Thank you to hippie7girl for inspiring this series – Some Sort of Series.
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What is the truth?
Does the dictionary definition do it justice or is it a skeleton which can only be fleshed out by each of us individually?
What is your definition of the truth?
And does your definition of the truth match other people’s definition of it?
That last question is the one which has caused me the most problems in relationships, and in other areas involving people.
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People have often said to me – Tell me the truth – after I’ve done exactly that. This invariably leaves me perplexed, especially if I say to them – But I have told you the truth – and they still don’t accept it for what it is.
How am I supposed to tell them the truth when I’ve already told them the truth?
Do I just repeat what I’ve already said, perhaps using different words?
I realise that the way I express myself can come ‘sometimes’ across as uncertain, the words that I sprinkle in my speech ‘may perhaps’ undermine my certainty, and that ‘seeming’ uncertainty ‘may be’ interpreted by others as due to being reluctant to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
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In those instances when I know I’m coming across as indefinite, and have confused matters by doing that, I will repeat what I said with a more definite statement.
However, when I have been definite, told the truth, and people appear to reject it as being the truth, then what do I do?
Do I alter the truth, removing the ingredients they don’t like to replace them those they do? Sugarcoat it for those with a sweet tooth?
Am I supposed to invent a truth which will suit them, as somehow the truth I’ve told them is just not suitable as a truth for them?
I have on occasion followed their refusal to accept the truth with a confrontation – I have told you the truth, if the truth is unacceptable to you, please tell me which truth would be acceptable to you and I will see if it is acceptable to me too.
That tactic is one I tend to use if the truth is relevant to the situation, and it is important for it to be accepted or, at the very least, understood that it is my position on the matter at hand. If the truth is not particularly relevant, then I will abstain from this method as it often causes more trouble than is necessary, it can start one of those arguments about the truth which end up solving nothing.
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If only this were true. It is in some ways – you don’t have to remember your lies. However, when you tell the truth, you have to remember that other people have different interpretations of the truth.
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Some of those who demand the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, from others may be lying to themselves about how much they want the truth. Or, at least, what kind of truth they’re after.
Sometimes what they want is to tell you how much they value the truth, because they like how that sounds when they say it and what it says about them.
However, they’re not really that keen on hearing the truth, unless it’s something which flatters them, which goes with their own thinking, matches their mental colour scheme, and supports their views and opinions.
If they would just say – I want my truth and not your truth – that would go a long way to clarifying matters.
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Then there are those who say – Tell me the truth, I want to know the truth even if it hurts me – which always worries me because they’re assuming the truth will hurt, which means that they’re bracing themselves for something awful, painful, nasty, and that attitude isn’t conducive to truth telling or truth hearing.
The sort of people who are convinced that the truth can only hurt are the ones most likely to hurt you with the truth, often with your own truth which may have become distorted in the labyrinth of their minds.
They will have a meltdown at a perceived slight which they’ve found in your truth, accuse you of lying when you’re not… and believe every word you say as gospel when you are lying to them (and they’re the sort of people you tend to lie to, to save yourself from the meltdowns caused by telling them the truth).
They will sometimes use the truth as a weapon of relationship destruction. Then accuse you of not being able to handle the truth. What they actually mean is – See, I told you the truth hurts – as they chop your head off with some awful truth they’ve been brewing and itching to tell you about yourself.
Then they get annoyed with you for bleeding as though fresh wounds inflicted aren’t supposed to bleed – your bleeding is a truth they also don’t want from you as it might make them have to face the truth about what they have just done to you.
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Yes, sometimes the truth can hurt, but mostly it’s a relief.
At least I find it to be a relief, like a breath of fresh air blowing away stupor, illusion, confusion, and musty odors.
But then again I grew up in a house of lies. At first I believed everything, but painfully slowly I discovered that everything was a lie, or a truth so heavily disguised that it needed toxic amounts of paint stripper to uncover it.
I was often expected to guess what the truth actually was, like some sort of game show with hints, subtle cues and clues, booby traps hidden behind numbered doors, flashing lights, people shouting and squealing, and a buzzer signalling that I was wrong again and again whether I’d found the truth or not.
In those days it was preferable not to find out the truth, know or tell the truth, as the truth did not set you free, it ensnared you in a knot of pissed off vipers which bit you repeatedly, but their poison never quite killed you.
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What is the truth?
That is a question which has become very dear to me, it’s an old friend, a constant companion who keeps me on my toes, encouraging me to investigate my own truths, the truths of others, and the concept of truth itself.
That is partly why my speech contains words of seeming uncertainty. However, I am not as uncertain as I may sound.
I’m open to the possibility that the truth can never be truly known. It can change, just as facts can. Reality evolves as the once flat and now spherical world turns.
Some people still doubt the truth of the shape of this planet, or so I’m told.
Some people believe that what they perceive as my uncertainty of the truth, based on how I express my truth, is a sign that I am easily influenced, that they can manipulate and control me, get me to believe what they want me to believe, perhaps because it is what they believe. The truth is that I am certain of myself in a manner which may be upsetting and unsettling to them.
My mother will never accept that her truth about me is not my truth about myself.
She is one of those people who sees herself as the embodiment of truth, honest to a fault. She could never tell a lie… she recently told the legal system that I was dead (because she needed that to be the truth). In another version she told the legal system that she didn’t know how to contact me (this was also a self-serving truth).
Knowing my mother, she most likely believed her lies were the truth when she told them.
She demanded the truth of others and came down hard on them with a painful fist of judgment when she decided that they were lying (which usually occurred when they told her something she did not want to hear), however, if others questioned the veracity of her truth… they’d get hit by the fist of righteous indignation.
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Do I always tell the truth?
No.
I prefer to tell the truth, but, in truth, sometimes telling the truth is not a good idea.
Do I expect others to always tell the truth?
No.
I prefer it when others tell me the truth, but I accept that sometimes they don’t think it’s a good idea.
The truth is relative, and sometimes we have to treat it like a relative with whom you have to live, and you don’t need to know everything and neither do they.
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Thank you to M for recommending this film – Horns – it’s a very intriguing exploration of the truth.
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So…
What is the truth?
What is your truth about the truth?
Do you worry that others don’t share your view of what the truth is?
Do you ever touch base with someone else to see if you both agree on the definition of truth?
How do you know the truth?
An Upturned Soul 
Hey girl~~~ rockin your truth ~~ ❤ xoxo
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Hey gorgeous 😀 Thank you very much ❤
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Good question(s). Often, I have no idea what the truth is. It’s so filtered by experience and interpretation. Someone else’s truth may not be mine and vice versa, but like you, when someone asks me for the truth and I’ve already given it as I see it, I don’t know what to say. That usually happens when they want someone to agree with them so that they feel they’re doing (or about to do) the “right thing,” whatever that means.
I’ve told “socially acceptable” lies and when I was a child and a teenager, I lied often, including to myself. My mother wasn’t the best parent on that front, and even my father on occasion fell into not being a good role model. I had to learn about ” personal truth” from others that I interacted with when I became old enough to really see what truth is about, for me, anyway.
I do sometimes worry about my version of the truth and do sometimes ask others for their version. So, my truth about the truth? More than anything, it’s about whether I’m being truthful with myself, and from there, everything else flows.
Good post. 🙂
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Thank you 🙂
My parents often encouraged me to lie, especially to other people, particularly to the other parent (Don’t tell your father/mother such and such, tell them nothing happened, or that this happened instead of that, or tell them this and let’s see what happens), then they’d get paranoid about anything anyone said because if you lie then you expect others to do the same thing, and of course, they told me off for lying especially when I was telling the truth.
My father knew he was lying, and he was quite proud of his ability to lie and make others believe him. My mother refused to acknowledge her lying, it was always the truth even when she was blatantly making something up and telling me to pass it off as a truth. If I said anything to her about her encouraging lying even though she hated lies, she’d look shocked and lecture me about lying and truthing – why isn’t telling the truth called truthing?
Lies are such an intrinsic part of life. Look at history. Historians keep rewriting it because new information is discovered which shows that things didn’t happen as we were told they did. We’re prompted to do it with our own history, on our CV’s, at work, in our bios, when socialising to make a better impression, or in a relationship, etc. However, those are not considered lies so much as creative license.
I agree, it can be so confusing to know what the truth is, but as long as we endeavour to be truthful with ourselves, everything does flow from there (even if the flows meanders sometimes).
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I’m glad you like the film. ..and I’m telling the truth! 😛
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Haha! 😉
I loved it, although the ending was a bit silly the overall story was brilliant and the characters were well thought out. I particularly liked the part where everyone was confessing their hidden sins to him. The bar scene was hilarious!
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I told you I though the ending was fruity but the overall film was good. I thoughtt his [parents were classic! You have to (or i highly recommend) you watch Under the Skin. It’z odd, intriguing and disturbing.. just the way you like em. 😉 I don’t suggest you watch it with your partner though and have a good bottle of wine as you watch. What is the #1 film you suggest I watch?
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Cool 🙂
I shall give Under the Skin a look.
I haven’t been watching that much recently in the way of films. Saw Margot at the Wedding the other night, Nicole Kidman played your unfriendly family narcissist really well. It’s a Noah Baumbach film, his work is always thought-provoking in an ordinary crazy life kind of way, although I missed Greta Gerwig not being in it as I love her stuff and those two together are excellent.
I’ve been watching the series – Hand of God – because I love Ron Perlman as an actor, and Garret Dillahunt is also in it playing his usual type of conflicted psycho character, excellent cast, strange story, but I keep falling asleep while watching because I’m knackered at the moment. The few times I’ve managed to stay awake… it’s an intriguing series, lots of human psyche crazy going on in it.
Also been watching a Norwegian TV series which is absolutely superb – Dag (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1711386/)
Otherwise I’ve been playing Mad Max. Fun game!
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Not a Ron Perlman fan, but tried to watch Hand of God. He looked EXACTLY like the old nasty grampa she was banging before and after being preggers, and probably still. It was far too triggering. I shut it off in less than 5 mins. Not a big deal. Not your fault. I’ll try to find the others.
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I totally get that, there have been shows and films I haven’t been able to watch because a character or an actor reminds me of my mother in a way which is unbearable. I used to walk out of the room every time Skyler White was in a scene in Breaking Bad, her holier than thou routine triggered surges of violent anger and the fact that Walter allowed her to browbeat him drove me nuts.
We may have to deal with people we don’t like in RL but we don’t have to inflict that kind of thing upon ourselves when it comes to entertainment. If you think about it, when you watch TV you’re kind of inviting the people on it into your home and life, it’s rather nice to be able to deny them entry. 😉
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And the emails continue.. I dunno why I tell you this stuff, but I really don’t talk to anyone about it except my therapist and he doesn’t even fully understand. I told her to “fuck you very much” in the last email in the last email in a nice way, but apparently she doesn’t get it. I just want some separation and space to sort things out, and that doesn’t seem to be happening. I didn’t read the emails which is an improvement, and don’t think I will. I understand by now it’s just the same ol’ shit. We’ll see if I’m strong enough to just delete them at this point. I think any response just gives her ammunition and supply. I ordered some Black Tourmaline today. I don’t rely on the metaphysical, but hell, what do I have to lose. So, how was you day? 😉
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Even Jason Statham has to pace himself, his muscles didn’t grow overnight or after eating a can of spinach! 🙂
It’s fun to explore possibilities. What is black tourmaline supposed to do?
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It’s a dark crystal that’s supposed to repel unwanted and negative energy. I bought a cross with this stone on amazon yesterday.
I responded to the previous emails in hopes for some kind of light. Kinda like what you did with your mother. But nope, that door shut rather quickly. She’s vacant of self-reflection and incapable of anything else. She even had the audacity to attempt to gaslight me again, which is what led me to this whole internet search and discovery. It sent me into a bit of a depression but the ‘venom’ leaves my system much sooner now. I’m hoping for a bit more protection with the stone. There’s another one that’s supposed to cast negative energy back to the person whose sent it. I’m gonna get this one as well, if the other works. That should be fun!
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When I was going through my magic stones phase, one thing I learned was that it is less about whether the stones actually do what humans say they do, so much as what we believe they’ll do for us. It focuses our own energy and keeps us mindful. If you want to repel negative energy, the greatest magic for that is your own will power to do so, focused and directed. It’s a form of the power of positive thinking minus the twee stuff.
The best way to protect yourself from a narcissist is using your own knowledge mindfully. Once you acknowledge what you know, and stop invalidating it with things like wishful thing, hoping they’re not going to be who they are and do what they always do, then you’re in a personally powerful position to end the bullshit, and keep them from effing you over.
You are your own source of power, but sometimes having an object helps to remind you of your intent. The cross and the stone will work if you work with them to achieve what it is you want to achieve.
You’ve got this!
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