When is the Solution to a Problem worse than the Problem?

I’m feeling a bit brain dead at the moment. The weather inside is blah with a case of the blerghs about feeling blah. But it’s nothing terminal, or serious, as far as I know, but I don’t know anything right now.

I’ve been here before, and it goes the same as it comes.

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a case of the humansFor the rest of this story – Earth’s disease.

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In the past, when I’ve felt this way, I tried to fight the feeling.

I saw it as a problem and therefore the problem needed solving.

The solving of the problem… made the problem worse than it actually was.

It also tended to make the problem last longer than it would have done had I let it run its natural course, and turned it into other problems which needed other solutions. The whole thing became one big mess of knotted problems… and the solutions I came up with to solve things became increasingly extreme.

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the problem is not the problem

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I’ve had moments of resorting to… dark fantasies of an apocalyptic sort.

We all have moments like that.

Even the goody-two-shoes of this world have their shadow dreams.

I know this because… popular culture tells me so. As does History.

As does History + popular culture…

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This-Is-Sparta-Facebook-Timeline-Banner

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Speaking of History…

That thing which often repeats itself because it’s not sure if we’re listening and learning anything from it…

I found this solution to a problem waiting for me in the ‘pending’ comments on one of my posts about narcissists:

“Why don’t we just round them all up and kill them all?”

Now…

I can empathise with the feeling which inspires this kind of questionable question… and solution to a problem.

Because I’m human, and sometimes humans think that this is the ultimate way to solve a problem… for good (?)… especially when we feel pushed to our limits, we’re on edge, at that kill or be killed threshold.

Primal instinct may kick in.

The dark side beckons…

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Come_to_the_DarkSide_cookies

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And people who are narcissists…

Or whom we perceive to be narcissists because of how they affect our lives…

Do have a certain talent for bringing out the worst in us, of stoking and provoking our latent homicidal tendencies and bringing them to the fore.

This is also the way that narcissists solve problems, because they tend to think others are the problem and the best solution is to get rid of others as that way you get rid of the problem, then all will be well for the narcissist… until they realise they’ve killed everyone and there’s no one left to blame for what’s wrong… except…

Sometimes the lines can be very blurred.

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lie-truth-politics

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There are many reasons why I can get where this person is coming from…

Not sure if I like getting it for that many reasons…

Or if getting it is a solution or a problem…

However.

This…

“Why don’t we just round them all up and kill them all?”

…. is genocide.

 

 

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11 thoughts on “When is the Solution to a Problem worse than the Problem?

    1. Everything has a way of sorting itself out. Might require patience or screaming loudly, I’m never sure which one. Take good care of yourself, and leave everyone else to take care of themselves. πŸ™‚

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  1. The closest my father ever came (at least, while in conversations I’ve been privy to) to recognizing that his need to control people comes across as abusive, and that he is now living with a woman whose reactions are a direct consequence of living with his controlling behavior for 50+ years, he suggested a “solution” that both was and was not a joke — basically, he knew on some level that it was the wrong idea and would never work. He just didn’t understand WHY NOT? (His proposed “solution”: ‘I guess I can’t go home and just tell your mother, “You now feel safe here!”…can I??’)

    So, yeah. I get the “round ’em all up” impulse, at least sometimes. And you’re quite right — that’s the kind of idea you want to put down (carefully!) right after you have it, then back away slowly…

    LOVE the images you picked for this one, btw!

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    1. Thank you πŸ™‚

      Isn’t it strange when you’re an adult and you listen to your parents from that adult hearing perspective rather than you as a child, their child, hearing perspective, and you realise just how insane these people who once ruled your world and set the standard for reality are. And they’re still trying to be your parent, still trying to control your reality, and talking as though they still have that kind of dominion, influence, which makes them sound even more insane than usual. It kind of makes you wonder.

      I think the greatest control freaks are really just trying to control their own crazy, but they often try to do that through everyone else, through trying to control others to keep their crazy at a level that they can view as being sane. So when they talk to those around them, those they are dominating with their control freakery, they sound like the sane one in a world full of crazy people. They rarely notice that the reason everyone else seems crazy is due to them.

      Fantasies are quite useful and fairly healthy coping mechanisms. Most of us are aware that that is what they are for us, and we have a cut off point which stops us from making the fantasy a reality. Some people though buy into that whole make your fantasy a reality thing, nothing is impossible, etc… but what if your fantasy is an ideal which requires homicide or genocide of a sort? History kind of answers that one.

      As appealing as ’round ’em all up’ is… it’s one of those tasks which if you start it, it isn’t ever going to end, certainly not with a happy ending. Which may be why most of us back away from it πŸ˜‰

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  2. lol Lynette d’Arty-Cross, I’m sure it was sarcastic, I say this stuff all the time, I believe my latest was about nuking my town…clearly this is not a realistic game plan…although, I suppose it could be to some, but not to me, just a lovely, calming temporary thought. Really, at this point, all of this, for me anyway, ceases to be about narcissists at all, its more about people you perceive to just be shitty for whatever reason. At that point, sometimes its best to just walk away…or throw a tantrum because they aren’t shitty at all and you just don’t fit in. πŸ˜‰

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    1. I prefer to see it as ambiguous.

      It could be this or that, or t’other.

      It could be what I want it to be for me, or it could be something else, for someone else.

      If it was sarcastic – why and when do people usually use sarcasm?

      Narcs love sarcasm, they use it slightly differently than non-narcs. It’s a useful way to hit a target and then deny that was what they were doing.

      I was just jesting! JK! Only joking! – How many serious things get dismissed with that?

      Never a truer word spoken in such a manner.

      Non-narcs also love sarcasm. It’s a great stress reliever.

      So sarcasm is a Swiss knife.

      Therefore ambiguous. Trying to pretend it’s neutral and save itself from non-neutral stuff.

      I agree, walking away is a good option, some of the time – we just need to be aware of that which we trail behind us when we opt for such an option. From who or what are we walking away?

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  3. Could this comment be sarcastic? I’ve run across similar comments before where the commentator is saying that we who write about narcissists are much too hard on them and that if we had our way, we would get rid of all of them. I just dealt with a comment like that – it was suggested that I wanted to ship all the narcissists to an isolated island because there’s no hope for them; the point made was that I should have hope for them. This was on my how-to-make-a-narcissist-love-me post. You might be interested in looking at the progression of that interchange.

    Nevertheless, I wouldn’t have posted that comment either, sarcasm or not. Unbelievable.

    As to the blahs – yup. You just have to let yourself be blah so that you can move on. I’ve gradually figured that out, too. πŸ™‚

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    1. All I have to go on about that comment is what I shared (plus IP address, but that could be a slight of internet hand). I shared it in its entirety as I received it. There wasn’t more to it. That was it. So it remains ambiguous.

      Was it sarcastic? Maybe… or maybe it wasn’t.

      I’m going with… it is what we read into it. And that can change based on what mood we’re in, and such.

      I would have approved it and answered it, no probs, but once you approve a commenter they can run rampant on your blog and that’s what held me back. I’m having trouble as it is keeping up with comments on my blog.

      And there’s the matter of the green woodpecker outside of my window at the moment… that only makes sense if you’re here hearing this MF! (sorry this may not make sense, but it’s happening as I’m replying)

      I checked out the comment you mentioned on your post. That person is in a particular place. They seem to have a good heart. But. It’s trying to love a narcissist. I’ve been there, I’m sure you’ve been there. Narcissists often put us in that very complex position, and we end up playing the Devil’s advocate on their behalf, hoping for the best, for the miracle, et cetera. It’s the good side of human nature being twisted for not necessarily the best reasons, but still hanging in there.

      The road to hell is paved which such things… our rainbow unicorn heart. When that goes dark… eek!

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      1. True. I found that exchange difficult, though. I’m not sure why but I initially felt a little attacked and then felt foolish for feeling that way, especially after having said that we have to let those who are recovering from narcissism more room to say what they need to say. Oy. As you say, interpretation can depend on mood, and mine is not the best right now.

        I hope the woodpecker has moved on and found a mate. Ours have paired up now and have stopped … pecking. πŸ˜‰

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        1. Initial impressions and feelings are informative. They may appear foolish once our reasoning mind decides to critique them, however they’re valid and should be considered as part of the whole. They’re often our instinct and intuition giving us a heads up. That heads up could be about us, or it could be about the other person, or it could be a bit of both.

          I don’t think that your feeling of being attacked was foolish in this instance. It was not a personal attack on you, for it to be that they’d have to see you as a person rather than a mirror for them. The exchange was difficult, because it was one-sided. The commenter was on the defensive throughout the comment, peppering it with preemptive remarks. There was one sentence which was definitely a hackle raiser, and revealed more about the intentions of the comment than the commenter would have liked (yet they left it in because they needed to say that as that was a goal for them) causing them to make an excuse later on for themselves, one designed to elicit a reaction which it got, however it did not get it in the way intended. There was a lot of subtext within it, and the surface veneer had many cracks in it.

          This exchange might tie in with your situation at work at the moment with that colleague.

          Trust yourself.

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