When the Thinker becomes a Feeler…

INFP problems 2

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There are times when we get so used to being ourselves in a certain way that we can be taken aback when we’re not ourselves in that certain way. It can dumbfound us, find us dumb, unable to explain to ourselves or others cohesively what is going on with us.

We’re us but not us, not our usual selves yet still our usual selves. Maybe for a moment or for a while longer than that, perhaps even for an ever which we then get used to as being who we are on a regular basis… and then the whole rigmarole may happen again and we change without actually changing who we are, it’s just something, a je ne sais quoi which is different in the way that we are.

That’s me right now.

My thinking switched itself off the other day, a fuse blew due to overuse, and was replaced in its duties by feeling.

I tend to rely on my thinking more than feeling, without dismissing the role of feeling just nudging it out of the way and letting logic run things because it’s more efficient when it does. I’m always aware of my feelings but they take much longer to process things and sometimes that sort of time is not available.

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INFP problems 5

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The thinking part can make snap decisions based on the immediate situation, the context and criteria, and the need to make a snap decision. Mind you my thinking part can be indecisive too, but… the feeling part always has to mull things over for far too long and by the time it reaches a conclusion several months have passed. The need to make a snap decision tends to slow it down rather than speed it up, it does not like to be rushed and may view that pressure as yet another thing it has to consider carefully, feeling its way through it all.

Feeling needs time to know and then to decide based on that knowing, and while it is working its way to knowing it muddies the waters and gets muddled.

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INFP Problems 1.

The INFP problem above really caught my eye (ouch! – whenever I use that term, I tend to feel a fish hook in my eyeball). It’s how I felt the other day when I reached out in a way that I normally don’t and… immediately wished that I hadn’t. I’m glad I did, but I also wanted to rewind, undo and erase. My thinking shrugged about it, shrugging it off as an experiment, but my feeling… is still processing what it feels about it.

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INFP problems 3

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I am consistently painfully shy, even when I don’t give the impression of being that way. It takes me an age to muster the energy to interact with the world outside of myself. And when I finally do it feels like a giant step for this tiny speck of mankind. Sometimes it is a push too far. Of course those with whom I interact don’t see that. I can see that they don’t, or at least my thinking can and my thinking deals with it in a different manner than my feelings.

For my thinking, if someone ignores me, they’re busy, distracted, caught up in themselves, didn’t notice, stuff happens, whatever. It’s copacetic, move on, and do something else. But for my feeling…

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INFP probelms 4

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I’m an INTP, usually, but every now and then the T becomes an F… and so it goes. A inner re-balancing needs to occur for whatever reason. Sometimes the reason can’t be deduced it just has to be, feeling your way as you move through the fragments of life within life. A hall of mirrors, each mirror reflecting something… a part of a whole, a scene in a dream, a glimpse of being.

We are who we are, and who we are is not always who we always are… and yet it too is who we are as always… always us, yet not us.

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Infpr problems 6.

*all images via the superb INFP Problems

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