anupturnedsoul

An Upturned Soul – This and That and an announcement of sorts

“And still, because between us hung the veil,
The myriad-tinted veil of sense, thy feet
Refused their rest, thy hands the gifts of life,
Thy heart its losses, lest some lesser face
Should blur mine image in thine upturned soul
Ere death had stamped it there. This was thy thought.
And mine?”

– Edith Wharton, Artemis to Actaeon

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Hi,

I’m Ursula, the brains (cough, cough, cough, sputter, and stifled gaffaw!) and heart (boom, biddy, boom!) behind An Upturned Soul… at least this Upturned Soul.

I know there are many other upturned souls out there (like this one – An Upturned Soul on Band Back Together).

Many thanks to all those who’ve connected with me, it means a lot to me.

I’m taking a short break from my blog.

I know I’ve said this before and the break lasted for about a blink of an eye.

This blog has played a very important part in my life and still does, more than I will perhaps ever let on – there I’ve let on and revealed it.

This break however isn’t about me having a ‘maj’ – a ‘maj’ is an internal traffic ‘jam’ of mind, body, emotions and soul backwards. It’s simply… this and that and something else.

I’ll probably only be away for approximately a week – but my sense of time has always been a bit vague.

Anyway…

I won’t be writing posts, replying to comments, etc.

If you’re a new commenter and you get a message saying that your comment is being held in moderation, don’t worry it won’t be held in limbo forever.

I will be back – not in Arnold style, though.

So, in the meantime…

If you have a question, or would like to share something, yourself, your story, your blog, or would like for me to write about something (once I get back)… whatever you would like (within reason…?), please use this post to do so.

Cyber-see you soon.

Much love,

Take care of yourselves,

Best wishes!

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Anastasiya_Markovich_TimeThe Past by Anastsiya Markovich

 

28 comments

  3. Well deserved…and regardless if you do return or not…you left an imprint on my soul. Now that’s not something we all do everyday, or at least people don’t tell us that we touched them this way. Well you touched me this way…forever grateful ❤ Also I made up my own quote the other day…it goes like this…"I will live in the present, be grateful for where I am, here & now, and be at peace with it all. It's time to move on." Peace friend 🙂

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    • Also…I was listening to some TED talks today…hmmm…I could see you doing one. With all your free time, ha.

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      • This reminds me of a video I was checking out on a website – http://ianfjay.wordpress.com/2014/10/11/intj-intp-discussion-people/ – I’m similar to the guy on the right (the INTP), only a bit more weathered by the wisdom which age brings (if you let it bring it and absorb it). So I’d probably be rubbish doing a TED type of video because I’m too distracted by the conversations going on in my head 😉 however it would be an experience worth experimenting with…? Not sure how the audience would react to me doing this kind of experiment… ruh roh!

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        • Disagree, you would not be rubbish…I think you’d be a breathe of fresh air (in a awesome kind of unique way) for the TED talk arena. I checked that website out, it was funny. I don’t know my personality type but I found it interesting how both interviewees don’t like small talk. Talk to just talk can be annoying-I don’t like it either. So, I was thinking, what topic would you talk on? How could you narrow it down-maybe you don’t. You talk about the key markers in your life that have brought you to where you are today…you give a taste of it all but have no particular focus point. This lack of a focus point would make it so cool-you’d be talking about everything yet nothing at the same time. And the best part about not specifically talking about NPD or any other trending topic, is that you would not be pigeon holed into that category or any category really. It would be a representation of who you are and all the things that make you…you. It would be a journey with a master storyteller- one who has experienced the extremes of what life is all about- both dark & light. Just some thought…”these are my conversations in my head”- 😉

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          • ‘I have no idea what I’m talking about…’ – is a frequent phrase I use which tends to make those who were accidentally within earshot (listening) chuckle. I get distracted very easily and lose my focus. Which I think is evident in some of my replies to comments – I read one reply which I wrote to a comment a while ago because someone replied to it after a long silence and I could not figure out what I had been going on about. I was tempted to ask the me who had replied ‘what were you on?’ but I know the answer to that, I wasn’t ‘on’ anything other than my own brain juice.

            Thank you for the vote of confidence 😀 I would love to try something like that just for an experiential experience. It would be a great learning curve experiment. However I’m not particularly good at talking ‘at’ people, I prefer to talk ‘with’ people, to get a feel for the others who are a part of the conversation. Even if I’m doing a lot of the talking in a conversation, I’m usually always aware of those who are participating in a conversation. Listeners are talking with their ears and with the rest of their body, and some listeners have very loud minds when they think. So doing something like a TED talk… I’d be too distracted by the audience and all the voices I could hear on the airwaves, so I’d end up rambling incoherently (as usual 😉 ).

            I tend to talk about everything all at once while seeming to be talking about nothing, or talking about something which isn’t really what I’m discussing. Which is why I let myself ramble in my posts as a way to find out what is really going on under the surface. In every conversation of which I am a part, there is an observer in me observing, listening, looking for the real conversation underneath the one which is happening – which might work for me in a TED talk, but might not work for others.

            This particular reply was interrupted about 10 times, with distractions which urged me to follow… hope some of it makes sense 😀

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            • I like your rambling 🙂 I prefer talking with people to…maybe it’s the immediate feedback that I like- it’s the ebb & flow that excites me. Public speaking would suck. I think you know what you’re talking about-the more knowledge you possess, the greater ability to get lost, distracted or question yourself. Ignorance can in a way be bliss- the less you know, is many times more advantageous than we’d like to think. I recently read a book called “Care of the Soul” by Thomas Moore…interesting read- the author was a monk who specializes in areas of archetypical psychology, mythology and the imagination. One thing he said in the book, hit me hard…it was…”We think power comes from understanding & unveiling. But this approach only goes so far.” I am wondered by those that are more simple in their approach & don’t care to fester on shit-like my husband- he balances this in me.

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              • I read that Thomas Moore book years ago, and his Soul Mates book is one of my favourite insightful delvings into the complexity of relationships. I think I followed him on Twitter because he has some interesting tweets, but I rarely go on there so… I can’t remember if I followed him with this account or my Twittercided one. I like his style of expression, gentle wisdom which nudges you to find your own inner guru 🙂

                I was exploring my astro chart today via a book by an astro-psychologist – stuff I’ve read before without really understanding it only today it twigged. Dots were connected. It was about aspects between several different houses which are both in my natal chart and also being activated by transits, and blah, blah blah… basically it said that I’m into meta-meaning. I did a lot of nodding and my head almost fell off, my brain definitely was shaken and not stirred.

                Hmmm… I’m sure I was going somewhere with this, oh yes… something along the lines of learning to know our own style. For some ignorance is bliss, for others ignorance is a nightmare. For some simplicity is a key, for others it is a lock. Just look at decor – some love to fill their rooms with treasures, collectibles, knick-knacks, while other think that is clutter and prefer a Spartan decor. One of the things we get from exploring the style of others, wondering as you do, is a broadening of our own style, sometimes blending our usual style with a new style to us – which is what happens when we move in with someone else, we discover what it is like when two worlds meet and we learn a lot from that. It does indeed give balance, and so much more.

                Power, I think, does come from understanding and unveiling, but it is just one approach amongst many, and one power amongst many.

                When I read a book, I always love to find the meta-meaning behind the words of the author – what are their words really saying, what are they revealing about the path of the soul who expressed them. Did Thomas Moore pursue understanding and unveiling for power and then find he didn’t get the power he was seeking, and that’s where his words come from. The life quests of others are fascinating, and help us to see our own life quests from another perspective.

                And if you do find power, whatever the approach, then what? What do you do with it? Where one quest ends, another begins, and perhaps they are all a part of a bigger quest (you can hear the Sagittarian season influence in my words 😉 )

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                • Your IQ must be off the freakin’ charts girl…holy shit! I’ll dumb you down a bit, don’t worry, ha. What haven’t you read? Wow, is all I can say! You mentioned “did Thomas Moore pursue understanding and unveiling for power and then find he didn’t get the power he was seeking?”- yes, I think so. I think his experience with patients also showed him this when dealing with human suffering & pain. He is a philosopher of sorts and instead of trying to “fix” the disorganized & toxic behavior cycles in people, with a step 1, 2, 3 approach- he was like you- he looked for why this behavior was being expressed in the first place- deep f’n shit and requires a patient & talented person to delve into this realm since it in a way goes against our natural inclination to be given a quick answer & be done-goal accomplished-check it off your list.

                  And what do you do with the power?- I believe you use it to grow or begin another “quest” but that is easier said than done but I think with the right approach in seeking answers to questions, it can be done. It’s not about the “fix”, as it is about the understanding and feeling understood. You need both of those but the individual is the only one that can do it, which Moore was especially good at doing with his patients. No judgment- asking lots of questions and getting to the root of the issue. Nudging people in the direction that they need to go- not where he (Moore) needs to go- but where they need to go. We all are destined to go in different directions-love that ❤

                  And please, don't let that head fall off from all that nodding 🙂 You're my highest IQ virtual friend- I'd hate to lose those bragging rights.

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                  • Haha! 😀 I love your wit! Awesome power to have!

                    Speaking of reading, I came across an article… (this gap is me trying to find the link which I didn’t bookmark and even if I had my bookmarks are a mess)…nope, can’t find it, fairly certain I linked-traveled from here – http://psychology.alltop.com/ – a site I use to find other sites and this was definitely in the ‘psychology’ category. The article was a reflection on reading, and changing the way you read due to the influence which reading has on the mind and other parts of the self. The person who wrote it had decided to give up fictional books and focus on non-fictional books, based on how fiction affected them rather than on the fiction itself. Very intriguing perspective.

                    I used to be a sort of obsessive-compulsive reader from an early age, it really kicked in once I became a teenager, then there was never a moment when I wasn’t reading a book, sometimes more than one at the same time (although that can be confusing). Lately though, I read less, or at least I read differently.

                    I have read a lot, but there is so much more that I haven’t read, and I can’t recall most of what I’ve read, unless I try to read the same book – then I remember. Although that depends on how much I retained from what I read and whether I considered the information relevant to me in some way.

                    When I started a Pinterest, I created a Pin board to list books I could remember reading, which were significant to me in some way, but I gave up… my mind tends to blend everything into my version of an encyclopedia of mostly nonsense 😉 which only makes sense to me (perhaps). There are a few of books which I will never forget reading. Thomas Moore’s Soul Mates is one of them. Something twigged when I read it, it explained something for me.

                    The whole concept of IQ is a bizarre one, intriguing to explore but ultimately flawed as it is biased and can’t be neutral because of how it is formatted.

                    My IQ has only been tested by me online using those online IQ tests. If I don’t use the timer I score better than if I do use it. My score is average, about 140 to 150 (it’s probably lower than that as online tests are online tests, and this sort of thing is supposed to decrease with age, right 😉 and I did all of that several years ago). I scored higher the first time I took it because it was new to me. Subsequently I scored lower as I found the repetitiveness of it tedious, my curiosity waned, so I skipped most of the questions and just ticked whatever – which was a fun experiment, IQ based on answering whatever!

                    Mostly though when I take that sort of a test I end up arguing (as in debating) the validity of it. Who created it and why, what is the IQ of the creators of the IQ test, and is everyone else’s IQ being compared to the IQ of the creators of the test or some ideal or statistic based on other statistics and tests and so on, what purpose did they create it for, has that purpose evolved along with the human race, is it progressive or stuck in a rut or regressive, etc.

                    As for being a smartypants, I am as much of that as I am a dope – I am fairly well balanced in the intelligent/stupid quotient (probably tipping over into to stupid more often than I care to admit – perhaps a sign of intelligence 😉 ). I can be so dopey sometimes it’s impossible not to laugh at it, especially where practical human stuff is concerned. Why do ovens have so many buttons!?! When all they need is an off/on and a temperature choice. FFS! That kind of thing.

                    My head regularly falls off, I have a coping mechanism for that… the only quandary is, did I pick up the right head? Never mind, this’ll do!

                    You’re lovely 😀 I don’t think you could dumb me down if you tried your hardest to do so… because you smart me up! You’re a super smartypants who has that very charming thing which many smarties have, a beautiful humility about just how much of a smarty you are. Those pants suit you, and are very sexy!

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                    • I also do that with standardized tests. I don’t know my IQ- thank heaven- I like living an illusion in this realm…it’s fun 🙂 When I was in college my sister worked for a company that specialized in these tests to determine a person’s aptitude or fit for a specific job/profession. I can’t recall the name for the test but it was a long acronym that made it sound very important. Her company was paid to distribute this test to other company’s employees. She said I could do it for free-I remember it being very long and…Boring! But it was free and she said I was lucky to do it for free & at the time I was still in my sophomore year in college and trying to figure out what I wanted to do & be. So I attempted to take it, but never officially finished it as I noticed that the same questions were repeated as I went on…this annoyed me- and I realized that I was giving different answers for the same question-this really, really pissed me off. What the hell was wrong with me-I felt like they were trying to trick me and it worked. They would have realized I was random, bored easily and a horrible fit for any job. I then decided that I didn’t want to know what profession would be a good fit for me, as it would probably be something weird, like a horse whisperer of something like that. So my stubborn side kicked in- and I knew, even at that age, that if someone talked with me for 10 minutes, they would know what profession would be a good fit (and I already knew anyways-I actually wanted to be a psychologist). I am thankful I did not go this route & I ultimately choose something else, as I think that profession, in many ways, is a “calling.” It’s not for the faint of heart & in order for you to be good-you must have a strong sense of self.

                      As for reading- I hated reading as a kid but as an adult I have grown to love it more and more. My latest thing is reading the New Yorker magazine (some really good writers & it makes me look smart) and I submit my cartoon captions online- I am hopeful in the next 20 years, I may actually get chosen.

                      Being a dopey smartypants is a wonderful combination- thanks for the fun exchange 🙂

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                    • You’re wise to disregard the IQ test – it’s just a bunch of numbers which really mean diddly-squat. You are not a number and neither is anyone else. Mathematicians tend to see everything and everyone as a number which is part of a formula, but the IQ test is not a mathematician 😉

                      Sounds like the test which you had the opportunity to take was an MBTI one, businesses often use a modified version of it. Like the Big Five (I think that’s what it’s called, my internet connection is being iffy so I can’t look it up to double-check). The official MBTI (as opposed to the unofficial shorter and free online versions) is very long and repetitive, the repetition is very deliberate, and so is the length. People often ‘cheat’ on those kind of tests – as in put their ideal self forward which may not be their actual self – so the length and repetition is designed to find the real person, to wear down the veneer and get to what is behind the veneer. It’s the test version of getting to know someone better over time.

                      For instance, a narcissist would come out very well if the test is short, however if the test is long they might give themselves away – depends on how cerebral a narcissist they are. They don’t tend to notice the repetition of questions as you did, because their focus is on answering rather than listening. You listen so you notice. And you question what you notice, which adds dimension.

                      The MBTI is quite an intriguing test beyond the confines of its intended use. It is in some ways a ‘test for narcissists’ (as in the NPD kind). Not the actual results themselves, although probably that too, but the approach taken towards the results. Narcs (particularly covert ones) tend to view themselves as being ‘Introverted’ ‘Intuitive’ ‘Feeling’ and ‘Judging’ – and tend to prefer if their MBTI result is one of the ‘rare’ ones. The test is more in how they identify with the persona which the result offers them. Certain types of Narcs think they’re super-Empaths, ‘gifted healers’ and ‘fixers’ of others – the proof is in the length and repetition, and in their ability to keep it going when the ideal meets the real.

                      Like you said – “It’s not for the faint of heart & in order for you to be good-you must have a strong sense of self.” – that is a true test of a person.

                      I totally get the hating to read thing. School really put me off reading because it made a chore of it. I loved to read as a kid, then school happened, and I hated it for a while but still did it only differently – it wasn’t a pleasure, it was an addiction. I went through this phase of reading the Encyclopedia Britannica, tome by tome, cover to cover. I recall nothing of it other than doing it. I took a test once which asked the question – Do you like reading encyclopedias? – if you answered ‘yes’ it was a sign of neurosis. WTF!?! So, if I’d answered ‘No’ I would have been considered healthy, maybe? That test was rigged (not a paranoid delusion – if I told you the test and what is was for and of what it was a part, which I won’t because it belongs to the embarrassing years, you’d probably agree it was rigged and that I was a dolt for doing such a thing which belongs in the annals of foolish mistakes/experiments).

                      Sometimes you just have to shrug and follow your bliss (even in those less blissful moments of the bliss). Trust yourself, listen to your heart and how it beats.

                      I used to love reading the New Yorker, must admit that I have yet to be able to think of a caption for a caption contest. Anything I come up with is naff. When I read other people’s entries I am struck by deep admiration for the minds of others. The world is rich with genius which is often hidden. Hope you get chosen, with a wit like yours I’m imagining that your captions are awesome! However those sort of contest tend to be very random in their choices, I think they pick the winner out of a hat. Such is life, as irritating as the saying – it is what it is – is, it is pretty accurate, perhaps that’s why it’s irritating. 😉

                      I love interacting with you, you have a great vibe and flow!

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  6. “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing
    and rightdoing there is a field.
    I’ll meet you there.

    When the soul lies down in that grass
    the world is too full to talk about.”
    ― Rumi

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  7. Have a good break, Ursula! I will be catching up on your posts – the ones I missed while I was away – while you’re away. Hope you return. You’ve made quite an impression on many here, including me. Take care. L.

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