who was perfect. He had a younger sister who was the beautiful baby. He was in the middle, never as clever or pleasing to his parents as his brother or sister…

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5 comments

    • Real fear (as in the instincts reacting to an actual threat) is very different from imagined fear. From the fear of fear itself. Imagined fear has a longer life span, it paralyses us, controls us, manipulates us, obsesses us and sometimes ends up being a self-fulfilling prophecy. It’s a fascinating thing because it is so pervasive.

      Loving life, I think, requires accepting that fear is a part of it, we feel it and can do things anyway… any way we want, it’s up to us 🙂

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      • for me, the severity of the abuse I received disallowed me to develop critical thinking. Once I developed it as an a adult, I could then begin to rationalize and critically think through my moments of feeling fear. It’s a long process of deprogramming when a person is conditioned for fear as deeply as I was. But once I received the tools to clearly be aware of how to differentiate my feelings from instinct, etc. a lot became so settled and peaceful.

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        • I also struggled to develop critical thinking… I cherish those moments when I could think for myself (when I was left alone because I wasn’t needed) and remembered not to share what I thought (took forever to learn that lesson), because once I shared it, it got destroyed.

          I can still taste and feel the ripples of fear of being myself in a hostile world which seemed to want to destroy me and yet keep me alive, turn me into something else, someone else whom I could never be but whom I was expected to become. I still feel that because it is still a constant, it seems to be a part of life, as far as I know it.

          I’ve found my own haven… but that haven is always under threat. Call a place ‘paradise’, kiss it goodbye… 🙂

          We do what we can… hope for the best… prepare for the worst if we are conscious that such a thing is possible… find our own peaceful ways within the chaos and potential war of life and people.

          It’s a wonderful moment to experience feet on earth.. on a peaceful patch of earth!

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