Who is Manny?

One of the first things Manny said to me when I met him was – I have only three years to live.

That was a rather grim (reaper) introduction.

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Paul_Gustave_Dore_Raven1Paul Gustave Dore – Raven

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However he didn’t seem that bothered about his appointment in Samarra. So why should I be bothered by it, if he wasn’t. He’d come to terms with the illness which was killing him, and had other things on his mind which were more important to him than dying. Perhaps because he knew when he would die, he had a deadline (sorry… but not sorry enough not to use it), and it focused him, he wanted to sort some issues of his out before that due date of expiration.

One in particular had been a long-standing one which he had put off, and kept putting off, as long as he thought he would live forever… or just for much longer than he now knew he would.

*uck everything else – he thought and then said out loud. His life had dropped the ‘f’ and become a lie. Forgive and forget had also dropped the ‘f’ and become – or give and or get.

I began to regret introducing myself to him. He was my new neighbour, and I had bumped into him while exploring my new environment, which included a watermelon field wherein the watermelons looked more like tiny evil gourds. Okay, ‘evil’ is a bit extreme, but those gourds had scary faces so I reverted to childhood and saw them as monsters… and monsters… well, they’re not always evil but that word kind of automatically pops up as an adjective.

We do so much on automatic…

My regret had nothing to do with Manny and what he told me, and more to do with me and what I told him – I’m very good at probing into the depths of issues, so if you want some help exploring your issue let me know…

Me and my mouth and what I think I can do and then tell others I can do…

A fly landed on my lips, dropped an ‘f’ and became a ly… or a lie.

Then a cat landed on my lips, suffocating me with soft fur and… I knew this had all been a dream. Except for the fly, that was real, it had landed on my lips (yuk), then it got caught in my hair… and the cat tried to rescue me (or so it said when questioned) from being woken up by the first fly of Spring.

Yay… it’s Spring. Which means more wake up calls on a late lie (other kind of lie) in Sunday by a buzz on the lips, face, in the ears and caught in hair, etc. followed by cat hunting the buzz. It will stop doing that once this becomes the norm, but for now this fly is new. Winter’s chill has chillaxed and that feels… new, even though it’s the seasonal automatic.

Life in the country, as pictured in a romantic light… is a lie (the other kind of lie) in the country, with a lot of dropped ‘f’s.

Manny, as real as he had seemed, was just a figment of a dream. Yet his quest lingered on even after the rude (in more ways than one – cat arse in face is pretty rude) awakening.

What was his quest, the issue he wanted to solve before he died – Why was he called Manny?

He’d lived with that wihtout ever questioning it as he would have liked to do so… and now he was dying and knew it, he could do it.

Seems rather ridiculous, doesn’t it? The sort of ridiculous that dreams are made of, and yet…

Why was he called Manny?

You could say it was simple, the answer that is. We’re given a name and if it’s too long, it gets shortened… or perhaps we were given the shortened version of a name and that’s our name. So what. A name is just a name. What’s the big deal… especially when you’re dying.

Or… maybe your name becomes more important to you when you’re dying.

We’re all dying, from the moment we’re birthed… but that’s a grim thought we put off thinking about unless… other stuff.

Did Manny really want to know why he was called Manny, by his parents or whomever, or did he want to know something else, something along the lines of – Who am I?

As in – Who am I to me, rather than who I am to everyone else.

Which is only a few moves away, degrees of separation, from – What is the meaning of life?

Or something like that.

Who is Manny?

Manny is just someone I met in my dreams, someone whom I chatted with, who chatted with me… and so who is he? Me? Did I create him or… Or something, someone, else?

Is his problem mine?

Is this a premonition of… ?

Or…?

Who is Manny? – that question…. hmmmm… or not.

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“Nameless here for evermore.” – Poe, The Raven

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3 thoughts on “Who is Manny?

  1. …sounds like somebody enjoys suffering A LOT.

    Alternative quote to this mode (or mood) of ‘We’re all dying, from the moment we’re birthed… ‘

    : “the date of your birthday my not have been your real birthday.
    It can happen in any moment:)”

    (..How i remember a quote from the wonderful interelational Psychoanalist and Buddhist Emmanuel Ghent.)
    Those relational psychoanalysts know how to work with survivors of narcistic childhood-abuse.)

    StartSpringSoon!
    :)) AE.

    Like

    1. Thank you for sharing 🙂

      You’re very perceptive. There was indeed A LOT of suffering going on before this dream, the suffering was not enjoyed but the bit which led to it was enjoyed A LOT – so I suppose you could say ‘somebody’ does indeed enjoy suffering A LOT in some ways.

      I probably should have mentioned in the post that I went to sleep with indigestion from a very strong intensely delicious curry. I knew I shouldn’t have eaten it because it would lead to suffering later for it, but sometimes the YUM factor in the now sways the you’re-going-to-regret-this-later factor.

      “Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.” – Buddha

      And in the present moment (the one before the present moment after that) I ate curry and enjoyed it A LOT.

      Living in the now… but what about the now which is the later and sometimes consequence of that previous now?

      Our stomachs can influence our dreams. It is said that we should never eat cheese before bedtime unless we want to have cheesy dreams. So. Maybe ‘Manny’ was just a figment of a delicious but indigestible curry dream. 😉

      We are what we eat…?

      So, who is Manny, he is what I ate, I guess.

      “No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.” – Buddha

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Or… it could just be that ‘Manny’ is my subconscious dealing with something very real. My actual neighbour is dying from a wasting illness with which they were only just diagnosed, and is dealing with it with the kind of chutzpah which is admirable, which sometimes we only get to meet when people face the worst and do so with courage.

        Puts things into perspective in a way that takes a while to process. But some people don’t have that kind of time to think and opine about it.

        So, there’s that too.

        Liked by 1 person

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