It’s 5 O’Clock (in the morning) Somewhere…



If you think I’m going to do what you suggested that I do…

by dawn’s early light…

You’re not so lucid dreaming.

You’ve been staring at the rising Sun and are seeing blind spots without realising what they are.

You’re high on being an early bird who thinks that the worm you’ve found is a rarity, a delicacy, and something only you get to catch.

Maybe you’re right…

I’ve been up at that kind of time (mostly due to some kind of insomnia) and thought I could conquer the world too.

Made it, Ma. Top of the World!

(Nowhere else to go but down now, Ma! Watch me plummet!)

Because that kind of time is surreal, and its lighting effects are gorgeous, suspiciously and bizarrely pleasing to the blurred morning eye and mind.

Most of the early birds I’ve watched are skinny things prone to crankiness. Or am I just projecting (before coffee) anthropomorphically?

They’re effing loud, that’s for sure…

That murder of crows who think dawn is a great time to gather on my roof, on the echoing chimneys part of my roof… I now know why their collective term is ‘murder’.

Chase them away and they just circle around. You’ll give up before they do… unless you own a machine gun (but your nearest neighbours may report that kind of thing because… it woke them up… and they didn’t solve their problem of sleep the way that you did, which pissed them off against you – the reason why people report others some of the time).

Those crows are experts at murdering sleep as well as cute things like ducklings. They’re not so interested in worms… yet they’re an early bird.

Have you ever watched the late bird? That late bird is fat because it feasts on the creatures who feast on late worms.

In my garden the longest and biggest worms come out at night (way before dawn) when the moisture-laden air creates the wet world which worms squirm out of their hiding places to copulate in. If you’ve never seen worms getting it on… you’re going to bed and sleep too early and missing out on porn like that… and the mice who take advantage of distracted worms… and the owls who take advantage of the mice who take advantage of the worms who are so caught up in procreating that their imminent destruction is less of a preoccupation as it usually is.

They’re skittish rapid hiders, overly sensitive to the slightest vibrational frequency until… they’re too entangled to be that way.

If you really want to catch a worm… dig a hole.

Still no worms… which would be surprising… pour water in it as though it’s raining… Bam! Worms aplenty to feast your early bird appetite at a later time! Ask the birds who stalk my doings in the garden… lazy, late, opportunists… oh so clever!

This photo is of 5 am somewhere in this wide world but not where the photo was taken.

Call me out for… not playing your game… and I’ll call you out… never. Late birds cut early birds lots of slack… vice versa is not expected for the late birds of the early birds – we know you build your entire day on your early, we won’t shake that salt into the wounds.

Night owls and early birds.

If only early birds understood the importance that night owls play in the scheme of things…


if they did their skinny worms wouldn’t be as tasty as they are…

and we wouldn’t get to enjoy the fat worms…

and stuff which goes on when early birds are asleep.

When late birds are asleep… rest easy… it’s a crazier place when we wake up, so enjoy our rest as much as we do!



early bird