When the soul lies down in that grass…

Have you ever had one on those moments when…

everything was just right…

not right as in free from wrong…

not right as in perfect, because perfection is… not right, or free, it’s stressful, at least the human version of it is… isn’t… because it requires too much thought of the intellectual kind which is always picking and chipping away at what would otherwise be perfectly fine… a different kind of perfect, natural, in between right and wrong, just accepting things as they are… whatever they are… which isn’t so stressful.

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This is one of those quotes…

when you lack words…

someone else has given word to something you can’t…

you just can’t…

but something within needs those words…

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What am I talking about…

talk talk…

sometimes I talk so much (in writing, not so much in person), words lose all meaning…

I reach semantic satiation…

the words may not mean anything anymore, but it was never about the words meaning anything… it was about what was within the words… behind them, around them…

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I reached semantic saturation many decades ago where my name was concerned…

it was used in vain all the time… in vain for the sake of the vanity of others… sometimes they’d get it wrong just to let me know how insignificant it was… I was.

I only existed when they wanted me to… as they wanted me to… if I refused to be who they had decided I was… they could wipe me out whenever they chose to do so… or even better, get me to wipe myself out for them.

Then I met someone who… didn’t want to wipe me out, didn’t want me to wipe myself out for them… on the contrary… and that made me contrary.

I went out of my way to push them away… but they refused to be pushed away.

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Perhaps that is what a soul mate is… a soul who is a friend, a mate, of your soul, someone whose soul sees your soul and doesn’t get fooled by all the BS which is piled on top of it. By you, by others, by your view of what others expect of you, and so on… and who doesn’t want to pile more BS onto it… they just want you as you are… and may even be okay with some of the BS… if it is a part of who you are…

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Have you met a soul mate?

‘A’ soul mate rather than ‘the one and only’… because we have more than one soul mate in life…

And they aren’t necessarily a lover… yet their soul loves yours… just because…

Life doesn’t play the same games as humans… so there’s always more than one soul mate to meet.

Opportunity doesn’t only knock once, and then gets pissed off at you for ignoring its knock… so it says bye-bye and let’s you rot in lonely hell. That’s just the human view of such things. In life’s view… opportunity is always knocking and understands why you’re sometimes deaf or hiding from your visitor.

If you have met a soul mate… then you know what I’m talking about, even if my talk makes no sense… yet makes sense to other senses than sense.

If you haven’t yet met a soul mate…

Imagine, if you will, all that you imagine that your soul mate needs to be for you… make a list… then take that list and burn it, tear it up…

That list is most likely to get you into trouble… to attract you to an idealised, perfect person… who is anything but…

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symbolism

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Those most likely to fall in love with a narcissist… are those who are in love with a fantasy version of human. Who think people can be made into lists and lists can be made into people…

Chasing an unicorn, seeking a mermaid, wanting Mr. Darcy…

There’s nothing wrong with that… except when you only want that and won’t settle for anything less than that. Perhaps because you read a list made by a people, who wasn’t a people person… who ordered you never to settle for anything less than your dream come true…

Some people really don’t remember their dreams… real dreams which are dreamed while we’re asleep, while our mind isn’t in control… which aren’t like our conscious version of them which is in our control… real dreams of the other parts of us where you can marry a fish and that fish will turn into a cactus…

Bet that wasn’t on your list…

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by John Newlin

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Narcissistic love will embody your fantasy, make it seem achievable and real, for a while, until it eventually plays havoc with your heart…and more… what is real… what is not?

Real love will challenge your fantasy… to find what is at the heart of it and you. Because those who really love you, also want to be really loved… for who they are, not for who they are for you, who they can pretend to be…

because we can all play pretend… and be loved for it… pretend to love… but can we be loved when we cease to pretend and reveal ourselves as we really are?

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When I first met the person whom I consider to be my soul mate…

there was a certain amount of fantasy involved… as we were both fish out of water, in new waters which allowed us to swim freely in the ocean of pretend…

We were both on holiday from our lives… far from the places where others knew us… where we knew ourselves as being a certain way… stuck in our roles… for ourselves maybe… or for others…

We could be whoever we wanted to be… just ourselves if the tide was turning that way… the riskiest riptide to swim in…

An incident occurred at the very start which… might have scuppered the ship of our connected collective dreams.

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We were in the sea… flirting merrily… when a shadow passed between us…

he never lets me forget this, because (it keeps us, me, him, our love, real), for some strange reason he loves me more for it… for being so hopelessly human…

I saw the shadow, he didn’t…

I thought it was a shark…

what did I do?

I carefully backed away, and out of the water… without warning him, leaving him to… whatever…

I had my reasons…

I didn’t want to scream ‘Shark!’ because:

• a) If it wasn’t a shark… I wasn’t sure… then I would make a fool of myself and stuff like that… ego… and stuff like that…
• b) If it was a shark, my cry of shark would cause panic and panic might cause the shark to attack… when before it was just swimming… doing its thing without bothering anyone until anyone bothered it…
• c) What you don’t know can’t hurt you… right? Right!?!

but… as good (maybe) as my reasoning sounds… when I make a list, it’s BS…

I was saving my skin…

I could have continued to save my skin later when all worked out fine because… it wasn’t a shark it was a spotted eagle ray… by not telling the truth when asked by my soul mate why I abruptly exited the water leaving him behind… but a soul mate doesn’t lie to its soul mate… even when it perhaps should.

but… it shouldn’t because… a true soul mate always understands… even when they perhaps shouldn’t.

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Or something like that…

Something like that which can reveal to you the beauty of others through listening and understanding…

it may not be perfect… but it’s perfect because it may not be…

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When the soul lies down in that grass…

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What inspired this talk is…

a comment…

on my blog…

a blog where I share my mess…

for many reasons…

it’s HERE – in case you care to read it…

it took my breath away…

as people often do when they respond to what I’ve shared of my very flawed and messy self…

I am truly and deeply touched and honoured…

Thank you.

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