The Honourable Judgement of Others

I don’t normally like to comment on News stories, especially those which have become a hot topic online and are doing the world wide web outrage rounds.

There are many reasons why I prefer to keep my opinion to myself.

Mostly it is because what is reported in the News, and then spread from mouth to mouth, is like a game of Chinese Whispers. The original story, if the reported story was ever the actual original story, gets lost as people add their own personal stories to it, transforming it.

The things which attract our attention, especially of the negative kind, which is often a more powerful attractor than positive things, tend to push a painful button within. Sometimes we know what that thorn in our side is, we’re consciously aware that we’re seeing our story within someone else’s, and it hurts, making us mad. And sometimes it is hidden in our subconscious, leaking out in indirect ways – our crusades for justice which we tell ourselves are objective and noble, can be inspired by an ignoble injustice to which we were once subjected (and may still be subjected to in our psyche).

I don’t normally do this, but… what is normal?

.

don't judge my choices without understanding my reasons - backwards

.

This is the News story – A Judge Sent 3 Kids To Juvenile Detention For Reportedly Skipping Lunch With Their Dad – via Buzzfeed, which sometimes sensationalises events, glosses over details, however the other versions of it on News sites which are considered (or consider themselves to be) more factual and sober in their approach are telling the same tale, such as this exclusive interview with one of the protagonists of this drama.

An honourable judge has sent three children to juvenile prison because she doesn’t like the way they are behaving towards and treating their father.

Their parents are involved in a very acrimonious custody battle, and perhaps the judge decided to use a shock tactic on the parents to bring some perspective to the matter – that’s the only positive thinking (which society tells us is vitally important to do whenever you’re faced with the darkness of human crazy) I can bring to the judge’s ruling.

.

dying slowly:living quickly

.

Both parents are playing the victim of the other card, and are continuing to do so.

Meanwhile the children get to pay for the crimes of their parents.

Maybe these children are truly as awful as the honourable judge seems to think they are, but why are they that way? And will this experience make them better, turn them into good little children, who honour their father, and will they grow up to be normal citizens of the decent society in which they live – a decent society whose legal system sends children to prison because their parents hate each other.

If they were angry at their father before this happened… I’m sure this will make them love him as he deserves to be loved.

He apparently was given the power by the honourable judge to get his children out of jail immediately – he chose not to use that card as that isn’t the kind of Monopoly he’s playing.

.

get-out-of-jail-free

.

If this experience doesn’t force them to love him, at least it will make them hate their mother as much as they hate their father… because apparently they are in prison due to their mother. She was warned repeatedly that if she did not comply with the custody agreement she would be punished by the law.

The father has accused the mother of ‘parental alienation’, which is a serious issue and perhaps there are those who view him as a hero for a cause. He has claimed that his children’s mother is brainwashing his children, poisoning their minds and hearts against him.

My father accused my mother of doing the same thing.

He was right.

However there was more to the scenario than just that.

He wasn’t any better than my mother during those times that I was alone with him, without her in the picture for a while, or even when she was there, or when I spoke to him on the phone.

I was used to that from very early on in my life on Earth. I was a weapon between warring factions, who used me to get at each other. I knew that, and frankly… it didn’t affect me as much as the lack of real interest neither of them showed in my welfare.

They basically didn’t give a shit about me… the shits they gave were all about themselves and each other.

.

parental-alienation

.

I didn’t hate my father because my mother hated him and told me repeatedly to hate him too. I hated him for reasons for which he was solely responsible, and because he never took any responsibility for it.

He could have given me the antidote to the poison of heart and mind at any moment, but he never did, instead he injected me with more poison.

Now, that’s just my story, and I know it’s not the story of this family, however… our story and those of others can overlap.

This father is doing what he feels is right… but right can sometimes tip over into wrong when pushed too far, when you’re so focused on your rights that you refuse to see when the rights of other human beings are being sacrificed in pursuit of your own.

This mother is also doing what she feels is right… again… when does right become wrong.

As someone in the comments on the News article wondered – I can not imagine a back story that would make this acceptable or reasonable. This is like Solomon actually going through with cutting the child in half.”

.

divorce:custody sick humor

.

A mother and father fighting over their children during a divorce is something which we consider normal. We even tend to think it’s the norm for things to get heated, bitter and twisted, for the children to get lost in a custody battle, divvied up like a house, a piece of joint property, and may actually find it abnormal when the split is amicable and fair, especially for the children.

Humans… are complicated particularly in the arena of relationships.

And outsiders like to weigh in on things because… it’s normal to have an opinion about what others are doing wrong, to compare, contrast, to make honourable judgments, especially when it doesn’t affect us, yet does… but we don’t have to own the mess.

Sometimes we need outsiders to help us solve our issues in relationships.

We have come to rely on the law to step in and bring as honourable a judgment as is humanly possible to our complicated relationships. We know things don’t always work out as well as we hoped they would, that’s normal… and there’s always someone somewhere crying foul… those cries may or may not be justified depending on perspective, and stories within stories, and all their alternate versions within versions.

But this…

I wonder what future these children are envisioning for themselves while they are trapped within the confines of walls which may never be washed clean of slate.

 

Advertisements

7 thoughts on “The Honourable Judgement of Others

  1. You’re right, this story definitely overlaps with over stories, like many stories do. I didn’t even bother to click on the link because I can be mad about this without doing so. It truly makes no sense, if the mother was supposed to be punished by law why on earth would the kids end up in juvenile detention? If the kids are in the middle of this war being used as weapons and leverage does the judge not think they are suffering enough? Of course, it’s entirely possible the method to the judge’s madness was to remove them from their parents’ madness and what we don’t know is they are secretly being treated like royalty while locked up since it’s not their fault the parents are insane. The world is ridiculous and will continue to get more ridiculous by the minute, so says me anyway in all my judgey glory, I suppose others may think all of this makes perfect sense with their clear, rather than defective way of thinking.

    Like

    1. Ok I stand corrected as I’ve since come across this http://www.scarymommy.com/articles/judge-who-sent-3-kids-to-juvie-for-not-seeing-dad-has-lost-her-damn-mind?section=news&u=lHfRvMTrZ7

      which has part of the transcripts and if this story is real that judge should be thrown FAR off the bench and permanently disbarred. Those kids should have court appointed representation so there is someone other than their parents listening to their version and attempting to help them. This is exactly why I have no respect for most laws, if that judge really believes that it’s not possible for that man to be abusive because he’s never been charged and is a pillar of the community, she has lost her mind and should be locked away herself. This is why cops and politicians get away with being some of the most abusive people one could ever meet…appearances are everything. So sad

      Like

      1. Whichever way you look at this case, there doesn’t seem to be a reasonable or logical explanation for what the judge said and did. It seems completely over the top, and rather insane.

        It’s a fascinating story from various angles.

        One of the things which has struck me the most is that many of those who have read it and commented on it have been level-headed in their views, trying to understand how this could happen, and attempting to perceive it with more than just WTF outrage at what seems to be an overwhelming injustice.

        The judge sounds a lot like those people who are in the thrall of a narcissist. The narcissist is a paragon of virtue in their eyes and they are willing to go to extremes to defend, protect, and do the narcissist’s bidding, even if they end up condemning themselves and everyone else to hell on earth. Doesn’t matter as long as the narcissist remains untouched in their idealised perfection.

        I’ve had strangers lecture me in a manner akin to the judge’s words to the eldest child, simply because my father told them a tall tale about poor him and how awful his daughter was being to him, and all he wanted was to see his daughter because he loved me so much. I used to try to reply to their accusations, just as the eldest child did with the judge, point out that part of the reason I didn’t see my father was because he refused to come to me, I had to go to him. I was a child who couldn’t just buy a plane ticket and get on a plane to fly to him as easily as he could do that, in fact if he wanted to see me so much – why didn’t he live with me? The reason we didn’t live together was due to him, not me. Every school holiday I would get on a plane and stay with him, but he was always too busy (often off with one of his mistresses) to spend time with me. If that was him loving me so much, then my refusal to see him must be me loving him so much too. But people would brush all those details aside and stick to their guns about me being bad to my good father.

        I used to feel like the eldest child, confused by what seemed to be the inability of adults to understand what was right in front of their eyes. Trapped in a situation in which you’re totally powerless in a world ruled by crazy people.

        That the parents are blinkered, caught up in the drama of their own making is one thing, and I think most people understand that neither the mother nor the father can see what their battle is doing to their children, that’s why people go to court and let the legal system sort things out. We know the law is flawed, but we still hope that those in charge will be impartial enough to make as fair a decision in such delicate and complicated matters as is possible. You expect a judge to consider the welfare of the children, especially in cases where the parents are both too caught up in their own drama to do that.

        It would be intriguing to know what kind of family the judge had when she was a child, as this seems to be the ruling of a very strict, despotic, authoritarian parent who punishes their child viciously for not eating their vegetables. I’m surprised she didn’t add – This hurts me more than it hurts you – at the end of her ruling.

        If she thinks that the children are disrespectful towards adults, that they are giving the finger to the legal system and defiant to the judge’s decrees now… and she thinks what she has done will cure them of their insubordination, rather than augment it, she’s very delusional. She certainly doesn’t seem to have any grasp of psychology.

        In some ways this is a classic example of the narcissism in society. If the children had lied to please the adults, told everyone what they wanted to hear, instead of telling their truth, perhaps because they thought it mattered, they wouldn’t be locked up. They’re being punished for being real and will only be rewarded when they learn to be fake, cut themselves off from their feelings and pretend to be who everyone else wants them to be thus losing themselves in the process.

        I wonder what will come of this.

        Like

        1. I agree with everything you’ve said, I also understand your analogy to your own life because I have numerous stories of my own that parallel this, some almost exact in nature with both parents, I suppose that’s where my “WTF Outrage” derives from.
          Nonetheless, in reading some of the comments, though they may be exaggerated as well as outright fabricated, the judge comes from a very prestigious family in that area and many judges have recently been taken down for corruption so the commenters belief is that she is strongly working the father’s rights angle in order to boost her own standing with the community. Sounds like a very plausible reason to me, that’s politics for ya, especially the corrupt ones, take out whoever you have to in order to put yourself on a pedestal in front of the people and justify your own means, but I suppose I can’t say anything much to that, I do things I’m not proud of all the time in an attempt to make things better for myself and my son, so…
          I do think that in the end this will do more harm than good for these kids. From what I’ve read I do not believe that they are lying because most 15 y/o’s that are just trying to be defiant would not risk jail time for something as simple as pretending to like their father. I do not think they’re brainwashed I think they are sticking to their convictions and naively hoped that the judge would help them out of a bad situation instead of making it tremendously worse. Of course that’s just my take on it, I may be a bit biased due to my own past, but in reading the transcripts only from this day, that’s my conclusion. I am curious to see the transcripts from the court dates throughout the years prior to this hearing to get a more accurate picture of this family and their dynamic, but anyway, much like yourself, I am curious to see how this plays out. Hopefully the kids get representation that immediately appeals and they get released ASAP and perhaps find more suitable family members to care for them in the meantime, but I predict they’re basically stuck and screwed until they figure out how to get out themselves assuming they don’t lose the strength and hope in the process because of the setback with this ridiculously absurd case.

          Like

          1. I agree with you, there’s more to things that meets the eye.

            If this judge is playing the politically corrupt angle (and a commenter suggested that this particular juvenile detention center was one run by a corporation in which she is a share holder, or at least from which she gets financial kickbacks for populating it) then she may just get eaten by the sharks she is trying to be a part of as she’s getting the kind of media attention which the politically corrupt usually cut people off for getting.

            Those sort of circles are quick to sacrifice their own kind to save themselves. Loyalty amongst thieves is a bit of a myth.

            We all do things we’re not necessarily proud of doing for the sake of survival and more… all humans know this about themselves and others, and we cut each other slack. Sometimes you have to play dirty, we can’t remain clean and innocent even if we want to… sometimes we get down and dirty to protect innocence as much as is humanly possible. It varies…

            But this… this defies even the loosest slack cut and makes a hangman’s noose out of it… but for who? We’ll see… hope those kids get the last laugh or if not a laugh, at least a confirmation that they aren’t as in the wrong as they’ve been led to believe by a crazy judge and father and mother.

            FFS! How much do we need to eff kids up before we realise who is the one who is really effed up!?!

            Anyway… life goes one, ever twisty and weird… how it goes on… is a mystery.

            Like

            1. True about the publicity, that does NOT make these types of people happy, they won’t even acknowledge her after that, assuming that’s the case. Nonetheless, she supposedly has released them to a 2 week summer camp at the request of the children’s representatives and the father of the year. Although the original story said that both the reps and dad asked for this in the first place and she locked them up anyway so if she released them I suspect it was due to the publicity. Anyway, there are many things that seem out of place in this saga, so who knows what’s really happening. If this is legitimate, I definitely do feel for the kids though because some abusers can get anyone on their side and it will be the kids who suffer the most.

              Like

              1. One of the thoughts I had about this is – the father’s actions reveal just how good an actual father he is. In some ways his actions or inaction action betray his spiel.

                He let something he should have nipped in the bud go on too long. He sacrificed his kids for his own sake and ego. Sure he can spin it, blame it on his ex or others, but… that kind of goes against his story even when he works it so it fits in.

                Others can sing his praises until they are blue (or red, white and blue) in the face, but ultimately the truth is shown by action. Anyone can talk a good talk and fake a good self, and fool many in the process… they can fool themselves too. But actions do speak louder than words and faking it. Even when we’re desperately trying not to hear the sounds of actions versus the sounds of words which are designed to please.

                Sure, the mother ain’t great… but her being not great doesn’t make the father or the judge great in comparison.

                The judge can justify what she did until the cows come home, and even maybe crazily make it sound plausible, but ultimately what she did speaks for itself. And others will use it against her to promote themselves – anyone in a position of power (who uses and abuses it, and even if they don’t) always has sharks circling, waiting to go in for the kill. Get rid of a rival.

                I don’t think anyone is innocent in this case, including the viewers and observers, even the children can’t afford to be innocent as it has already cost them too much. The younger we are when we learn these kinds of lessons… well, sometimes we survive the vicissitudes more easily due to youth. Our bounce-back is on 11.

                Hard to say though… the media outrage may help the kids or make things worse. Life is an unpredictable mess…

                How soon before everyone forgets about this because something else steals our attention? Humans… we’re all insane, and perhaps that’s the only way to be?

                Like

Comments are closed.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: