Songs about Narcissism

I wasn’t going to do another post about narcissists so soon… however I woke up with a song, not playing on the radio alarm clock but playing in my mind, which I had been listening to the other day.

While listening to it, to the mesmerising rhythm, I happened to pay attention to the lyrics… and what I heard made me think – this is what drives a narcissist.

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Vikings Theme – If I had a Heart by Fever Ray

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This will never end
‘Cause I want more
More, give me more
Give me more

This will never end
‘Cause I want more
More, give me more
Give me more

If I had a heart I could love you
If I had a voice I would sing
After the night when I wake up
I’ll see what tomorrow brings

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What drives a narcissist is the need for more… and more… and more… and it will never end.

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I’ve come across other people’s soundtracks about narcissists (there are many of these on the internet) compiled by those who’ve been there, done that, bought the t-shirt… where having a relationship with a narcissist is concerned.

Sometimes I agree with the songs they’ve picked and sometimes I don’t.

Because we each have a different experience of narcissists, even if our experiences often overlap and seem similar to those of others.

Because each narcissist is different even though they often all seem the same when we compare notes.

Because we are all different even if sometimes we are similar.

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So…

Here are a few songs which for me, in my mind/ears, explain some things about narcissists… sometimes our minds can’t figure things out, can’t figure narcissists out, can’t figure our story with our narcissist out, but our other senses can, and are ears are particularly good at this.

My experience of narcissists has made my ears particularly sensitive to their way of expressing themselves. They do love to talk, and talk, and talk… for them talking is both saying and doing. Why do something when you can just talk about it ad infinitum ad nauseum and make others believe that you do it and did it too. Frankly we’ll believe anything… just to get them to shut up. But they never do… they’re not silent during the silent treatment, someone somewhere is having to hear all about it… it’s just that when they’re giving you the silent treatment that someone is not you.

Talking is the same as breathing to them… sometimes it seems more important than breathing to them.

I always feel that I can’t breathe when they are talking at me (it’s ‘at’ and not ‘to’ or ‘with’).

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Here we go…

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I Want It All – Queen

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Adventure seeker on an empty street,
Just an alley creeper, light on his feet
A young fighter screaming, with no time for doubt
With the pain and anger can’t see a way out,
It ain’t much I’m asking, I heard him say,
Gotta find me a future move out of my way,
I want it all, I want it all, I want it all, and I want it now,
I want it all, I want it all, I want it all, and I want it now,

Listen all you people, come gather round
I gotta get me a game plan, gotta shake you to the ground
Just give me what I know is mine,
People do you hear me, just give me the sign,
It ain’t much I’m asking, if you want the truth
Here’s to the future for the dreams of youth,
I want it all, I want it all, I want it all, and I want it now,
I want it all, I want it all, I want it all, and I want it now,

I’m a man with a one track mind,
So much to do in one life time (people do you hear me)
Not a man for compromise and where’s and why’s and living lies
So I’m living it all, yes I’m living it all,
And I’m giving it all, and I’m giving it all,
It ain’t much I’m asking, if you want the truth,
Here’s to the future, hear the cry of youth,
I want it all, I want it all, I want it all, and I want it now,
I want it all, I want it all, I want it all, and I want it now…

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Because they want it all and want it now… immediately!

Why should they take the same steps from A to Z that we take when they can shortcut their way through life.

If they actually do something, rather than just talk about doing it, they want immediate results for their actions, success from the get go, or they lose interest. They can’t risk failure, when they trip, they don’t brush themselves off, they have a tantrum and expect us to pick them up and carry them the rest of the way until the finish line where they suddenly jump out of our arms, cross the line and claim the prize (only first prize will do!)

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Madonna – More (from Dick Tracy Soundtrack)

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Never say when, never stop at plenty,
If it’s gonna rain, let it pour.
Happy with ten, happier with twenty
If you like a penny, wouldn’t you like many much more?

Or does that sound too greedy?
That’s not greed, no, indeedy
That’s just stocking the store
Gotta fill your cupboard, remember Mother Hubbard.
(More! More!)

Each possession you possess
Helps your spirits to soar.
That’s what’s soothing about excess
Never settle for something less.
Something’s better than nothing, yes!
But nothing’s better than more, more more
(Except all, all, all)
Except all, all, all
Except once you have it all (have it all)
You may find all else above (find all else above)
That though things are bliss,
There’s one thing you miss, and that’s
More! More!
More! More! More! More!
More! More! More!

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Even when they get more, all that they want, and want now, it is never enough, they are haunted by the idea that they are missing out, that there is something better, something more which they haven’t got and need, want, have to have… everything is never good enough.

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The Vampire Club – Voltaire

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Fangs were flying, capes were torn
Hell hath no fury like a Vampire scorned
The number one rule in this game:
Never call one by his real name
Wigs were pulled, top hats were crushed
By pointy boots in a rush
And Boris at the bar orders a Bud and says,
“It’s just another night at the Vampire Club.”

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What happens when narcissists get together…

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A concept I sometimes come across is that narcissists don’t have relationships with each other. They do, very much so…Β  birds of a feather flock very much together in the case of narcissists. And they’re great supporters of each other, and of their version of reality and all the other people in it… until they’re not, then – “Fangs were flying, capes were torn, Hell hath no fury like a Vampire scorned…” – they sometimes seem to enjoy that part of the relationship more than the honeymoon phase.

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We can all be narcissistic, narcissism is natural, a part of being human. All humans want more, that is spur for progress and evolution, and sometimes we’d like to have more, want it all and we want it now, because we feel the tick tock of the inner clock. And sometimes we bare our fangs to get what we want or because we didn’t get what we wanted.

What separates our narcissistic tendencies from being a narcissistic personality disorder is how we react to our natural narcissism. Reasoning, logic, empathy, the ability to be understanding of ourselves and others… to know that sometimes things don’t and won’t work out the way we want them to because… that’s life and being human, and we share this space and place with others.

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The Zombie Song – Stephanie Mabey

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If I were a zombie,

I’d never eat your brain.

I’d just want your heart.

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Your turn… please share your narcissist related songs, and why you chose that song, what it means to you and your experience of a narcissist.

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30 thoughts on “Songs about Narcissism

  1. Hi dear? how have you been? I keep coming back to read your posts though i do not comment often. I’m a behind-the-scenes kind of reader. Anyway, I actually came to comment here today because i needed to ask you if at times you get very harsh comments from readers of your posts. Sometimes comments suggesting that you don’t even know what you are talking about and they may get somehow abusive in a way. I got one like that today morning and it has kind of bothered me that someone would assume things as if writing about narcissism is the easiest thing in the world. I remember facing a major battle within myself whether to address this issue or not from as early as June of last year and i only managed to start doing it in July of this year. A whole year of wondering whether your actions will come out as a betrayal or disrespect. And still, i continuosly battle with myself even after i have posted something concerning it. Sometimes getting this overwhelming feeling of loneliness so for someone to make a very angry comment about what i’m doing, it’s kind of annoying just to be real honest. Any advice on how to deal with this?

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    1. All bloggers and people who engage in social media get trolled. There is lots of online advice for dealing with a troll, and many articles which describe the different types of trolls and explain why they do what they do, and what to do/not to do when they target you.

      The Daily Post (WP’s own blog) did this post recently – http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/03/27/how-to-starve-a-troll/

      The main way to deal with that sort of comment is – DFTT – Don’t Feed The Troll. Don’t approve the comment or reply to it. Just ignore it.

      A troll is like a narcissist. So don’t assume that what they’re saying and doing is about you personally, it’s not, it’s all about them. They’re not angry at you, they’re angry at the world. They’re not interested in your story – they probably haven’t bothered to read your posts and if they have read them it’s only to find out where to hit you with their words (usually though they don’t bother to get to know you at all, they just use words which they know upsets most people) – they’re only interested in their story which includes going around saying nasty things to people to get attention. In NPD speak it’s known as ‘baiting’ – http://outofthefog.net/CommonBehaviors/Baiting.html – So don’t take the bait.

      You don’t need to justify what you write on your blog to anyone, or why you’re doing your blog. It’s a personal blog where you’re sharing your personal experience. Some people will find it interesting and will like what you’ve shared – but just like you there are many people who are lurkers on blogs, they don’t comment, ‘like’ posts, or interact with the blogger in any way other than silently visiting the blog and reading posts. Some people may agree with you, and some may not agree with you. Those who don’t agree will either move on or they may decide to share their view, but they’ll deal with their difference of opinion in a healthy manner and will usually explain why they disagree and do it in a rational way.

      Those who choose to attack you in an irrational manner aren’t doing it to have a conversation with you. This is how they get their needs met, how they get attention for themselves which feeds them. Their comments are designed to provoke, hurt, upset, insult and get you to react in a very emotional manner – they feed on your reaction to them.

      It doesn’t matter what you write about on your blog, you’re going to get trolled. However issues, such as NPD, which are hot topics that trigger strong emotions are a favourite of trolls because they know their provocation will get a strong emotional reaction. That’s what they are after.

      So deal with it the same way you’d deal with a narcissist and just ignore them. They’ll get bored and move on, find themselves another target to feed them the supply they are after.

      It’s actually quite a useful service they provide, as the way you react to it and deal with it lets you know where you are on your journey to figuring things out and healing. And you can use the emotional fuel to feed yourself rather than the troll.

      Since this post is about songs, here’s one for you – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUQsqBqxoR4 – Sara Bareilles – Brave.

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      1. Thank you for taking your time to reply. I actually didn’t even know of such a thing as `trolling’ and i was reading the link you sent me and saying `wow! now i know how to deal with those nasty comments when they occur. Just delete them because i personally am very poor in arguments and especially those concerning strangers’. I have a feeling that there is some `baiting’ tendency here with this particular commenter. Because her comment came after i replied to yet another comment of hers where she shared a little about her experience. My reply was actually in good faith because i did not want to engage in the bitterness and anger i could feel just from reading her initial comment. I don’t want to be a mom-basher. Rather i’m only trying to share information i hope can help someone else in a similar situation. Turns out she didn’t like my reply and proceeded to write something not so flattering. Anyways, i kind of brought in a whole other issue in this post of yours about songs. I didn’t have an idea where to comment concerning it. Thanks again for the song. πŸ™‚

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        1. That situation sounds as though it was a misunderstanding, a clash of sensitivities, experiences and wounds – and how different people deal with their issues and communication differently. She does not sound like a troll at all, trolls don’t usually share their story with you. Although there is a type of troll known as a ‘concern troll’ but they usually try to ‘fix’ you while insulting you, they use pity, concern and faux sympathy to belittle you to make themselves feel superior.

          It just sounds as though there was a failure to connect, and things got a bit emotional.

          It’s best to keep in mind that the subject of NPD is a very sensitive one, can trigger strong emotions, cause people to relive their pain, reopens a wound, and sometimes people let their pain do the talking. Anger is quite common when people discuss their experience of a narcissist – narcissists are very frustrating people and can drive even the calmest, most peaceful, loving person to rant. If someone shared a personal experience with you thinking that you would understand, and then they felt that you didn’t understand, they may feel as you did (as you described in your first comment on this thread). When someone shares their personal experience of a relationship with a narcissist with you they find it just as hard to write about it as you mentioned that you find it hard to write about, it may have taken them a long time to break their silence just as it took you to do so, and they may have reservations about sharing just as you do, but just like you they feel compelled to share as part of their path to healing. Their sharing with you can also help you too, if you are open to it, and vice versa. We’re all both teachers and pupils, healers and the wounded. We don’t mean to hurt others but sometimes we do because we are hurting. So always cut people some slack where subjects such as NPD and being a victim of a narcissist are concerned. You may need them to cut you some slack too. It’s all a part of being human πŸ™‚

          Empathy when discussing and sharing highly personal and sensitive issues is required in large doses.

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  2. WoW Ursula!! This song hit me HARD in the cemetery the other day. Heard it in a BRAND NEW WAY!! ..And then I came home and read your post and was BLOWN AWAY!!! So here’s my new fav narc song by my FAVORITE guy, Dave Matthews πŸ™‚ <3… ~~~~~ Don't Drink the Water ~~~~~~ xoxo http://youtu.be/UL_czyUro7o

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    1. ..I married my ex-narc 14 years ago, 9 months after my Dad passed… Hadn’t been to the cemetery in a long while.. day off… yellow sun, blue sky… my nice sis visits regularly, (we are the outcasts in the narc family tree…Dad was our protector πŸ™‚ ) soaked up the sun…lifted my silent prayers, lay on the comfy grass, kicked my sandals off, stared at the few puffy clouds and observed the end of a funeral across the way….studied the gravediggers, the grave was already dug….. they raked the dirt steadily and with reverence over the coffin… they have a sacred job, I decided, a very sacred job…I thanked them in my silent prayers and lifted another or two silent prayers…and I asked for a sign, yes a sign…hmmm….silence…. hmmm…..no sign…Getting in Car..Driving Away..AGAIN..I WANT A SIGN!!!….. I slow down and try to manifest some sort of “sign” from the inspiration of a gravestone ..any gravestone…they are faded..and really old, and non descriptive…just dates and ineligible names…errrrrrr…..And Then The Sign Came…this song, this particular lyric Shout Out To Me…..”What’s that you say, your father’s spirit still lives in this place…..I will bury you…” Ouch! I was reeling with revelation! My ex-narc sucked me up shortly after my father’s death…me..vulnerable and weakened…..a downward spiral ensued….BUT the Phoenix rose again!!! This same week I was back in family court and won a child support order 6 times what the ex-narc was originally paying for the 6 previous years!!! WoW!! The Ex- Narc Will Not Bury Me Or My Father’s Spirit! ❀ Don't Drink the Water is a very powerful song about usurping another's boundaries, particularly the treatment of Native Americans by the early settlers. ~~~~~~~ Dave sings with passion and conviction, (been to 4 shows) is a lyrical genius, a contributor of Farm Aid, and a wine connoisseur..check out "Dreaming Tree Wine"~~~ (Most excellent! Especially Crush ❀ )….
      ~~~~~ And then my *fav blogger asks ME what my fav narc song is……………….hmmmmm Now that's a SIGN!!!!!! πŸ˜‰ jac

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      1. *** correction “I will silence you”…instead of “I will bury you” in this particular verse….lots of burying goin’ on….heeeheee πŸ˜‰ metaphorically and literally ~~~~~

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      2. When we ask for a sign, we usually get one, recognising it is another matter as signs sometimes disguise themselves in ordinary things. A song playing on the radio… lyrics giving us a personal message if we’re ready to hear it and listen with our souls.

        That’s a striking experience, to have those lyrics in that moment. Catharsis and transformation.

        Some songs can describe the narc and what it is like to be the victim of a narc in the same lyrics, it’s both pain and healing wrapped up in one deep and meaningful message. Pain is always an ally if we allow it to be, it tells us where we’re hurting and it can show us how to heal. There are certain types of pain which cut so very deep, and if we let ourselves feel it, something else rises up from the wound, something beautiful which lifts us up and out of the dark.

        Narcs do try to bury us, to cut us off from the spirit, our own and those of others who love us, because that reflects their own state of being. They are cut off from spirit, from the essence of being human, buried… under years of BS, illusions, delusions. They keep searching for a promise land where they can find all the things they believe they are missing and have to have to be happy (The Eagles’ – The Last Resort – for me sums this up). They see that promise land for them in other people, they want you because you’re everything they have been looking for their whole life, and they then proceed to destroy the very promise they found so attractive, because that’s what they do only they can’t ever see that that is what they are doing. They always see themselves as the hero… who happens to be surrounded by villains they once saw as saviours.

        The history of Native Americans, what happened once the pilgrims arrived and decided to settle, is similar to what happens when a narc enters our life. How do we reconnect to our native way of life once a settler has come along and laid waste to it. History is full of stark and gut-wrenching examples of what occurs when man is spurred on by a human trait in its extreme. That’s what NPD is… a very human trait gone rogue because it has developed to an extreme without the balance of other traits.

        I’m glad to hear your inner phoenix is flapping those fiery and magnificent wings, burning away the earth piled on top of you by the narc to reveal the spirit which flows like liquid gold in your veins ❀

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  3. I kind of thought Madonna’s “Take a Bow” was about a narcissist. It’s a little older, but it might be relevant.

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    1. Thank you for sharing πŸ™‚

      Madonna’s songs, old or new, are always relevant where narcissism is concerned as many of them reflect the trait and describe narcissists in an insightful way. You can sort of chart the course of narcissism in society through her hits.

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  4. Good list. And songs I either forgot about or didn’t know. It seems that I recognize them when I hear them. But can’t think of any off the top of my head at the moment. And in fact some songs that have been favorites and never realized they were about Ns, Ps or Ss, I will recognize them as such now.

    I appreciate the fact that I’m aware of such people and their behaviors now, but I still get disturbed and sad that I didn’t know earlier in life.

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    1. They were an intrinsic part of my early life… so they are a part of the soundtrack of my life. Narcissists, that is, rather than those songs. In some ways, that’s a good thing, as it has enabled me to appreciate when people aren’t like that, don’t behave that way, and to value those moments and those people who are not narcissists or very narcissistic.

      It’s more common than we would like it to be, that kind of behaviour, but not everyone means it the way that narcs do. Sometimes non-narcs get caught up in the narc way, because that’s the theme tune of society for a while. But then they forget that tune and something else becomes popular, something which encourages a more all-encompassing kind of being and doing.

      Thank you for sharing πŸ™‚

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      1. Just, in some ways, how consistent narcissists can be. Although the details may vary, their behaviors (at the core) are so similar, it seems to speak to a functioning by all of them from the same energetic level.

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        1. Great observation! It’s perplexing at times to note how similar such diverse individuals can be. That regardless of differences in time, age, place, culture, upbringing, family, etc, there is such a consistency. It creates a strange perspective. It’s like when you travel the world and realise that… humans are all the same in some ways internally even though we see ourselves as being very different because of external differences.

          Intriguing and disturbing at the same time πŸ™‚

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