Is Your Parent a Narcissist? – Take the Survey!

narcissistic-parent illustration - Veronica Jarski

Image by V. Jarski from – Surviving the Narcissistic Parent via The Invisible Scarplease read this article if you think you’re a child of a narcissist/narcissists.

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If you missed the Adult Children of Narcissists (ACONs) survey and study which Valerie Coles, Ph.D. and Dr. Jennifer Monahan of The University of Georgia’s Department of Communication Studies were conducting back in February 2015…

Which I wrote about in this post – WANTED – Adult Children of Narcissists for a Survey

Due to popular demand…

And lots of excellent feedback…

The survey is open again throughout the month of June 2015.

You can find it here – Parental Communication Measurement Study

Please note:

  • You have to be 18 years of age or older to take the survey.
  • If you have already taken the survey, at this time you are asked not to take it again.
  • There’s a reward for one random participant of the study of an $100 gift card (this bothers me a bit, but I realise it is something which goes with this sort of thing).

The results of this study will be published later this year.

If you’ve been in an intense friendship or romantic relationship with a narcissist, you might want to explore the possibility that perhaps one of your parents was a narcissist or very narcissistic – our adult relationships often reflect our childhood experience of relationships.

If you have a child with a partner who you have identified as a narcissist, this survey may be helpful, both for you and your child. You may not be a narcissist but your child/children’s other parent is, and your child/children will have to deal with the issues which that causes.

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What Maisie Knew

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I recently watched this film – What Maisie Knew (2012) – which struck at the heart of what it is like to be a child of narcissists. More so because of the way it was filmed… we really never knew what Maisie thought or felt. She was an empty vessel for the viewer to fill with the viewer’s own experience of Maisie’s parents, of the viewer’s parents or of the viewer as a parent.

Quite a few of those who reviewed this film warned that it was tough to watch, disturbing, heart-wrenching, and other things along those lines. It was none of those for me, to me it was strangely bland (it wasn’t Kramer vs. Kramer, but then this isn’t 1979)… and had a rather silly ending because it was a happily ever after which would never happen with narcissistic parents.

However it was an excellent film – it gives the viewer an opportunity to self-reflect, and gain insight through such an activity.

If you have someone in your life who you think is a narcissist… you need to deal with how that affects you, and your life.

You need to focus on yourself… focusing on them without seeing your side of the relationship equation leads to more of the same thing over and over again. Either with them or with someone else like them.

Take the survey, participate in the study… see what it reveals!

Thank you.

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Henry James - What Maisie Knew

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Please keep in mind that narcissists, those with NPD, are human beings who have a personality disorder. Part of that disorder means that they are completely wrapped up in themselves and their issues, their wounds which they pass on to others.

Just because they dehumanise others, does not justify others dehumanising them – even though sometimes this is a necessary part of the healing process of narcissistic abuse.

When we’re the victim of a narcissist, our pain can make us very narcissistic. It’s the pain talking and acting up and out, not the human being who is in pain.

If you want your faith in humanity restored, remember that you are a member of humanity. You do not have to do to others what others did to you. There are many good people in this world, don’t let the ones who hurt you inspire you to hurt everyone else.

Don’t pass on the wound as those with NPD do. They can’t help themselves from doing that, you can.

You know that, trust yourself!

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darkness - jung

 

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10 thoughts on “Is Your Parent a Narcissist? – Take the Survey!

  1. My father who passed away this year aged 94 was a cruel man with no empathy towards Me , I suffered a life time of Exploitation , Narcissism fully describes my fathers characteristic’s and his mental state ,
    I would need chapters and chapters to record his crimes against my mother and Myself.

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    1. Thank you for sharing πŸ™‚

      It can be a very strange time in our lives when a narcissist parent dies. It’s finally over after endless years of despotic domination, their tyranny has come to an end, we don’t need to be afraid anymore, but… now what?

      That kind of freedom can end up being even more painful than when we were dealing with them whilst they were alive. We’re so hard-wired to survive their shit that… when it’s over our systems are still operating as though they’re still alive, still attacking, still trying to wipe us out.

      If you can and feel able – Write those chapters and chapters, by recording his crimes it releases you from living under the burden of them.

      I didn’t realise how much I was carrying until I started writing about my own experience. It helped me to stop being so stuck in the world of my parents and finally get my feet on firmer soil. My own soil, not theirs.

      Take good care of yourself. Be gentle with yourself.

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  2. I was dealing with a Narcissist parent a few years back. It would have been good to hear what his kids had to say about him – and his wife as well. But we don’t get to hear that seeing how he killed them all. I wrote about him … about her to. I tried to express how she must have felt but … jeez, I’m just a guy. But now that they went and made a Hollywood movie about him after all these years – I’m writing about him again. Heck of a way to achieve your fame, eh? But I hope readers can interact with the story and offer their knowledge. Maybe some readers can speak for her. Give her a stronger voice. Maybe provide warnings to innocent others.

    I will continue to concentrate on him. What does a killer N have to say after years of prison – who knows. Find the Chapters here: Too Dead Too Soon http://n-searcher.blogspot.com/

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  3. Thank you so much πŸ˜€

    I am planning some posts about this new direction. I haven’t decided yet but maybe a series.

    It’s very true that it may take us more time to live our dreams, but I do very much feel that I appreciate it more. My husband has been integral to this process, too. It’s amazing what can happen when one’s primary relationship is with a non-NPD person. πŸ™‚

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  4. “Just because they dehumanise others does not justify others dehumanising them.” This is very, very true and such an important realization to make on the road to recovery.

    I took the survey back in February and it was part of the process that convinced me that my mom was probably a narcissist. After my childhood with her, I went on to marry a man whose father was definitely a narcissist and whose mother had strong narcissistic tendencies. After we divorced, I married a full-blown NPD person. I kept seeking approval from narcissistic people, sought them out, kept making them, more and more, the focal point of my life. Until I finally had to actually deal with what I was doing. I only really got all this in the last year or so; I had more or less looked at my involvement with the NPD person in isolation, even though I recognize now that I had been chewing on these things for a long time. An interesting aside is that my first husband is also now married to someone who is displaying some strong narcissistic tendencies and may even be NPD.

    Your blog has helped me a lot in doing my sorting. Thank you. πŸ™‚

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    1. Thank you very much πŸ™‚

      We’re always surfing the learning curve, sometimes we’re on the crest of a wave… and sometimes we’re under it because we fell off the surfboard (my usual position). We shift and keep shifting, and learn as we do.

      The more we share, the more our sharing reveals us to ourselves. And reveals others to us. And so on.

      Narcissists tend to defy our logical reasoning, but our logic eventually can make sense out of things.

      Your blog is superb, and what you’ve shared of your journey is deeply heartfelt and inspiring. I hope you share on it the new direction your life is taking as I think this is an important part of the whole. The past inspires the present and future.

      It may take us more time to live our dreams, but perhaps that gives a greater appreciation of what we can have when we own what has happened, and understand our own individual and unique story and experience.

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