Welcome to our World of Noise

What'sTheProblem?.

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I don’t know what’s wrong with me…

maybe what is wrong with me is you.

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That’s probably not true, but for now it is…

because I say so,

I don’t know if I believe it…

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But…

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I’m living the dream… illusion.

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For now, I’m not the one who has something wrong with them, you are.

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You’re ‘it’…

I ‘tagged’ you and I’m running away from you before you know what hit you, who tagged you…

and that this is a game,

but not a game…

that’s all part of the game of I blame you,

instead of me,

a subsidiary of the game (but not game) of life.

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What am I talking about?

What are you talking about!

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Is anyone listening?

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They say that if you want to totally screw with yourself you should make plans…

or something like that…

basically as soon as you make a plan for your future,

the present may give you an unpleasant, plan-screwing, screwing with your orderly plans, experience.

Chaos ensues… is the chaos the actual chaos or is the chaos that bit when you try to tidy up what seems messy to you and… that’s when the mess really happens.

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Hmmm…

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What happens when you add cacophony to the mix?

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Last night I made the fatal error of making plans…

a simple plan, nothing too demanding,

just a – I’m going to sleep so late tomorrow that I might miss Saturday and wake up on Sunday – kind of plan.

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This week has been… one of those kinds of weeks, which may need years of sleep from which to recover.

I wasn’t going for a year of sleep, just a late weekend sleep-in… that was my plan for today which I made last night (early this morning).

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I should know better, but I never do…

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This morning…

NOISE!!!!

(part of which is in the photo above, which I took with bleary eyes, bleary eyes of woken up too early anger and other human stuff which makes it hard to focus).

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When you think of ‘humanity’, do you include yourself in it?

Or is it something separate… something you think about, dutifully sometimes because you are told you have to consider it to consider yourself a ‘right’ kind of human, but aren’t really connected with?

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When you’re woken up by the sounds of humanity…

your neighbours…

other people…

of life living itself…

do you feel connected with it, with them, or…

so disconnected you just want to shut humanity, in one of its forms, up!?!

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SHUT UP! – you shout loudly…

Hmmm…

now, you are a part of the cacophony, but think you’re not,

you wouldn’t need to shout if others weren’t making a noise,

which was disturbing you!

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That was me this morning…

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I can sleep through anything,

is a half-truth, half-lie, I sometimes confidently or arrogantly say to others…

usually I say it to them when they worry about waking me with their… noise which they may make when they are awake while I am asleep.

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I feel… something akin to guilt for making them feel something akin to guilt,

don’t excuse yourself for living and that your living makes a noise…

because then I have to excuse mine…

even if it wakes me up while I’m taking a break from living by sleeping, because…

I may be grumpy for being woken up… but I really don’t want to add to my grump the fact that you’re suffering because of it, because of what it may mean to you, how it may affect you… you blame yourself for my grump, because you think it was caused by how you affected me, which you don’t like and so… you try to prevent such things from happening and involve me in it, in preventing it…

my head is about to explode from the cacophony of thinking about this mind-eff of thinking…

empathy thinking, your empathy, mine, and how it pertains to our self-sympathy, etc.

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Silent scream… a silent, yet not silent, inner version of the sound the alarm which went off on the machine in the photo above, the alarm which is perplexing the farmer in the photo. He was fine with the noise his machine was making while reaping the harvest, a harvest which would feed humanity… part of it… but then the machine got blocked and started to scream, piercingly…

even I can’t sleep through that!

Was the father bothered that his machine bothered me?

Hmmm…

It was bothering him…

in more ways than one.

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Damn, it is difficult being human… at least it is difficult being human around other humans being human… around machines designed to make being human easier which then make being human harder because someone else made these machines and we’re fine with them until they start malfunctioning and then…

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We can’t ‘fix’ machines the way we try to and sometimes can ‘fix’ humans and being human.

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Sometimes machines are easier to ‘fix’…

sometimes humans are easier to ‘fix’…

depends on your definition of machine, human, and easy… and ‘fix’.

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Humanity… sometimes requires some inhumanity to survive it.

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But…

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So much noise…

and I live in the countryside, a place humans often associate with quiet…

If I lived in the city, the countryside would seem quiet to me too.

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And it can be very quiet… which is why when it isn’t, the noise travels far and deep,

and it is impossible to sleep.

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Yet, for all the noise which humanity makes in all its forms,

like chicks in a nest needing to be fed to survive…

noise almost seeming like the ultimate formula to survive in life…

the more you make, the further you go,

the less you make, the quicker you perish, then are consumed by the noisier ones…

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The noise which keeps me awake, unable to sleep through it all in spite of assurances to the contrary…

is the silent sound of quiet judgement – how dare you sleep, how dare you rest…

the sort of judgment which goes with humans who behave like machines… who think other humans should behave like machines…

machines which are never allowed to go wrong, get blocked, sound an alarm… as that would bother other humans while they are trying to sleep.

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And yet… the photo above makes no sound at all, just as these words in this post make no sound and that silence will blend into other silences which are a part of humanity and being human.

So much noise, yet sometimes we hear nothing at all… then we can sleep…

unless the sounds within wakes us.

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truthfultuesday_by_moonvoodoo-d5t5vgc

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