The Con Descending

This is going to be another long one… sigh!

You know that saying about minding your P’s and Q’s…

…well, today I have been struggling with them in a rather literal manner. I was trying to print out some documents and my fingers, instead of pressing – symbol + P – kept pressing – symbol + Q – or at least they kept attempting to do it but I was minding them and their shenanigans.

Doing it once could have been easily explained away as an error due to a slip of concentration – the documents involved in this debacle were connected to something which is complex and troubling my mind, and it was troubling it while I was doing what I was doing – or a Freudian slip of the fingers expressing how I felt about the situation which those documents represented.

However doing it repeatedly after I’d admonished myself for doing it the first time and warned my fingers to be careful… how could I explain such a thing to myself and believe the explanation rather than tag it as BS. In the end I settled for my go-to excuse – my dyslexia, which was aggravated by having to look at long lists of numbers which were symbols of an aspect of the situation which is depleting my resources in more ways than one.



dyslexic readinginteresting article on reading and not just about dyslexia



This stressful situation has timing issues, or more to the point I have issues with its timing. It always seems to know when I’m allowing myself to relax and tempting fate by doing so. I even had the chutzpah to boldly state the other day to myself how few rants I’d had recently, especially considering that… here comes a bit of astro which I use as shorthand for human psyche stuff… transiting Mars is conjunct my natal Mercury, which squares my natal Mars – an aspect which is a lit match and a mental powder keg, which can occasionally explode in people’s faces but usually it creates internal combustion (mostly it expresses itself through me arguing with myself, I and all the other parts of self).

Reading my daily astro this morning I saw this:

“Easily irritated
During this time you probably feel hurt, offended or ignored and therefore you have withdrawn into yourself, and do not allow anyone to get really close to you. At the same time, though, deep down you want to participate, enjoy life, love and be loved. Nevertheless, you should not expect too much of yourself in this respect. You probably need seclusion or a withdrawal to get over everything. In that case you should not bury yourself in your pain as that will not make things better. You will possibly find that the behavior of the other person was unintentional, and that your present situation mainly mirrors your own sensitivity.” – Robert Hand via

Shortly before that I had read a psychology article – What Will They Think of Me? – which irritated me. What was expressed was logical and quite useful, however there is a bit of a gap between theory and practice. There was also a matter of tone.



conflict - tone versus opinion



Of course tone is a subjective matter as is everything else. What we hear versus what is actually being said, how we hear it versus how it is heard by the person saying it, etc. Does anyone ever really hear us the way we hear ourselves? And do we ever hear ourselves the way that others hear us?

I had had a similar conversation as the idea expressed in the psychology article with my partner last night, while we were discussing the stressful situation which is affecting both of us even though I’m at the centre of it. He said something along the lines of what ‘Introverts’ often say to the writer of that article.


“It’s Monday afternoon, and a friend already called me on the phone to discuss (complain about) his perceived obligation to attend a party on the weekend. “So don’t go,” I tell him. “If you’re so averse to going that you call me a solid five days in advance, then it seems that you should not go.” He then turns it around, “Jen, how do you not care what other people think of you?”


The author’s answer was – “The key to mastering this worry is simple: consider relevance.”

My answer wasn’t as compartmentalised about life, neatly sorting what people say to you into relevant and irrelevant, although I have tried to do that as I think it’s works to a degree when interacting and can avoid certain types of confusion and relationship problems… however the seemingly irrelevant is often very relevant, even when we decide to label it as irrlelevant and dismiss it.

For instance, last night, while trying to relax from the stress of the situation and clear my mind a bit, I logged onto my WP to browse the minds of other bloggers. There is a great world of wonder and wisdom to be found in the creative flow of so many minds and voices sharing themselves – and often what I choose to read and look at, ends up being relevant to what I am going through (life moves in mysterious ways). I saw a comment on my blog awaiting approval – I don’t like to keep people in limbo (but I do like to moderate the comments), so I tended to that matter first. What I read acted as an anti-placebo.

In theory it was irrelevant (to me anyway) but in practice it seemed very relevant to me… and what is going on in my life at the moment (and perhaps also to deeply seated issues).

Reading my daily astro today kind of sums up what happened when I read that comment last night. I knew at that time that I probably should have waited to reply until the morning, therefore allowing me to give a nondescript reply to such a comment, however… sometimes what we should do isn’t as good for us personally as we tell ourselves it will be. A nondescript reply wasn’t ever going to be as satisfying as one in the heat of the moment which got something out of my system and allowed me to go to bed without dragging stuff liable to keep me awake into bed with me.



mitch albom - nothing haunts us like



The comment and my reply are here – On Stabbing Yourself in the Eye with a Pencil – since the comment refers to an image on that post it’s best seen in context.

There is an unofficial etiquette to commenting on blog posts. Basically it is similar to the sort of unofficial etiquette of entering into someone’s home, as a blog is a blogger’s online home. Sure, if their blog is public like mine, they’ve left the door open and anyone can come in…

Reminds me of a story my mother used to tell of when she and my father first moved in their house. It had a driveway surrounded by gardens, both leading up to the property and leading into it, with a gate marking the boundary between private and public property. The gate was always left open, mostly to allow visitors, invited ones, easy access. One day my mother found a family having a picnic in the garden on the private side. She did not know this family and they did not know her or my father. My mother politely asked them if they realised that they were trespassing on private property, and they replied that since the gate was open it meant that they were free to trespass and do as they pleased. They were rude when confronted, so they were promptly booted out. After that my parents kept the gate closed.

We all seek to connect with others, it’s an important part of the human experience. We’re encouraged to open ourselves up, share, express who we are…

Which is what the person did in their comment… and what I did in my reply.

I didn’t react as well as perhaps I would have liked to, however this did take place in my virtual home. Someone entered, looked critically at my decor, then launched into a critique which had a condescending tone. That’s how I heard their words, I’m sure they heard their own words differently.

I wonder if they would have appreciated it if I gone over to their blog home and had done something similar to what they did in my blog home. We don’t know each other at all, and certainly not well enough to start off a conversation with – You know what’s wrong with you (and therefore what is right with me)…

I know that they were not exactly doing that, telling me what was wrong with me personally, it was just a painting on my wall which was wrong according to their right, however following it up by explaining Left and Right to me and to anyone else who happens upon an old post buried in the archive in a manner which suggests we’re all terribly confused about which is which…





Perhaps they should not have started off by announcing their credentials… ones which I am sure they saw as validation for what proceeded afterwards, but which I saw as even more of a reason why they should have been more aware of what they were saying and doing, what they were giving and how it might be received. Those kind of credentials mean they should have known better.

I, on the other hand, don’t have those kind of credentials, so I don’t have to ‘should know better’ even if perhaps I do from those invisible credentials known as experience, and empathy, and being human. But sometimes… screw it. That is also something I have learned from experience.

Spend too much time worrying about what others think of you and you won’t have any time to figure out what you think and your mind will be filled with the voices of others and yours will be drowned… yours needs to learn to swim in shark infested waters.

What do you think?


9 thoughts on “The Con Descending

  1. haha I’ve just recently had a conversation quite the way you described in your post about your responding blogger. I say random things that come across in a completely different way than intended and I can offend someone without ever meaning to. My brain works like a tape recorder and later I will replay the conversation, email, post, text, etc. over and over in my head…and lose my mind because of how badly everything I said came out. But, in the same respect, I know that this person I was speaking with, and most everyone else around me, knows things about me that I only say to myself in private or to someone who supposedly has no connection to them, and that leaves me to question their true motives in speaking to me.
    I read the post you were speaking about and I don’t think the girl meant to sound as condescending as she came across, just because I tend to speak the same way. I absolutely agree with your response, like you said, it is your blogging “home”. I’ve done the same on facebook, or in person. You get defensive when someone attacks your opinion in a harsh way, or at least I do, especially when they went onto your page to do so. I have a ridiculous amount of defense mechanisms embedded in me, and the take I get from that girl is, so does she, either that or a lack of proper social skills. Rest assured, I like your blogs, but I’m sure there will come a time when I post a response that ticks you off too…fair warning 🙂


    1. Haha! 😀 Thank you for the warning!

      I get ticked off all the time, usually because I misunderstood something, so I’ve learned to pause and check and double-check, most of the time, and that usually calms me down as quickly as I got pissy. I don’t stay that kind of angry for long and I don’t mind if people say something which ticks me off as I quite enjoy getting annoyed, it gets the adrenalin flowing.

      I realise that the commenter was just caught up in the conversation in her head and what it was urging her to say and do – to save the online world from the threat which that image posed to our minds, which is a monumental task. I was briefly tempted to give her a list of every blog and website which uses that image, so she could spread the word to all of them too, some of them actually used the image in a serious capacity rather than the way I used it as a humorous prop, but there were too many of them and I’m lazy even when I’m ticked off.

      My godfather was a child psychologist who didn’t like children, and liked to lecture me when I was a small child about everything that was wrong with me and what I was doing, usually instigated by my parents who liked to mess with him, and mess with me using him as a pawn. I knew what they thought of him and his job, typical of narcs, they had smartest people in the room syndrome and liked to spread the word. They would give me this look of – see what we’ve done, we’ve wound him up and now we’re watching him go, try to stop him if you can. His psychology degree didn’t really prepare him for dealing with actual people, particularly children (or children disguised as adults such as my parents).

      So I don’t tend to be impressed when someone tells me that they’re a psychologist, I tend to brace myself for another lecture.

      It is sometimes hard to sort through what is relevant and what isn’t, because sometimes everything seems relevant in some way which can make everything, even life itself, feel irrelevant.

      I used to give myself major soul headaches over the possibility that I had inadvertently said the wrong thing, offended someone, etc, and it got to the point where I was afraid to say anything at all – silence too can inadvertently upset and offend people. I still worry, but I do a lot of shrugging and the worry eventually falls away. People usually cut you a lot of slack, as they need it cut for them too. And most things can be sorted out once the moment has passed if it needs to be sorted, sometimes it sorts itself out and we all move on because life is always throwing new things at us to deal with and we can’t carry it all with us.

      It helps if you know someone, have chatted with them before, then if they say something which ticks you off, you have abetter understanding of what’s going on, and there’s affection too to smooth ruffled human feathers 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. One of my mottos this year….”There are no rules, …..titles, credentials……says who???” Is there a big hand that’s going to reach down and BAM, knock us all out???!!?? I think NOT!!! Luv your word twist ..hahaha ~ con descending~… so sweet, so true….
    I think sometimes we overthink what others think we think and I think that we really have no clue what the hell others are really thinking most of the time, so I stop thinking what they might have thought. And that’s what I think~~~ ❤


    1. Haha! That’s brilliant and my head is spinning 😀

      I tend to assume that other people are thinking about themselves rather than me and that is none of my business unless they make it my business, or if they’re thinking about me they’re wondering what I think of them and if I’m thinking what they want me to think about them.

      The big hand knocking us out reminds me of the Monty Python’s Flying Circus foot. Funny!!!

      I love how you think ❤


  3. Love your title. 🙂

    I read the comment and got the sense that this is an over-eager (and probably quite young) student determined to prove what she knows, as if no one has ever known that information before. 🙂 Frankly, I used to be that way myself – so caught up in it all that I didn’t stop to think (aww, the hubris of youth :)). They have to learn, however, and I think you were quite right to respond as you did. As an opinionated and arrogant late teen/early twenty-something, I got called out quite a few times, deserved it, and learned from it. When I got older, I actually appreciated it. There were times when I was a complete ass!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you 🙂

      I agree, there was definitely the vibe of a youthful mind. There’s a great post about that –

      I did feel a bit like a grumpy old woman (have you seen the TV series Grumpy Old Men and it’s partner Grumpy Old Women) in my attitude and reply, but you know, it’s my turn to be one just as once I was a know-it-all youngster. I can’t recall being as forward as the commenter was (although I probably wanted to be) in my youth, especially without knowing the other person first, I was very shy, still am in many ways. Dyslexia also played a part in it as it can make you uncertain of what you know because of muddling things. I was saying to my partner just today that I think I’m going through the phases I missed when I was younger, which is why I’m bolder about how I handle interactions and self expression these days. I may be going through my complete ass phase now. Ruh roh! 😉


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