What is my Karma… She Asked

Blue Butterfly


“Even chance meetings are the result of karma… Things in life are fated by our previous lives. That even in the smallest events there’s no such thing as coincidence.”
― Haruki Murakami


Is it merely a matter of chance, of coincidence, that on the day that I decide to tackle the last question – What is my karma? – in the series which I have been doing (more on that here), The Daily Post asks:

Honestly evaluate the way you respond to crisis situations. Are you happy with the way you react?

Yes, it is just a coincidence, a chance encounter… but… how I respond to it can make it into something else. Something fated. Something which has meaning. Karma… of a sort.

It’s ultimately up to me to push the flow of it one way or another. To give it meaning or not. Or is it? Perhaps it is up to something else?


“Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment.”
― Eckhart Tolle


Karma – what does that mean?

What does karma mean to you?

Do you have a concept of it?

And how do you fit that concept into your life?

How do you fit it around you?


“Oppressive bastards, think they own the place. I told them that karma’s going to kick their asses….”
― Laurie Halse Anderson


From what I’ve seen and heard of how others mostly view karma, in a certain way, it’s a conflicting and contradictory matter.

Some people splice, dice, and divide karma up into good and bad, into for me or against me, good for me, bad for you (person who done me wrong), into what they want karma to do to others versus what they want karma to do for them, into what karma has done to them and what it has done for others, into unfair and fair, and other personal matters which favour them and not others.

Many people seem to think that karma is – payback!

Payback which wreaks havoc and vengeance on others, not on them. It pays back others for what others have done to them… but somehow what others have done to them isn’t part of the payback of karma.

If someone hurts you – maybe you deserved it! Just as you hope they get the hurt – they deserved it for hurting you!

Oh… no, no, no, no… you didn’t deserve what other did to you, that’s not karma… but they deserve karma’s payback.

You’re rubber and they’re glue!

See what I’m getting at?


“How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.”
― Wayne W. Dyer


If you see karma as something that will dole out payback on others, but somehow that system doesn’t apply to you… then maybe you need to rethink things. Just saying, is all…

Uh oh…

Now you want karma to eff me up for messing with your world view of karma which favours you, where you’re the good guy who only deserves good karma, and any bad karma which happens to you isn’t your just desserts at all! And any bad karma which comes your way is not your fault, it’s the fault of someone else and you hope karma makes them pay for being bad to such a good person as you.


“A boomerang returns back to the person who throws it.”
― Vera Nazarian


I grew up with people who thought this way. Who thought only good shit should come their way. They treated others badly, thought badly about them and wished them ill, pain, harm, karma payback, but that was okay, they were still saints and good for wishing bad to happen to others, because those others deserved it. They didn’t consider how much bad karma they were accumulating through such an attitude.

Because we don’t… we’re always biased towards ourselves and prejudiced towards others. And we hate it when others do to us what we do to them – they’re wrong we’re right!

They think that too, btw.


“If you’re really a mean person you’re going to come back as a fly and eat poop.”
― Kurt Cobain


My first introduction to the concept of karma came early in my life. As I became aware of actions, reactions and consequences, and sought to try to understand the powers behind and within such things.

I grew up in a permanent state of one crisis or another. These crises were not of my own doing, but I was sucked into them, caught up in them, expected to participate in them… and often blamed for them.Made responsible for them, whether I was or not.

Parents blaming a child for what the parents were doing…

They weren’t my fault, but I was told they were.

Sometimes just because I existed and was born… if I hadn’t been born, if I didn’t exist – the world would be rosy for others!

Everything was better until you came along – but you were conceived because everything was getting worse and you were supposed to save the day. But you failed and now the karma caused by your failure will last you a lifetime! When you didn’t succeed as others expected you to, you caused more problems, and because of you being a bad solution (invented and invested in by others) to a crisis… you suck!




But those others summoned me and caused me to happen, exist, be born – but that wasn’t their fault, that was mine for hearing and heeding the summons. I forced my birth and existence on them. Saints spawning a demon.

This was branded into me. It’s all your fault for existing! This is still a brand I wear. With pride sometimes, because sometimes… you wear what you’ve got.

And because of this I approached karma from an angle which held me responsible for all karma of others in some way, not just mine, if it was mine and not just that which others said was mine. Magical thinking gone mad and bad. I tried to keep it logical, but that logic was illogical.

I came to believe that in a past life I must have been someone truly horrible, like Hitler, but I wasn’t egotistical enough to think I had been him.

But I had been someone terrible, an ordinary awful person in a past life who was paying for it in this lifetime, and maybe could learn from it, improve, rather than just repeat the cycle which caused this kind of thing. Stop passing on the pain, own it and find a way to heal it, and pass the healing on instead of the pain.


“Manipulation, fueled with good intent, can be a blessing. But when used wickedly, it is the beginning of a magician’s karmic calamity.”
― T.F. Hodge


An awful person isn’t born awful, they’re born a baby, innocent, become a child, a little less innocent (thanks to adults), but maybe they’re the child of people they’ve abused in past lives… who then abuse them as karmic payback. Innocence gets killed by abuse. What we do with that karmic payback influence… is it up to us or are we just caught in the wheel?

Maybe they become awful (and everyone, especially their abusive parents, claim they were born bad), and pass it on… when you take past lives into account as a possibility, then… maybe you can’t stop the cycle. But maybe you can. With exhaustive effort. Own your shit, even if that shit belonged to a you from a past life.

Shit, this shit is complicated!


“Violence does, in truth, recoil upon the violent, and the schemer falls into the pit which he digs for another.”
― Arthur Conan Doyle


But it appealed to me for whatever reason. It may be nonsense but this nonsense made sense of the nonsense I had to deal with in real life. Oh how I wanted that real life to be not real! But… surreal as it was… it claimed to be real and felt so.

So I resorted to the surreal to deal with it.

Because of some past life self, and their bad karma – I was paying for it, trying to good karma the bad, make the bad good, alchemy that lead weight into gold, in this lifetime. It made more sense than the randomness of things.

I was good right here and now, as best as any human can be… so why was it so awful, with an emphasis on my being awful, when I hadn’t done anything… yet. But oh… did I want to do stuff!!! But I tried to resist that want for… a release from such a trap.

And if I wanted to deal with it, deal with my accumulated bad karma, and perhaps get some good karma points… then I had to put up with the shit thrown my way and accept it.


“Like gravity, karma is so basic we often don’t even notice it.”
― Sakyong Mipham


Needless to say this approach and concept of karma is flawed. Deeply so. You set yourself up to be the fall guy for everyone else’s irresponsible approach.

Did your email get hacked, must be my fault… not yours for sharing my email with others whose email may be unsecure. Not the fault of hackers and other crims, and their blaming others for their behaviour shit. Did you hit your head while in my house, must be my fault for living here and inviting you in, not yours for not looking where you were going or having a larger than normal head due to ego. Did you get hurt by something I said, definitely my bad, you’re delicate, a highly sensitive person, and need to only hear what you want to hear, not what I want to say. Your feelings are more important than what is real. My feelings, of course, are pond scum to you, elevated as you are…

And so on… you name it, I’ve claimed it as my fault. Because when you think all bad karma is somehow your doing, everyone goes along with it, so they can claim all good karma and foist all bad karma onto you.

I’m an idiot… yes, you are, and because you are everyone else has to suffer!



Karma Capricorn


My Sun sign is the bitch bastard of the zodiac… and whether you believe in astrology or not… shit is helpful, especially if you’re a Capricorn.

Everyone hates you, blames you… at some point you snap, crack… crackle and pop.

And in that moment, may the lord or lordess of karma save others from you finally getting your shit together!.“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.”
― Dalai Lama XIV