Is anger your ally or your enemy?
Is it your little friend or foe?
What makes you angry?
How do you deal with your anger?
Are you in control of it or does it control you?
Are these questions making you angry?
Why am I asking?
It started last night, but it didn’t really start there.
I had one of those dreams which highlighted things that make me angry in waking life.
I got a boob job, and I didn’t know why I was getting one, which went wrong, and when I returned to get it fixed the plastic surgeon blamed me for his error and refused to fix it.
I had to have dinner with my partner’s ex-girlfriend, who was lovely and cooked a delicious meal, but I really didn’t know why this dinner was happening, and my partner fell asleep at the table, leaving me to make small talk with his ex who had to make small talk with me too, neither of us wanted to do that – she wanted time alone with my partner, I just wanted time alone.
The dream went on along these lines, it was similar to one of those movies made up of vignettes… of life’s frustrations. Not actually reflecting real life scenarios – I like my tits as they are and a boob job has never been on my radar, that bit was more about those times when you put your welfare into the hands of someone else because you need their expertise. My partner’s ex, wasn’t about the ex of my partner, but more about how other people’s pasts affect your present.
To be fair to my subconscious, it was only trying to work through the fact that I’d gone to sleep in a state of irritation while wondering what was the cause of the annoyance. We can be very elusive to ourselves.
This morning I decided to check my daily astro, as this often helps to elucidate what’s puzzling me.
Mars sextile Chiron transit via Astrodienst
I tend to use astrology as a means of getting a conversation going with myself. Whether I agree or not with an interpretation is irrelevant, what I’m after is the discussion which evolves from reading whatever is stated. This particular interpretation hit the nail on the head, and didn’t need further chit chat between me, myself and I, and all the other bits of psyche rattling around inside.
Chiron is the wounded healer. In your astrological natal chart it suggests where you have issues, and where exploring those issues can lead to resolution. My natal Chiron (which transiting Mars, the planet of war and such, is chafing and strafing) is in the 7th house of partnerships/relationships – which loosely interpreted means that other people are a pain in my ass.
How other people affect you is mostly due to how YOU perceive THEM, not necessarily due to how they actually are, or how they perceive themselves, or how they are in relation to you, or how they view you and how you affect them… et cetera.
Other people are just being themselves… and I’m the one who sometimes finds that to be a nuisance – ergo the real pain in my ass is me. My natal chart backs that up – I have Pluto and Uranus in my 1st house (a part of the chart which represents the self), which in easy speak basically means I’m a mess and rather ‘impatient and belligerent’ and in your face (and mine) about it.
I do warn people about my mess all the time, but they never listen because it’s not what they’re interested in hearing. They tend to only hear me when I’m being sensitive towards them, but they don’t usually understand from where that sensitivity comes. It comes from the same place as your stuff, from how I deal with it. My wound helps me to see your wound, understanding mine is how I understand yours, being sensitive towards myself is why I can be sensitive towards you, others…
… and sometimes my stuff needs my attention, which means I can’t give yours the attention which you want from me. That’s your cue to give your own wound your attention. If I seem insensitive towards you… perhaps it is because I am being sensitive towards myself. If I appear to be ignoring you, it’s because I’m focusing on me (and attempting not to dump my stuff onto you but to own it as mine).
If I’m angry… I’m going to ignore you, which may seem rude and insensitive to you. To me it’s being considerate and sensitive – you really don’t need this, you have your own stuff and don’t want to add mine to yours. I’m comfortable with my own darkness (years of practice and Pluto Rx in 1st), I doubt if you’d find it comfortable, especially if your own darkness is uncomfortable to you.
If you push me to pay attention to you at that time… are you willing to be responsible for the consequences of your push when I’m pulling away?
It’s not about you, it’s about me taking care of my own business and not making it yours. Still want to make it yours?
Please take good care of yourself – don’t make that my responsibility.
If you have empathy, use it.
Empathy means understanding that others are human just as you are – and that sometimes they are just as wrapped up in themselves as you are, and can’t see your wood for their trees. If you can be tired, hurt, fed up – so can they, and sometimes your mutual tiredness, hurt, fed upness meets. Slack cutting on both sides of the equation is required… if you want to get along.
Do you want to get along?
As I was contemplating this, that and the other, and considering writing a post about what’s on my mind… and figuring out a title for the post – What’s your anger quotient? – presented itself and I wondered if there was an online test for that. I guessed there would be as everything is a quotient now, and there’s always an online test for it.
The first result in my search yielded something better that I expected – BYU: About Anger + Anger Quotient Test.
Here’s a screenshot of their test plus my answers (please note – my answers were given while I was in an altruistic frame of mind, variations of mood apply, and also had to stick to the options offered, which missed on several occasions what I would have preferred as an answer):
Not so long ago I’d have given a different set of answers. I used to deny myself the right to be angry, because I was taught that my anger was never okay, but everyone else’s anger was okay – I didn’t think that was okay, and it made me very angry, it took me some time, a lifetime, to find out why. Complications apply.
These days I see my anger as a friend rather than a foe, an ally rather than an enemy, which informs me of things I need to know, understand, explore and of which I need to be aware. It’s a useful tool for focusing.
Being human is a learning experience.
Being yourself… takes time as there are a lot of separate parts which need to come together and they don’t all get along with each other. Kind of like people with other people.
It’s always a journey…