Letting go, Moving on, and Getting over it

For Halloween I was going to write a post about my hatred of zombies. This is what I wrote thus far: . Why I Hate The Walking Dead (this was the draft’s title) Hate is probably too strong a word to describe how I feel about a fictional TV series… however it describes the irrational... Continue Reading →

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The Disturbing Intrusion

Nighthawks by Edward Hopper . . "The only real influence I've ever had was myself. ” - Edward Hopper . . He stood outside, an observer unobserved. This moment would be frozen in time and he would be the one to freeze it. He had done this before and he would do it again. He... Continue Reading →

You’re a drifter, shapeshifter… Let me see you run

. . “When I run through the deep dark forest long after this begun Where the sun would set, trees were dead and the rivers were none And I hope for a trace to lead me back home from this place But there was no sound, there was only me and my disgrace.” - Wolf... Continue Reading →

Black and White… and Green without Envy

. . If the world was washed of all colour and became as black and white as sometimes we would like it to be, what colour would I add if I was allowed to do so? If I went to a Halloween party dressed as my inner self, would I regret my choice of costume?... Continue Reading →

Bite Me!

. . Never go shopping at the supermarket when you’re hungry… is the kind of advice which reminds me of - Never judge a book by its cover. Maybe I’m never supposed to do it, but I’m going to do it anyway, whether I take the advice or not, participate in it voluntarily or not...... Continue Reading →

How To Play The Narcissist’s Game

A year ago today, I wrote this post.
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It has since become the top post of my blog with 85,000 views.
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Would I write it again if I could travel back in time to that moment when it took shape in my mind and then flowed through my fingers onto the page?
Would I write it now the way I wrote it then?
Would I publish it publicly on my blog again?
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I don’t know…
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It has received praise, opened dialogue, inspired people to comment and share their stories in the comments – and I think quite a few people are more interested in the comments on my posts than the posts themselves with good reason, provoked thought, and it has attracted some criticism – hence the disclaimer which I added a few months ago.
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The other day I wrote a post which was sort of about regretting writing the very post which I was writing… it was a musing on the butterfly effect and related things.
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This post is definitely one which reflects that kind of effect, what led up to it and what has led away from it.
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There are times when we are compelled by something within to do something without. We do it for ourselves, occasionally it is done for others… sometimes what we do for ourselves ends up being for others too, and what we do for others ends up being for ourselves… and variations on that theme.
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I was contemplating… what would happen if due to a glitch I lost this blog and all its content, and had no way to restore it as I had not backed it up.
Would everything be lost or…?
Would I be upset or…?
How would it affect me?
How would it affect you?
Would it matter, and if so… how?
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Life is strange, humans are stranger, being a human living a life, surrounded by other humans living lives… what a strange experience!
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Thank you.
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An Upturned Soul

*I’m adding a disclaimer of sorts to this post due to a few people who seem to think that I’m claiming to be an expert. When I use the word – expert – to refer to myself, I’m being sardonic towards myself. I use humour to deal with my pain. I am not an expert, I simply grew up with parents who are narcissists, who made my life a confusing hellish nightmare.

I’m sorry if I did not make it clear enough in my words, I thought I had.

This is a personal blog (by a real person and human being) where I share some of my experiences and thoughts. This is one of the ways I have chosen to sort through my own issues.

When I wrote this post I did not expect anyone to read it, posting it publicly was a challenge to myself to break through the…

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If Only I Hadn’t Written This Post…

. . If only I hadn’t written this post then I wouldn’t be where I will be then. Look at the mess I am about to make, the worst part of it is that I think this is good, a good idea, as I am doing it, more than that I feel excited at the... Continue Reading →

What You See is What You Get

. . . . There are silent conversations which happen within us all the time. We talk to ourselves, we answer back, we discuss things with others, they speak with us, we chat with things as well as people, and things communicate with us... all within the confines of our mind. If someone looked at... Continue Reading →

The “Dollhouse Effect” of Narcissism

A magnificently insightful post from a very creative blog and blogger! Thank you for sharing!
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Upon the welcome mat of a narcissist’s world is a sign:
Welcome to the Dollhouse… you can never leave.
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Soul Healing Art

Home Home

I had posted relatively recently a surprising interaction with my husband’s ex-wife, who I believe has narcissistic tendencies.

In the phone call exchange that I overheard, she asked him. “What was Kim doing talking with another mother?”

As I wrote previously, this “another mother” had called me in regards to a situation. I then returned the favor and called her in regards to another situation she needed to be informed about.

My husband’s ex-wife floored me at first. I could not believe someone was so clueless as to not realize that there is a whole network of communication around each of us. None of us live in a bubble. Then, I remembered she saw the world through the eyes of narcissism.

To her, we are all flat, one-dimensional doll figures that exist in her world to be subject to her manipulations, much like a doll is a one-dimensional object…

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What a Narcissist Needs… Self-Acceptance is both the Problem and the Solution

. . “When you accept yourself and all your flaws, you don’t particularly need to focus on self-esteem per se. You focus, instead, on being as good as possible at what you actually do. You may have a positive sense of self, but you don’t blow your sense of self-importance up out of proportion.  If... Continue Reading →

Avoiding Dangerous Places

Schipbreuk by Claude Josef Vernet . . “The fishermen know that the sea is dangerous and the storm terrible, but they have never found these dangers sufficient reason for remaining ashore.” ― Vincent van Gogh . . What is a dangerous place to you? The words ‘dangerous places’, what images do they conjure in your... Continue Reading →

The Refracted Heart… don’t ruin my rainbows

. . “Keats mourned that the rainbow, which as a boy had been for him a magic thing, had lost its glory because the physicists had found it resulted merely from the refraction of the sunlight by the raindrops. Yet knowledge of its causation could not spoil the rainbow for me. I am sure that... Continue Reading →

The Art of Following a Blog

An excellent post with some great advice for bloggers, and all those navigating the ocean of social media.
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The ‘Follow’ is as much of a floating minefield as the ‘Like’.
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Tips on blogging are in some ways similar to tips on how to live life, if you read too much about it, you may never actually do it because sometimes the myriad pieces of advice conflict with each other causing confusion, like asking a cartoon character “Which way did he go?” and the character replies “He went that-a-way!” and simultaneously points in opposite directions.
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Sometimes you just have to take the plunge and learn from it… posts like this one help to give you an idea of what you may find when you take the plunge, and gives you options from which to choose… the choice still belongs to you as does the adventure which ensues after the plunge.
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One of the best tips I was given for blogging was – Follow The Daily Post – and I am very glad that I took that plunge!
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ps. I experienced a glitch while trying to reblog this, so it may appear more than once… or not at all (in which case no one will read this ps or … ).

The Daily Post

Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, your blog: pitch a tent anywhere on the web, and the expectation is that people will quickly line up to give you a (virtual) high five in the form of a “follow.” I see it often enough in our own Community Pool posts here at The Daily Post: “Follow me and I’ll follow you back!”

It’s pretty clear what the followed blogger’s supposed to do: keep posting stuff that others enjoy reading. Be a gracious host. Ensure posts are readable. But what about the follower? Is there a job description for what happens after you click on a blog’s “Follow” button (or Follow Blog Widget)? Here’s some food for thought.

Don’t expect instant reciprocity

You shouldn’t take the plunge if you don’t want to read new content from the person whose blog you just followed.

When you follow a blog you’re making a light…

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Connecting the Dots – some thoughts on criticism, empathy, blogging, and being human

. . There are a couple of things which I do when I log into my blog. I check the comments and then the stats. Both of which often provide me with inspiration for a post. In the stats, I am particularly interested by the search criteria which led someone to my blog. I have... Continue Reading →

Gender Bender: What Kind of Person do You take Me for?

Madame X by John Singer Sargent . . The other day someone decided that it was an extremely good idea to interrupt me whilst I was doing something frightfully important. I can no longer remember what this frightfully important doing was, however I do recall the interruption and the consequences of it - which is... Continue Reading →

Coffee with No Ceremony!!

A beautiful story about life, travel, friendship, coffee and nuts… oh those nuts, those wonderful mistakes which happen and fill our lives with delightful stories to tell. This one is told in such a magnificent way and is a joy to read.

Thank you for sharing!

lifelessons - a blog by Judy Dykstra-Brown

daily life  color014
All dressed up for the coffee ceremony, but what is missing?

The Prompt: Dictionary, Shmictionary—Time to confess: tell us about a time when you used a word whose meaning you didn’t actually know (or were very wrong about, in retrospect).

Coffee With No Ceremony

I lived in Addis Ababa adjoining Mexico Square.
I ate injera every day. Had cornrows in my hair.
I thought I knew it all, and though my language skills were poor,
I knew enough Amharic to get by in any store.

Seated in a circle, on low stools around a flame,
We watched Demekech fan the fire—this ritual the same
in every house and every village all throughout the land.
The thick and sludgy coffee was always ground by hand.

Boiled in a clay carafe, then set aside to brew
as in another little pot, some corn kernels she threw.
The popcorn taken from…

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The story of a relationship with a narcissist: I Am Not Special by Hope

I am not special. When I was a child, the message from my parents was clear: Take care of yourself. We don’t want to do it. You are not special. And so I became an adult very early in life, full of determination to be self-sufficient and self-determined. At forty-five, a disordered person took an... Continue Reading →

…my own shall come to me.

. . What would I do with another hour? . I'd probably wait it out... . You may think that is a waste of precious time, that such a gift of an extra hour should be used more productively. Perhaps you are right... . A large portion of my life has been about waiting. Different... Continue Reading →

You don’t read me the way that you used to…

If books could speak to me, they would probably accuse me of not loving them the way that I used to… and they would be right. I used to be a voracious reader, hungry for more, devouring every morsel, every word on a page was a tasty treat and if it fell on the floor... Continue Reading →

Come Dream with Me…

. . “All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.” ― Edgar Allan Poe . . . . Of what does the princess in the ivory tower dream... . Of a knight in shining armor to rescue her from such a lonely place, and carry her off on his steed... Continue Reading →

Love Without Restriction

I’m recycling love again… or at least some thoughts inspired by and about a popular quote on love floating around on the internet.
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“Love me without restriction,
Trust me without fear,
Want me without demand and accept me for who I am.”
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When I first read this quote I loved its message, then I thought better (or less) of it as I thought more about all the other possible messages being delivered by the quote.
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This is one of my favourite posts, because it makes me chuckle… mostly at myself… and I can still remember writing it and enjoying writing it.

An Upturned Soul

love-me-without-restrictions-1

The other day I came across this quote:

“Love me without restriction,
Trust me without fear,
Want me without demand and accept me for who I am.”

My initial reaction to it was – Wow! Excellent!. Then I read it again, something about it made me uneasy. My mind began to whirr. I was compelled to delve deeper to find that which was hiding behind the attractive facade.

Once the seemingly open words had their free-spirited veneer chipped away, I began to feel restricted by them. When I first read them, it was as though I was the person saying those words, so they seemed right. But then I read them as though they were being said to me, and I felt that I was being given a set of rules of interaction. As long as I followed this person’s rules, they would allow me to love them, but if…

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Fragmented Histories

. . One of the signs which apparently gives a narcissist away is a fragmented personal history. When they tell you about their life previous to meeting you; You’ll get highlights which put them in a good light. You’ll get the typical - all my exes were psychos. . . . . You’ll get dramatic... Continue Reading →

Things You Should Know – About Love

I’m recycling… love… or at least some thoughts and words about a subject and concept with is both abstract and real.

An Upturned Soul

Love. Such a simple word for something so incredibly complex.

Everyone desires to love and be loved. From the very first moment we set foot on Earth until our very last breath. We arrive with arms wide open, our hearts free of all the pain which we have yet to taste, we give our love without concern for whether it is returned, and we embrace everyone equally. With each passing year, we gradually learn that love is not as easy as we believed it to be. Our hearts get bruised, our feelings hurt, and our unconditional love slowly accumulates conditions. Our arms cross over our chests to protect our tender hearts, until we hug ourselves so tightly that nothing gets in or goes out.

Love means so many different things to so many different people. It is a double-edged sword, able to cut us free from our chains, allowing us…

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A Very Knotty Problem

Rosenknoten (Hans Fehre) . . While browsing Pinterest for inspiration, I came across an image professing to be a list of the weaknesses of my MBTI (see below). I was about to move on without bothering to read it when I noticed the words which the Pinner had added to their Pin. "INTP Weaknesses (Not... Continue Reading →

A local village for local people… there’s nothing for you here!

. . Have you ever watched the TV series - The League of Gentlemen - ? If you haven't... ... ...? If you have... then you'll know the kind of village in which I live and the sort of welcome which you'll get if you venture into these here parts. . I'm kidding... maybe. .... Continue Reading →

Do Not Throw Me Away, You May Need Me Some Day

. . "His dreams of a regenerate world are but the reverberations of his own fevered pulse beats. He imagines the world will follow him, but in the blue he finds himself alone. Alone..." -  Henry Miller, The Time of the Assassins: a Study of Rimbaud. . . Don't throw me away you, you may... Continue Reading →

Mooning at the Howl

. . “Follow your inner moonlight; don’t hide the madness.” — Allen Ginsberg . . When I was a child I did what many children dream of doing, and may try doing but then get put in their place for doing it or attempting to do it, by an adult being an adult (who may... Continue Reading →

Those who give have all things; those who withhold have nothing.

Lakshmi . . "Those who give have all things; those who withhold have nothing." - Hindu proverb . . Do you value generosity? Do you consider yourself to be generous? Do you see yourself as being a giver rather than a taker? . My mother has always seen herself as being generous. She has often... Continue Reading →

The Nosy Cow

. . “I have a tendency to want to understand everything people say and everything I hear, both at work and outside, even at a distance, even if it’s one of the innumerable languages I don’t know, even if it’s in an indistinguishable murmur or imperceptible whisper, even if it would be better that I... Continue Reading →

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