A Must Read on NPD: Narcissism – Living without Feelings

Please feel free to skip my blah blah and go straight to the article which inspired this post and which I highly recommend as a ‘Must Read’ if you’ve been affected by Narcissism, Narcissists, NPD, in any way. That includes if you think that you may be a narcissist, have NPD (this article will not vilify you, it endeavours to understand and help others to understand, and may help you to understand the condition and yourself):

Narcissism – Living Without Fellings by Richard Boyd

It is a very long (as in if you think my posts are too long, wait until you see this one) and detailed analysis of NPD, which explains pretty much everything about NPD.

How someone develops the disorder, how the disorder affects the individual who has it, what goes on behind the facade, the different types of narcissists, the gender differences in NPD, as well as its effects on others, children of narcissists, spouses, friends, colleagues, etc, its influence in and on society, and so much more.

If you want to understand NPD, this is an excellent article. Comprehensive and insightful.

Fairly easy to read and understand even though it uses some technical terms, blurs a few lines (particularly between NPD and BPD), and is very long.

Please be aware that it could trigger your issues, your wound, pain, trauma. My advice would be to read it in segments, stop when it gets uncomfortable and confusing. Pause, step back, give yourself time to absorb things. Respect yourself and your information absorption process.

A recent study found that humans learn and understand better when they take naps/sleep breaks after a lesson, and when the lessons are shorter, segmented. This study was observing the learning styles of children, but this can apply to adults too in certain scenarios, particularly when the child in us has been ‘damaged’ and is seeking to heal, and to do that we must approach the healing bit by bit, step by step, at our own pace of learning (which is a part of healing).

Please be considerate towards yourself. Take care of yourself.

This article is worth reading, but don’t force yourself to read it. Allow yourself to discard, dismiss, ignore it if need be. Let your heart guide your mind.




I started writing about Narcissists, NPD, and Narcissism… by accident in some ways.

I didn’t think things through, I just did it.

I did not register that it was a ‘hot’ topic and tap into its ‘popularity’ to ‘promote’ my blog. If I had known that a few of the posts which I’ve written would be shared in the way that they have and attract as many readers, views, as they have, if I knew that so many people would relate to my story and words, comment on my blog asking me for my perspective, help, sharing with me their pain, hardship and trauma of their lives and relationships with narcissists… knowing myself as I do, I would hazard a guess that I would not have posted them publicly.

I tend to shy away from attention and the myriad aspects of it, especially those which can overwhelm due to being bigger than the self. Sometimes throwing a tiny pebble in the ocean can cause ripples which become tidal waves.

Why did I post publicly? Why did I make my personal blog public? Why share my life, myself, my feelings, thoughts, my damage, the mess that I am and that my life has been, with strangers in this manner?

I didn’t think things through, I just did it.

I could explain it in more detail, analyse it, take it apart and put it back together (with a few screws left over), however growing up with narcissists you learn to be an excuse-generator and can’t always tell the difference between lie and truth, reality and fantasy, taking yourself apart to figure out what makes you tick and picking yourself to pieces (screws missing or left over), finding your self and losing yourself in the search to find what you never really lost, even if you’re consciously aware of yourself and your tendencies.

Let’s just say that I was going through a phase which suddenly inspired me to do it – ‘it’ being something which was rather unusual for me (and which I would consider to be – doing a George – something which refers to an episode of Seinfeld which hit a chord with me), at least the ‘me’ that I’ve learned to be, especially on the outside to protect the ‘me’ inside.

On my blog I’m very verbose, in person I’m taciturn. On my blog I share my internal conversations, in person I don’t… until I get to know you better – which may actually increase my laconic self-expression instead of unleashing talkative hell or heaven or both depending on the subject of the conversation – and until you get to know me better.


pro solitude


Interactions ideally should flow both ways, be a balance of you and other, respecting both equally. Ideally… hmmm… ideals are meant to inspire rather than be a hard and fast rule, so in real life the balance sways this way and that, fluctuates naturally. Sometimes you talk more and the other listens (maybe), and sometimes it’s vice versa. It depends on the moment and the elements of the moment.

Interactions with a narcissist only flow one way and there is no balance, respect, or anything for you in it (maybe), it’s all about the narcissist. Even when the subject of the conversation with a narcissist is about you, it’s still all about them – people often mistake this as something else (as the narcissist being interested in knowing all about you) and only learn the hard way that it is not that something else (their interest in knowing all about you is all about them).

Growing up with narcissists, I learned fairly early on that I was not allowed to express myself in any way at all unless it was in a way the narcissists wanted me to do so (and even that could be wrong). If I expressed myself in a way which upset them (which is easy to do and pretty much everything can upset them, trigger them and get you shot because of it), then there was censorship hell to pay for it. They need control more than they need air, food, or other vital things for basic survival. I learned to shut up and listen (with more than just the ears). But that too could be perceived as a threat by them.


listening secrets


I lived under the illusion that this was a temporary state. I created that illusion for myself, I hoped, prayed, that it was temporary because if it was then I could endure, but if it wasn’t… So, a temporary state it had to be, one which I would have to endure until I was old enough to escape the narcissists and get out of from under the heaviness of their influence into the rest of the world.


I found the same pattern repeating itself in the world outside my origins. Was that because of my origins, was I attracting to myself and being attracted to the same situation over and over again until I dealt with it… or was this just the way that the world is, that people are. Is NPD not a disorder but the ‘norm’, the normal order?

I have no idea. It’s impossible to know as I took myself with me wherever I went, from world to world, inside and outside.

However… changing myself (not in a narcissist shape-shifting way – which I have done – but in a learning through experience, understanding the lessons of experience, and slowly, often painfully slowly, shifting way) has changed my experience of the world and the people in it, who make it up. I am one of those people, not an interloper, alien, stranger, detached, not a part of the world as I used to feel, think that I was, and be. I’m a part of all of it.

The world is no longer the Us versus Them of my childhood, of the NPD version of reality and my Stockholm Syndrome hostage status within that dynamic. I am neither an ‘Us’ nor a ‘Them’, and others aren’t either… although sometimes I use that kind of language and lexicon, that is more about my communication style running on an old program which has yet to update itself.

And… not all updates in communication style work when you’re communicating with others. You need to know what program they are running on too. And ideal style of communication blends your style and that of the other. It’s an adaptation of both you and the other coming together to find common ground. A place of we, where us and them are working together not locked in conflict of a versus. That’s an ideal, reality is… inspired by the ideal but usually does not live up to it and can disappoint… yet not be disappointing, it’s just different from what was expected or hoped for. Sometimes this is for the better, sometimes for the worse, and sometimes…


a billion


As a blogger this is an issue which rears its head quite often (not the billion dollars thing, but… that too I suppose). Just when you have got used to the blogging platform which you’re using and its program, the people behind the scenes tweak the software and… suddenly you’re starting from scratch again, having to learn how to use your communication system again as you did at the start because it has updated itself and changed.

WordPress has been doing this quite a bit recently. I also have a tumblr which has also recently changed. I have no idea how anything works anymore… reminds me of how I used to feel when my narcissist parents changed the rules yet again. Just when I’d got used to something, found some footing, felt a bit more stable on my feet… Swoosh!… the carpet, floor, ground beneath me was pulled away and I was floating above a precipice like a cartoon character who had run off of a cliff… and suddenly realised where they were, that realisation triggered they equally sudden fall.

Sometimes I feel that way about my blog. About the path I am walking. One minute it’s there and the next… I’m over an abyss. What do I do?

That’s life really, now you see things, now you don’t… what you saw and what you now see.

Perspectives change, and yet… are they really changing or just appearing to change?

I had a very weird, strange, experience yesterday (offline)… today feels different because of it. Such is life…


the kitchen

And because today feels different I wandered off the beaten track and found this – The Archetypes of the Animus and Anima – which sparked a thought, an inkling of an idea that lead me to search in a way which lead me to this – Narcissism – Living Without Fellings by Richard Boydwhich is an in depth read and an incredible feat of writing and understanding. Which sparked many ideas that are changing my landscape in tiny micro-shifts.

Living is… an adventure of constant discovery.



  1. I liked this post earlier in the afternoon, but just now had a chance to go back through and really read the article plus your thoughts on it. It is a lot of information to digest, and particularly difficult I think to notice some of the more prominent traits of unhealthy narcissism in myself. Clearly, as I can recognize them I am NOT an unhealthy narcissist, but it still scares me and makes me think twice. I’m intrigued by the way the author integrated Borderline into the “spectrum” of narcissism if you will. I think I’ll have to read through it again once more to completely glean from it, but it surprised me a little bit. Thank you for sharing!


    • It is in some ways too much information all at once. I was particularly interested in the aspects of it which related to bioenergetics, although that’s not what I was looking for when I found this, but that’s often how searches work. It has some truly excellent insights. Always remember to read these sort of things with care towards yourself πŸ™‚

      I often find that reading articles and books written by those in the mind professions tend to make me feel… like I feel when I’m interacting with a narcissist, this one didn’t do that and made it stand out. The person who wrote it did so from the heart more than the mind, and I appreciated that. I think sometimes people forget the human element… which is a very human thing to do.

      Liked by 1 person

    • It blew my mind a bit as I read it. There was one point in particular which confirmed something I had wondered about a while back concerning the theory of bioenergetics. I had looked into it then, but then I moved away from it.

      I was a bit surprised that I managed to read it all the way through. Definitely need to reread it though. What a tour de force of information.


      • Yes! I was interrupted quite a bit while I was trying to read it and I think I missed quite a bit. Also want to re-read your accompying article – as I said, I got interrupted a lot. Thanks so much for finding this and passing it on. πŸ™‚


        • Ah, yes… life interrupting life. If I had a penny for every interruption… I’d have a lot of pennies.

          Most of my posts are written under the influence of interruptions πŸ˜‰ by the time I post them I have no idea what my original idea was, which may be exactly as things should be… or so I tell myself. By the time I press ‘publish’… I’m in the eff it zone. I really never know what I’m doing or saying, although later I pretend that I do and did, but I know better. Ah, the folly!

          And my replies to comments get equally interrupted. I’m always pleasantly surprised when people don’t get freaked out by my replies.

          As does my reading of the writing of others (and I have to factor in whatever my dyslexia makes of it – which can be hilarious but also a mess when things are serious).

          What it is to be human and to live in a human world! πŸ˜€


  2. I am glad that you chose to make your blog public. You are a very talented writer and thinker and the world is better for your sharing. πŸ™‚

    I re-read the article and am processing. As a child I was often left in the care of a much older sister (15 years older) who at that time (as well as to this very day) was very unstable. Maybe BPD with narcissistic overtones or vice versa. I’m slowly figuring out what went on in my childhood with the help of another much older sister who knows quite a bit about my childhood situation even though she wasn’t at home much and there are gaps.


    • Thank you πŸ™‚

      I was kind of babbling in this post – the relevant bit was the link. My babbles always inform me about stuff about myself in some ways which is why I let myself do it, however they don’t always make sense because I leave out bits – what I’m thinking about as I write. Sometimes, in retrospect, I get the urge to delete my babbles. However if I do then I can’t remember it which I sometimes later want to recall. One of my favourite films is Catch-22… I never made it through the book.

      I think the article really tapped into the experience of both beign a narcissist and being the child of a narcissist – how they intertwine and all the tangents from there.

      Were you the youngest, do you know why your parents had you, do you know how your birth affected your sisters? I know those are probably too personal as questions go… but if your parents, one or both, were narcissists it has bearing on your life as an adult. Worth answering privately for yourself. The reason for my existence was all about my parents – exploring it from that angle has been insightful for me.

      The BPD/NPD blurring is very interesting. I read a series a while back which tried to tackle the links and overlaps as well as the differences between the two – https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stop-walking-eggshells/201112/black-and-white-thinking-is-both-bpd-and-npd-trait

      The thing which struck me the most was that BPD is very treatable, particularly with CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), because those with BPD are aware and want to heal. Those with NPD on the other hand… we’re all, professionals and others alike, still trying to figure this out. Those with NPD mostly don’t need to figure it out as for them the disordered ones are everyone but them. So do those who accept NPD as a diagnosis really have NPD?

      An intriguing take on this – http://www.hugoschwyzer.net/2012/03/25/empathy-can-be-learned-overcoming-narcissism-one-day-at-a-time/

      I love how you’re exploring your story. How does your exploration affect your connections with your sisters? Do you find it’s changing as you approach it from where you are now?


      • Thanks so much for thr links. πŸ™‚ I was a late-life child; my parents were 35 & 41 when I was born. Not unusual now but it was then. I have three much older siblings who are 15, 14 and 10 years older than me. I have to come back – being interrupted!


      • I am back. I think that I was a big surprise for my parents as they thought their family was complete. (Clearly I don’t mind answering those questions – nothing is secure on the internet but I am about as protected as I can be. πŸ™‚ ) My oldest sister who helped to raise me has variously and independently over the years been diagnosed as bipolar, clinically depressed, and alcohol dependent. I am not a therapist but I think she does have all these conditions; it’s just that they’re symptoms of a much wider problem. I and my other siblings have for the most part gone no contact because she is so unstable, angry and confrontational. My other sister has recently helped me fill in some gaps as to how I was raised as a toddler. Apparently, I was teased and ridiculed a lot when I didn’t behave. I’m starting to realize how much alike my mom and sister are alike although my mom was not as intense.

        This has changed my relationship with my sister. I didn’t know her very well owning to the age difference and the fact that she left home very early. Itis an interesting experience sprinkled with more than a few “a-ha” moments. And now I’m babbling … I suspect there will be a lot more processing and babbling in the future. πŸ™‚


        • I love what you’ve been doing with your blog, seeking to understand and look further – it’s how life really is.

          Many years ago I came across a photo of my father and his ‘mistress’. In it she was looking at him with utter devotion – in that moment I realised that she really loved him, worshiped him, was besotted. That reality went against everything my mother had said and needed it to be. Took me a while to deal with things but eventually I wrote a letter to my father’s mistress (which she later used in a way which was questionable… but that’s life too).

          People are very complex and their approach to life and especially the relationships part of life is a mess of complicated complications piled onto other complicated complications. So no wonder figuring things out is a labyrinth. But sometimes something which has always been a blurry mess of many other blurry messes comes into focus and can be seen clearly. That clear moment may fade, but not our perception if we take a quick snap of it and use it to guide us.

          We can see the mess and why the mess was the way it was and why it keeps going, snowballing… sometimes we can stop it, maybe only for a while and in that while peace can be found.

          Keep doing what you are doing, trust yourself, you have an ability which is rare and deeply insightful… don’t worry if it doesn’t always work, sometimes we see more when we don’t see. Always trust in yourself ❀

          I can relate to much of what you’re sharing even though I was an only child… I was born when my parents were a similar age as yours, and yes, it was considered late to have a child. It’s an interesting experience to have older parents. I wonder what it would have been like to have older siblings… I sort of know that now. Families are fascinating sources of information, but it can take a lifetime to sort through the stories and the inheritance, the ancestry and such. Always worthwhile, follow your questions to their answers…


  3. “growing up with narcissists, I learned fairly early on that I was not allowed to express myself in any way at all unless it was in a way the narcissists wanted me to do so (and even that could be wrong). If I expressed myself in a way which upset them (which is easy to do and pretty much everything can upset them, trigger them and get you shot because of it), then there was censorship hell to pay for it. They need control more than they need air, food, or other vital things for basic survival. I learned to shut up and listen (with more than just the ears). But that too could be perceived as a threat by them.”

    Wow! These were words that hit a chord with me. I am writing my story based on telling truth after living in a family of lies. Uncovering my family of origin. And yet I am still struggling with “letting it go” and getting it out there due to the fear of expression. Not that I wasn’t vocal when they were at their worst…I was little Miss Truth Teller then to them, and to hell with the consequences -a burst eardrum for starters.

    No, it’s those so-called “friends” that I have told since! We discussed this Ursula back a-ways when you pointed out they could not handle my information. So right! They had to control my information sharing ! And it is they whose judgement I am now concerned by. Frustratingly and annoyingly it is ! None of it bears logic either so I am writing it anyway and I guess if I get over my “perfection” tendency I might make something of this story and publish it. Gulp!!!!

    My goal in writing seems again to be the troublemaker in that I live in this country that will not talk about family life like the US does. Mental issues are still hidden in old colonial mores down here at the bottom of the world. Mothers are still holy and taboo and I was often met with “oh she wouldn’t do that” and of course she did!

    In reality though i would like to have the conversation going in an open manner. Here’s hoping one day.


    • Thank you πŸ™‚

      I know that feeling of being a teller of truths that no one wants to hear and the consequences which come with doing it anyway because you listen to the beat of the inner drum even when you know what happens when you do that. Your mouth talks and shocks you because of what it says so openly and honestly… and then you have to deal with how it shocks others too, especially that.

      Always follow the beat of your inner drum, write your story, tell it, voice it, share it… in some ways the consequences are the same as if you hide it, don’t tell it, don’t share it, stay silent, except in one way, the most important way – what you do for yourself, how it affects you, the consequences it has for you internally.

      Our silence… saves no one in the end, it just sometimes seems as though it saves others while sacrificing us. It’s the ‘Trolley problem’ (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trolley_problem) only it isn’t.

      Others will either believe you, support you or reject you and refuse to believe, they may reject you and then slowly come around and reach out where they once pulled away, and many other variations of the reactions of others. Your world is partly influenced by the reactions of others, by others, but that is only one part – sometimes that part becomes the whole of it for a while because you need so much for others to see what you see and to listen to you… but if they don’t, then what?

      Where do we stand when we are alone? Sometimes it is the most powerless position… and sometimes it is the most powerful place to be.

      Someone at some point has to break the taboos of society… do we wait for someone else to do it or do it ourselves? Or is there another path somewhere in between?

      Trust yourself, who you are as is, that’s you… who you are as is is beautiful and the way to see that is by being it as is. Takes a lot of courage, you have that, and by doing it, it supports it, encourages and grows it.

      Take care of yourself, follow your inner drum’s beat – maybe it’s what will make things change, how you get what you want… but it may take a while, a very long while. Is it worth investing in? You decide!

      (I’d say the answer is yes, go for it, but that’s just my take on it)


      • Thanks Ursula, once again you give me perspective. Each affirming comment builds and gives me more strength to stand up and forget that habit of going for approval so long ago expected. I keep reminding myself of the line in “Good Will Hunting”…it wasn’t my fault !!!

        There’s a sense of truth telling as shameful from NM’s silencing and frowns…sent so deep inside !!! I remember the accusation of being “too dramatic” (mentioned in the Boyd article) because I had those taboo feelings and spoke out. Some days it feels as if I have so many feelings they overwhelm me. πŸ™‚

        I really enjoyed Richard Boyd’s article. A great study by my countryman. He was right on as far as my family of origin was concerned – from dual personality, right down to the causes (as I see them) of my mother’s need to construct her false self. Then there was her creation of me as a “mini me” .

        This thinker is finding that kind words do more healing than all the learning……..


        • And it comes to me that ion NM’s insistence on superficiality there was always my desire for what lies beneath !


        • TY ❀

          Richard Boyd's article took me off on a tangent within the website (to do with bruxism – gritting your teeth to keep it all in). There's some very intriguing insights and articles within the website. It explores a concept which I had investigated a while back (connected to the work of Alexander Lowen) but then it was all a bit too much so I took a break from it.

          I often need to take a long pause.

          It's so easy to get overwhelmed, because there's so much which we keep at bay, and finding the right way to let it out is tricky. And once you let it out you have to deal with it, understand it.

          We were trained to suppress ourselves by people who were a mess and always felt threatened – NPD parents are terrified of their children, but it takes ages to figure that out because we're so terrified of them and what they unleash upon us when they're frightened of us and everyone else (and take it out on us). It's a very confusing cycle – a bit like being shoved into a washing machine and getting stuck in there. The machine just keeps going.

          Bit by bit, being gentle with ourselves (which isn't easy because we were taught to be hard on ourselves), we take giant strides in baby steps.

          Dealing with shame is complex because so much of what we were made to be ashamed of is nothing to do with us, yet we were lead to believe that it was all about us. Narcissists pass their wound on and then disown it – so we're stuck with their wound thinking it's our wound. They're the ones to whom the shame belongs, but we've made it ours and so no wonder we can't sort ourselves out.

          I was made to be intensely anxious about making mistakes… according to my parents everything I said or did was a mistake, including what I didn't say or do. I've made a lot of progress by embracing mistakes and enjoying making them… but I still see the ghosts of the old way. I've taught myself to shrug those off and give them the finger. Bit by bit life is less stressful and more fun, an experiential experience in me just being me and saying and doing stuff.

          When you're damned if you do and damned if you don't… at some point you realise, might as well just live and be as is. Still have to remind myself daily of that, getting better though πŸ™‚

          So, keep doing what you're doing and being you, thinking, feeling, being overwhelmed, all of it… always give yourself a kind word over all other words!

          Trust yourself and your way!


          • I am coming around to damned if you do and damned if you don’t! Having upset many people will “too much information” I have withdrawn into my writing world and spent a lot of time mostly alone. It’s writer’s thing. I do have some wonderful correspondences and a husband who I am always confusing (:-)) a son and family not far away and another one interstate whom I share rapport. .

            I’m introverted by nature anyway and my head is a fairly busy place to be so I cope. Now I am thinking that perhaps just saying it anyway won’t change the status quo that much…ie I will still be me scribbling away here on my own.

            After all, our experience did happen, we survived albeit a bit misshapen. So today I am feeling like it’s okay to tell it like it is……and tomorrow ? Tomorrow is well….. tomorrow…

            And interestingly, I am currently under dental treatment for years of bruxism!


            • Later: Reading Richard Boyd’s description of Borderline Personality Disorder it’s clear my father was BPD. A clearer revelation, though I suspected this for a while.

              His early abandonment issues were always at the forefront of his dealings with NM and her need for attention from others.


              • BPD and NPD have many overlaps. BPD is in some ways more understandable from an empathic view than NPD (it is also more treatable according to those in the psyche business, particularly with CBT – as those with BPD tend to be more able to grasp that they have a problem which affects them and others, whereas those with NPD…. the problem is always others), especially if you’ve grown up in an environment which suppressed your emotions as a child, made you feel emotions were dangerous in some way when expressed.

                If our parents’ parents were screwed up about things like a child being a child… is it any wonder that our parents were messed up parents and messed us up? Not an excuse, just a way to explain things from a longer view.

                One of my favourite poems is – This Be The Verse by Philip Larkin.

                My parents grew up during WWII, their parents had it tough, they had it tough, and I can see how that environment created the circumstances for their NPD. Understanding the history and ancestry of your parent can alleviate some of the burden, but you still have to deal with what was passed onto you – this is just a means of understanding and in some ways releasing that feeling that somehow it was our fault that our parents were that way.

                It really helps to realise that they were messed up by their parents, that’s why they messed us up and then told us that we were the ones who were messing with them and messing them up – chances are they were told this by their parents when they were children.

                Phew!… sort of.

                Humans… messed up and passing it on from generation to generation since… stoneage?

                Watching my two NPD parents interact… family dynamics! It was mess meeting mess and creating chaos, still is even though my father has passed away, my mother is still keeping it going.

                Abandonment issues also haunt someone with NPD. In some ways it is a very human fear, but those with NPD deal with it in a way which… you know.


            • Ha! Most people (including some dentists) don’t know what bruxism is and what it does. I am perversely always a bit elated when I find someone who understands it and has experienced it. Kudos on getting the dental treatment… I need to do that, am avoiding it.

              Many years ago when I was a wee one I had a silly ‘what I’m going to be when I grow up’ which involved working in a circus and hanging from a rope by my teeth, doing spins, acrobatics and stuff. I saw a circus performer do that and thought – that’s for me!

              Ah, the crazy dreams of childhood… which are surprisingly insightful when you investigate them later on.

              I sometimes wonder about what I’m doing with this blog, with my posts… it’s not always logical, but it is very meaningful for me, and it seems to be meaningful to others (which always surprises me). Scribbling away… has a ripple effect within and on the outside. Writing can have an almost magical ability to change things, especially when you write from the heart and it overrides the thinker, when you write for yourself, to yourself, revealing yourself to yourself.

              One of my favourite quotes about writing is:

              β€œThere is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.” ― Ernest Hemingway

              The fact that he killed himself… could make one question if perhaps a little less sitting down at the typewriter and bleeding might have mitigated that, but then again… who knows. We just don’t know what lies ahead, we’re haunted by what lies behind, and we do what we do here and now, bridging the past and future in some way, perhaps changing both in a weird way.

              Saying it anyway has changed my status quo – no idea if it has changed anyone else’s, but it has changed how I view theirs and how it affects me.

              For me, damned if you do and damned if you don’t is a positive affirmation rather than a negative one. Might as well live, as Dorothy Parker put it. Do it, say it, write it, go for it, or don’t do it, don’t say it, don’t write it, don’t go for it… pick the option which suits you, the one which makes you buzz within, makes your blood flow with a yum to it, others will compliment or criticise according to them – that’s their problem (within reason – keep an open mind about it, but not so open that it lets too much in). Consider the view of others, especially those close to you as relationships flow both ways when healthy (or as healthy as human relationships can be considering we’re all a bit loopy).

              Make mistakes, and enjoy them or don’t enjoy them but enjoy not enjoying them. Try things out and live to regret it, and keep trying things out and living to regret – somewhere along the way you’ll be surprised by yourself, others, life, and swept away by the surprise into a whole new experience of you and others. And the whole rigmarole starts again.

              If you love being alone, then love it… you’d be surprised how many humans love being alone, but feel guilty about loving it and force themselves to love not being alone which goes against their nature, etc.

              If you are nurtured by writing, write.

              And so on… just explore and discover. A child of narcs needs to rebel and just do stuff because they want to and for no other reason… but we always feel awful for doing what feels awesome to us. Do the awesome stuff and get used to feeling awful about it, it’ll subside a bit, and besides since we always feel bad, might as well have some fun while feeling it – keep doing the awesome stuff, whatever it is.

              I’m still figuring things out… trying to follow my own advice. I sometimes don’t follow it. πŸ˜‰


  4. I think I learned the most about you from this blog. Your ‘rabbit hole’ style of writing always makes sense to me. I’ve never read blogs before this experience, and yours has helped me most understand this experience, I’ve sincerely appreciated the guidance and encouragement. I’m sure it’s not easy hearing so many painful stories, but thank you for making a difference in my life.

    Personal questions. When did you decide to go no contact and did you tell her mum she was a narc? No need not to answer if you feel uncomfortable. And Happy Mum’s Day if your a mum.


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