Image by V. Jarski from – Surviving the Narcissistic Parent via The Invisible Scar – please read this article if you think you’re a child of a narcissist/narcissists.
If you missed the Adult Children of Narcissists (ACONs) survey and study which Valerie Coles, Ph.D. and Dr. Jennifer Monahan of The University of Georgia’s Department of Communication Studies were conducting back in February 2015…
Which I wrote about in this post – WANTED – Adult Children of Narcissists for a Survey
Due to popular demand…
And lots of excellent feedback…
The survey is open again throughout the month of June 2015.
You can find it here – Parental Communication Measurement Study
- You have to be 18 years of age or older to take the survey.
- If you have already taken the survey, at this time you are asked not to take it again.
- There’s a reward for one random participant of the study of an $100 gift card (this bothers me a bit, but I realise it is something which goes with this sort of thing).
The results of this study will be published later this year.
If you’ve been in an intense friendship or romantic relationship with a narcissist, you might want to explore the possibility that perhaps one of your parents was a narcissist or very narcissistic – our adult relationships often reflect our childhood experience of relationships.
If you have a child with a partner who you have identified as a narcissist, this survey may be helpful, both for you and your child. You may not be a narcissist but your child/children’s other parent is, and your child/children will have to deal with the issues which that causes.
I recently watched this film – What Maisie Knew (2012) – which struck at the heart of what it is like to be a child of narcissists. More so because of the way it was filmed… we really never knew what Maisie thought or felt. She was an empty vessel for the viewer to fill with the viewer’s own experience of Maisie’s parents, of the viewer’s parents or of the viewer as a parent.
Quite a few of those who reviewed this film warned that it was tough to watch, disturbing, heart-wrenching, and other things along those lines. It was none of those for me, to me it was strangely bland (it wasn’t Kramer vs. Kramer, but then this isn’t 1979)… and had a rather silly ending because it was a happily ever after which would never happen with narcissistic parents.
However it was an excellent film – it gives the viewer an opportunity to self-reflect, and gain insight through such an activity.
If you have someone in your life who you think is a narcissist… you need to deal with how that affects you, and your life.
You need to focus on yourself… focusing on them without seeing your side of the relationship equation leads to more of the same thing over and over again. Either with them or with someone else like them.
Take the survey, participate in the study… see what it reveals!
Please keep in mind that narcissists, those with NPD, are human beings who have a personality disorder. Part of that disorder means that they are completely wrapped up in themselves and their issues, their wounds which they pass on to others.
Just because they dehumanise others, does not justify others dehumanising them – even though sometimes this is a necessary part of the healing process of narcissistic abuse.
When we’re the victim of a narcissist, our pain can make us very narcissistic. It’s the pain talking and acting up and out, not the human being who is in pain.
If you want your faith in humanity restored, remember that you are a member of humanity. You do not have to do to others what others did to you. There are many good people in this world, don’t let the ones who hurt you inspire you to hurt everyone else.
Don’t pass on the wound as those with NPD do. They can’t help themselves from doing that, you can.
You know that, trust yourself!