.
.
And I don’t mean ‘burn it’ as in record it on a disc. A disc which will end up on a pile of other discs. A pile which will be shoved into a drawer. A drawer which has many other list-type things shoved into to it.
Note to self – that invisible (and sometimes visible list): Go through that drawer someday, just not today, tomorrow or anytime soon.
I just want to incinerate my whine list (and sometimes those of others when their whine sloshes over into mine and their whine becomes a whine of mine).
I hate lists, mostly because:
1. they scare me.
No. Not scare…
2. they stress me out.
Being stressed out feels similar to being scared, at least certain types of feeling scared on that list of different types of scared feelings, are similar to those certain types of feeling stressed out on that list of types of stress.
It’s too organised and I’m not that organised. Too ordered and I’m disordered (a type of disordered which may or may not be on that list of disorder types).
I do occasionally endeavour to write a list, but:
1. I get bored after a few entries (and that includes a shopping list… I’ll wing it after a few items, treat it as an adventure rather than a scheduled trip).
My life as a list makes my life a bit tedious… a certain type of tedious on that list of different types of tedious.
1. Born (wait, wait, that’s not #1 – first I was an idea – also known prosaically as:
1. a sprinkle
no,
2. a mote
no,
3. a sparkle…?
well… some thingy in someone’s eye which may have been on their list of things which irritate their eye or some other thing on some other type of list – was this idea, speck of dust in an eye which won’t turn into a pearl as it would in an oyster – sand, not dust – a bad idea which appeared to be good – appearances can be… whatever we see them as being when looking at them, another list…).
2. Lived (still in progress… or so it appears to me).
3. Hmmmm….
Bored now.
Lets have a look at that list on how to deal with ‘bored now’ moments:
1. Stop writing lists
2. Stop reading lists (especially ones which you’ve endeavoured to write)
3. Stop
4. potS (if you’re a backwards reader like me with a side order of rebel – as in when someone, even you, says ‘Stop’ you hear ‘Go’, maybe you’ll read this and go into reverse psychologically… doubt it, but you never know, worth a try)
So, anyway, lets look at this whine list:
1. You’re not who you want to be (join the club, no one is, except when they are and even they can have this sort of moment)
2. Life isn’t going as planned (plans are guidelines for where life doesn’t go most of the time)
3. You’re trying to change… (yeah, about that…)
a – someone else (to suit you)
b – yourself (to suit someone else)
c – someone else (to suit themselves who is never happy with who they are and they’ve recruited your help to help them change because they can’t do it)
d – yourself (to suit some ideal and until you live up to it you’re going to drive yourself crazy with the sound of your own whining about what is wrong with you – maybe you need recruits, but they may think they’re recruiting you and… expletives galore!)
e – all of the above (you don’t want to do any of this anymore)
4. You’re trying… and that’s trying to you and others (particularly those who ……fill in the blankety-blank)
5. ….?
Bored now. If only I could stick it out, keep going through the boredom then I might actually achieve… whatever. I have no idea what ‘whatever’ is because I never stick it out (conditions apply) to find out and perhaps if I did I’d be relieved that I didn’t.
I’m sure there’s something I’ve forgotten, if only I’d written a list…?
.
.
Gangstagrass – Broken Hearts and Stolen Money – Two Yards (feat. Dolio the Sleuth and R-Son)
An Upturned Soul 