Bashing the X

If you read the title of this post and figured that I was going rip a past lover to shreds in it, think again.

I only have one ex in my romance history, a teenage romance story, and he’s lovely.

I didn’t always see him that way, but then again if I look at him through a glass darkly… I’m not pretty either. Is his ugly really his or mine?

I reconnected with him a while ago through that reconnecting with people from your past medium known as Facebook. Then shortly afterwards deleted my Fb account – nothing to do with him, or anyone else, just me being me.


excuses et cetera


Me being me is a complicated thing. I’m sure you can relate to that as I suspect that you being you is complicated too. All those multiple facets of character, personality, being, inside of you and outside too, to mediate like a diplomat and run like a gauntlet.

Is it any wonder that our relationships with others are a mess when our relationship with ourselves is so complex.

And since our relationship with ourselves is complex… those others whom we have relationships with, well, they’re trying to deal with their complex relationship with themselves too. So… yeah!


Wasteland, T.S.Eliot.

Bashing the X… refers to how I’ve been solving problems in my dreams recently (inspired by playing video games where ‘X’ is a functional key and actually solves things in the game… sometimes, not always as when you press it, it can cause problems, but only in-game problems – unless you’re playing with a back-seat gamer, but that’s another thing not relevant at the moment. Hmmmm… shhhh…).

Bashing the ex… is something people do to try to solve problems in life. Sometimes it does the trick, but sometimes it just makes everything more complicated than it already is because… of all the becauses and their domino effect rippling off from you to others, to and from those who listen to you, and to and from your ex who may be doing the same thing, and to and from those who listen to your ex.




When I saw today’s Daily Post prompt: Just a Dream, which stated – You’re having a nightmare, and have to choose between three doors. Pick one, and tell us about what you find on the other side.

I laughed. Not sure if it was a nervous laugh, a reflex to something ridiculous (someone thinking dreams are that straightforward), or the best way I know of dealing with something that is… but… hmmm…

Whoever wrote this prompt… have you read Steppenwolf?


“Learn what is to be taken seriously and laugh at the rest.”
― Hermann Hesse


And laugh at the – to be taken seriously – stuff too. Just in case…

I’m fairly certain there was a scene in the story which involved a choice of doors, doors which may have been real or part of a dream… but it’s been a while since I read it and its narrative has blurred into the narrative of other books read, films seen, other lives, and a life lived and still being lived, and sometimes written and read while writing and stuff like that.

Real life in retrospect can seem like a dream or a nightmare or both, a long almost interminable hallway with a gazillion doors… and what is dream and what is nightmare is usually blended together and viewed through the lens of the moment. The past changes with the present and those possible hoped-for and dreaded futures which are hard to tell apart – what if it all goes right!?!

Our waking life can be more bizarre than our dreaming life.


black sails


Bash the X, bash your ex, take your waking life nightmares out on the doors which you’ve chosen to walk through, blame it on them for being fairy doors that self-propagate yet lead to nowhere and clutter up the ecosystem, or for being limited in their choice and you chose the wrong one and won’t ever know if they were all the wrong one, or on those who held them open for you, pushed you through them or greeted you once you walked through them…


if you still talk about it....

Or take credit for going through a right door without knowing if perhaps all of them were right… who knows, once you’ve crossed a threshold, that’s kind of that and whatever is on the other side is what’s there, whether you’re dreaming, dreaming yet awake, sleeping and dreaming, hallucinating neither asleep nor awake, or any other variation.

Love and hate can be the same thing as nightmares and dreams, ideals and delusions. A beautiful dream can turn into a nightmare, yet did it change or did you just look at the same thing differently?

That support group who welcomed you with open arms and sheltered you when you were vulnerable… are they perhaps a cult?

That guru who seems so spiritual and inspiring… is he or she just pretending due to ego?

That celeb who annoys you… why do they annoy you, is it them or you?

That compliment which elicits a smile… what is the smile really saying to the compliment?


optical differences.

Doors of perception and perception of doors.


I have no idea what this post is about either… or do I?